in today's video we're going to show you six unattractive habits that instantly make you look like you lack confidence and what you can do instead to command more respect in your conversations the first habit is avoidant body language this is anything that closes you off from the other person like hanging your head not making eye contact or facing away here's a quick example from a rough first date as I um [Music] sorry Louis is a very nice guy but unfortunately his stuttering and avoidant nervous body language hurts his ability to connect with his date confidence
is like the most important thing that's it that's all you need like you had the rest is there but you've got everything up strong body language can immediately strengthen your first impression and make people respect you more and luckily it can take many forms for example watch John Cena and Matthew McConaughey in this next clip as John talks about his first failed wrestling Persona as a robot they have almost opposite body language so why do they both project confidence and just when I said I would kick your ass at the fairgrounds on Sunday I would
rewind it and say it again for you I would kick your ass at the fairgrounds laughs that didn't work you no while seemingly very different they both follow four key body language principles they smile keep their heads up to make eye contact have their shoulders back and take up the space around them if you want an easy mental cue to give yourself when you're actually in a conversation that makes you nervous just remember these two words open and expand if all you do is try to be more open and expansive you'll naturally do countless little
things right without thinking about each individually and as a bonus you'll start to feel more confident too avoiding body language often goes hand in hand with this next bad habit talking tentatively here's an example of it with Kristen Stewart talking about her role in seberg there was just so much about her that um you know really only like wherever described in like General really uh dishonest headlines and like then like the girl from breathless that like went like this you know this is no knock on Kristen a lot of people struggle with filler words and
stuttering and these habits often get worse when you don't know what to say the solution is simple give yourself permission to pause and think before you answer a question or even Midway through a sentence don't fear silence here's a more recent interview with Kristen notice the difference in her body language and how she speaks and think about how it would change her first impression of her I'm wondering if you've planned to announce that you're engaged on that show or if it if he just kind of got it out of you that's a good question because
he is the best interview in town everybody knows that no clue I would have told him I was gonna say something really inappropriate I would tell him anything once you get good at this your silent moments of thinking can become powerful moments that build anticipation listen to Chris Williamson from the modern wisdom podcast for a great example of this one of the things that I've realized is that people that are self-reflective that rely on cerebral horsepower that pay attention that think in a detailed way the more nuanced that you're thinking is the fewer people are
going to be like you which makes you feel more alone how do you think people can overcome this replacing filler words and stuttering with powerful pauses is something that most people struggle with even once you know you should luckily there's an easy way to quickly improve at this the trick is to record yourself on video for just three to five minutes a day asking yourself questions and then answering them on day one start with easy questions you know the answer to that require little thoughts you can focus fully on removing tentative talking what do you
do where are you from describe your family things like that try to speak at your natural speed and put your mental focus on catching filler words before you say them and replacing them with pauses then from day two onward slowly move to questions that require more brain power like what is the meaning of life to you immediately after each day's recording watch the video within one week you'll see a noticeable reduction in filler words and an increasing confident pauses now that we've talked about body language and speaking habits let's talk about what to actually say
the first thing you want to avoid when meeting someone is asking first instinct questions these are the questions everybody asks especially if the other person is high status in some way whether that's famous high ranking at your company or just really attractive you can bet there are probably some questions questions that they get asked all the time what's the most mispronounced what's the worst pronunciation of your name you've ever heard what's the worst butchering of it you've ever heard what's like the weirdest one you've ever heard if you great conversation that people remember focus on
asking questions that most people don't ask and that the other person is excited to answer you'll know you've done it right if the other person lights up at the question can you recall an instance ever a time in which your formal acting training brushed up awkwardly with the realities of being on a Hollywood set well that's a really interesting question uh if you aren't sure exactly what to ask to get someone excited to answer just ask if there's something they're proud of or passionate about for example listen to what Sean Evans asked Mila Kunis about
designing her new house is there a detail of your home that you're particularly proud to have your fingerprints on and then is there one that serves as a reminder that marriage is always about compromise oh really good question the next common mistake is something you might see when you try to put yourself out there and mess it up and that's retreating after a miss this is especially common after you make a joke that doesn't Land Texas has always led the charge well till about like a couple months ago and then Austin sort of took over
like I don't know guys like Texas was leading the chart you're still top 25. but we got to work on that stuff because those people have lost their minds right if this is something you have a habit of doing don't retreat instead joke about your bad joke you were given an Oscar for best actress you would also get one for being the worst I think I just lost about 20 points if that seems too hard there's an easier way to recover from a bad joke for example watch this news anchor bomb a joke with the
