We have often heard people say that bad things always happen to good people and that one shouldn't be too good, as people take advantage of you if you consider yourself a very good person. If you feel that bad things always happen to you and people always take advantage of you, manipulate you, wish you ill, think badly of you, and always hurt you. So take a little bit of your time to watch this video till the end, and I will tell you how you can ensure that no one takes advantage of you even while being a good person.
Now, a major difference between the old Simmi and this Simmi 2. 0 is the difference in boundaries. I didn't think much about boundaries and all, I used to think I had boundaries, but when the time came, when the opportunity arose to show my boundaries, I never did.
So now I should take a stand. Then I should say that I have boundaries. But I never did, they were just boundaries in name, like yeah, I know I can say no or whatever, but when the time came, the boundaries would always get breached.
Earlier, I used to think that boundaries meant building walls and then becoming this lone wolf, walking alone and doing my own thing, but that's also a toxic way of shutting yourself off and not enjoying life. A big part of enjoying life is also to enjoy relationships, company, companionship, friends. So I used to think, how do I navigate so that I can enjoy all this?
At the same time, I come across somebody who has self-respect and boundaries. Now, I made a video last year on how to master detachment and stay detached from people. In which I said, learn to be a giver without expecting.
Now, many people commented on that video saying that if we keep giving, people will take advantage of us. The problem is, I can't fit everything into one video. So in that detachment video, I only explained one concept, but the whole narrative would be that yes, you be a giver, you give from your values, your framework, your understanding, your love, you always maintain a giving approach in life, but a giving approach doesn't mean you become a doormat for people.
And say, yeah, walk all over me, what do I care, I'm a giver, I'm a poor soul, I'm a good person, and no one is going to give you a medal for being a poor and good person. And no one will come forward and say. Oh poor thing, don't do bad to him, there will be people who appreciate it, but the majority will take advantage of it and keep pushing you, pushing you, pushing you.
Because it's easy, right, for someone who doesn't know how to say no, who has no boundaries, who doesn't display any self-respect. With a smile, yeah, I'm good, good, so at a certain point, I know when to say no, I know when to stop, I know when to step back, I know how to recognize character, so where does that come from? How will you define that?
How strong should your boundaries be, to what extent can boundaries be pushed? And where are your boundaries being defined from? How do you know that this thing, on this thing, I will put a full stop, here.
If someone comes and pushes my boundary in this way or says something to me, hurts me. Before getting hurt, I realize that something doesn't feel right here. This is where I draw the line, I step back and move from the situation, I know how to say no to this person, because I'm not a people pleaser.
Your first and foremost agenda should be to protect yourself, to save yourself, but by being that compassionate, kind person who can normally say, yeah, this is not me, a sad thing, what are boundaries? How to define boundaries? Where will they come from?
These boundaries will come from asking, what are my values, how do I want to live my life, based on my bad experiences or past experiences, what things have I overlooked? What things in life have I perhaps not seen? Or what things, if I hadn't let happen, would have resulted in a different outcome.
Now you won't suddenly be able to define boundaries. Because in our growing years, we don't even know so many things. Our minds aren't developed enough to understand.
Or whatever it is, things happen. We feel hurt, then it passes. Then we might get back into the same things.
Because we didn't define it, we don't even know. What the framework is, but from today, for example, define boundaries in friendship, for example. I have almost stopped drinking, like ninety-nine percent, okay, it doesn't do anything for me, maybe on a rare occasion, I have a drink, you know, when there's something to celebrate, I have a drink, okay, without needing it.
I don't feel the need to drink at every social occasion when I'm sitting with friends, or that nothing can happen without alcohol wherever we go. See, this is me, not saying that this should be your framework too. I'm talking about myself right now, I like it, you know, I say I have conversations without the stress of a hangover, without the stress of extra calories, or the stress of harming my body, whatever it is, but I'm sitting with my friends, and if one of them says, why aren't you drinking, just have a drink, nothing will happen.
Or what's the big deal, what's the big deal? You can have one drink, etc. , that is somebody trying to cross my boundaries, for example.
