(GASPS) So, what is empathy, and why is it very different from sympathy? Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.
It's very interesting. Theresa Wiseman is a nursing scholar who studied very diverse professions where empathy is relevant and came up with four qualities of empathy. 1.
Perspective taking - the ability to take the perspective of another person or recognize their perspective as their truth. 2. Staying out of judgment - not easy when you enjoy it as much as most of us do.
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES) 3. Recognizing emotion in other people, then communicating that. 4.
Empathy is feeling WITH people. I always think of empathy as this kind of sacred space. When someone's in a deep hole and they shout from the bottom, we look and we say, "Hey!
" and climb down. Sympathy is, "Ooh! " (LAUGHTER) "It's bad, uh-huh?
" (LAUGHTER) "Uh. . .
No. You want a sandwich? " Empathy is a choice, and it's a vulnerable choice.
In order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling. Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with, "At least. .
. " (LAUGHTER) Yeah. And we do it all the time because, you know what?
Someone shared something with us that's incredibly painful, and we're trying to "silver lining" it. I don't think that's a verb, but I'm using it as one. We're trying to put a silver lining around it.
So, "I had a miscarriage. " "At least you know you can get pregnant. " "I think my marriage is falling apart.
" "At least you have a marriage. " (LAUGHTER) "John's getting kicked out of school. " "At least Sarah is an A-student.
" One of the things we do sometimes in the face of very difficult conversations is we try to make things better. If I share something with you that's very difficult, I'd rather you say, "I don't even know what to say. I'm just so glad you told me.
" Because the truth is, rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection.
