The Best Relationship Advice No One Ever Told You

love is not all you need what do you need I think the mistake that a lot of us make is that we look at a person across from us and we think even if this isn't up to my standards I can fix this person I can twist this person and that is a tactic that will backfire on you the idea that if I get close enough and try hard enough that they're going to change it's a really dangerous assumption to make we have to love ourselves enough that we would not put anyone in our presence

if what we fundamentally want in life is something they cannot give us there's 8 billion people on this Earth all you need to start treating yourself a lot better is to realize that if you keep saying you love people or you care about people that you are a person in the room it's as simple as that you have this incredible framework that you use when you're coaching people on relationships using four levels level one admiration level two is mutual attraction level three is commitment level four is hey it's your friend Mel and a couple months

ago I stumbled upon this concept called the four levels of a romantic relationship and it literally blew my mind so I picked up the phone and I reached out to the guy who created it his name is Matthew hussy he's a New York Times best-selling author and he has been helping people for more than 17 years to feel more confid confident and in control of their relationships every day more than 3 million people turn to Matthew hussy for relationship advice on his YouTube channel which is dedicated to helping you create a better love life and

I cannot wait to jump into this conversation because I am certain that his four-level framework is the best relationship advice that nobody has ever told you so without further Ado please help me welcome Matthew hussy to the Mel Robbins podcast oh my God you're in the house I can't believe it this is exciting I've been waiting for this one oh have you yeah looking forward to to talking with youw well I've been waiting for you too because you run the number one channel for advice on all of YouTube and I cannot wait to learn from

you I can't wait for the person who's listening to learn and here's where I want to start you have this incredible framework that you use when you're coaching people on relationships using four levels it's called the four levels of a relationship can you explain it level one admiration level two is mutual attraction level three is commitment level four is compatibility I love this concept and this framework because if you don't know what level you're in no wonder your relationship isn't working mhm let's go through these levels one by one and really break them come down

let me start with this level one is just admiration that's when you see someone you may even see them from afar they may not know you exist but there's something you admire about them you think they're attractive heart impressive whatever it may be compelling now on its own not important the person doesn't they're not attracted to you this is completely unrequited there's nothing important about it it's just you having decided that someone is an impressive wonderful just attractive person then there's level two level two is mutual attraction okay now this is when two people find

chemistry a connection there's a shared attraction between them now this is perhaps the most dangerous level because when we get attracted to someone which by the way for many of us we feel like doesn't happen nearly often enough and then we find that that person is attracted back we feel like we found the Holy Grail yes like this is it feels like an explosion it's like oh my God this is the most important thing in the world I have to do everything for this thing yes so this is level two and is dangerous why is

this dangerous because on its own it's not that important a connection is not the rarest thing in the world that's true sexual chemistry is not the rarest thing in the world but it feels when you find it like it's so important but we realize it's not important when we get to level three level three is commitment two people actually saying yes to each other you know the the number of people that I speak to that start with I have this amazing person in my life they're this they're that they're the other they're you know Matt

you you this person that we can talk about anything we have the most amazing time together and I and I know I already know there's a huge butt coming otherwise it wouldn't start with all of this amazing stuff and the punchline often is some form of but they don't want a relationship but they say they're not ready but they're confused about me and it's like okay so we're in level two we're not in level three and there's a world of difference between those two places level two is a plot of land it may look like

a plot of land that's in a great part of town or it looks over a lake or it's in an amazing part of the city it's an amazing plot of land something amazing could go here you meet a person and the connection the attraction the chemistry makes you feel like you've got an amazing plot of land and all you can see is what could get built on that plot of land and how incredible that could be y but in order for that to become that you need a builder and the next question is do you

actually have a builder cuz when you have a builder and two people build together they create something extraordinary on that land they build their Castle whatever that castle is and the more you build it the more onate it becomes the more beautiful it becom comes it is weathered in all sorts of ways that are distinct to your relationship there's secret rooms no one else knows about that only the two of you know about It's Your Castle together that's what's beautiful that's what makes a relationship really really special is all of the work that's gone into

