we just we just find out my little brother has a peanut allergy a peanut allergy which is very serious I know but still I feel like my parents are totally overreacting they caught me eating a tiny little bag of airline peanuts and they kicked me out of his funeral I feel like some of you guys might be too nice to laugh at some of these jokes and that's okay not everybody has a great sense of humor you guys will probably loved my little nephew he's like six years old so cute I talk to him every
day on the phone he's unbelievable he's got like the greatest imagination ever he's either gonna be an incredible artist someday or he really did get molested I wasn't even laughing about that one I was thinking about what's coming I feel like I need to say like I really believe this that being a mother seems like one of the toughest jobs in the world like literally right below comedian so to me if a mother does her best then in my book she's a good mom right now my mom did her very best unfortunately she was also
a terrible person like my mom for most of her life this is true my mom for most of her life was a Holocaust denier does everybody know what that means I mean she couldn't believe the Holocaust happen it's like the worst thing you can be and it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until finally a couple years ago we had an intervention and we had a rabbi come into the home had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people and then he made her watch Schindler's List and after
that my mom did a complete 180 now she can't believe it only happened once [Applause] I'm not a religious person I would I would call myself an atheist you know I'm a good story behind it I'm just reasonable my girlfriend my girlfriend is got like the greatest story behind why she's not religious anymore so when she was a kid like 12 years old her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed about two weeks later in the middle of the night the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two-inch
gash in the back of her dad's head [Applause] like whether you laughed or not you got to admit that's a [ __ ] great store [Applause] you
