narcissistic people pathologize and shame qualities in others which make their lives more difficult or pick away at their sense of grandiosity and entitlement if they are the greatest and all powerful well then how could somebody actually set boundaries on them I mean nobody sets boundaries with the King right the truth tell is the child who at a relatively early age in a narcissistic family system gets it and sees it at some nent level they are the child who sees that what is happening around them is simply not cool they see it as manipulative even though
they don't know the word it's as though they can see the narcissistic parents inadequacy and insecurity and they know that the gaslighting is gaslighting and that they know the manipulation is manipulation and in this way it's interesting even at a relatively young age the truth tell child already is sort of ahead of the curve they're doing the Deep technique you know the don't engage and all of that without knowing it is a technique it's like they almost cellularly know to not defend engage explain or personalize gray rocking and firewalling almost come naturally to them not
all of the time I mean obviously just like any child they want to be heard and seen but pretty early in the game they recognize that that is not likely to happen with these p parents there is something in the truth tell child's eyes or face that almost lets the narcissistic parent know that that truth tell child gets it for that reason even without saying a thing many truth teller or sort of Truth Seer children can easily become the scapegoat the parent doesn't like this feeling of sort of being seen for what they are the
truth teller SL truth seer child has to take on some very uncomfortable roles as they go through childhood it's interesting at one level the truth tell children they can actually be quite soothing and protective of their siblings especially since most of their siblings wouldn't get understand this they can let the siblings know that it's nothing that's happening is their fault and that the parent is in the wrong and the truth tell child has an almost adult-like wisdom and they can walk their siblings through what's happening to them the challenge is that the truth teller SL
truth Seer child is also sort of the anti- enabler they speak truth so for example The Golden Child or the brainwashed child or even other adult family members may not want to hear it and some children in the family system the narcissistic family system may want to defend the parents or will get angry at the truth teller child for getting it seeing it maybe even calling it out the truth teller child is almost predn naturally wise and it is such a difficult role because the child in this role doesn't really have the vocabulary in childhood
to sort of fully get it I I doubt and I kind hope children aren't reading about narcissism so maybe they should CH these children know that something isn't right but the vast majority obviously are not learning about these personality Styles between multiplication tables most of you are adults and you're just learning about them for some of you well into adulthood the truth tell can actually have a rather lonely childhood they do tend to stay a bit distant from the narcissistic parent to protect themselves and sometimes even the entire family system they may be a child
who prefers to do things on their own they the child this is a child that may have a very rich inner world and so there can be a real loneliness at times and they're definitely these children are not going to be the ones who are throwing themselves into the middle of activities with the parent as I said narcissistic people at any age by anyone they don't like to be seen and in fact may even say to the truth tell child I can see you judging me you little twit and the truth teller child may just
be sitting there quietly not saying a word but you can see it on their face so there's a scapegoating that happens to truth-telling kids putting the truth tell in the role of experiencing some of the same difficult Fallout as they go into an in adolescence and adulthood as a scapegoated child the difference is that the truth teller child is less likely to blame themselves for their parents' Behavior Knowing damn well that the narcissistic parent is not right so that's to their benefit but another downside of being a truth teller is that you do see it
and that almost means that you're like that kid in the movie who can see dead people not a good feeling as they as they go into adulthood truth tellers they can sort of see the narcissistic people before anyone else can and that can actually leave you as an adult with a sort of anxious kind of oh no here we go again kind of thing you may for example meet a friend's new partner and think oh no you may meet a new colleague at work and again that anxiety oh no it can wear you down leave
you cynical but think of the bright side you have the luxury of seeing it early and hopefully steering clear of these patterns early in the long term frankly I think though the truth tellers may have the best outcomes in terms of themselves relative to most of the other family roles the truth tellers are often Straight Shooters they see it they get it in fact people may find truth tellers in adulthood to be sort of really to the point and kind of don't mess around is truth tellers do not suffer fools they can be really good
at boundaries truth tellers tend to have good instincts they honor those instincts they can see an unhealthy situation and step back and not engage the majority of adults don't get here the truth tellers got here in childhood now what trips up the truth teller though however is self-doubt even the wisest child doesn't do great with everyone telling them that they're wrong or simply just being ignored by their family even the other family role types are at risk to fall into enabling roles especially with the parents and especially the fixers and the helper child they'll say
