what is Love An age-old question that countless poets artists writers musicians and even scientists have tried to answer for centuries but the simple truth is love means something different for everyone and yet we all just know it when we feel it right well maybe not because unlike every other emotion that comes and goes we tend to put more meaning into love than we probably should the most common example of this is when we let that fleeting feeling of attraction or fondness for someone blind us from all the red flags in our relationship saying otherwise according
to therapist and dating coach Kelsey wonderin healthy love requires three things love the emotion itself compatibility and attachment so while you can feel love for someone even without the rest of these things this doesn't necessarily mean that it's healthy love it could simply be attachment and we can get attached to anyone even when they're not good for us so how can we know the difference well here are six psychology backed signs one coping with conflict when a relationship is just about attachment especially the unhealthy kind it's likely that you develop maladaptive ways of coping with
conflict in an article by Dr Karen Sosi and Christen Ken some examples of this include codependency when you cope with Conflict by simply refusing to disagree with the other person manipulation such as the cold shoulder or withholding affection and a general power and balance in the relationship brought about by one party's need for power and control number two consistency going back to what Dr Kelsey Wonderland stated we can feel an attachment towards anyone so the key to telling the difference between love and attachment is consistency is the relationship consistently fulfilling do you both consistently engage
in positive relationship maintenance behaviors such as spending quality time together verbal affection physical affection emotional intimacy because if not it's possible that the love you think you feel for this person could just be a product of your attachment towards them you've just gotten so used to one another or you feel like you don't have any better options number three a feeling of safety another crucial difference between love and attachment Dr Wonderland tells us is if the relationship creates a feeling of safety for everyone involved if this person judges you for your body your past your
goals and so on then it's not a healthy love because according to two experts in relationship psychology doctors John and Julie gotman criticism is one of the quickest ways to ruin relationships it makes us more defensive and hostile towards one another and it takes away that feeling of safety we need in a relationship to allow for a deeper sense of connection intimacy Mutual acceptance and healthy love if you find this video relatable and helpful please give the video a thumbs up and subscribe to the channel healthy boundaries in his book boundaries and relationships knowing protecting
and enjoying the self Dr Charles Whitfield tells us that having healthy personal boundaries is key to nurturing a strong and loving relationship one that's built on a foundation of mutual trust respect genuiness and care some of Dr whitfield's examples of when our boundaries are being disrespected include when others try to control or manipulate us when they purposefully hurt or harm us when they don't take no for an answer and when they tell us what to do or how to feel which brings us to our next Point validating needs whether someone validates or invalidates your needs
is a pretty good indicator of the quality of your relationship with them but one we may not always be aware of think back to the last time you shared some vulnerable feelings or concerns with another person did they respond with empathy support and understanding or did they try to minimize your feelings judge you for what you shared or disregarded entirely the latter is something psychologists call emotional in validation and according to psychology writer Britney Caro it can often lead to feelings of worthlessness and isolation as well as feelings of distrust and insecurity in the relationship
it's when you don't have the confidence to share your feelings or are afraid that your partner will invalidate your feelings and number six added value finally but perhaps most importantly healthy love should add value and meaning to your life unlike mere attachment psychologist Elaine Hatfield who's often credited as one of the pioneers of the scientific study of Love along with professor and historian Richard rapson wrote that anything that makes adults feel as helpless and dependent as when they were children increases their passionate craving to merge with others in simpler terms unhealthy attachment Styles involving low
self-esteem issues with dependency and insecurity anxiety and neediness are the most likely reasons why some people often mistake unhealthy attachment for love healthy love on the other hand gives us a feeling of being understood and accepted feeling safe and secure as well as a strong sense of belonging and a significant improvement in our overall well-being so do you relate to any of the things we've mentioned here did these psychology backed signs help you better differentiate between love and attachment if you've been struggling to leave the relationship you're unhappy in thinking but I love them is
a good enough reason it might be good to consider if it's just the attachment you're actually feeling
