hey everyone it's Dr Romy welcome back to this YouTube channel on narcissism narcissistic relationships and healing and today we're going to talk about 10 ways to become more narcissist resistant if you got something to add to this list please do I I was able to come up with 10 there's more hiding in here though now there is no vaccine booster magic pill or repellent you can put on yourself or take to avoid narcissistic people there is no citronella candle you can burn no bug zapper it is a personality stale it's there it is rewarded and
people fall for it in chapter seven of it's not you if you want all the pointers on being narcissist resistant get the book link to order it is here in the show notes it's time to focus on narcissist resistant how we can get more immune have more repellent as it were this chapter and these tips are as close to rep repellent as you're going to get because once your healing from narcissistic relationships is underway you start feeling more grounded I promise you it's coming you start feeling more grounded you find more sure footing in your
identity less ruminating it's not the end of the story you may still have to manage the narcissistic folks in your life the relationships you are still in and be prepared for the folks you are going to meet I am going to share some tips that are in the book but I'm not going to share all of them because you know I'm trying to entice you to go read the rest in the book so let's start with the number one way this is not the top way but it's number one on my list to become more
narcissist resistant could be the top way which is know what it is now you should have knowing what narcissism is well in hand if you've been watching this channel but you really need to know what narcissism is this is not just a person being arrogant or speaking their mind or being abrupt and we have have another video about all the myths about narcissism please go check that video out too but know what it is so when you are seeing these patterns unfold you see that they are in fact patterns if it's a new person and
you start seeing these patterns maybe you sort of step back and don't engage as much if it's someone you've known for a while and you see regularly let's work on stopping being so surprised when they behave badly number number two way to become more narcissist resistant is being more resistant to the Seas and the Seas being things like charm Charisma and confidence to do this does mean breaking a lifetime of of socialization and of programming but pay attention when the charm and the Charisma and the confidence and all that shiny stuff comes at you pay
attention to their behavior instead adjust their charm as well as your justifications number three is radical acceptance I know I keep coming here and a lot of people say well you just shut up about the radical acceptance but it really builds up on the first point of know what it is then you have to accept that knowing what it is also means that you know it's really not going to change it means recognizing that regardless of their backstory this behavior is not okay and it is harmful it means knowing that nothing that you do short
of subjugating yourself to them and entirely is going to work and you make your choices accordingly when you get it when you really get it there's no more surprise no more H maybe one last time no more maybe there's a different way I can say this this is one of the strongest resistance tools of all number 12 sorry number four way of becoming more narcissist resistant is learn their tells there are some Universal tells on narcissism the impatience the reactivity when they're criticized their sort of flimsy relationship with the truth they're not listening to you
the victimhood the hypocrisy the dismissiveness this stuff shows up early and often don't just write it off to their social anxiety or just the Jitters as we get to know each other or they don't really mean it poker players win at poker when they pay attention to the tell you can do the same number five way to become narcissist resistance is to slow down time is actually your friend when you're trying to be narcissist resistant it gives you time to be less reactive and instead pay attention to what your body is saying but these relationships
can often carry pressure often from the narcissistic person if it's a new new relationship and they are pressuring you to move faster get all in quicker ask to ask to slow down and if they say no you just got your answer when you are in a conversation with them that is confusing for you step away from it even if all you do is just escape to the restroom freeze responses are common when we are managing narcissistic folks and having a moment to breathe and ground can make a difference number six don't feel that you have
to educate everyone else there is a risk for anyone who finally gets it sees it clearly Embraces radical acceptance that you feel like you want to let everyone in on the secret on what it is on how to get set free or even just fill people in on why you have gone no contact or cut off from a family member or disengaged from a friend not everyone sadly is ready to hear it and it can sometimes throw your healing off kilter if you do share your thoughts about narcissism and narcissistic abuse to someone who maybe