things like Mom didn't mean it or they're just having a hard day or stop being so difficult or they're going to get mad so the truth tell may be carrying a legacy of being left to feel like they're the ones with the problem depending on other Dynamics in the system and the truth teller child's temperament that can lead to self-doubt or even social isolation in adulthood because it can feel like people cannot be trusted the truth teller May often wonder they may say my instincts tell me that this situation isn't good but everyone else is
telling me to just go along you hear that enough you doubt yourself and this self-doubt can plague the truth teller who will either internalize it and keep doubting them themselves or just become really avoidant of people because people just feel too messy now the truth tell tell is the family role that is the most likely to cut away from the family situation they are the ones who see it perhaps even sense at an early age that none of this is ever going to change and they get the hell out of Dodge they may be the
this might be the family role that feels the least beholden to the narcissistic parent or parents however the truth teller can in some cases be quite fond of their siblings and may have to do that difficult calculation of whether they have to figure out whether they need to spend time with their parents in order to see their siblings that said the truth teller is often skilled enough to be able to skirt that line of perceiving the narcissistic parents clearly and all of their difficult behaviors and down the line if one of their siblings emerges to
be narcissistic the truth tellers may be quite good at spotting them too and finding the workarounds and ways to have a relationship with the siblings or with other families they like the truth teller can actually be quite facile at that listen the truth teller is somebody who often though can also be viewed as a buzz kill as a Critic as a person who's overly harsh some people may even label the truth teller as being judgmental or full of themselves all of that obviously goes back to enabling the fact is if you really know and you
understand narcissism in our world it means that you really can't live in those warm and fuzzies anymore and the truth tellers existence and sort of knowing means that they'll often call out those warm and fuzzies and say you can all be warm and fuzzy this Situation's not healthy because of this the truth tellers are often the ones that people may reject initially down the line they may see their wisdom but honestly how many times can the truth teller live in that world of being perpetually rejected because they detect the painful truths that other people don't
want to see being a truth teller requires a person to be Resolute as an adult and recognize that the toxic positivity Brigade and the enabling Brigade and the poanas are just never going to be a fan of them it's interesting the truth tell can sort of over time be Kryptonite to the narcissistic person's Powers they live a sort of fundamental truth you can survive I really do believe not only survive but thrive in a narcissistic world if you are willing to see these patterns clearly once you can honestly see it and not maintain false hopes
of change or that you will be the exception then you can actually coexist with the narcissist without getting too burned but you will more often than You' like get exhausted and at times even feel disgusted somehow the truth teller has this ability to see all these patterns clearly from the very beginning these are often introspective smart empathic children who grow into empathic smart introspective adults truth tellers can become amazing Advocates therapists agents of change because they see it clearly and they don't enable it the truth tellers I guess in their in their fashion are the
anti- enablers the world definitely needs more truth tellers but I recognize it takes a toll on them and if you are one of them I really TI my hat to you it wasn't an easy path yet you are the ones who I believe are the only reason we will ever have a chance at a population level of pushing back on this trend of toxic people so let's talk a little bit about what authenticity is because I think it's a word that's very overused and even a lot of people I have no doubt that many of
you are going to disagree with my definition and I'm and that's fine you know I mean it's it it is what it is um but authenticity is very much a person who lives in alignment with their meaning with their purpose with a um with a sense of self-awareness with an accurate appraisal of their strengths and their weaknesses and yet don't allow the strengths to escalate them into grandiosity and don't let the perceived weaknesses allow them to fall into a pit of despair they tend to be relatively well emotionally regulated and in fact very well emotionally
regulated however are able to engage in appropriate and vulnerable shows of emotion so basically they're very self-possessed people often times they present as quite Serene I guess because they're good they're good authentic people are interesting cuz stuff doesn't tend to get under their skin as much because they're kind they're good like they're not necessarily Rich they're not necessarily at the top of their game they're just sort of authentic and I and I've done another video on authenticity in general and I've met I I can think of one gentleman in particular I met once and the
