we've all been there i know you felt it at a party maybe you felt it on a date maybe it's even preventing you from crushing it at work that frustration of being in your own head i don't know what to say do people even like me how is that guy so charismatic you start overthinking everything does that make your social life better no makes it worse but what if i told you there was a road map to get people to like you in literally 10 minutes despite this book being almost a century old yes a
hundred years 36 is when it was written damn do these ideas hold up more than ever i'm going to share with you four of the most practical tips things that you can literally walk away from this video and start using in your social situations people are going to be like something about that guy here's the first point picture this you're at a party and you have two conversations conversation number one you get cornered with a woman who won't stop talking she literally won't shut up doesn't matter what you say doesn't matter you trying to give
cues that you want to leave she'll find a way to turn every single conversation or talking point back onto her you just got back from a vacation well i'm going on vacation next month let me tell you all about it that's so cool you just got a new job so do my friend and now your second conversation of that night goes a little different they're asking you the questions they're laughing at your jokes seems like they actually pay attention to you and care what did person number two do they used what dale carnegie calls being
interested not trying to be interesting early 20s i was learning a lot of pickup game and how to talk to women it was literally like really poorly recorded videos of 45 year old dudes trying to teach you magic tricks being like this is how you get girls this is how you be interesting i never learned any of the magic tricks so i can't say if they worked or not but what i do remember is there was a lot of pressure pressure being the performer and it turned every social situation into like this performance of you
have to win people over by being the most interesting and having the life of like the dos equis man most interesting man in the world if you just become interested in people and you start asking them questions and you kind of turn on them and you actually care you listen empathetically it's almost a surefire way if someone goes up to them at the end of the day they're gonna be like i like that dude that girl listened to me she's cool there's a quote that dale carnegie says he says you can make more friends in
two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you one caveat here it's very very very very very important it's more of an eastern self-development idea that we talk about on this channel of detachment okay detaching from outcomes and how that you shouldn't do this principle as a way or a gimmick or a trick to get the girl in the bar to pay attention to you and like if you're doing that they can sense it the intention behind that is almost a neediness
i'm gonna use this principle to get them to like me yeah you want them to like you sure but you don't need anything right it's obvious when a guy is just talking to a woman and they just want to sleep with them and they're acting really interested that's so crazy you eat pineapples on pizza me too it kind of defeats the whole purpose the second big idea you ever heard someone and they're like oh i'm so bad with names what does that even mean you're just so unimportant to me that i won't even take the
half calorie energy expenditure it takes to know your name screaming i don't care in leadership development they drill this into you the power of someone's name really think about that it's the one thing that's unique to you that you've been called your entire life even dogs know their own name bill carnegie famously said remember that someone's name is the sweetest sound but what do you do if you are actually bad with names i got some tips for you i call this the three for three rule make a goal to say someone's name three times in
the first three minutes of meeting what's your name justin cool nice to meet you justin it's clark so justin where are you from boom right there three times tip number two there's nothing worse than meeting someone forgetting their name and then having to meet them again and be like what's your name oh it's oh yeah okay oh yeah we met before we're gonna break rapport a bit so what you do learn this from a hollywood social coach don't worry not the magician pickup artist you say good to see you not nice to meet you nice
to meet you dude we already met good to see you this works super well if you're going out if you're being social at parties or bars or meeting people for the first time if you just take this little extra effort of knowing people's names and remembering it and calling them that they're gonna like it but not if you overuse it okay this is the biggest warning it is creepy if you just call them their name every single time i get it you learn this tip and you're like hell yeah clark i'm gonna use this get
everyone to like me and if all you have is a hammer everything kind of looks like a nail don't overuse this justin how's it going justin listen justin i was thinking later justin you and i justin justin will ask what drugs you're on probably never want to talk to you again remember that a person's name is the sweetest sound to them tip number three i was told once that i had resting face you ever heard that term i'll show you look this is me literally completely relaxed and focused now if you've never seen me before
