I spent my childhood and Adolescence as an introverted person I never had friends and couldn't form friendships or acquaintances in real life until one day I became interested in the concept of social skills I started reading books like How to Win Friends and Influence People and how to talk to anyone and I was watching videos about social skills but do you know what happened nothing none of that helped me and I never knew why until the day I started studying psychology and specialized in human behaviors and there I realized that everything Society tells us about
social skills and all those pieces of advice we hear are just nonsense that doesn't help at all I realized that the solution to my problem wasn't making eye contact or constantly repeating the name of the person I'm talking to all these are superficial things that don't have much value the problem was in my personality and the way I behaved and I found out that having Charisma and being liked by people is a very easy thing so I promise you that if you watch this video to the end and apply what I'm going to tell you
people will become addicted to you so welcome to the second episode of the social skills series and let's talk about Charisma Charisma consists of three elements presence warmth and power and we will try to understand each one of these elements well but it's necessary to apply them together and if the balance is disrupted a problem will occur and we begin with the first thing which is presence in 1886 in UK two people ran for elections when the elections were nearing their end they asked a journalist about her opinion of the candidates she told them them
the first person makes me feel that he is the strongest person in UK and the second person makes me feel that I am the strongest person in UK in the end the person who won was the second one so the first rule we have in this video is that you don't need to show your strength to have Charisma instead you need to make the other person feel that they are strong how will you do that through presence now when you talk to someone you have to focus on what they're saying you have to be a
good listener this advice about being a good listener you might hear a lot and you may continue hearing phrases like maintain eye contact no your head smile and so on look I could come now and instead of telling you to be a good listener start telling you you must make eye contact you must keep asking questions you must open your hands you must keep smiling we'll go through all this but I'll sum it up for you in one sentence when you talk to someone who is speaking don't think about what you will say listen to
what they are saying don't think about what you will say when someone is speaking listen to them it's not important what will happen after they finish talking just listen because this is the biggest mistake people make when someone is speaking instead of listening they keep thinking about what they should say ah should I ask him so I seem him interested in what he's saying no just listen and that's it care about what they're saying you might ask how will he know that I'm listening to him he will feel it how will he feel it we'll
answer this in the next part of the video about warmth just wait but what I want to convey to you is that when someone is talking to you just listen and that's it what you will say afterward will come naturally now this may seem simple to you but few people do it and that's why if you're sitting among people and someone is speaking there's a high chance that none of those sitting are true truly listening so if you're the person who listens this will make the speaker feel a connection and they'll start talking to you
more than others without you noticing you'll find everyone just wants to talk to you everyone wants to listen to you why because when you listen to someone you give them value and value is the thing people search for the most that was the first aspect of presence the second thing is that you have to be comfortable this is important and you need to remember it throughout your life whether you're sitting among people sitting alone in a cafe or talking with someone you have to be comfortable your body language and everything about you should be relaxed
again the other person will unconsciously sense whether you're comfortable or not if you're not comfortable it gives the impression to the other person that you don't want to be with them how to be comfortable quite simply be at ease be spontaneous I don't need to tell you again to sit up straight open your legs open your hands laugh out loud this isn't important if you can convince yourself to be comfortable from the inside what does it mean to be comfortable in the first place suppose you're sitting and you feel a sneeze coming if you feel
shy and think I'll try to suppress it then you won't be comfortable you need to be spontaneous understand that you have the right to be yourself as long as you don't harm anyone else that is if you feel a sneeze coming it doesn't matter who's next to you whether it's a man a woman your boss people you don't know just let it out sneeze with all your might and no one will mind and even if they do what's the problem after that this is charisma you're sitting comfortably do what you want and no one will
care when you do what you like those with you feel closer to you because for example when you're sitting with your brother or your mother how are you you're comfortable unconcerned and spontaneous do the same with your friends and other people sit comfortably and this will make them feel closer to you moreover they will also start behaving comfortably around you you want to sneeze you want to sleep you want to laugh out loud you want to say something do what you want just don't harm anyone and that's it this was simply presence you relax to
make others relax with you and you listen to the other person now let's move on to the second element of Charisma this element is called warmth meaning kindness gentleness affection Love so listen to me carefully on this because it's important being kind and compassionate doesn't mean you keep praising others and do whatever they ask you to do why because if you're being nice just to have Charisma and be liked that's called hypocrisy that's why people don't like a nice person because he often doesn't act naturally and is being hypocritical so how do you apply the
second element of Charisma first you have to understand that we humans we people don't communicate through words only 7% of the communication process depends on Words and 93% depends on body language feelings and emotions for example one day you talk to someone who is speaking normally and sitting normally but quite simply he didn't touch your heart and you didn't know why the reason lies in his feelings in his emotions meaning for instance you don't like doctors if one day you talk to a doctor even though you don't show him this dislike and you speak normally