building something truly unique that only the two of you could have built now imagine the scene of you sitting there building away at this castle and the other Builder is awal they're not even there they are somewhere else because they're not trying to build with you they're not trying to have a relationship they just want an experience it's a completely different thing so level three is a relationship it's commitment level two is just an experience this is painful well I shouldn't say it's painful I'm I'm thinking I'm behalf of so many of the uh listeners

who are single in their 20s and on and 30s and 40s and online dating because I would imagine that there's a tremendous amount of confusion between level two and level three and my next question is how the hell do you know if you're in level three how do you know if somebody actually wants a commitment the way that you do you have the conversation you're too afraid to have right now the one that you've been putting on off because it feels so good to keep enjoying this thing that you don't want to wreck it you

don't want to drive it away you are afraid that if you have the question you're going to be seen as difficult so we don't say it we're we're afraid of the effects and what we think is by the way if I could just keep getting closer and closer and closer to this person if I can make myself indispensable if I can just get so close that I'm basically you know integrated with their every part of their life then essentially they'll see my value and and by the way they'll start giving as much as I am

because they'll realize my value unfortunately the opposite happens is we give and we give and we give and we give and someone learns that there's absolutely no price to pay for the giving so everything we give gets completely taken for granted and assumed and we come to find after months or sometimes years of being in limbo with someone when we finally say what is this they're like I don't know and you realize you've wasted all that time and energy all because you weren't prepared to have a hard conversation and the every every great relationship has

formed in The Crucible of of hard conversations and hard conversation by the way is it doesn't have to be an aggressive or or or you know a pushy conversation it could be a very elegant conversation you can a hard conversation is just the one you're afraid to have that's true you're going to find out very quickly where you stand and you're also introducing an element of I'm not going to be here forever so let's role play so I'm in we're in a level two relationship Y and I want a commitment I'm scared to death to

ask you I don't know how many other people you're dating we've kind of been in in that zone where we're hooking up and we're going out on dates and I feel like it's vibing and I now I don't even know what the language is anymore that's how old I am do we say monogamous do we say exclusive do we say that we're like dating heaven forbid is that not a word we use like I don't know every time I would say something to my daughter like that's like okay okay okay I don't know what the

terminology is um anyhow uh we're in a level two how do I bring this up with you can you give me the sentence Matt yeah there are different ways to come at this but I'll give you one way yeah let's do it um but I realized I'm investing a lot of kind of time and energy into this and it's an amount of time and energy and intimacy that I wouldn't be giving if we were still giving it to other people and I know that I'm not cuz it's just not me and you know I wanted

to know if you're in the same place if you're not not that's totally okay like I get it it's fine you know there's no pressure but if you're not in that place I I need to re-evaluate how much I'm giving to this because you know I'm I'm excited to meet someone you know that values the same things I do or has the same things in mind that I do and I want to give my energy to someone who's in that place and I and I realized we haven't even had that conversation you know Matt I

I am having a great time with you I feel like I'm on The Bachelor right now I am having a great time with you but you know I just got out of a long-term relationship and I I I don't want to hurt you yeah I I'd like to still see you but uh like this is why these are hard convers so yeah but that but that's a very real response right so let's keep because that's a very realistic response okay by a lot of people um you say look that's that's totally cool I can't keep

giving my energy to someone who's not on the same page me like it's not for me I know my my energy is really precious I know how much I have to offer someone and if you're not in that place it doesn't you know you don't need to worry about hurting me because I'm always going to just do what's right for me anyway and as much as I like spending time with you you know I I value what I want more than that so I'm going to I'm going to do my own thing but you know

