welcome to the cheating Secrets channel that was our last argument after Patricia was served the papers but before we went to court we both pretended playing roles for each other I pretended that I still wanted to talk things over though the cof and lid on our marriage had slammed shut the moment the private investigator showed me the photo of her kissing Bradley Jacobson by the fifth minute of the first video recording our marriage was already buried and I was shoveling dirt on its grave as for Patricia I don't know exactly what she was pretending maybe
she thought her ongoing infidelity was still a topic worth discussing maybe she believed we could somehow come to a reasonable agreement to stay married while she kept sleeping with Bradley on the side my wife Patricia Wilson n Anderson is a lawyer Bradley is actually one of her assistants and finding ways to be reasonable in completely unreasonable situations is what she does for a living at home I suppose she does it on a voluntary basis the phrase Matt be reasonable was a constant refrain throughout most of our 25-year marriage but after I served her the papers
she added a new phrase to her repertoire fragile male ego as in Matt this isn't about me or who I am or am not sleeping with it's about your fragile male ego God how I hate that phrase and of course we didn't delve too deeply into that last discussion before she decided to drop it Matt If You Could See Beyond your fragile male ego you'd understand that this isn't a threat to you at all she gave me her most reassuring most reasonable smile I don't love him and in a few months we'll both move on
you and I can still ride off into the sunset together I have to give Patricia credit she's very bold as she said this she was absent-mindedly running her fingers along the stem of her favorite glass of uned Australian Chardonnay sitting next to a manila folder on our kitchen table in the folder of course was my divorce filing along with several of the most incriminating photos the private investigator managed to take in other words the Titanic has hit the iceberg the orchestra is playing Nearer My God to the and the women and children are being led
to the lifeboats meanwhile Patricia is saying that if I'm reasonable if I can just get past my fragile male ego we might still make it to Port the thing is Patricia thinks we're still negotiating but I'm no longer interested in resolving anything I want the conversation to end Patricia let's pause for a second I said cutting her off mid-sentence you keep talking about my fragile male ego saying that if I can get past it we'll be fine what exactly do you mean by fragile male ego she frowned for a moment a little offended at being
interrupted well it's very simple Matt you're afraid of competition you're afraid that somehow you won't measure up she smiled at me again gently with a touch of condescension but darling you don't need to worry you're my guy my man and what about Bradley then she blushed Bradley well Bradley is just a toy like a workout machine I'm not planning to replace you or stop loving you you have nothing to worry about I gave her a slightly frowning slightly bewildered look the kind husbands use when they want their wives to feel Superior usually so we can
get away with something so just to be clear you think I'm worried that you're going to stop loving me or replace me with a younger model she nodded her gentle smile widening and you think that makes me a little vulnerable that I need reassurance exactly and darling you have nothing to worry about I spoke slowly as if I were trying to piece it all together and somehow this vulnerability is tied to the fact that I'm a man she patted my arm gently condescendingly oh dear it's not just you all men have fragile egos her smile
broadened part of what we as wives do is support our men keep your confidence up I wanted to yell at her to ask how in God's name sleeping with a 25-year-old was supposed to support me but I knew that would only make her dig her heels in I wasn't surprised Patricia bought into all that pop psychology nonsense about women being stronger than men we've been dancing around that crap for years but I was tired we were almost at the end and I was done dancing you know Patricia you've been using that phrase for a long
time I said staring her down I've been letting it slide one thing I've learned after 25 years with you is to pick my battles but if there's anything I want to leave you with today it's the understanding of how completely ridiculous this whole argument is she started to object but I continued the reason people focus on the fragile male ego is because it seems abnormal it's like in those videos how many times have you seen a guy get hit where it hurts the most she nodded she was about to let me go with that for
a while before pulling me back in plenty yes it's funny at least to women because men always seem so strong and this one thing is enough to make most of them fall down and vomit suddenly the big big strong scary man curls up into a ball gasping for air you get what I mean yes but but watching a woman in the same situation isn't funny is it she nodded but why not if one person doubling over in pain is funny why not the other because that's violence a man hitting a woman that's violence and a
woman hitting a man isn't I shook my head never mind we're getting off topic the point is that watching a woman ring in pain isn't funny because we're taught to see women as fragile and weak so the idea of making a woman cry isn't strange or particularly humorous I don't understand where you're going with this I took a deep breath the point is it's the same with the ego when I go to work every day my friends my friends joke about my sexual abilities my size my belly my thinning hair and anything else they can
find to tease me about now imagine if your friends did the same to you imagine walking into the office and immediately getting comments on every area that you feel insecure about how would that make you feel God she said I can't imagine a woman ever treating her friend like that and certainly not all the time but that's exactly what happens with us the big strong man Men We shrug it off throw back a comment and get on with our day now I was the one patting her arm gently condescendingly I wondered if she noticed the