nature of his work is just incredibly authentic it was very peaceful to be in his presence and it was he was just really aligned with his meaning and purpose and he was at peace now what happens when that encounters narcissism okay man or woman like that it's very very interesting because at one level authentic people are pretty unflappable things don't really get to them cuz as a rule people who are very authentic don't tend to personalize stuff very much right they'll say that's a fair criticism or yeah that's you know that's a a lot of
noise that person's making um but they don't make it like what did I say what did I do like there's not as much of that because they're able to say they might have even had and again one thing I want to make clear is they might have even had very difficult lives like authentic people aren't just people walking around the world never having had had trauma or difficulty in their lives sometimes they've experienced tremendous difficulty in their lives and they just keep going and so they have you know they'll even say like this is probably
not a good place for me to be because there's a lot of loud noises and I know that can be you know that can really actually I I don't experience that well so I think I'm just going to actually absent myself from the situation and they don't care too much what other people would think they let that vulnerability be expressed and they don't worry about how it'll be judged so again that's what I mean by that very self-possessed sense so when they encounter a narcissist it gets really really interesting because not only does it not
get under their skin they kind of don't fall for it right so they are there's a wisdom there and so what I've seen authentic people in the face of narcissistic people narcissistic people get very frustrated in the presence of authentic people because their usual tricks don't work as well so the authentic person might say oh wow that's a very nice car you have um then they'll just kind of go back to like they won't let someone be interrupted like so let's say they're having a conversation and they're having conversation with person a and person C
is narcissistic and person C tries to interrupt and make it about their car the the authentic person won't say shut up you know they won't get rude they'll say it sounds like a very nice car and then they'll make sure person B is still going so what happens is is that in some ways an authentic person is a little bit more resistant to the validation seeking Behavior to the love bombing Behavior to the attention seeking Behavior but what's really neat about the auth AUC people is they won't shame The Narcissist they won't feel the need
to say like you need to shut up you need to step off you're making too much noise what is wrong with you they won't go there they'll just keep steering things where they need to go but where people who are authentic will ultimately often hit a home run is that they'll know when to step away and they won't be rude about it they'll say something like you know look at the time I do need to go I didn't you know I I have many many things to get home to take take care of and I
can't thank you all so much for this experience da d d d da they do it very graciously okay they may they they're in tune with themselves enough to know this doesn't feel good now where this gets tricky and why authentic people are kind of like the rock stars amongst us is sometimes we don't want to do that we don't want to be the one to step away because we don't want to be the one who's sort of um seen as like the party pooper the person who's leaving too early or something like that and
we don't want have to explain ourselves and an authentic person will still be able to say ah you know I wasn't feeling comfortable this evening so I think it's just better I go I don't want to harm what's going on here I don't want to interfere with the evening but I thank you so much I'm having a wonderful time they speak truth okay and as I said speaking truth being transparent with truth is often sort of what makees you the narcissist Slayer because once you do that you've really um you've taken away their game you
really have and authenticity though requires us to do a lot of work right we've got to care a lot less about what other people think and what other people say we've got to be good with us and that's what authentic people have I got to tell you most authentic people I have met have been older than like 55 or 60 they do tend to be a little older I think that maybe they've just done the hard yards of life and they're coming out the other side and saying okay I got this and like I said
many of them did not have easy lives but there's a Serenity and they don't suffer fools but they don't do it in a nasty cruel way authentic people aren't always super gossipy like you know little bit but nothing like they really are sort of it's not my fight it's not my problem um but they won't actively enable so the authentic person will probably leave the situation rather than continuing to listen to a narcissistic person foolishly holding court it's a it's again it's a very very in in a human istic model to be authentic is sort
of to be at the top of the mountain you know to have reached that sort of self-actualized point where you're living in congruence with who you are I can say that there are people out there who are authentic who actually have had narcissistic relationships that's been part of their history so it's not as though they've sort of blly walked through life like the dolly llama not being affected by anyone it's it is that they've integrated those lessons they've learned those lessons they've done the work and they started sort of pushing away these sorts of expectations