Dalai Lama so the daylight llama walks into a pizza shop closer pizza pizza shop and says can you make me one with everything hmm what's that I'm sorry yes now watch how he recovers simply by laughing at himself for how badly the joke bombed possible oh I knew that wouldn't work he laughed more at the fact that it didn't work the next mistake WIll seem like an obvious one and yet it's something you've probably seen a lot throughout your life injecting an unnecessary brag into conversation there's a great example of this from the liver King
video where he tries to apologize for lying about being on steroids this is a complicated Topic at least to me it is because before social media I was rich and Anonymous and after social media I'm still rich but no longer Anonymous and I never expected this kind of exposure it's totally unnecessary here to say that he's Rich forcing his wealth into the conversation doesn't do anything to make his apology better or to make him seem likable or confident this seems like an obvious one so the question is why do people do it so often because
most people want to be liked and they're not sure how to make people like them so they try to force what they think makes them likable or admirable into the conversation this isn't to say that it's bad to share what's interesting in your life you just want it to come up naturally for example listen to Jamie Foxx tell this story of how he met Kanye West and ended up in his song Slow Jams since then when I met him bro he freestyled a rap I said yo they say you rap he freaks I said oh
my God you're the most incredible rapper in the world and I was trying to get in music at that time so I would throw parties for a reason because puff was so famous with music I had studio in my house and uh uh Kanye goes Jamie mentioning that he has an entire music studio in his house it doesn't feel like he's bragging because it's relevant to the story he's telling but be careful here because if people think you're telling a story just to work a bragging they still won't like it if you want to learn
more about telling great stories you can watch our full video on Jamie Foxx which I'll link to at the end of this video the next mistake that people make is also something they do so that people will like them more but it undercuts your own self-esteem and it makes you look like you lack confidence and that's prioritizing being agreeable over being true to yourself so well gang are you hungry uh I'm fine okay well we're gonna we're gonna eat I think oh we'll I'll grab food then okay okay cool people do this because they want
to avoid conflict or avoid being a burden ironically it's the exact opposite behavior that lets you look confident and attractive and command respect from the people around you and that's speaking truth to power being honest even when you're telling a potentially unpleasant truth to someone you want to like you iconic characters like Don Draper and Tommy Shelby are admired by their fans because they regularly show this kind of confidence can't I keep what I have and just build on it well honestly the unpleasant truth is you don't have anything your customers cannot be dependent on
anymore their lives have changed your own protection is failing Mr Kimber your boys are taking cuts I want to suggest that from now on your contract out your racetrack security for the peaky blinders especially with people that are used to being surrounded by suck-ups and yes men this can be a very powerful habit but speaking truth to power can be scary so to build this habit the easiest way is to start small starting today stop telling Little White Lies even if you think they're harmless start being honest about the seemingly little things like why you're
late or why you're turning down a social invite build your confidence in being honest the same way you'd build a muscle by starting where you can and then increasing the difficulty slowly and consistently over time eventually you will have the confidence to share even the biggest hard truths it may not go well every time but it's the best long-term path to High self-esteem high respect and strong relationships if you'd like a specific blueprint for building this type of unshakable deep rooted confidence you may like our 30-day program Charisma University it's a step-by-step guided program that
will show you exactly how to build unshakable confidence in ways that are easy fun and take just 20 to 30 minutes a day each day comes with a daily action guide so you know exactly how to put what you're learning into practice and it's sequential with each day bill building upon the last it also comes with a 60-day money-back guarantee so you can take the entire course see if it changes your life and if not give yourself a refund from right inside the program I could go on about the program but rather than tell you
what I think let's take a look at what some of the members have said about their experience after the program the first one comes from a guy who says CU helped his dating life he says firstly loving the course I have cherry-picked a few things for example the filter lesson in the conversation module this one lesson completely changed my life I've liked a girl for over a year now but never thought much of it because I thought she was too pretty took your lessons gave things a shot and now we're dating this next one comes
from a guy who was interviewing for new jobs he says I interviewed it dozens of places for jobs after medical school at the end of one of my interview days the doctor pulled me aside and said that I had hands down the best interview out of everybody and that they would love to have me at their program they ranked me number one and it's my current job and this last one is a comment and of course from someone who used it mainly to improve their social life and he says life-changing in six weeks I went
from being socially awkward with few friends the life of every event I attend I also went from having serious girl problems to dating the girl my dreams Chrisman University transformed me from a lonely introvert hoping to better connect with people to an energy-filled extrovert who makes new friends everywhere I go and there are many more success stories just like those in the comments if you decide to join the course if you want to check it out click the link on screen now or below in the description to learn more we've had thousands of members go
through this course and get a ton out of it I hope that you decide to join if this is an area in your life that you're looking to improve either way I hope this video has helped you and I look forward to seeing you in the next one
