When someone reaches out to you, you want to be able to support them and help them through whatever they're facing. Listening well is a skill, so we've put together six tips on how to actively listen and help a friend going through a tough time. 1.
**Ask open questions. ** Instead of asking yes or no questions, try and keep them open-ended. These are the how, what, where, who, and why questions.
For example, instead of saying, "Has this been going on a long time? ", ask, "How long has this been going on? " 2.
**Summarise. ** Summarise what they've said and say it back to them. This helps to show the person that you've been listening and that you understand their situation.
3. **Reflect. ** Repeating back a word or phrase can encourage people to go on and expand their thoughts.
If someone says, "It's been really difficult recently," you can keep the conversation going by simply repeating a word they used in their sentence; this really helps people to open up. 4. **Clarify.
** Sometimes a friend can gloss over an important point. Saying something as simple as, "Tell me more about that," can not only clarify the point for you but for them as well. 5.
**Give words of encouragement. ** It sounds obvious, but a "Go on" or "I see" can really give much-needed encouragement and help the person to continue talking. Don't feel the need to fill the silences in a conversation, though, as quiet moments are good and give the person time to think about their feelings or what they'd like to say next.
6. **React. ** You don't have to be completely neutral.
If whoever you're talking to has been having a dreadful time, simply acknowledging this is important. Don't be afraid to say, "You've had an awful time. " You need to show that you understood the situation by reacting to it.
There are times when your friend or loved one may need to seek help urgently. If they are at risk of harming themselves or feel that they may act on suicidal thoughts they are experiencing, it's important that you help them seek medical attention as soon as possible. You can accompany them to any hospital or A&E department, or ring 999 or 112 for emergency services.
You can read our factsheet on suicide here to get more information.