that other people have and a lot of times those expectations result in enabling narcissists so that ability to feel solid enough in yourself comfortable enough in yourself to say you know this may not be working for me and then to gracefully step away is the the authentic person's I guess weapon for lack of a better term in terms of handling the narcissist when a narcissist is with an authentic person they'll often have a lot of bad things to say about them what was wrong with that guy what was wrong with that girl I mean my
gosh she was snobby much or standoffish what was their problem they're not very social be very contemptuous very dismissive there's something unsettling when the narcissist encounters an authentic person those of you who are truth tellers will understand this better than anyone else especially if you were a truth teller as a child at some level you were able to see right through to the inside of your narcissistic parent and your narcissistic parent knew that and they got really uncomfortable with you which is why truth tellers often become scapegoated as adults when you're authentic that happens again
that the authentic person can see right through to the narcissistic adult in their midst and that narcissistic adult doesn't like it they will often try to insult the authentic person speak badly about them behind their back make fun of them mock them and really try to avoid seeing them in the future what's fascinating is while the narcissists will often waste lots of time trying to win other people over right because they're so insecure and they need the supply there's something about authentic people that almost scare narcissist and you'll see that they probably won't try to
win them over I think what a lot of people forget is that narcissists go through they go through people looking for those who will be the best sources of Supply before they hold on to them so by the time got to you they probably tried it out with other people and their tricks may or may not have worked but they often don't try to keep try uh pull the authentic person in because there's a really unsettled feeling for the narcissistic individual who's in the face of that authentic person so you might be thinking well then
it sounds like the ultimate narcissist repellent might be to get really authentic you damn well better believe it is but that's easier said than done isn't it we all struggle in that journey I can speak for myself it's I never find it to be an easy journey I think that we all have we have psychological demons to sort of slay before we can get there to that full sort of settled place and I can easily see as I get older how much that's associated with age but it's a good goal for all of us to
be to live in sync with who we are not with what we believe the demands of the world expect of us to know who we are what we stand for what our meaning is what our purpose is and live with that as much as we can day after day and when we can do that even when we have to do something uncomfortable and let's face it go to work there's things you don't want to do you can still live in line with that the more authentic you become the more resistant you will be the narcissist
and frankly the more the narcissis they're definitely going to have a few Choice words for you and tell you to sort of take a hike they'll definitely speak badly about you behind your back but if you're authentic enough you won't care so go out there and get your authentic on work on it it's a very very worthy journey and that's my wish for all of us is that we do get there so let's face it everyone in toxic relationships is told one thing set boundaries right in fact everyone in every relationship is told to set
boundaries in all of their relationships family relationships intimate relationships workplaces relationships friendships right you know boundaries is a big issue right boundaries means being clear on issues ranging from time to communication to sex anything to give ourselves permission to set a line to feel safe and to communicate that line right I'm guilty of this right is one of the even the elements of healing I put out there it's giving the guidance that you should attempt to set boundaries in a narcissistic relationship in some ways it's a test and once you see the narcissistic person will
ignore or continue to violate the boundaries please view that as a bit of a wakeup call I know that the boundaries won't work but many people want to rule everything out before they think a toxic relationship is absolutely done so you set the boundaries you actually may get stronger you might get stronger through therapy maybe because you've been educating yourself about narcissism maybe you just get stronger from sheer exasperation but you get stronger you follow the guidance and you really Finly do it you set the boundaries and then you know what the narcissist does they
call you controlling I hear this over and over again from people who attempt to set boundaries in their narcissistic relationships for years they didn't set boundaries in in these relationships because they were confused or they blamed themselves or they did not understand what they were dealing with some folks did not set them because they just didn't know how to set them and let's face it the vast majority of people are not taught how to set boundaries in childhood and if you had a narcissistic parent then forget about it you were never given permission to set
bound iies and if you did you would have faced rage and Punishment and if you didn't even get to see boundaries being set maybe even by your other parent or within the family system you didn't see them being enacted it's hard to do something that you were never taught or that you were never given permission to do but once you set the boundaries anywhere it may be directly with the narcissistic person it may be with someone or something else and your boundary setting is observed by the narcissistic or and by a narcissistic person in your