truth is the only place I allow myself to feel fragile and vulnerable is in this home this is where I take off the armor show my soft underbelly and trust that you won't take advantage of it what you see as my fragile male ego is just me letting my guard down in the only place in the world where I feel I can be fragile do you understand Patricia smiled and nodded I could see her Gathering her strength for another attack but that's exactly the point Matt here you're safe you can be vulnerable I'm not going
to leave or throw away what we have because of because of a fling I took off my glasses and rubbed the bridge of my nose you still don't get it Patricia I believed you when you told me I was the best lover in the world even though I knew objectively that wasn't true hell in the last 25 years I've only had one lover not exactly a lot of experience I smiled I believed you when you said that I was enough for you that my size was perfect for you that my body still excited you I
took you at your word even when I knew you were just boosting my ego I chose to be vulnerable with you because I thought I could trust you I'm so glad that you and you betrayed that I shouted slamming my hand on the table her eyes widened and she fell silent I took a deep breath and tried to regain my calm voice about 6 months ago I started noticing that you weren't being so careful with my vulnerability I noticed the way you spoke when I took off my shirt how you closed your eyes when we
had sex I picked up on the snide comments about needing to hit the gym or give up beer she looked at me stunned and I continued I noticed that you stopped telling me about your day or asking about mine I noticed that you weren't around me anymore even before you started sleeping with Bradley I realized you were no longer a safe space for me you weren't going to protect my vulnerability Matt I she paused was the lawyer at a loss for words I looked her in the eyes firmly her eyes were shining and I'm sure
mine were too I tried to fight it Patricia I asked you out to dinner more often complimented your clothes I tried to plan more vacations more time just for us I tried to show you that you were special to me I dressed better I started going to the gym I hope hoped you'd remember how special I once was to you I looked down at my hands not now I couldn't let her see the tears I couldn't be vulnerable anymore enough it didn't work you found reasons to cancel dinners reasons why we couldn't go on vacation
when I complimented your clothes I could see you worrying whether I noticed you were dressing for him and when I sent flowers to your office I never got a response I looked up at her later when you started picking fights just to avoid having sex with me I knew I had failed you forgot that I was special and you were already on your way to no longer being special to me I never picked fights to avoid sex I groaned seriously that's her takeaway Patricia can you just be honest at least with yourself if not with
me you've been pushing me away for 6 months she glanced up at me for a second then dropped her gaze back to her hands Charming hands I Shrugged anyway yes back then my ego was fragile I spent a lot of time in the office with the door closed mourning our relationship I tried to put on a strong face the one I were at work so you wouldn't see how deeply you hurt me I started finding reasons to leave the house to avoid spending time with someone who could hurt me and who now so clearly wanted
to she looked shocked I smiled slightly and gently patted her hand again but you'll be glad to know that my fragile ego has healed I found other things to occupy my time and other people who made me feel special she looked up a question in her eyes I smirked no I didn't cheat on you but I did notice that some of the women at the gym didn't seem all that turned off by my body these days anyway by the time I had proof and was talking to a lawyer you wouldn't have even known that my
fragile male ego had ever been hurt are we done I thought we were after all I had said what I needed to and I thought maybe she had finally heard me maybe now we could move on but of course I was married to a lawyer and there was no such thing as a lost case but Matt there was never any need for this she yelled yes I admit I've been distracted lately but I never stopped loving you in my world you were always number one I'm sorry I didn't see how fragile you were how much
I hurt you Patricia kept talking kept weaving beautiful pictures with her words but I wasn't listening that word again fragile she still didn't get it and I realized she probably never would I wasn't trying to be nice anymore Patricia stop I snapped I think she could hear the anger in my voice though I tried to hide it I took a long slow breath exhaled you still don't get it do you you still think this is all about my fragility my fragile male ego right honey there's nothing shameful about it all men all people Patricia we
all have fragile Egos and we trust those we care about to protect them well yes of course but men are especially fragile I mean I'm going to let you in on a little secret I leaned in toward her as if I were about to confide something I tried my hardest to keep the sarcasm at Bay but she wasn't making it easy Patricia I've spent most of the last 25 years trying to figure out how to be honest with you without hurting your ego when you'd ask me if that lipstick suited you or if that dress
made you look fat I had to find an answer that wouldn't hurt your feelings but also wouldn't let you leave the house looking like a crazed clown or an overstuffed sausage Patricia blushed her eyes widening she wasn't used to this kind of honesty suddenly I realized I found it funny Patricia when I say things like honey I'm not sure that lipstick goes with that blouse or wow could you change I'm not comfortable with our neighbors drooling over your chest all night I was giving you an out I pretended I wasn't sure of my words or
that my fragile male ego was at risk and do you know why I did that she shook her head it's because I didn't want to put your ego at risk that's that's nonsense Patricia fumed I can remember several times when you were pretty clear about something not looking good I smirked oh I admit I messed up from time to time I said I think we both remember what happened when I commented on your ey Shadow looking like that of an adulteress or when I said yes that dress does make your butt look big those big