Now what will I say there, I will lovingly explain, lovingly make them understand that no, I don't feel like it, if that person understands, they will stop, if they realize, okay. Alright, we said it, pushed, but they didn't agree. But if they keep doing it again and again, I will have absolutely no problem saying, okay, you guys enjoy, I think I'll meet you next time when there's another plan, even if I'm sitting there, I have no problem saying, okay, I'll sit here for 10 more minutes, and then since this is a very alcohol-centric party, I think non-drinkers aren't allowed here, so I think, okay.
I'll get up and leave, I'll meet you next time, in this, I'm not hurting anyone, but in this, I'm protecting myself, protecting my boundaries. And the more you protect your boundaries, the more you keep your own word to your boundaries, the more trust you will build in your boundaries. And these small, small, small boundaries, when you define them for yourself, because I want to build a lifestyle, I have some other goals, I have some framework, I have some.
Values. Now I feel that there was a point when I became very negative, okay, I kept meeting very manipulative types of people, very toxic types of people, extremely manipulative, at that time I used to read a lot. Then you use labels like narcissist, sociopath, etc.
, but I think. Now I'm realizing that there are all types of people, maybe I'm toxic for someone, all types of people, so I don't want to put anyone in a box. And the problem is that at the time, I used to think this is how it is, that is how it is.
Then my approach was, why is he like that? Why did he do this to me? He did this to me.
But now my approach is more introspective, like why didn't I call it 9 here? Why didn't I see that, man, I don't like this thing. But I let that thing happen.
Now whether it's a person, a narcissist, social, a bad person, a good person, a relatively very good person, whatever it is, your job is to protect yourself first, the responsibility that is yours is your own. If you can't take care of yourself, if you can't protect yourself, if you can't keep yourself happy, if you don't do anything for yourself, then you will be taken advantage of. Number one, and secondly, you won't be able to give to anyone from that giving nature, because you'll be living in fear, you won't be able to do anything for anyone.
So the first thing is to protect yourself, to take care of yourself, then you can take care of yourself. This is where your trust, your self-confidence will gradually build for yourself, like yes, even if something goes wrong there, I know I can protect myself because my framework is so strong, my values are so strong. My boundaries are so strong that yes, I can walk, I will give this person a chance, this person, in life, but as soon as I hear an alert in my boundaries.
p p p p, I will step back, I will step back, I will ask, I will verify, I will check if I don't see a clear answer, if I still feel that something is off, I'm out, will come back home to myself and protect myself, simple as that. And you don't have to go and tell anyone, you don't have to tell anyone your boundaries, you don't have to tell anyone. This is where you draw the line, no, no, your job is, you've made your line, you're sitting in your house just watching who is coming near that line and who is trying to cross it.
As soon as someone tries to cross that line, you should know that the alarm should go off immediately. It will be like no step back, I will step back, will make sure I'm protected and. Then comes the point where when you try to do something for someone, or when you give to someone from a giving nature, you know you're safe because I know who I am, I know I can protect myself, I know that if I'm going on a date, for example, and I'm giving someone flowers, or I'm giving something.
I'm doing it from my framework, I am doing it from my values, I'm doing it from my understanding, because this means something to me, I have to show love to this person. Now I've given them flowers and that person didn't reciprocate much, why giving flowers whatever I accepted, didn't give, but it's not a scam. And I won't give flowers to anyone else, won't give flowers, the point is that you'll also see if this person is breaching my boundaries, if this person is starting to take advantage of me.
I can see that I'm doing a lot for this person, but I'm not getting anything in return. I feel that in a relationship, the other person should also be interested, I should feel from their way that yes, this person is also interested so that the vehicle can move forward slowly. But if you see that only you are working, only you are putting in effort, only you are giving, and the other person is just taking, taking, taking, then it's not like you just keep giving, keep giving.
At some point, your mind's fuse will blow, like how much can I give. In a relationship, you would want to see at least the other person has their own way of giving and accepting. But if they are breaching the line and breaching your boundaries and if they are trying to take advantage of you, that is why you step.