I wish you the best and you're a great guy and it's okay like I get it you're you're great person I I hope you you know find happiness in whatever you do but I can't keep giving time and energy to someone who wants something different than I do there's a couple things I want to pull out that I think are incredibly important that I noticed and I wonder if it was on purpose first of all I loved that you didn't say that you liked me you specifically said you liked the time that we had spent

together and that left you like playing the person that's not as interested in in the level two I'm not ready to go to level three hearing that you like the time made you seem stronger and more confident because you weren't sounding like hey I really like you do you like me and fishing for an answer and then when you said um you use the word energy you didn't use the word I'm looking for a commitment I'm looking for monogamy you didn't use those words that feel like you're locking someone down the way that the the

the coaching went that you just gave us in the script that you can now play and you should repeat in your dating and your relationship life was one where you said I value my energy and I know myself and I want to put my energy into things that are going somewhere and so I want to have that conversation because this has been a lot of fun and I enjoy spending time with you but I want to make sure that you know I want to check in with you because I don't want to date a lot

of other people and do you see what I'm saying like you remained powerful in that because you weren't actually looking for me to say I like you back you were looking for clarification on whether or not this was worth your time and so that was super important for you listening to understand the Nuance of that massively different yes because you're not you're having a conversation about the allocation of an incredibly valuable thing and you and you're showing through the conversation how much you value it I know what I have to give is incredible like that's

the subtext I know what I have to offer someone is incredible so you know I'm very careful about who I give that to this isn't a how dare you you know uh uh hook up with me or how dare we spend any time together if you weren't in the same it's like no it's not I again so quickly I think a lot of people can lose their power that way because they don't take ownership of the time they've invested yes or the ways they've spent time with someone or even the intimacy like you're an adult

if you want to do something with someone do it own it enjoy it but if it's no longer working for you then don't go to resentment about the time you've spent instead just take ownership of I know what I've been giving you and what I will continue to give is incredible I know it's really valuable I'm deciding whether this continues to be a good in investment of all of that time and energy and if it's not any longer that's okay I'm not turning you into the villain but I you're also not turning yourself into the

loser like I think here's the thing that's really helpful about level one which is oh I see that person over there is super attractive but there's nothing Mutual level two which is this Mutual connection and attraction and chemistry and then if you want to try to go to level three which is where you have a mutual commitment that's where you have to have the conversation and starting to understand for yourself not where is the other person but where am I the second that you start to feel in a relationship where where you're giving more than

you're comfortable where you're unsure of where somebody stands where you're starting to get sketchy about stalking people in terms of Legally on their you know where they on or they are or they on their you know when you're doing that it's time to have the conversation you're avoiding which is this is to a point where I got to be clear about whether or not it's worth me investing energy in because I think we all know that point for ourselves where we tip into either super clingy insecure or sort of like resentful like anger mode and

you don't want to be there because it's not the other person's fault that they don't want to give you a commitment it's your fault if you continue to show up to something that isn't actually good for you and the standard itself can actually be the thing that creates attraction we think you know we we ask a lot of questions about how can we create attraction with someone well one of the most amazing ways to create attraction is to have standards and to and to live by those standards let me tell you a story cuz you're

going to love this and your audience is going to love this great this is a story from something my own wife sent to me at a time when I was not the heroic uh you know Ultra giving one in the situation I was the one who was like all over the place okay by all over the place you mean like you were like a player you're dating a bunch of people at the same time or what we went I we were we we had met in London I'd like literally come back for a couple of

weeks to see family that was where we met then I went back to Los Angeles where I live we just had had a great time together so you level two very much level two got it like deep level two got well I don't know what that means but level two lots and lots of Attraction absolutely no commitment can I can I just say something yeah there is no such thing as deep level two let me tell you why there's only level two you I mean this is is exactly the you're like letting it be something

it's just level freaking to correct that's exactly right okay so I go back to Los Angeles and we're texting back and forth we're having some calls it's still fun still engaging we're excited to speak to each other gradually I start to fall off what does fall off mean like I am not smile it's like you day by day my texts got less frequent I stopped so I probably at some point I stopped calling and started only texting then the texts are less and less frequent and then I think I don't know what it was a

