SML Movie: Jeffy The Teacher!

Jeffy, it's time to go to school. >> No. >> Jeffy, your backpack is all ready.

You better get in here. >> Did you give me the Minecraft one? >> No.

Roblox? >> No. You got the one with your face on it.

>> Oh, just the one that's available at smmerch. com. Link in the description.

Limited supply. So, get it while we got it. >> That's the one, Jeffy.

So, grab Let's go to school. You got Uncrustables in that hoe. Front pocket.

>> Yes, I put Incrustable. Don't smash them, Jeffy. >> Hell yeah.

Dang it. You think I can put a lab boooo on this [ __ ] so I can show everybody that I got it like that? You can put all boooo on it if you want to.

>> Where's my boooo? >> Marvin, Marvin, Marvin, we got a letter from the school. >> Did I make the tards list?

>> No, Jeffy, you didn't. >> Darn it. I'm going to have to try harder this year.

And and and >> knock it off, Jeffy. Wait, what's it say? >> It says, "Dear Jeffy, after careful review of your student file, the YU dumb school district has determined that you're no longer eligible to attend our schools.

" >> What? Jeffy can't go to school anymore? >> Oh, [ __ ] yes.

I thought my birthday was in a few days, but apparently it's today. That means for the rest of my life, I can just sit back, [ __ ] my pants, and make the oop noise. Allow me to do it.

Okay, this has got to be a mistake. >> Well, Marvin, it says students must be children in order to attend, and Jeffy's 20 years old. >> Okay, look at him.

He's still a child. See, look how he acts. >> I think he does it for attention.

Even if he does, if he if he's not allowed to go back to school, I'm putting him in a home. So, I'm going to call the school and complain about this. >> Marvin.

>> Okay, it's ringing. Hello, Principal Steinbeck. Speaking.

>> Uh, yes. My name is Marvin. I have a child enrolled at your school, and I have a problem.

God damn it. This is the first day of school. It better not be about the no weapon policy.

No exceptions. I don't want anybody getting shot up on the first day of school. It's chili fiesta stick day.

I love me some chili fiesta sticks. It's my shirt. Wait until [ __ ] fish sandwich day.

I'll do it myself. Damn. Give me the AR.

>> Uh, no. It's not about the no weapon policy. >> Okay.

Thank God. Cuz you know how many damn people call me today talking about, "Oh, get my son. Bring a weapon, some nunchucks, or a goddamn saw shotgun.

" I'm like, "Hell no. What's wrong with you? " He's getting bullied.

I don't want I want him to feel safe. Well, tell his ass to take some [ __ ] taekwond do [ __ ] lessons. What's wrong with these kids?

>> No. Nope. Nope.

That's not what this call is about. Um, so we got a letter in the mail because my son is 20 years old. >> [ __ ] 20?

>> Yeah. >> Damn. Old as [ __ ] >> Yeah.

And the letter says he can't come to the school anymore. >> Yeah. Yeah.

He's [ __ ] 20. He He could go to a community college. Why would he go to a damn elementary school?

>> Well, see, my son, he's 20 years old, but his brain is 5 years old. >> Is he one of those weird predators? >> No.

No. No. No.

He's not a predator. No, he he's not all there. He's kind of he's uh >> what?

He's He's kind of his brain his brain is He's He uh >> Oh, he's [ __ ] >> I didn't know we could say that. >> Oh, we're both grown men here, right? Come on.

We ain't got to speak your code, [ __ ] >> Okay. No, he So, listen. Yes, he is that.

I think so. Can you still come to the school? >> Hell no.

Look up your local community college. He cannot go to a [ __ ] elementary school. >> He's 20 years old, but please, can you make an exception?

>> No. No. >> What if What if I pay you money?

I can't be bought anymore. I used to be a male prostitute, but I went to therapy. Good day, sir.

The nerve of some people always wanted me for my damn buddy. >> Hello. Uh, goodbye, I guess.

>> What did they say, Marvin? >> They they said that uh Jeffy can go back to school. >> [ __ ] >> What?

Really? >> Yep. They they said that the letter was a mistake that meant to go to another kid named Jeffy that was 20 years old.

So, >> so Jeffy can go to school. No. So Jeffy, grab your backpack and let's go get in the car.