Without bitterness and without hatred, okay fine, maybe my judgment of this person was wrong, I thought they were a good person, but whatever it was, it was good for them. But my boundaries were breached and I feel that it's not right here, my gut instinct is telling me that it's not right here. So let's pack up from here, move somewhere else with a smile on your face, with compassion, that is how you stay within your boundaries, your self-respect is on display, your values are on display, you are a giver, you are happy, you do that thing because that's the whole purpose, point of life to just be.
You are rightfully expressing yourself but if that thing is not coming from there, or if someone is seeing that they can take advantage of you. Because you are a very giving type of person, so they think they can take advantage. You should know when to stop, your boundaries should be well-defined, you won't let the next person, okay this was not the right person I think.
These are the things our parents might have explained to us or maybe they did explain in their own way, like don't talk to strangers. Don't do this because there are all kinds of people in the world, and not everyone's intentions. Will be good towards you, not everyone will think good for you.
They might show, pretend that they think very well of you, they want very good for you, but their actions will show you that maybe they don't want good for you, but that doesn't mean you keep taking the bad they do to you. It's not selfish to speak up for yourself, it's not selfish at all, I mean who will speak on your behalf, tell me one thing, do you want four people to stand up for you and support you and speak for you that no, don't do bad to this person. This is a very good person, this is a very good girl, this is a very good guy, no one can do bad to them, this is not going to happen in life until you speak up for yourself, until you stand up for yourself, until you define your boundary and stand solid with it, you have to decide a few boundaries that okay if I feel here I can.
Push a little, but pushing doesn't mean you leave it like yes, this is right, this person feels very good, boundaries, boundaries will still be there, boundaries will still be in the relationship because some things you cannot cross, there's some line between two people that can never be crossed, that is the respect for each other, understanding for each other comes when to go, but to this person, I can say whatever, I can do whatever? There, no matter what, respect and understanding and what do you say, brother, I respect you for your values, your morals, for your bonds, so ultimately I can't tell you what your boundaries should be, but your boundaries have? To be defined, you have to know who you are, what your values are, how far you can go and where your limit is in terms of your health, your finances, in terms of relationships, goals, this or that.
In everything, you have to decide what your boundaries are, what your framework is, you can't just build a house in a forest, you have to protect that house because in the jungle there are lions, cheetahs, dogs, cats, everything. Now the cat won't hurt you, it will come, you'll play, it will go, you won't even remember, but if a lion comes to an open house with no boundaries, no security system, no alarm. When it bites you or causes a problem, then you'll feel the pain because that's what happens in life, good people come and go, you don't feel it, but when someone bad comes and causes damage, then you realize, then it hurts and then we say.
How bad was that lion, but a lion is a lion, right? A lion can't change its nature. That's its job.
It will come into your house. Tomorrow it will go to someone else's place, the day after tomorrow to someone else's place, but it can't go to a place where there are boundaries, where there is an electric fence. And it can't jump over and cross that.
So that's your job. If you're making a home inside you, you also have to make sure that you have to protect your home, so as I said, you have to define your. Boundary, no one will define it for you, no one will stand up for you in life.
And don't expect anyone to stand up. First of all, expectations should only be from yourself that I can take a stand for myself. I can protect myself.
Whether help is coming from outside or not, it's a good thing. Or it's a very good thing. Always accept help but if.
But go with the mindset that it won't come, go with the mindset that it won't come. And I have to protect myself. Then you'll be able to better define your boundaries and gradually.
As life progresses, as your experiences grow, you'll understand how many, which things, in what ways to set boundaries, not being toxic to your own self because what happens by living in a jail? The world doesn't care. In jail, you won't get a chance to get out, to experience people outside, or to build relationships.
So isolation is not to establish healthy positive boundaries, okay? Go write in your book: Who are you, what kind of boundaries would you like to have, what are your values, from where do those boundaries emerge? Who are you as a person?
How do you want your relationships to be? And accordingly, establish your boundaries, then be who you are without any fear of living life.