life but when your boundaries are observed you you setting boundaries is observed by narcissistic person they will likely tell you that you're being controlling and obviously that's a bit of a projection so let's lay this out as a bit of a scenario right you are in in a narcissistic relationship let's say it's with a parent right but you can substitute anyone in there the parent expects you in a very entitled manner to keep doing things for them as soon as they ask you to do them it is eating into your time and making your life
difficult and you're very busy you have tried in gentle and appropriate ways to push them off try to get siblings to help or done what they needed in a rush but more often than not you do what they need to get done but you're getting more resentful finally one day after taking so much time to do the many frivolous things that the narcissistic parent expect you to do when they expect you to do them with little awareness of how this is affecting you you tell the parent hey I can't I can't do this every day
I can do these things like once a week and that's it anything else is going to just have to wait till the next week and please also don't call me during work hours because it's quite disruptive and then you do that good boundaries and the parent accuses you of being controlling cold and maybe even manipulative it can be quite startling to have someone tell you that you are controlling after years of walking on eggshells and then finally making clear what you would think would be clear to any self-aware person but there's the rug they aren't
self aware that's the issue you me all of us we all exist at their need and at their whim they are delusional enough to think that we are the problem that they are always right and that we have no right to set a boundary and if we are then we're being controlling narcissistic people pathologize and shame qualities in others which make their lives more difficult or pick away at their sense of grandiosity and entitlement if they are the greatest and all powerful well then how could somebody actually set boundaries on them I mean nobody sets
boundaries with the King right if you from an early age saw the message that setting boundaries was a bad thing and then attempted to set boundaries and are then told that you are being being controlling it can discourage you from wanting to set them or from setting them at all narcissistic people find that shaming and calling you crazy works and these comments often will stop you from engaging in the behavior that's inconveniencing them so it's a really really clever manipulation isn't it setting boundaries with narcissistic folks will not result in them changing their behavior or
honoring the boundaries but it will perhaps result in you opening your eyes wider to what you're seeing I know that some people don't set them because they are afraid of the narcissistic person's Rage or they are afraid of losing the narcissistic person from their life the narcissistic relationship is often about all of us holding back because we are afraid they will they will disappear if we ask too much or set a boundary that is your work because this is an unhealthy space and for all of us to work on unpacking our trauma bonds to help
diminish the power of the narcissistic folks in our lives as a result many people in narcissistic relationship ships often in order to survive will find themselves immersed in denial by not setting boundaries you don't then have to see how bad the narcissistic relationship is but once you do set the boundary and witness their reaction it's a painful and Stark reminder of how dysfunctional the relationship is it can be easier to not set the boundaries at all and remain in denial because because once you set the boundaries and see what it really is about the grief
can be overwhelming but that in the long run is not good for you so with boundary setting start small start practicing boundary setting with the healthier people in your life who will be willing to respect the boundaries and then start building up those boundaries in other areas it can be painful to witness what happens in in the relationships when you do set boundaries but even if you stay at least you will do so with your eyes wide open and not believing that this is going to change and no setting an appropriate boundary is not controlling
no matter what they say to you remember that calling out a narcissist is not only a pointless Endeavor it can actually be dangerous dangerous for yourself or for others that they're able to punish because they can you know I know why you want to why you want to call them out but they don't care right if they were capable of hearing your feedback then they would likely have enough self-reflective capacity to not do the terrible things they do in the first place and then I guess they really wouldn't be narcissistic people people would they so
let's break down the five things that happen when you call out a narcissist and as always if you have more please toss them in the comments section the first thing that happens if you call them out is Rage this is obviously the most universal reaction calling these folks out as narcissists invokes shame in them which then starts the whole Cascade of rage and shame and acting out in passive aggression you know the drill some people might call them out in the Heat of the Moment and in the midst of the frustration of the narcissistic relationship
will call the narcissist out but the rage that follows can be even more destabilizing turning frustration into fear and it may not be as simple or black and white as you calling them a narcissist narcissistic people have the internet too and should you decide to deconstruct it for them and say you know what I don't I don't think you have no empathy and you are so entitled and you're so arrogant blah blah blah they're going to Google it all and see that all of it adds up to narcissism or they will take umbrage at being