Piss. Jeff, stop acting like that. Let's dick.

Let's just go back to school. All right, Jeffy, I think this is your classroom. Just go in there and just act normal.

>> I'm not going to stop saying foul language all day. Oh, big bird dick covered in yellow feathers and [ __ ] >> Jeffy, please. No.

Just act normal. Don't draw any attention to yourself, okay? Just go in there.

Oh, dinosaur urethra. You put your whole head in there. Oh, urethamosaurus rex.

And when it gets mad and it starts yelling and and spitting, it's piss. Jeffy, please, please, dear God, just if you be quiet and just go in there, we'll go to Chuck-e-Cheese. Chuck-e-Cheese dig.

Oh, Oscar Meyer winner dig comes in a package at 8 with [ __ ] gravy and [ __ ] >> Oh, look, there's Jeffy. >> J man, what's good? >> How is he still coming to school?

Isn't he like 20? >> Hi, everyone. Shut the [ __ ] up.

I'm your substitute teacher today. >> Wait, Jeffy's our substitute teacher. >> You can't be our substitute teacher.

Where's Jackie Chu? >> Oh, don't teacher. He's in egg roll world getting lady boys.

Shall we put me in charge? Yeah. So you guys got to do everything I say.

>> I'm not doing what you say, you ugly helmetw wearing idiot. >> That's it. You're wearing the [ __ ] cap and you're going to go stand in the corner.

>> I am not wearing that [ __ ] cap. >> Yes, you are. Tart tar binks.

You're not going to stand on the corner. >> I said I'm not doing it. You can't make me.

>> I will beat your [ __ ] ass. >> Well, come over and do it then. >> All right, class.

First lesson of the day. How to get your ass beat and wear [ __ ] cap. you wear this tart cap is going to wear you.

>> All right, that is going to be your new assign. I didn't tell you to turn around. If you would turn around again, I'm going to hit you and I'm going to add more words to that hat.

So, you're going to stay in that corner for the rest of the year. All right. Now that the trash is taken out, we're going to get to the next order of business.

We're going to call roll. I don't know any of you [ __ ] names. So, what you're going to do is you're going to stand up and tell me what you had for dinner three nights ago.

And if you can't remember, you're going to join [ __ ] in the corner. I don't know what I ate three nights ago. Bro, I don't eat every night, so we're good.

>> Um, I think I had McDonald's. >> Pretty yummy. What toy did you get?

>> It was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy. >> Oh, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle dick. A Teenage Turtles mutated dick.

How'd they get a toy out of that? Hey, glasses. Man, what'd you have for dinner?

>> Uh, sauerkraut. I have it every night. >> [ __ ] is that?

>> You know what? I'm tired of this game. I think I get the gist of who you all are.

All right. So, the first lesson that we're going to learn today is science. And the first lesson of science is why my slinky do that.

So, I have my slinky right here, and I'm going to drop it. And you're going to tell me why it do that. So, what the problem is is when I drop this slinky, the slinky doesn't fall to the ground until the top of my slinky reaches the bottom of the slinky.

Why it do that? I don't get it. It just fell.

You dropped it and it hit the ground. >> Yeah, I don't I don't get it. I'm confused.

>> I know it went pretty fast. So, I'm gonna do it again. Hey, I told you not to turn away from the corner.

You stay in that corner right now. All right. So, now let me demonstrate again with my slinky.

If I hold the slinky all the way up here at the top of the chalkboard, the bottom of the slink is down there. So, if I drop the slinky, it doesn't fall until the top of my slinky reaches the bottom of my slinky. I'm going to drop it now.

Okay. 1 2 3 drop. Why it do that?

I still don't understand what's going on. I mean, you drop it, it hits the ground. So, that's what's supposed to happen.

>> What are you trying to prove? >> Yeah, I'm still not getting it. >> I know it's hard to see in real life.

So, what we're going to do is we're going to do it a third time. And this time, someone's going to record it in slow motion on their phone so you can see what I'm talking about. T, why don't you have your cap on?

You hit me with a globe and it fell off. >> Well, then put it back on. >> Fine.

>> I didn't tell you to leave the corner. >> God damn it. >> All right.

