welcome welcome one and all in here out there all around the world to The Late Show I'm your host stepen colar if you been if you've been watching the news you know that it has been a terrible week for the people of Los Angeles as devastating wildfires continue raging in and around the city the footage is truly heartbreaking as thousands of homes are being destroyed and an entire neighborhoods are being wiped out we here with the L show we know so many people dear friends who have lost everything in these fires and our hearts go
out to everyone in Los Angeles and more usefully in this moment so to our wallets if you'd like to give you can scan this QR code right here to see a list of Charities that are on the ground right now addressing the immediate needs of people who have been affected by this tragedy now in times like these it's hard to know what to do but it's pretty easy to know what not to do for instance the online betting site poly Market has been accepting Wagers on things like how long it will take to contain these
fires starting a fantasy disaster pool clearly the wrong way to respond to a tragedy there's a reason the Hindenburg coverage didn't sound like this and it's bursting into flames yay my parl just hit all the humanity yesterday President Biden was in California doing what presidents should do pledging Federal disaster support to a stricken State and at the president press conference Biden also made a personal announcement but the good news is I'm a great grandfather as of today granddaughter 10B 4 Hour baby girl baby boy congratulations Mr President but I got to say there it is
the future that GOP warned us about your child starts out as a girl but by the end of the sentence she's a boy you happy Democrats this this happy occasion makes Joe Biden the first sitting president to become a great-grandfather while in office and with under two weeks left there's still time for Joe to set more old man presidential records most Malto meal consumed at 4:00 a.m. most rubber bands collected in an old cigar box first president ever to fall asleep at a picnic and be carried away by ants he does seem very light doesn't
he he seems very light Biden also gave a farewell interview to the number one newspaper left on the floor of hotel hallways USA Today and just in time because there may be no USA tomorrow Biden Biden Came Out Swinging in this interview and asked do you believe you could have won a no November Joe replied I think yes based on the polling it was actually a very recent survey of younger voters specifically one baby girl baby [Applause] boy when the reporter when the reporter asked to followup do you think you would have had the Vigor
to serve another four years in office Biden responded I don't [Laughter] know sir with a life and death job like this it's kind of important to have a can do attitude throw me the baby okay can you catch him I don't [Laughter] know President also left us with a gift on his way out the door because in this interview he told one heck of a Joe Biden story I want to brace yourselves and uh you should pack a snack because here we go used to be when I was a kid I was always the guy
who was and I don't mean to down the wrong way leader of the pack the neighbor we build a fort and I'd say look we built this thing Val gets to come you think I'm kidding I'm not Billy kotzwinkle the guy who wrote that famous oh God the book about it was a bestseller inaudible this one that one one of these anyway when I I got elected he said he was from Scranton I knew you were going to make it you're the only guy in all our neighborhood ever climbed up the flag pole in Maloney
field and sat on the ball on top that Joe Biden story is the most Joe Biden Joe Biden has ever Joe Biden a rambling yarn a rambling yarn boasting about a physical feat that could only been accomplished by one of The Little Rascals today President Biden was back in Washington where he gave a moving eulogy at Jimmy Carter's funeral the ceremony was a beautiful remembrance of a great American was also a rare Gathering of everyone in the Marvel presidential Universe you got Captain saxophone Madame popular vote the invisible wmd Mr Netflix when we Harley we
Quinn stevil Dr dumbass and Doug it's a solemn occasion which is why George Doug W bush greeted his presidential successor like this and belly Bonk hey what's up hey what's up what's up what's up 44 yeah yeah you're lucky there a funeral else that would have been a sack tap okay Tang like there okay down Texas we call that clearing the brush cutting some mosquite one uh touching moment came when Gerald Ford's son read a eulogy written for Jimmy Carter by his father President Ford actually wrote it many years ago because even though they were
political Rivals the two men made a pack to speak at each other's funerals Carter did that for Ford in 2007 and Ford left behind a written eulogy for Carter before he died because that's what good friends do in fact I have my friend John Stewart's eulogy right here we were all stunned when Jon passed away in a tragic vegan Neutra bullet smoothie accident [Applause] although he lived to be 110 years old he appeared to be that age for most of his life there's more but no spoilers of course just weeks from his inauguration Trump is
laser focused on the one thing that is sure to lower the price of eggs annexing Greenland and the world was getting a little worried in fact Danish officials fear Trump is more serious about acquiring Greenland than in his first term they're really nervous the Danish Prime Minister even released this statement IR geared we're SC she screwed Trump says he's open using military force but his first plan is to slap Denmark with a bunch of tariffs which is not great for us because we buy a surprising amount of stuff from Denmark for instance Denmark is the
leading supplier to the United States of hearing aids what these tariffs are going to hit us hard because Denmark also sells us baked goods pig meat and petroleum but that's the entire menu at [Laughter] Denny's what and these tariffs would hit us right in the playroom because Denmark is home to Lego oh sorry kids you'll have to play with America's Next best toy your little brother you know the slogan come on just bring him he looks up to you with Trump's inauguration fast approaching the race to kiss his ass is intensifying especially for Facebook founder
Mark Zuckerberg over the last few weeks he has donated $1 million to Trump's inaugural fund and on Tuesday announced that meta will end its factchecking program but if there's no more factchecking how will I know if what I see on Instagram is true was Haley's vacation just the reset she needed were the spicy Margaritas totally lit and is this really going to be her year of yes I don't know what to believe anymore instead meta will rely on a community-driven system similar to X's Community notes no do not trust the community the worst part about
social media is other people they know don't believe me no look don't believe look at this actual Facebook post NPR posted a fine little story about pandas playing in the snow at the National Zoo so of course somebody commented daily reminder that the US is sending taxpayer funds to the Taliban weekly the pandas cannot help you with that my man they don't even know how to have sex we got to help them with like tubes and stuff in addition in addition to getting rid of the factchecking meta also severely loosened their hateful conduct policy Crossing
out formally banned phrases so now users can do things like refer to women as household objects or property no wrong that is horrible you should never call a woman a household object unless you're using the pickup line girl are you a humidifier cuz since you came into my life fundamental problems that I wasn't even aware of are being corrected on Zuck posted this video to explain the changes the recent elections also feel like a cultural Tipping Point towards once again prioritizing speech so we're going to get back to our roots and focus on reducing mistakes
okay Counterpoint I don't trust a guy with this haircut to reduce mistakes Jim put Zuck up right over here okay he looks like if your Jewish aunt was Jack harlo [Applause] he looks like a high school guidance counselor who called you into his office to tell you he's getting a divorce I'd say more but if I leave this picture up for too long we have to start paying royalties to Art Garfunkle we got a great show for you tonight my guests are Ben Stiller and June squib and when we come back I make an appearance
in one of my favorite shows in [Music] w [Applause]
