thank you for watching thanks for joining us here in uh LA CA we are we're this is our first day we're back to work after uh after a week of frivolity we are back we were off last week did you know where we were off last week yes of course you didn't still come in and sit on the stool no and uh we got at my house we got all the diseases we got the uh cold a flu SHP throat everything you want on vacation the only thing we didn't get was measel is it measel
or the measles I it's like Foo Fighters I can't get it straight it's whatever it's called there are measles outbreaks in Texas and New Mexico specifically and you're not going to believe this in areas where they have low vaccination rates I know right it's weird government Health officials say the best way to avoid well actually they fired all the government Health officials so we don't know what they will say but fear not because thanks to our dear misleader disease is on the way out and RFK is on the way in Robert F Kennedy Jr we
need him you know there's a number on autism as an example with children autism one in 36 babies have autism there's something wrong Bobby is going to find it working with Dr RZ by the way working with Dr Roz oh good let's get Dr huxel in there too while we're I mean he only hires people from televis it's really remarkable it's what an absolute mess these Scoundrels are making of our country the federal government is an unprecedent to disarray the mass firings continue with no research they're just jumping in chopping off heads it's not just
that they're firing thousands of federal workers it is the Glee with which they are firing ordinarily you have some compassion when you lay people off you wish them well you thank them for the work not Maga not the Doge Bros they are throwing career-long civil servants people many of whom have worked these jobs for decades out in the street like they're fish garbage ex Luthor uh Elon Musk sent out a mass email over the weekend to all federal workers the subject line was what did you do last week and then ordered them to list the
top five things they did at work last week it's like the government is being run by BuzzFeed it's ridiculous meanwhile while all this so-called cost cutting is happening liger Woods has already spent $10.7 million of tax money playing golf Trump has played golf on nine of his first 30 days of work while you're making payments on an egg salad sandwich and not only is he busy with golf while laying people off he amped the hypocrisy up another notch by accusing employees of the government who work from home of being out playing golf instead of working
at home Donald Trump a guy who literally worked from home and is out playing golf instead of working saying these work from home employees are out playing golf I mean there's almost no Peril it's like Diddy complaining you bought too much baby oil okay but Trump and his buddy Elon what a team we got a a dick and a tater in charge of everything the next thing you know I mean don't be surprised mark my words the next thing you know those two will be going to Fort Knox to check out the gold we are
also going to Fort Knox I'm going to go with Elon we want to see lots of nice beautiful shiny gold in Fort Knox don't be totally surprised we open the door we'll said is nothing here they stole this too it was empty when we got here he comes lumbering out with a bunch of big rectangles in his pants it's crazy what is happening we have a non-elected official a guy who's not been vetted by Congress a foreigner from South Africa who makes a lot of his almost trillion dollars from government contracts directing this goon squad
to plug into the hard drives that contain highly sensitive personal information for hundreds of millions of Americans American citizens we still haven't seen Donald Trump's tax returns he and Elon have seen ours that doesn't make sense to me but I'll tell you what they're having a lot of fun with [Music] it this is the Chainsaw for bureaucracy chainsaw [Music] oh I mean seriously if that guy walked into your office and told you he was there to start making Cuts everybody jump on him and put him in a headlock right you'd zip tie him and hold
him until the cop showed up I have to say I'm not even 100% sure he's human the left wanted to make comedy illegal you know like you can't make fun of anything so they was like comedy sucks like nothing's funny you can't make fun of anything it's like legalize comedy yeah he's right we can't make fun of anything anymore for instance if I said that outfit he's wearing looks like a Russian coke dealer from 1993 I would be arrested thank you Elon for saving comedy Now speaking of Comedy I wonder if Rodney doer field saw
this one this morning in the middle of all the cuts somebody hacked into the monitors at the Department of Housing and Urban Development and put on every video screen it's Donald Trump kissing elon's feet and see comedy is still legal and that right there is why you don't fire a thousand nerds at once we got some new insight about Donald and elania courtesy of the latest in a series of trump tell all books uh Michael Wolf the author of fire and fury has a new book called All or Nothing thing I love when a new
Trump tell all pops up for me it's the equivalent of like a surprise Beyonce album dropping according to this book which comes out tomorrow the first time Trump saw Elon bopping around on stage was at a rally in Pennsylvania he said what the f is wrong with this guy and why doesn't his shirt fit both excellent questions the book says some of Trump's cronies believe Trump was using OIC which I guess means OIC doesn't work I don't know but wolf wrote that when Trump wants to celebrate he calls for his poison which is a basket