called out on those bad patterns because actually narcissistic people do kind of know what narciss what they actually do know what nice people are supposed to look like and even as they do their own terrible things that they do they like to see themselves as wonderful so they don't need you telling them that they're doing bad things so when you call them out either straight up as a narcissist or subtly as a person that lacks empathy or even more subjective names like calling them a monster or evil ex expect rage that can range from dangerous
and terrifying to passive aggressive and takes a frustrating situation and makes it worse the second issue the second Fallout I should say that comes of calling them out is gaslighting you all know what gaslighting is a form of manipulation whereby a person's reality is denied and it is the narcissistic person's ground game if you are to call them out on narcissistic patterns then the Fallout is things like well that never happened or actually you're the one who did that or you're the one who said that or you're being ridiculous or you seem to have a
significant mental illness if this is how you see it and they'll go on and on if you know what gaslighting is it can help you be a bit more resistant to it but again you are engaging in a pointless Endeavor of calling them out but if it matters that much to you you to do it then be prepared to be gaslighted the challenge here is that you will then start pulling out the text messages and emails and behavioral examples to make your case they don't care they aren't listening to you the third thing that likely
is happen will happen if you call them out as a narcissist is you being accused of being the narcissist this is sort of a riff on The Gaslight one unless you actually do happen to be a narcissistic person as well I don't know there's lots of people hopefully that watch this but remember the narcissists like I said have the internet too and so if you were to level the accusation against them that they're The Narcissist then you can expect that they're going to come at you with the whole list of reasons why the various things
that comprise narcissism actually apply to you one of the major fallouts of narcissistic relationships is that the people in them often wonder if they themselves are the narcissist despite that person who thinks they're narcissistic having empathy and not being egocentric and all the rest of it but people in narcissistic relationships are so often told they're narcissistic or may believe that if they set boundaries in this relationship that they're being selfish and they think of themselves as narcissistic so if you call them out and they hit you with this you may be vulnerable to falling for
it but in a significant majority of cases where someone told me that they called out the narcissistic person they were hit with the accusation that they the other person was was narcissistic the number four thing that's likely to happen if you call the narcissist out is blame shifting remember that it is very difficult for people with narcissistic personalities to take responsibility so if they behave badly they will blame other people and other situations and other circumstances such as their childhood or their workday or their stress or the unfairness of the world or money or their
mean co-workers or you or your children or their parents anybody anybody but themselves and never will they take responsibility for their behavior oh well they'll say things like you think I have anger issues maybe I wouldn't be frustrated if I wasn't the only one around here who actually works actually does something and I still manage to do well despite working with a bunch of morons and then that narcissistic person will go on and talk talk about about having been abused by their parents or having a crappy spouse that would be you or having all these
ungrateful kids so in that case maybe they're not denying the anger but after they go on their rant everyone else is responsible for their terrifying anger everyone else but themselves and finally the narcissistic person's tried andrue response to being called out which is the silent treatment this is more often a tool of the covert narcissist the shame rage spiral tends to set off more of the passive aggressive brooding and figuring out how to get revenge rage rather than the screaming and yelling if you call them a narcissist or on their narcissist itic Behavior patterns you
may initially get Rage or gaslighting of all all or any of those other things but then they'll go silent maybe they will Prelude it and say hey well I don't know why you want to talk to me who would ever want to talk to a narcissist I'm just so terrible and then silence sometimes for days maybe weeks I've even heard of months and years people generally don't like receiving the silent treatment it makes them uncomfortable and it may even induce us to apologize for our own being abused so a person rages at you because you
pointed out their narcissistic parent uh patterns and then they go silent and then you apologize which in essence is you apologizing for them raging at you the silent treatment is abusive and it allows them to maintain their self victimization through silent rage it is tense and it is punitive the key with the silent treatment is to not fall into the trauma bonded pattern of wanting to fix it I am sure I am missing some patterns but Step One is don't call them out work on you instead if you do call them out you can anticipate
