[Music] Charles Bukowski was a twentieth-century American writer and poet known for his unfiltered potent and often crude takes on life Bukowski was born in Germany in 1920 and then emigrated with his family to America in 1923 Bukowski had a horrible childhood beaten regularly by his father starting at age six as an immigrant from Germany Bukowski was ridiculed by other kids for his accent and clothing ostracized as an outcast throughout his schooling into his teenage years Bukowski developed a condition that covered his face with extreme acne and acne related blemishes further intensifying his self-consciousness and isolation
the circumstances of abuse and loneliness imposed on Bukowski as a young child and adolescent laid the groundwork for his perspective on life and his desire to express himself as a writer in an interview much later in his life Bukowski said that his father was a great literary teacher because he taught him the meaning of pain more specifically pain without reason when you get the kicked out of you long enough you will have a tendency to say what you really mean I said Bukowski in his 20s after two years at college Bukowski would quit school and
make his first real attempt to becoming a professional writer bouncing around the United States doing short-term blue-collar jobs while writing hundreds of short stories however out of the hundreds of stories only a couple during this time would go on to get published and the ones that did found essentially no success after a couple years Bukowski basically stopped writing altogether disappointed by the publishing process and his apparent inability to write well enough to be successful Bukowski would go on to work various blue-collar jobs for several years thereafter then in 1955 at 35 years old after about
ten years of not writing Bukowski nearly died from a serious bleeding ulcer he survived however and then soon after as fate would have it Bukowski quit his job which was at the post office at the time and began writing again a couple more years went by and Bukowski would publish several pieces during this time but still nothing was providing much success and he was forced to return to the post office of which he had originally quit countered to the original time though this time because he continued writing while at the post office before his shift
he would use whatever time he had to write because he would continue in this for many years getting a collection of pieces published here and there in under magazines all with very little success with no real sight of success or money or fame or even just creating a living from writing because he continued writing nearly every day before work for years of course we know how Bukowski story ended he's being spoken about right now as a writer a renowned successful and important enough one to be spoken about with significance decades after his passing to be
considered one of the Great's of all time Bukowski however didn't end up becoming traditionally or publicly successful until he was into his 50s many more years into the second stint of working at the post office only after a long continued attempt at writing typical Skees work finally become noticed and appreciated by an audience and only after a deal with a publisher who agreed to fund Bukowski's work did Bukowski begin to make any sort of living from it at 50 years old on the tail end of the traditional career timeline Bukowski got his first real shot
and took it after it would seem like too many that it was over it began and he would soon become increasingly successful and famous in the literary world and culture at large not long after it took Bukowski years and years of writing and toiling and trying to finally have circumstances work out in his favor so he could gain traction and find success as a writer to get what he wanted since he was a teenager and fulfill what he believed his life was for in this it is at least initially perplexing that his gravestone reads right
now don't try a message that seems rather grim especially for a gravestone as well as counterintuitive to a story how could a man who became successful in fulfilling his idea of himself a man who although it took a while found immense respect and recognition for his craft all because of his relentless trying how could this man leave the words don't try as his final offering arguably perhaps this is where the most important idea can be found not only in Bukowski's work but in Bukowski's life in a letter to William Packard a publisher friend and fellow
writer Bukowski wrote to many writers write for the wrong reasons they want to get famous or they want to get rich or they want to get laid by the girls with the blue bells in their hair when everything works best it's not because you chose writing but because writing chose you it's when you're mad with it when it's stuffed in your ears nostrils under your fingernails it's when there's no hope but that in this letter info Kowski is referring to aspiring writers but he's arguably referring to something much larger the notion of purpose and success
and creative endeavors in general when you were very young and someone asked you for the first time what your favorite color was and you decided that it was blue or red or whatever else perhaps it felt like a choice but it wasn't really no one chooses how colors make them feel and why some seem to paint under the brain with better feelings than others we can describe the reasons why we like the colors we like but we can't choose why we do the color sort of chooses us in a relatively low stakes situation like our
favorite color it's easy to just realize which one feels best and declare without trying how one defines their purpose and carries out the bulk of their life however is not so easy nor so low stakes making it inevitably more complicated convoluted and challenging although perhaps it is at its core somewhat the same as knowing your favorite color and the same letter to Packard Bukowski went on to say we work too hard we try too hard don't try don't work it's they're looking right at us taking the kick out of the closed room in this Bukowski
alludes to the idea that if you have to try to try if you have to try to care about something or have to try to want something perhaps you don't care about it and perhaps you don't want it perhaps it isn't your favorite color throughout his life Bukowski constantly returned to writing never reducing or modifying his voice for the sake of something else never letting the rejection or the suffering throughout the process ultimately take writing away from him it's not that Bukowski didn't try it's that he didn't try to be something that he wasn't he
tried to be a writer but he didn't try to want to be a writer nor did he try to write how he wanted to write he just did it and kept on doing it at least creatively we seem to often perform at our best when we are ourselves natural and honest attending to who we really are and what we really want to say or do without the addition of ulterior motives without forcing it or overthinking too much and perhaps this is in part for Bukowski meant truthfully no one other than Bukowski can say or know
exactly what Bukowski ever really thought or meant in anything and none of this is to suggest that something is hard and complicated as purpose and passion and desire and success as easy or prescribed 'el because it isn't it's all is unclear and complicated as the very brain that contrives the whole system and it's not as if writing or filmmaking or painting or making music or business or whatever else must come easy to the writer or filmmaker or painter or musician etc and order for it to be the right thing or for them to be great
at it but it is likely however that at the pain and endurance of working through the process does not feel worth it and you are not compelled to do it even in the face of rejection or hardship or sacrifice then perhaps it is here where Bukowski might say don't try but if it does if the thought of not doing the thing hurts more than the thought of potentially suffering through the process if the thought of a life without it or never having tried it at all terrifies you if it comes to you threw you out
of you almost as if you're not trying perhaps Bukowski might say here try and if you're going to try go all the way Charles Bukowski [Music] thanks so much for watching if you're interested in having access to scripts audio files and other exclusive pursuit of wonder offerings you can find them over on the pursuit of wonder patreon page all patreon contributions help sustain the channel and are sincerely appreciated you can find the patreon page by clicking on the link in the description or the icon on the screen thanks again for watching and see you next
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