of Starbursts Hershey bars Laffy Taffy and Tootsie Rolls his head really is a Halloween pumkin just stepping it with the book claims Trump really wanted a female vice president but instead settled for a man who wears eyeliner wolf also says Trump was losing it toward the end of the campaign and that at one point he forgot JD Vance's name which I I bet he still doesn't know I would bet almost anything Trump has no idea what the letters J and d stand for Johnny Depp I don't know of course team Trump's pushing back on the
book his communications director Steph Chong oh that's not the right photo his uh yes that's the one Steven Chong his White House communications director it really looks like a a baby with a hemorrhoid wrote Michael wolf is a lying sack of s and has been proven to be a fraud he routinely fabricates stories originating from his sick and warped imagination only possible because he has a severe and debilitating case of trump derangement syndrome that has rotted his peanut-sized brain if I was Michael wolf I would put that quote right on the back cover of the
book I would make it a blur for the book meanwhile poor JD Vance not only does the book say Elon had no interest in meeting him because he was only vice president this photo's been making the rounds today which looks like Elon Musk is also making budget cuts to his pants it looks like he walked into Bloomingdales and said give me the eracle where does one even get a pair of pants like that I mean is there an American boy doll store we got some hot Melania gossip from the book including a quote from Stafford
that says Melania effing hates her husband which I get that um it seems she wants no part of them the book reveals that nobody can tell you where Melania even actually lives she's like the Easter Bunny we just know it's apparently not even Trump's staff knew where Melania was living during the campaign and she hasn't been around much since he won until this weekend she hadn't been in Washington for a month she reappeared on Saturday night at a dinner for Governors uh you can see uh here she is entering the Governor's Ball where is she
there she is they dress the same for some reason this is what hostage negotiators call proof of life but despite her absence sources claim Melania is a constant presence in Trump's ear which is that a marriage or a demonic possession because I think I know the real reason Milani came back to town Trump got a visit from French president Emanuel macron today and Ooh La La watch this every time these guys get together they have a long uncomfortable handshake and they just kind of won't let go of each other they shake hands the way dogs
get stuck together when they're mating you know mcon was in Washington for the third and iversary of Russia's invasion of Ukraine to try to convince Trump not to bend over all the way for his kg BFF Vlad Putin Trump last week blamed Ukraine for the war with Russia which is I mean these ukrainians invaded themselves it's quite an argument today after last week he called zilinski a dictator he refused to call Putin a dictator when asked I get the idea that when Trump watches like Lord of the Rings he's rooting for Gollum there's something off
there speaking of Gollum uh Rudy Giuliani had a rough moment at a Walmart this weekend he was at a Walmart in sakas New Jersey and he was spotted shopping for hair dye there he is checking out the new colors it's uh you know they're sad and they're shopping for hair dye on your Jazzy Scooter at Walmart sad and there's also assistant who has to help Rudy pick out hair dye at Walmart sad unfortunately Rudy was unable to find the right tint at the Walmart but he did find it across the street at AutoZone and that's
what Pure Performance looks like folks Donald Trump's going around bragging he made $500 million charging Business Leaders to meet him at maral Lago meanwhile the sad old vampire who ruined his life trying to steal the election forms rolling around Walmart looking for a deal on Just For Men I guess Rudy is not on the list of ways to make America great again Trump is on a mission to bring back all the things we loved about this country all the things we miss about this country and when you see them all laid out for you when
you consider the sheer magnitude of all the amazing things he's doing I have to say it's hard not to feel patriotic hello everyone your favorite President here with more good news for Freedom loving Americans like you I just gave an order to do away with soggy paper straws from now on all straws will be made from beautiful dolphin killing plastic and that's just the beginning we're also bringing back an old friend named Asbestos and sprayed our hair with cfc's let's get back to that great ferah faet hair what a head of hair that lady had
we're bringing back smoking on planes and in hospitals and littering I go right out the window with my trash sorry kimosabi and we're also getting rid of those mesh Nets around trampolines remember when kids used to just go flying that's It's All Coming Back and so is Measles we're bringing back measles and Jima and Uncle Ben and the Redskins there's only one commander in this town and it's yours truly and I told Pete hagath he's going to love this we're bringing back drunk driving remember driving drunk you got to love it and we're going to
bring back dumping chemicals right in the river and the mcdlt I'm Donald Trump and I'm recording this message from the toilet that's a big one that's a really good one I ha to see it Go GMO do you know how many subscribers we have on YouTube now uh 20 million that's right yeah that's why we're wearing these glasses thanks for being a subscriber if you're not help us get to 20 million in one [Music]
