picture the scene you stood at a party with a drink in hand with a stranger in front of you who you thought was attractive about 5 minutes ago but now they stood there waffling on about how their flight got delayed last week how they've had knee pain for the last 3 weeks or how the weather is incredibly gray dull and boring lately and you're stood there thinking why does everyone engage in small talk it is incredibly boring and worse yet why do I always find myself on the receiving end of this nonsense well first realization
of the day is you only hate small talk because you fail to see its purpose that is we engage in small talk to prevent hurt it is only by engaging in small talk those few moments of give and take as a conversation opens that we're able to see who this person is and what topics they will tolerate if we take this conversation further second of all small talk also does one more thing it lays the foundations for these deeper conversations to happen it is only by engaging in small talk that we can transition into the
conversations that we want to have with this person that feel a lot more meaningful and Foster a better chance of connection between us and them because expecting people to open themselves and the deepest crevices of their soul to you like that is lazy bit of an accusation thrown your way sorry you just clicked on a YouTube video to probably have a bit of fun and unwind after work but sorry it's lazy I'm guilty of this as well but Louis I feel as if in my conversations I always get stuck in small talk and can never
transition into these deeper topics well one more realization for you son you have a lot more conversational freedom than you think at any moment during this other person's ramblings or you both getting stuck in small talk you have the responsibility and the choice to change the topic if you so please into something deeper if when the small talk dies down in the conversation and that bit of awkward silence is there where you're both thinking oh what should we say next that's your opportunity bit of a random one but I really like philosophy and I know
most people don't so I was just wondering if you have any weird interests of your own this is going to sound really random and out of the but you seem like a really well put together person was you raised well I'm going to be honest but Small Talk makes me feel a bit uncomfortable can I ask you a direct question are you single moving on look people hate this word initiative which means if you take it in your conversations people will love to keep you around and they will love to talk to you not that
that is the goal of everything but if you recognize where your responsibility lies in the conversation which is if you find yourself engaging in small talk too much with people sometimes then you're not taking responsibility for taking initiative by changing the topic asking something random to see what their reaction will be and maybe not everyone will like your suggestions to move away from small talk and into deeper conversations Jesus Christ I tried a technique that works very much so but it worked so well that I overused It Last Christmas I was in tenar Reef with
my friend sat at a table with two German girls and the conversation died down after we had some small talk about oh where did you go to university blah blah blah and all of this stuff and awkward silence came up and I just went right what should we talk about now and it was great and for the next two or 3 minutes we engaged in this Collective problem solving where we were all thinking hm what would we like to talk about just don't use that too much because I did that about five times in that
conversation and we were all like okay this isn't really working anymore take initiative by going first going positive and being constant in doing it the last thing I want to mention here we are us this is us cuz we are a collective and this is the blah blah blah machine blah blah give them two blah and they're waffling on about a parking ticket or they're waffling on about the weather never mistake appearances for real it because a skilled conversationalist which is what you are what was I going to say a skilled conversationalist works with whatever
material they have which is to say if someone is waffling on about a parking ticket they got two weeks ago maybe this highlights their views as to authority figures or if they're talking about the weather in a certain way you can pick up on this and see how maybe they're experiencing a more than melan mood at the moment never mistake appearances for reality because if you think that the people who engage in small talk are just some shallow people who always want to stay in that surface level conversation then allow me to highlight one thing
we can be sure this person has also experienced loss struggled in a relationship with a parent and we can be damn near certain that they have a weird hobby or habit that they do that they keep secret from everyone else and just do in the confines of their room that if questioned about they would love to talk about so if you think you have nothing deeper to talk about with people besides small talk just don't mistake appearances for reality which is to say don't interpret this person's small talk as an encapsulation of the entirety of
their being in we'll leave it there shall we see you in a bit
