we've all been there you walk into a room full of people could be a party a work event or a casual Gathering but they all have one thing in common you feel awkward who do you speak to what do you say where do you stand what do you do with your hands it's the feeling of being out of place it could feel like everyone else knows how to act and you're an alien but here's the thing it isn't just you awkwardness in Social settings is something we've all experienced and it's more common than you think
so why does it happen and how do we stop feeling this way in today's video we'll explore the science behind awkwardness examine our innate fear of judgment and share our top three easy and practical tips to help you overcome that awkward feeling the next time you're out of your comfort zone socially the science behind awkwardness it turns out the feeling of awkwardness isn't just a random Quirk or a fault in our personalities it's actually rooted in our biology and psychology let's start start with your brain when you're in a social situation especially with people you
don't know well your brain goes into monitor mode this is where we become hyper focused on the environment constantly scanning for social cues trying to figure out how to behave what to say and how to fit in this hyper awareness is part of our brain's social survival mechanism you see humans are wired to be social creatures we're meant to be part of a group years ago back in prehistoric times our ancestors needed to be accepted by the tribe to survive being rejected meant danger it was literally a case of life or death although we've come
a long way since then these social survival mechanisms have stuck around when we're in Social settings especially those where we feel uncertain or insecure our brain triggers that ancient survival mode it's like an internal alarm system going off asking am I fitting in am I being judged then this leads us to the psychological concept of social anxiety now social anxiety happens when we worry excessively about how we're being perceived by others we start imagining that everyone's watching or judging our every move it's a heightened exaggerated version of the social survival mechanism truth is most of
the time people aren't paying as much attention to you as we think they are in fact most people are too busy worrying about themselves to really focus on you this brings us to the fear of judgment studies show that social awkwardness often stems from a fear of being negatively evaluated by others we think think what if I say something stupid what if they don't like me what if what if what if this fear of embarrassment can make even the simplest conversations feel like a high stake situation interestingly research in Psychology shows that humans tend to
experience something called the spotlight effect this is the tendency to overestimate how much others notice or care about our actions we feel like we're in the spotlight all the time like a giant magnifying glass is hovering over our every move in reality though we're all just walking around in our own little bubbles far more concerned with ourselves than what others are doing think about how hyperaware you can be about yourself except everyone is feeling that about themselves we don't notice as much as we think we would letting go of this fear of judgment and being
aware of the spotlight effect can help ease this pressure of social situations leading to less of That Awkward feeling if you found yourself resonating with anything we've discussed so far our sponsor betterhelp is here to support you better help is the word world's largest therapy service and it's 100% online you can message your therapist at any time and schedule live sessions when it's convenient for you if your therapist isn't the right fit for any reason you can switch to a new therapist at no additional charge with better help you get the same professional and quality
you would expect from in-office therapy but with a therapist who's custom picked for you with more scheduling flexibility and at a more affordable price betterhelp has a special offer today where you'll get 10% off your first month just go to betterhelp.com flash Improvement pill the top three practical tips for being less awkward we've gone into why you might be feeling awkward but let's move on to the most important part practical tips on how to deal with awkwardness in social situations number one small talk cheats let's start with one of the biggest struggles for people in
social situations Small Talk small talk can feel forced and boring a lot of the time but guess what small talk is your best friend when it comes to breaking the ice I mean how else are you going to start getting to know people let's go through some quick quick conversation starters and small talk cheats that you can use for any and every conversation first of all have a couple of go-to topics in your backpocket these could be things like what brings you here how do you know the host what's something you've been working on recently
have you been to this place before asking open ended questions like this leads to more in-depth conversations you're giving the person a chance to share something interesting about themselves and one thing to remember is people love to talk about themselves and their interests uh here's an extra tip one extremely popular convers ation starter is what do you do for work however this is often overused and can make it seem like you're only interested in work which can be a little well boring try something fun or unique to connect with your conversation partner another great strategy
is to use observational comments for example if you're at a party you might say something like this place has such a cool Vibe or I love the music they're playing this makes it easy for the other person to respond and keeps the conversation light and relaxed lastly if you ever feel completely stuck remember this one trick ask questions people love it when you show interest in them so keep the conversation going by being curious ask about Hobbies travels Sports movies TV shows or pop culture listening to the person's answer can be just as important when
it comes to Small Talk number two the 3 second rule the next tip is really simple but super effective and it's the 3 second rule so here's how it works as soon as you feel the urge to say something whether it's introducing yourself to someone or responding to a question try to do it within 3 seconds don't hesitate don't overthink it all it takes is 3 seconds of bravery and you're in now this rule really works because when we hesitate and start to overthink we can persuade ourselves out of our original idea if you don't
give yourself the time and space to think then you don't let the social anxiety win this 3 second rule is a mini hack to bypass overthinking and get into the flow of conversation so try it out next time you're meeting someone new number three lean into it sometimes being awkward is just part of who we are for many it can be part of their personality and that's okay how about using it to your advantage some of the best comedians and entertainers make a living off of being awkward and they've mastered the art of turning it
into humor think Michael Sarah James acter Richard awati and so many more being awkward can be really endearing when you lean into it and have the ability to laugh at yourself it could be as subtle as stumbling across a weird moment and saying well that was awkward let's try that again people will appreciate when you don't take yourself too seriously but here's the thing awkwardness is only awkward if you let it be when you own it or even joke about it it suddenly stops being a problem and starts working with you so the next time
you feel that awkward tension just try cracking a light-hearted joke or just acknowledge it people will laugh along with you and there we have it a simple yet effective way to look at all things awkward we've covered the science behind why we're awkward how the fear of judgment might affect us as well as our three top tips to being less awkward or simply embracing it with these tips and tricks you'll be able to navigate social Gatherings with more confidence and ease and remember practice makes perfect feeling awkward in social situations is something that we all
experience but it doesn't have to hold you back the more you practice the more natural it'll feel and soon enough you'll be a social ninja thanks for watching and we'll see you in the next one [Music]