that energy coming from you he will feel it and won't like it and you won't touch his heart this happens without him knowing why he will just say I didn't like that person and the reason is that you didn't want him your feelings and emotions play a big role in whether that other person will want to be around you you or not so when you come to talk to someone always assume that he is a good person look at his good qualities but listen carefully if this person is someone you already know and you know
he is not a good person that's another matter why would you want to impress someone you don't like in the first place but when you meet someone for the first time or talk to one of your friends feel inside yourself admiration for that person be enthusiastic about talking with him feel that you want to listen to him this inner feeling will come out of you without you realizing it and will reach him and you will touch his heart without him knowing why and he will touch yours too because as humans we share feelings if you're
comfortable in talking to someone he will also feel comfortable if you're angry he will become tense if you want to be with him he will also want to be with you the important thing is to always look at the person as a good person of course within limits not that you trust him completely or something like that just expect that the person is a good person this was the first point in warmth the second point is the power of giving you add value to a person's life by giving advice but listen you give advice but
don't impose it for example you're sitting with with your friends and someone says to you I want to rent a house without asking you anything else he just says I want to rent a house and that's it you know a website with houses for rent what do you do don't stay silent and uninterested no tell him about the website you know give him information or advice but don't impose your advice on him that is don't tell him the website take out your phone go through it and keep saying look at how the houses are and
then send him the link on WhatsApp when you meet him again don't ask did you check that site did you see it's enough to give him the information and that's it if he asks you or says send me the link you send it to him but don't follow up with him the important thing is to give something to your friends and the people around you if you know something don't stay silent share information giving is a beautiful thing but in the right way and I've told you how you give advice but you don't impose it
the third point in this warmth is acceptance understanding and honesty plus doing all this in a positive way you were talking to someone and he said I like football do you like it and let's suppose you don't like football so don't say I also like football just to seem agreeable with him because one day he'll find out you're lying and if you keep agreeing with someone on everything he'll feel you're boring first of all you don't like football so you'll tell him no I don't like football but as we said before acceptance understanding and honesty
even though you don't like football you accept this idea you accept that he likes it not that you start telling him oh football is boring what do you gain from it it's a waste of time and so on with those words people who are hard to get along with say you have to accept the person as he is understand him and at the same time be honest each of these should stand alone but I wanted to combine them to save time meaning be honest if you don't like something say I didn't like it if you
didn't agree with him on something say so if you liked something say so your friend wore a hat and you liked it tell him that that hat suits you praise should be like that but it must be sincere also if your friend wore something you didn't like you can say for example I didn't like that shirt say it and add it didn't suit you if it's someone you have that kind of relationship with meaning you share advice but briefly here we return again to what we said earlier don't keep insisting and keep following up be
honest with him and at the same time accept him accept the other be honest share advice and value sympathize with him and love him these are the components of warmth this is how you should be kind this is true kindness but presence and warmth without power will not make you charismatic I left this element which is power until the end because it requires a lot of discussion to have that inner strength you need self confidence and a strong personality and this topic needs a dedicated video on its own but I'll try to give you some
ideas quickly first don't talk about yourself too much and don't seek others approval this is a point I discussed in the previous episode of this series please go back and watch it after you finish this video because I explained this topic well secondly don't be afraid to confront people your principles and what you believe in are personal to you and you shouldn't be afraid of them for example you don't drink alcohol that's a principle you hold if one day you're sitting with some friends who are drinking and they say to you go ahead have a
drink you should simply tell them no even if logically there's no reason not to drink despite that say no and that's it the same applies to anything else there are some matters considered red lines if someone tries to cross them you must stop them and not allow them to overstep those boundaries in the context of this idea about confronting people if you want something don't be afraid to say it for instance you were eating in a restaurant and found a hair in your food you can get up and tell them about it and you don't
have to pay for that meal our third point is strong body language look body language has a significant connection with your psyche if you feel strong mentally and internally this will reflect in your body language and if you can't feel the strength you can adopt strong body language and this will affect you psychologically I'm not going to tell you stand in a certain way open your hands lift your leg but what I'll say is be comfortable what I told you earlier I'll repeat now be comfortable and don't worry do what you want when you're comfortable
and let your hands and legs move freely this will reflect internally and you'll feel strong imagine yourself as the strongest person in the place you're in in how would you act you take your place and sit comfortably and this is what you should try to maintain in your body language one last thing watch the self-confidence video I made in this series because this series is about social skills its episodes are interconnected and it will change your idea about yourself and your way of thinking and here we have finished the video don't forget the benefits of
Charisma are more important than just making people like you and accept doing what you want Charisma will help you work efficiently advance in your career and succeed in your life in general this was the dark needle and take care of [Music] yourselves like a ky in a dress