and we're strangers is this a face that like that's warm if we were having a conversation would you feel safe opening up why is this guy gonna mug me in two seconds but what's crazy is like that's me completely relaxed and focused and there's nothing wrong versus if i have just a slight smile on and i'm nodding my head a few times see how much more approachable and warm that is what's the difference smiling that's how you cure the rbf smiling a bit more dale carnegie quote the expression one wears on one's face is far
more important than the clothes that wear on one's back even when you're on the phone with people you can tell if they're smiling or not can't you now some people argue with this like why am i gonna smile when i'm not actually happy or if i'm like mad or you know i'm not feeling it i want to be real like i want my vibe to just like keep it real and look i'm not saying be a fake person i'm not saying like smile and laugh like you're live in the suburbs and someone's coming over for
cheese board and wine night but what i am saying is put some effort into it that's i think the biggest takeaway from this book effort goes a long way so if you don't like the social interactions you're having right now if you want them to be better you're gonna have to change things and that doesn't have to be huge it doesn't have to be fake but maybe being open to trying things a different way and if you don't smile you're gonna act pissed off and hard to be around guess who you're gonna attract like attracts
like is that a circle you want a bunch of people who sit around complaining that sounds great i don't think that is cause that's why you're watching this video so put some damn effort into it and smile and the fourth big idea i was watching a comedian come up on tick tock it said women if you give guys a compliment they will remember that for the rest of their lives because guys get so few but careful what you compliment them on because it's gonna stick you say his jeans make him look good he's gonna wear
those jeans every day and never wash them for the next two years the point is that compliments are kind of few and far between these days and in here dale carnegie says that even if you have to have a difficult conversation with someone that you should begin with honest and sincere appreciation that people are dying for recognition you could even argue that's why we're so self-obsessed we post photos for validation that part of human psychology will never change everyone loves recognition everyone loves a good job a pat on the back being acknowledged you know what
i like about you no one's ever gonna say dude shut up yeah i don't care most people will be on the edge of their seat dale carnegie says in leadership that you should give people a fine reputation to live up to human beings have a need to remain consistent with the identity that they create in their head if you say i am a runner you're going to get up every morning and you're going to run even if you're on vacation because you are that i am extremely disciplined that wasn't a trait i always had but
in college someone told me clark you're extremely disciplined that appreciation stuck with me and to this day i view myself as someone who can cultivate discipline there's also a relationship tip which is praising the qualities you want to see grow you want your partner to do the dishes compliment them when they do the dishes you want your partner to give you back rubs compliment how good they are at giving back rubs not criticizing when they don't or nitpicking when they do now i know what you're thinking clark isn't this just like flattery and telling blowing
smoke up people's ass there's a difference between flattering appreciation honest and sincere appreciation that's what we're asking for here people are going to pick up when it's honest and sincere too and look guys this can be simple you don't have to pause someone in the middle of a workday and tell them why you agree with their values and you can see their hearts and it's shining through their like no these are little things that go so far you know what's nice not having two-minute sponsorships on these videos isn't that kind of nice i don't have
to sell you moisturizing creams or websites or socks nothing wrong with them but it's because i self-sponsor these videos we have a coaching program it's called metamorphic the whole point is to design and create and help you shed off the layers of what i call this 2.0 version of okay we're acting as if it's kind of fake fake it till you make it all the self-improvement advice can be confusing and overwhelming i don't buy that i believe that you already have that 2.0 version of you deep down inside that we just got to shut off
some layers that aren't really you and let go of some old stories and baggage how much more energy are you gonna have you're gonna have a lot and so that's what we do in 10 weeks walk you through it we give you nlp coaches we give you a community that's awesome you get calls with me every single week we're there answering your questions some other coaches as well and it is truly an amazing experience that i know you'll love so if you want to hear more about that and you're ready to like make these youtube
videos out there i mean i love them but sometimes they can be entertainment not education and if you feel like you're in the same spot you were 12 months ago what's going to change what's going to be that thing that gets you to the next level so if you're really ready for a challenge you want the next 12 months to be different than the last apply down below there's a coach one of our coaches who can explain a little bit more walk you through some details and see if it's a good fit for you absolute
legend of a book just chock full of big ideas and if you're someone who does like these types of videos where we're talking about books and big ideas i'll link up here the five books you should read this year that changed my life i know you'll love one two three in here and get something out of it so go watch that now it's a perfect follow-up i'll see you there