couple of weeks something went by where we'd already been not texting for a while maybe a few days went by or a couple of weeks I can't remember Audrey probably remembers but at a certain point I sent a message that said it either said miss I miss you or I'm thinking of you she sent me a message I'll never forget and for every woman out there take this message and run with it because it is so powerful it's so and it's word for word perfect now bear in mind I just want to stop for a

moment What's the instinct to do in that moment if you like someone I miss you too yeah like you you just Rush of Blood to the Head nervous system activated I'm just happy this person reached out and that they're saying something affectionate like oh my God and this is for every human being like I don't care how old you are I don't care like gender whatever like this is every one of us has that where if somebody's gone silent and all of a sudden you get that little you're like there it is and that what

you just said is why level two is the most dangerous stage because the Instinct in that moment is to text someone back right to fly to see them to do whatever we can to be with them but that instinct might be the most dangerous Instinct you have in that moment so she didn't do that she sent this message back she said hey um I hope you're well to be honest when I get a message like this from you I don't really know what to say so again that's like that first line is like confusion she's

she's pointing out that there's something at odds with my words and my behavior mhm so hey um I hope you're well to be honest when you send a message like that I don't really know what to say or I'm not really sure what to say we haven't really felt that close for a while now and then she put in parentheses rightly or wrongly this message feels like comes across like a bid for attention whoa so if you break down that message let's do it it has every it communicates so much and this is why I'm

not someone who says like you know here's a thousand scripts use them word for word but you you have to understand why language matters cuz language matters deeply and if you know why it works you could say it your way but why does it work well I hope you're well so there's still a warmth to that it's not like how dare you I hope you're well don't wish you any harm but when you send something like this I I'm not really sure what to say why because we haven't really felt that close for a while

so it's a little strange the fact that we've kind of like stopped talking very much there's the interactions we have are very superficial very non-committal there's not a lot of energy behind them there's not much thought or intention behind them they're more and more sparse and then at the end of all of that you send I miss you that is completely out of sync with everything you have done over the last month or not done we haven't felt that close for a while now now that again is exposing the elephant in the room cuz what

most people are hoping for in a situation like that consciously or unconsciously is that you will not point out the discrepancy between their actions and their words but you will mirror them that I'll say I miss you and you'll come back and you'll mirror that it's true we do so she's saying I'm not going to mirror that because that's not where we're at in reality so I'm shining a giant Spotlight on this elephant in in the room so you've got nowhere to hide and then she said rightly or wrongly now rightly or wrongly is very

powerful language there because it's also humility she's not bringing ego into it and she's not flaring up my ego she's like I might be wrong right maybe I've misread this whole situation but it looks an awful lot like you're not really trying you don't want anymore and you want attention right now yes it comes across rightly or wrongly like a bid for attention now in that moment I'm called out so what do you do with that information well it depends on the kind of person you're dealing with some people in response to that will love

bomb you especially an unhealthy person is going to go now I'm going to get you so oh my God let me call you right now blah blah blah charm charm charm charm charm like let me fly out to see you this weekend can you come out to see me you know you know like goes full charm mode I'm not going to uh I didn't do that then but there was a time in my life where I absolutely would have done that and just to be clear that's still in level two because you haven't had the

conversation right about the commitment yes they're keeping you in level two I love how simple this is that you're either attracted to somebody who which is admiration that is not interested in you or there's this level two dangerous mode M where it is all about the attraction and the game there is to keep you in that lane 100% And so you have to know for yourself which it's very clear that your wife Audrey did in that moment that I'm done with level two and the fact that you probably were pulling away made her realize she

wanted to have something that was more certain with you if it was going to continue and she did the thing that most of us don't do which is she acted consistently with somebody who no longer wanted to be in level two she wanted to be with somebody who was willing to go to level three and have the commitment mhm and she is also smart and I need every one of you listening to hear me you will stay in level two for the rest of your damn life if you're unwilling to have the conversation about level