any or all of these reactions and you may not care about these reactions as I say maybe it feels worth it to call out their behavior and that's for you to decide in your own situation but I don't want you to maintain the fantasy that you can call out the narcissistic patterns in a narcissistic person without any Fallout or that by calling them out it will result in any kind of meaningful sustainable or observable change now there's a wonderful word in German that captures something so specific and pathologic we we all do it right the
Glee and joy that someone experiences at someone else's Misfortune that word is shad and frea I'm sorry if I mispronounced it and it is a signature move of the narcissistic person however I know some of you might think that's what this was about but it's not that's not what this video is about this this video is about the red flag of the green monster called jealousy a jealousy that shows up early and often in a narcissistic relationship I guess the the greeneyed monster right so here are some of the red flaggy jealous comments I have
heard people say that I've written out over the years oh God anyone with a computer can write a book I've been planning on it too but I have so much other important stuff happening in my life or of course he got that job his father has all the connections he's an idiot so I'm sure they will humor him and the rich will just get richer and people like me will have to keep working harder than anyone else or she better be glad she's getting married so young to a person with money because look at her
skin she is going to age horribly and I am sure he's going to trade her in for a younger model before long or it's so sad that they're so insecure that they need that big house I wonder what they're trying to compensate for it's those digs that come up early and often but remember jealousy the greeneyed monster of jealousy is a universal emotion we all feel it me you everyone I think of jealousy as the canary in the psychological Coal Mine the things that make us jealous are the things that ping our insecurity whether that
is our appearance or our bank account or our education or our family of origin the list is endless and everybody has something so what makes jealousy that shows up early a red flag and why is it so relevant to narcissism again as I said all of us experience jealousy from time to time it's a universal human emotion for narcissistic people who are far more insecure than the rest of us the experience of jealousy is far more deep and destructive and dark and it comes up early because everyone they encounter is experienced as sort of a
threat and so at some level unless someone's really down and out everyone brings up a little bit of jealousy for most narcissistic people it's the Myriad passing comments just like the ones I gave you as examples earlier in this video that come up so early and often but a particular red flag above all jealousies comes out and that's around the success of other people and these successes can be anything a professional accomplish m a promotion finishing school starting school getting married having a child buying a house going on a trip whatever take your pick it's
the success of other people that activates the insecurity the shame and the inadequacy of the narcissistic person many times you may even be taken aback by the jealous reaction they have about someone else's success it may be about someone they do not even know for example a story you are relating about someone and for whatever reason their inadequacy is being at activated and boom the jealousy will pop in an intimate relationship their their jealousy about someone's successes may be expressed in early dating relationships in a familiar relationship you may not have understood how to process
a parent jealousy about other people as a child but now you see it popping up all the time in them when you're an adult and when you try to soften what they're saying let them know that hey that person who succeeded they really earned it they worked hard for it whatever reasoning you try to give you then get your find yourself in the unappealing situation of experiencing their narcissistic wrath your attempt to temper their reaction may actually activate their shame and then boom you get some of the Wrath as well now obviously jealousy about other
people's successes is a red flag that definitely shows up in workplaces you may be working in a place where someone is always diminishing other people's accomplishments or otherwise invalidating other people's successes or hard works or whatever even when that other person's accomplishment somebody works in an entire entirely different division or something doesn't minimize the successes of the narcissistic person and God forbid if it is something competitive and that there's something that the narcissistic person was hoping to achieve at then the jealousy will feel downright poisonous and now listen again we all have our moments when
someone has something we want we might even cast a little shade but the consistency pervasiveness and them showing their jealousy early on without you without even knowing you so sharing their jealousy about someone else someone else's successes without even knowing you pay attention to that the heavy jealousy about someone else's success that shows itself early on is a potent red flag that many people kick themselves for not paying attention to earlier so think about it drop in the comments too have you ever had that experience you think about the narcissists you know or have known
that early in the game they really really were jealous someone else having a good experience and then what did that turn to over the course of your Rel of of your relationship with that person whether it was a friendship or intimate partnership whatever drop that in the comments because I'm going to see I'm guessing that this red flag is a lot more common than any of us think thanks again