hurt eyes the cold thanks for your honesty and a week or two of freezing temperatures in the bedroom I quickly realized that honesty is definitely overrated when it comes to giving my wife my opinion so you've been lying to me for 25 years Patricia looked like she was ready to explode it was time to wrap this up let's just say I gave you a selective and carefully edited version of the truth I told you that you were the most beautiful woman in the world that your trips to the gym took a decade off your age
that even Venus de Milo couldn't compare to your backside I gave you EX extravagant compliments just like the ones you gave me to show you how I see you and in the process to boost your fragile ego my ego isn't fragile Patricia you have a fat ass she looked at me as if I had just punched her in the chest what I smiled at her you have stretch marks your breasts have sagged your hair roots are graying and your teeth are yellowing though those expensive creams you buy don't hide the wrinkles on your face or
your double chin darling it's time to think about aging gracefully because fighting it isn't working anymore she gasped her eyes widened a few blows and they all hit the mark Lord Jesus Matt Patricia remember the feeling you're experiencing right now think about it now imagine I told you I was sleeping with some pretty young thing at the office someone 10 or 20 years younger than you with a firm butt and full breasts she's trying all her tricks on me because our relationship is still new and she's just getting started with her game imagine I come
home to you after being with her a couple of times a week how's your ego doing feeling a bit fragile Patricia looked a little pale I yes she murmured that's what you never understood Patricia I'm not blind you're not the most beautiful woman in the world hell I could probably walk out the front door and find half a dozen women in our neighborhood who are objectively more attractive than you I looked at her again but her head was still bowed I could see the tears on her cheeks you're not the most beautiful not the smartest
and not the funniest but to me you were all of those things you were the most beautiful the funniest the best when I saw all your flaws I also saw the life we live together your breast sagged because you used them to feed our children you have a big backside because you carried them in your body you have laugh lines because we laugh together I looked at the road map of your body and saw the miles we traveled together I cherished every one of those miles and the marks they left she looked up and it
was like the final scene of a boxing movie the one that happens just before The Knockout she sobbed and now what do you see now Lord I thought she's practically asking for it it would be so easy part of me hell most of me wanted to deliver that knockout blow the one that would leave her so broken that she'd spend the next few years bouncing from bed to bed trying to prove she still got it and there she was chin up just waiting for for it to drop but that's the thing it's not about delivering
The Knockout blow anymore in truth it's not even about Patricia she looked in the mirror saw time passing and decided she could find the Fountain of Youth in the body of a younger man and then when she got caught she tried to Stand Tall throwing out challenges and clever words I think we both know now that she's weak small and will be left alone as for me I had already cried my tears in the car behind the door of my office in a park a mile from my house I spent months hiding my pain from
my wife while I fought and then mourned the death of my marriage now I had to plan the rest of my life the first step was to ask myself what I wanted to see in the mirror every morning a guy who took a cheap shot a guy who won some pointless competition with a weak woman who wrecked her own life a bully no I wanted to see what I saw now a merciful man a good man an honest man I took another deep breath and placed my hand over Patricia's once more what do I see
now now I see a woman with whom I spent some of the best years of my life I see someone I trusted with my vulnerability until I couldn't trust her anymore I squeezed her hand I see someone I will truly miss she stood up forcing a smile it was crooked and it didn't help hide the tears it doesn't have to be this way she said we can find our way back no we can't I sigh you're right about one thing Patricia I'm not fragile but my trust was I'll never be able to take off my
armor again I'll never be able to let you in maybe we could live together sleep in the same bed go on vacations make some memories but the truth is I'll always be watching you wondering if you're judging my body wondering if you're comparing me in bed to someone else wondering if you're staying because you love me or just out of habit that's not true I'm not going to live like that Patricia I think I've got another 30 or 40 years ahead of me and I don't want to spend them with someone I don't trust pretending
to feel safe and secure when I don't I don't deserve that and honestly if you really love me you wouldn't ask me to go through that for all her legal skills Patricia is pretty transparent at least to me I could see in her eyes that she was trying on counterarguments testing them seeing which ones might work and then I saw the moment she realized it was truly over the light in her eyes seemed to fade once Trisha decided not to fight the divorce went quickly we traded jewelry for tools and a TV furniture for my
partially restored Mustang in the end we sold the house split everything evenly and saved a lot of money on lawyers the thing about divorce is that even when it's over it's not really the end I still see Patricia often at our kids birthdays anniversaries Christmases sometimes she brings a date and IED usually have a Woman by my side for the past year or so it's been the same woman and from the look in Patricia's eyes I can tell she knows what that means I try not to gloat but sometimes my ego well it can be
a little fragile thank you for listening Until the End see you in the next episode of cheating Secrets take care of yourself and your loved ones goodbye