three because no one no one cares about your time and your life as much as you and expecting them to is a recipe for wasting your life so many of my audience are not in their early 20s where it's like well I could throw away 5 years on a person in level two and you know plenty of time to go I deal with people in their 30s late 30s early 40s and many of them are they like wife's greatest dream is to have their own biological family and they are in level two right now at

risk of sacrificing for many of them their biggest goal their biggest dream in the entire world for someone who I guarantee is either not going to regret having wasted all that time of yours or even if they do which many do when I look back on my life I regret wasting people's time I don't have the power to give it back to them I love that we're talking about this because I have seen too many of my friends literally waste a decade MH with somebody and this doesn't have to look like one night stands and

dating this could be somebody that you're living with that doesn't want to get married that's right or who you keep thinking is going to change your mind on having children with you and you won't have the conversation like the the moving from level two to level three is really about the type of commitment you're looking for and level two doesn't just refer to someone who's keeping you in limbo in month three where they don't want a relationship and you do it's anyone who can't give you the level of commitment that you're looking for there are

couples that have been been together for three years and one of them deeply wants marriage deeply wants to have a family and the other one just cannot make up their mind or says I really don't want this that represents a level of commitment you you know you need in order to be happy that someone else isn't giving you whoa that's a really important point because we've been focusing on dating but you're basically saying that you could be trapped in level two for years because you are in a relationship justifying staying because of the attraction or

whatever else but you don't have the commitment that you deeply in your heart want yeah holy cow let's keep digging into level two yes the hardest conversation that you have to have is the one you have with yourself where you come to terms with the fact that this conversation that you have out loud with them might be the one that ends the relationship and so we're afraid to have a conversation with them because we haven't had a conversation with ourselves first about what we're prepared to make peace with about what is most important to us

in our love lives and this is a model you can use for any part of your life but in our love lives in order to change in order to get a different result we have to rewire our brain I put an entire chapter in this new book called How to rewire your brain now how do you do that when you've been doing things for a certain way for so long how do you get to the point where you're actually prepared to do something different the first thing you have to do is you have to make

change absolutely necessary for yourself now one of the things I do is get people to have the conversations with themselves that they're they've been putting off year after year after year that conversation might be with a 35y old or a 37 year old who finally has the conversation with themselves about how important it is to them to have children because it all starts with getting really really really honest about that how do you make somebody who's in their 30s or even late 20s who is starting to panic about this how do you how do you

coach somebody to have that conversation with themselves because we will come in and rationalize oh they might change oh I have time oh I could just do this oh I could just do that and there is a biological reality if you are somebody who's one of your biggest life goals is to have a family of your own and you know after coaching people for 177 years you've seen this window close on people I've seen it close I've seen the protracted grief that takes place for many years afterwards that many of them still haven't been able

to process um I mean I've I've watched the pain I've had a front row seat to the most terrible pain that people go through I had a woman at my retreat who just bowled up on the floor and was inconsolable because she had spent 10 years married to a man who always said that he would um he wasn't sure about having children and year after year after year she delayed the conversation not only with him but with herself and missed her window biologically and then he ended up leaving the relationship anyway and the grief that

she felt was profound the conversation starts by truly assessing how important is this to me what is it about this that makes it something that I feel is a non-negotiable for me at least a non-negotiable that I'm going to try for because even for those for whom it's a non-negotiable we all know not everyone has it as simple as they think it's going to and a lot of people find it's impossible well and I also want to broaden this out because what you're actually talking about is the level of honesty you have to have with

yourself to go from level two to level three if it's not happening whether that's dating to moving in or it is living together to engaged or engaged to married or whatever or trying harder in a relationship that there is this movement that has to be intentional to get you to the commitment phase and I can see how if you don't even know what the hell you want and you're not being honest with yourself you wouldn't be able to have the conversation in a casual sex situ situation of saying hey I just know myself and I

don't want to put my energy into something that isn't actually heading somewhere and so I just need to check in with you because having a lot of fun but I know myself and I prioritize my well-being and my time and I just need to do the check the gut check now even to have the conversation lightly and play you need to have a very strong sense of what matters to you of of the path that you're on in life you have to otherwise you'll never back it up anything you do will be a tactic it

