we are back ladies and gentlemen Welcome to The Daily Show my name is JN we have got a show for you tonight I'm going to be joined later by Rupa bataria she is the legal director of oh they know their B aaras legal director of Georgetown laws Institute for constitutional advocacy and protection I know her as the individual who took over administrating The 9/11's Drug Act victims compensation and Healthcare fund uh uh for 911 First Responders and all the people that live down at Ground Zero and uh uh Pennsylvania and the the the Pentagon so
deep State she is deep State and I'm going to take it to her ass but first today the United Nations marked the third anniversary of the invasion of Ukraine by doing the only thing the United Nations can do passing a non-binding resolution asking Russia to please stop please take that Putin interesting though uh among the countries voting against the resolution were North Korea bellus Russia obviously and the United States of America they're saying Bruce but I guess America doesn't want to set the precedent of opposing bloody land grabs so green and Landy but hey Century
being the good guys in America you know whatever it's not the only thing Donald Trump is busy disrupting these days as you know the Doge project the department of government efficiency headed up by the Nick Cannon of white people Elon Musk is [Applause] in it's in full effect and it may surprise you I for one happen to be quite frankly Doge curious I'm actually somewhat Doge adjacent so Mr President if you would we have to solve the efficiency problem we have to solve the fraud waste abuse all the things that have gone in the government
yes now if you had woken up from a coma and heard nothing else that this man had said for the last 10 years you might think to yourself I like this guy I too believe government needs to be more efficient to weed out waste Fraud and Abuse and deliver the necessary services that Americans rely on more agile so what do we do first we pour through the inspector General's reports that have addressed these things utilize computer isness to excise redundancies in the system find ways to more efficiently deliver the government assistance so many Americans rely
on what's first Elon Musk and his doge team firing thousands of federal workers they're trying to cut 10% of the federal Workforce which is 200,000 and jobs oh have we determined if those are effective workers is it based on performance are you going in with the scalpel so that we don't hit any vessels and vital [Applause] organs this is the Chainsaw for bureaucracy [Applause] [Music] chainsaw so straight amputation we're just amputation it's like we're treating public servants as some kind of underclass the DC creature is like an animal infested with ticks and parasites our money
is lining these swamp creatures Pockets you know what you call someone who sucks up resources in return for nothing you call them a parasite and that is what the federal Workforce has become these sabator the dead Enders the Dei Undercover agents the frauders liars cheaters globalists and deep State bureaucrats are being sent backing yeah you guy who tests water for appropriate levels of feal matter the what are we talking about what you know this is a stark emotional Whiplash from looking for a deficiencies but apparently our nation's civil service is now synonymous with waste Fraud
and Abuse and Maga world is celebrating with maximum fxy the gravy train for a lot of these folks it's been on biscuit wheels and it's about to run off the dead gum tracks and it's about time first of all there is no way you actually talk like that no way you're a congressman from Tennessee you didn't spring fully formed out of a primordial Cracker Barrel oh this hell bureaucracy is a chut nooga cho cho to a crish boil on my flapjacks I'm just stringing food words together like nonsense PE other reactions were just creepy doge
is dishing out spankings like Daddy Daycare [Applause] I don't remember the spanking scene from Daddy Daycare oh you must mean the gay porn film Daddy Daycare I get it Jesse I get it you were watching the film that answers the question what would happen if a bunch of dudes in a daycare and it just stuck in your head you know I got to tell you I feel like you can make efficiency recommendations or Cuts without necessarily demonizing the people who are only carrying out congress's wishes but I feel like that they don't here's Donald Trump's
new director of the offices of management and budget on his feelings about everyone who works for him we want the bureaucrats to be traumatically affected we want when they wake up in the morning we want them to not want to go to work mission accomplished because these workers are the worst a hive of scum and villainy Star Wars reference for mostly scum and villainy just not the workers you know let me tell you a story about Chris he's going to get doed and this guy's not a Dei consultant this guy's not a climate consultant I
finally found one person I knew that got do and it hit me in the heart we just need to be a little bit less callous with the way Harold we talk about doing [Applause] people do you watch youring show yes you certainly want to be callous like referring to someone losing their livelihood as being a child being spanked at daycare but I guess that's just the price of efficiency is dropping Force guided bombs into the thermal exhaust Port that is the Death Star of our bureaucracy I love Star Wars I just love the film but
doge is Jedi level man the FDA is looking to rehire around 300 people the Trump Administration will reverse Staffing cuts to the 911 health fund hundreds of workers at the national nuclear security Administration fired then nearly all rehired days later the Veterans Affairs Department reinstated terminated employees and the USDA is resending termination letters sent to people working on the response to bird flu when I said you a criminal parasites obviously wasn't referring to I have the bird flu come back to work please but that's fine Staffing is only part of the Doge mission there's other
crazy we could cut we don't need to be wasting money on ridiculous uh items like seeing how fast shrimp can run on treadmills 1.5 million to see the effect of yoga on goats a million dollars to study Mexican ducks in their Wetland facilities studies on the effect of meditation on parents nearly a million to study if cocaine makes Japanese quail more sexually promiscuous [Applause] I'm going to go with yes on that last one I feel that I not a scientist can very confidently State pre- experiment uh if you are a Japanese quail with an eightball
you are getting your cloa sucked [Applause] o oh I'm sorry I'm sorry that may be the most favorite thing I've ever said on this show no now obviously that list of uh programs some of them are being presented to seem even more ridiculous and uh some of those were completely invented out of thin air but the point is why are we spending money on things that seem obviously stupid even though a government funded study on helila Monsters is how we ended up with OIC uh by the way Quick Pitch weight gain also would be solved