Now, we're going to get this linky and someone come up here and record it on your phone. Okay, I'm going to record it. Okay, record this in slow motion.

1 2 3 go. All right, tell me someone got that [ __ ] All right, so the slinky is just hovering there and then when I drop it, it doesn't fall until the top of the slinky hits the bottom of the slinky. I hope no one's epileptic.

Yeah. It didn't fall to the top, hit the bottom. >> Wait, hold on.

Rewind it. That [ __ ] looked Oh, I'm going to beat his ass. >> Did you [ __ ] turn around when I dropped the Slinky?

>> No. I beat liars with pencil sharpeners. No.

I told you not to turn around. >> All right. That was your science lesson on why slinkies do that.

Now, we're going to move on to history. So, history is something that has happened in the past. So 10 months ago, I took my daddy's electric toothbrush, turned it on, and shoved it up my ass.

And to this day, my daddy has not noticed, and he has not changed his toothbrush. And I do it every two months. So, you're going to want to write this down.

It's going to be on the test. This is how it's going to be worded. How many months ago did I start shoving my daddy's electric toothbrush up my ass and twirling it around?

Second question, how clean's my [ __ ] Third question, why am I doing that? I don't know. Does it feel good?

Maybe just a hypotenuse. Write that down. It's going to be like a math and a history question combo.

It's like a pumpkin. >> Hello class. I'm Mr.

Bagley, your substitute teacher. I'm so sorry I'm late. My husband Harold fell off the front porch this morning and I had to pick him up and then he [ __ ] himself.

Anyway, let's get started. Like I said, class, my name is Miss >> Wait, what the [ __ ] are you doing? Stop it.

Stop touching my board. >> Who are you? >> I'm the substitute teacher.

>> No, but I'm the substitute teacher. The school called me. >> Well, they changed their mind.

>> What? But I drove 50 miles in the rain to get here. >> Well, you can drive 50 mi in the rain to get back.

>> Oh, I'll never teach at this school again. >> That's fine. I think we'll be all right.

Hold on. I need to use you for my history lesson. All right, class.

Now, she was alive during the dinosaurs. So, go ahead and tell the class what the dinosaurs were like. >> Oh, you're a naughty boy.

>> All right, class. New question. That's going to be on the test.

Why did that give me a chubby? Now, we're going to move on to math. How old do you guys think she was?

I think she's like pushing like 97. >> She looks 72. >> I'm going say 80.

60, dude. All good answers, but I think we're going to stick with mine of 97. So, in the future, if you ever find yourself needing to do the math, you can use AI like chat GPT.

Google that [ __ ] or just use a calculator. Okay, it's 2025. We don't need to do all that [ __ ] All right, so let's go back to history, like a history pop quiz.

How many months ago did I start shoving my daddy's electric toothbrush in my ass and twirling it around? 10 months. >> Every two months.

>> Did I say every two months? Let me correct that. It's every two minutes.

Actually in there right now. Let's get a whiff. >> Who made Miss Bagley cry?

>> What? >> And that's my show and tell project. My electric toothbrush smelling.

>> Oh, what the [ __ ] is that? >> My ass. >> So he was the one impersonating a substitute teacher?

>> That's the one. >> Oh, catch. God damn it.

Oh, you rascal. I'm going to get you next time. Do I still have to stay in here?

>> Hey, Jeffy. How was school? >> It was fun.

>> Hey, Jeffy, have you seen my electric toothbrush? >> No, I don't think I've seen that. Well, I'll definitely keep an eye out.

>> Hey there. I'm here to rush Jeffy. >> Wait, wait, why?

>> Oh, he impersonated a substitute teacher and then he beat up a kid. >> He did what? >> Oh, damn, Marvin.

Your breath smells like ass. >> Wait, no. No, I brush my teeth twice a day every day.

>> Well, how often do you switch out your toothbrush? >> Well, it hadn't been for at least 10 months. >> I Well, okay.

I I will change it out. But Jeffy did not impersonate a substitute teacher. >> Oh, he didn't?

Well, guess I was wrong. Case closed then. See you guys later.

>> Can you open up a new case? My toothbrush is missing. >> Yeah, I can tell.

>> But no, it just went missing today. I can't find it from my [ __ ] Oh, heat.