won't be a standard I think the mistake that a lot of us make is that we look at a person across from us and we think even if this isn't up to my standards I can fix this person I can twist this person I can get I we're not thinking this consciously but if I can get close enough I can change this and that is a tactic that will backfire on you yes you've seen it happen over and over again the idea that if I get close enough and try hard enough that they're going to

change is a non sequor what does that mean that's a big word it's a it's a it's a really dangerous assumption to make I call it the one- day wager I stake my life my energy my time my most precious resources on in the world the ones I can't get back on the idea that this person is one day going to suddenly change into all of the things I need them to become for me to be happy the the irony is people can change but they change through hard conversations and you also find out they

can't change through hard conversations because you'll learn even if they say they're going to do something you'll learn whether there's progress or not and if there's no progress there's your answer it there's a great Jac M broad quote that goes um consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand how foolish it is to think you can change someone else that's I wish I said that cuz that's a good one it's just think I I it's so true I want to eat well right now okay I'm not eating well why why not cuz

we're on the road and there's so much good food in every city and I we have been doing a lot of broadcasting and I haven't been getting to the gym and I'm not making excuses but I kind of am as well and it's just really really really been hard and when I don't train I eat badly and when I eat badly I then don't feel good but then I'm in a cycle and there kind of the cycle I'm in and have been in for the last week my relationship with food has been a really challenging

one I've been very like food's been an addiction for me for since as long as I can remember and it has been an extraordinarily difficult thing to fix very very very very difficult and I'm still working on it it's an ongoing thing when I and I want to change that I'm motivated to change that so when I and anyone who goes to therapy knows this if you decided to go to therapy that's an amazing step now all of the is ahead of you right because you're going to see things you might want to change and

it's going to be really really difficult to move the needle on those things if it was easy you would have done it already so now take someone who's may not even accept that there's something that needs to be changed even if they think there's something that they could change to make the relationship better they now have to be motivated to do it and now they have to have the stomach and the resilience and the continued sustained effort to actually go ahead and make that change that is an extraordinary assumption to make of someone that we

are with now can someone change yes have you had the conversation with them is there progress is the progress continuing you you're probably not even close to that level of understanding because right now you're having the conversation about what's bothering you with your friends and not even with the person it's true I'm in level two I won't even have that conversation about level three so definitely not going to talk about them wait I actually need to I want to make sure that I get to level four yep because when you have the hard conversation and

is there a mistake that people make when it comes to level three meaning the commitment piece thinking Love is All You Need Love is not all you need what do you need you need level four which what's level four compatibility what is compatibility and your work do we work together how do you know because a lot of people don't know like they they want it to work together but how do you know if it works together well I think the Baseline is can we get our fundamental needs met in this relationship there are I think

lots of luxury items in a relationship but at the core can I get my fundamental needs met you have to ask yourself what those things are what are the things I truly need like I I A friend of mine always dated dancers and I said to him does you you're married now I said you always dated dancers does your wife dance he said he said least coordinated person I've ever met and I was like so does it bother you you know because that was always your preference and he said Matt how much of my life

do you think I spend dancing I maybe dance once or twice a year he said it's literally has no bearing on the quality of my marriage this person is an amazing partner an amazing mother we have the best time together she's my best friend like those are the things that affect my life every day I'm so glad that we're talking about compatibility because I believe that this is one of those topics that you don't understand compatibility until you meet somebody that you're actually compatible with and you go oh wait minute this is so much easier

and when I reflect back on prior relationships where I realize now I just wasn't compatible there may have been a commitment there we were in level three but the level four piece there was no compatibility even though we wanted to be compatible and here's how I know there was always so much friction like everything felt like an effort there was underlying agitation whether we're trying to pick a restaurant or making plans on what to do on a Saturday or like those relationships that you find yourself in where everything that the person does irritates you that's