by Japanese quail [Applause] cocaine it's really the Star Wars of drugs cocain no downsides you'd be having your cloas sucked in no time all right but even if this project of Doge is animated by malice for administrators and is seemingly rash and occasionally cutting off critical government functions out of haste the savings alone will be worth it on the Doge website they posted $16 billion saved just in cancelled contracts interesting if true a closer look shows big problems for example Doge claimed axing a single Immigration and Customs contract saved $8 billion turns out that contract
was worth a maximum of 8 million The Wall Street Journal estimates the actual amount saved at not 16 billion but closer to 2 A2 who amongst us hasn't lied about saying something is 16 when it's really two and a half billion [Applause] inches that's not true either see it seems that doge is struggling a bit to get its footing from madeup claims about $50 million dollar of taxpayer money going for Gau and condoms to billions in Social Security payments to dead people a claim that turned out to not be real despite what you've heard we
have millions and millions of people over 100 years old because they're obviously fraudulent or incompetent but if you take all of those millions of people off Social Security all of a sudden we have a very powerful Social Security with people that are 80 and 70 and 90 but not 200 years old true it's you can't argue with that if only it were happening but it's not happening we're not paying millions and millions of dead people's Social Security money and even if they're was a 200y old man walking around he wouldn't need Social Security he'd still
be in Congress guys it's I'm going to tell you something cutting money shouldn't be this hard I'm starting to think that we as a country don't understand where the real waste Fraud and Abuse in our system really is maybe the savings we gleaned from cutting VA nurses and iguana STD studies isn't where the real money is let me see if I can noodle you know what let me join Doge I'm gonna see if I can noodle some ideas here I want to get uh down some uh certain ideas I want to do again the there
we go I got that see what I can do here this this my want to be an accountant starter kit so I got it off Amazon for $55,000 my accountant told me not to get it so we're looking to save taxpayers some money and I know oh let me think uh we got the studies that are done or oh how about we just take $3 billion do in subsidies we give to oil and gas companies that already turned billions in profits how long did that take oh wait how about we just close down the carried
interest loophole on hedge funds that's $1.3 billion a year oh how about we stop the $2 trillion we've given to defense contractors to build a fighter jet that blows when everybody knows the next war is going to be fought with drones and blockchain whatever that is holy I can't believe it I just saved us billions of dollars in 11 seconds just call call me Big Balls I'm sorry I'm being told that that nickname is already taken well can I get a doge nickname disturbingly lwh hanging balls really oh like you've never heard of GRA how
would you even know that oh I'm sorry but see this is where the real money is the real money the money our free markish system uses to prop up corporate profit at the expense of the taxpayer pharmaceutical companies get everything from our government tax breaks research grants patent extensions worth billions of dollars and what do we the people get for it the highest drug prices in the Western Hemisphere and for some reason the possibility of an infection in our perineum why would you take a drug that would give you an infection in your perineum and
why are they telling us about it at dinner time but you know what's so horrible about our system now and the corruption that lay within it we're soing numb to it we actually tout tiny cracks in that exploitation as victory president touting the first ever negotiations with pharmaceutical companies to lower the cost of 10 drugs I today I'm proud to announce the Medicare has reached agreement with all manufacturers on all 10 drugs selected in the first round of negotiation oh can it be the companies we subsidize with billions of dollars are allowing us the the
privilege to negotiate the price of 10 of their drugs and 10 is all of them right it would be embarrassing if it was a small drop in the bucket and that the American people didn't expect that we should negotiate for all their drugs because we've already paid for it with our subsidies come on I'll be going to the hospitals what we do at pharmaceutical companies is like the worst shark tank deal ining history well we're asking for billions of dollars of your money oh what do we get 10% of your company uh no do we
get a discount no what do we get have you checked your perineum we live in the upside down and don't blame the corporations they are profit-seeking psychopaths that need the lowest wages and the cheapest raw materials to drive their highest profits but why do we the taxpayers subsidize their psychopathy that's the waste fraud Fraud and Abuse in our system that's it that's what we should be going after not the Fantastical overgeneral then another program $50 million plus another $50 million for condoms for Hamas you know about that $100 million for condoms condoms does everybody know
what a condom is you delivering the speech in an elementary school why wouldn't why wouldn't they know what condoms are look capitalism is by definition exploitative it's how it operates that's fine but then government's role should be to ease the negative effects on Americans of that exploitation not subsidize that treachery with our money we're getting F at it Diddy party and they're making us buy the baby oil I want good man I want Doge to work I want better efficiencies I want to get rid of the alphabet agencies that don't do enough make the Pentagon
pass an audit but we are doing in the wrong place if we want to really change the system companies like Walmart McDonald's make billions of dollars in taxpayer subsidized profits yet many of their hardworking employees need taxpayer subsidized Public Assistance Airlines get billions in bailouts that they use in stock BuyBacks and bonuses but if you're on food assistance you're not allowed to buy hot food with it because apparently heated Entre are for winners we are subsidizing the very system that makes workers lives harder in the first place all in the name of free freedom and
liberty but the greatest restriction of freedom in this country isn't Dei and pronoun pressure it's poverty and struggle and the government's role I'm not done you [Applause] bastards it's fine the government's role should be to end the corruption that enables that exploitation that's what the Democrats should be doing every day every day every day at 500 p.m. sharp the Democrats should go live on Facebook and do the people's audit find the absurdities and the remedies in our exploitative system get someone like AOC or Jasmine Crockett or Chris Murphy or anybody that doesn't sound like they're
complaining why there's no more frozen yogurt at the cafeteria in The Villages I'm sorry you have no Riz and we need something more than shouting we need to do something constructive to Anchor our hopes a new acronym for a new age it's not Maga it's something more like make America not governed in obviously negative oh abort abort abort I'm kidding no Vigilantes but do something [Music]