a little bit of an enabler someone who may not have experienced a narcissistic relationship and doesn't appreciate or it could be someone actually who doesn't appreciate the shift in their status quo that would have to happen because of what you're saying number seven way of of developing narcissist resistance is build support one of the Premier tools for becoming more narcissist resistant is to build support you don't need lots of folks just a few who have empathy compassion who can hear what you are saying and may even be able to give you non-judgmental feedback this may
be therapy it might be a support group for survivors it might be a tight circle of friends it could be a trusted family member these are the folks who also help make you more Gaslight resistant because they may be willing to listen to that conversation you just happen to record and call it out straight when they hear the gaslighting in that conversation recently I was in a particularly toxic conversation that was on speaker on my phone other people around it wasn't a confidential conversation a kind person who was working with me and was in my
M she listened to it all I was quite confused when I got off the phone and she looked at me and she said you know the way that person talked to you that wasn't okay I was quite surprised it was such a validating moment because I knew in my bones and in my body that it wasn't but I am the patron saint of self-doubt so of course I questioned myself her support in that moment made me steadfast more steadfast not only in my judgment about that situation but actually also gave me more confidence tiny bit
more in my judgments overall number eight way to become narcissist resistance is meaning and purpose it's so simple to say so seemingly difficult to get to but such a wonderful tool for becoming narcissist resistant when we are able to invest ourselves into what matters the meaning we make of a situation the purpose we derive from the things we do having some some to focus on that something to focus on that doesn't involve us ruminating about being gaslighted or what we are doing wrong or disbelieving that they lied to us again that's not purposeful this isn't
big ticket stuff this can be smaller stuff like what is one thing that makes me feel okay with getting out of bed today or what do I look forward to or who am I what am I about for so many survivors you are so empathic so compassionate but that has essentially been wasted on the narcissistic person perhaps your meaning and purpose are derived from what you are already doing just being a decent human being who cares and now are going to put it into people and activities where it feels more meaningful when you have this
larger Focus the pettiness of narcissistic BS feels even more Petty insignificant and we slowly learn that we have bigger things that matter to us number nine is build self-compassion the work on self-compassion self-kindness self forgiveness mindfulness the recognition that all of us are going through something and more folks are going going through what you were going through than you realized is actually incredibly powerful narcissistic relationships only work for the narcissistic person when we lose our self-compassion and the longer we are in the narcissistic relationship the more self-compassion we lose catching ourselves in self-judgment being present
with how we feel and being curious about how we feel instead of just shaming ourselves and also knowing that you aren't alone can get you out of the rumination spiral that there is something wrong with you and then you are less likely to succumb to the narcissistic person's manipulations and then the number 10 tool to become more narcissist resistant is to learn learn your pressure points we all have them they may be related to the intrusions we may have experienced in our earlier narcissistic relationships for example being pressured to eat when you're not hungry being
pressured to not eat when you are hungry having someone comment on your body being pushed to do activities you didn't want to do or with strong reactions and behaviors such as yelling and verbal abuse shutting down when we are compared to other people feeling anxious when we sense someone isn't being honest with us about where they were these could be considered triggers but I consider them pressure points because when these are sort of hit in a relationship we may feel as though we are internally having a strong reaction perhaps disproportionately so and when this happens
many survivors will view themselves as the problem when you you know these about yourself instead of judging yourself you can understand the history and become less likely to Gaslight yourself when you are having a difficult moment for example if someone is yelling at you and yet you recognize where it comes from and instead of just simply saying H there's something wrong with me instead try recognizing that yelling doesn't work for you and it's very uncomfortable for you an empathic person should you share with them right when you share with an empathic person that something is
an old wound so it is affecting you will respond with compassion if you were to say that to a narcissistic person they'll respond with contempt or call you overly sensitive but knowing your pressure points can help you understand the times when you feel a bit more vulnerable there's a lot many more tips on becoming more narcissist resistant so you have to read chapter 7 so please order the book becoming narcissist resistant is one of the greatest legacies of healing because it means that we have learned something and can put it into motion to keep ourselves
aware in the long term thanks again