a sign that you're not compatible when you're compatible with somebody it's not that hard sure you fight sure there are things that bother you but it passes so quickly because there's this energetic match you know I'm the kind of person that has massive ADHD and I'm very competitive and hard driving and the the reason why I'm so compatible with my husband is probably because he is a very easygoing very kind kind of person and if I were with somebody that were more hard driving like me we'd probably kill each other because there' be a ton

of friction around the energy with us and so compatibility for me Matt really is when it just works and it's easier to tell when you're not compatible because it's hard and you're always kind of upset with somebody or walking on eggshells or you don't think like you can be yourself and I guess the bottom line is that I knew when I met Chris he was the one because I realized oh my God I can be exactly who I am and exactly who I'm not I don't have to pretend I don't have to work hard to

be somebody different to make this work that is what is at the heart of compatibility that you can be you and when you find that you'll know it because it'll be easier than any other relationship you've had in the past because the energy matches Matthew what is your message to someone who is really struggling with valuing themselves inside of relationship we have to love ourselves enough that we would not put anyone in our presence no one would be the continued recipient of our investment our energy our Attention our love our intimacy if what we fundamentally

want in life is something they cannot give us that's the essence of self-love so how does it translate to the relationship with ourselves well there's 8 billion people on this earth now all you need to start treating yourself a little better is to realize that if you keep saying you love people or you care about people that you are a person in the room it's as simple as that that's a starting point but it's actually more important than that of the 8 billion people on this Earth you are the only one charged with the responsibility

of taking care of this one human you were born and someone said you have one job take care of this human that's it and your only job in this world is to take care of nurture stand up for help this person find happiness be there for this human that's it when you look at it like that comparison makes no sense anymore cuz you go it's not I can't exchange this human I only get one and my job isn't to judge this human my I only get one so judgment is irrelevant my job is just to

give the best possible life to this human that turns selflove into something I knew EX exactly how to do because I realized oh I don't need to like myself in order to love myself liking myself can come later loving myself isn't a feeling it's an approach it's a job it's a verb once we understand that we go why would I let someone who doesn't respect this human anywhere near them why would I let someone who is making this human feel UNS or confused about their Worth or or keeps them in limbo or Picks Them Up

and puts them down is completely inconsistent with them why would I let anyone like that near this human the way you stick to these standards is you connect with the fact that even when it's difficult it's your job to take care of this human this isn't like a one-time Epiphany it's something that I go through you know once a month once a week sometimes if I feel disconnected from myself and why I should be loving myself you want this structure laid out in a way you can go through any time you want which is why

I put the entire thing inside my book in a section called core confidence a lot of us are crazy critical of the way our parents raised us perhaps we should be more critical of how we're raising ourselves Matthew hussy the new book is love life thank you thank you thank you for being here thank you for pouring so much love into us and um I'll tell you that level four Thing 1 2 3 4 really changed me and so I'd never heard that before I really truly love that you shared that with us and everything

else so congratulations on everything that you're doing um Audrey thank you for sending that bad ass text back and letting him know where he was and where he stood and standing for yourself because I think it's a really good blueprint yeah for how you can raise your standards too and for you listening I just want to make sure in case nobody else tells you that I tell you that I love you and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life and a huge part of that is you creating

higher standards for how you treat yourself and who you let into your life and now that you have heard this convers ation you know exactly how to do that so go do it I'll talk to you in a few days and for you on YouTube thank you thank you thank you for being here with us today and I want to be sure to tell you in case nobody does I love you I think we're like in level three we're kind of in a commitment here right we're on YouTube together that's why I keep showing up

every day and it's your turn for commitment would you hit subscribe if you're not subscribed to this channel it's a way you can support me in bringing you videos every single day cuz I love you and believe in you and and I believe in your ability to create a better life and that's what these videos are about inspiring you and equipping you to do so and now that we're on the topic of love I know you're like okay I'd love to watch some more which is why I'm going to recommend you go to this video

next this one's with my friend Jay Shetty and it's all about love how to find it keep it and let it go