[Music] from not Amy Schumer thank God comes another Greta gorwig film about a pretty white girl's quarter life crisis but this time it's the backdrop to a literal toy commercial Barbie welcome to Barbie land a place where everyone lives by Nietzsche's doctrine of Eternal recurrence this is the best day ever you guys ever think about dying I mean a pretty pink neighborhood where everything is perfect unlike the toy aisle it's a land where every race and body type of Barbie is treated equally as they all copy how they're being played with in the real world
minus the times we make them kiss and match their smooth plastic Mounds together I do not have a never stop me Margot Robbie shines as stereotypical Barbie the best pairing of actor and toy since Vin Diesel stuck his hand up a street shark you'll believe every step of our emotional Journey except the one time she doesn't feel pretty Margot Robbie is the wrong person to cast if you want to make this point in the first film since Legally Blonde or someone pink and girly wasn't a villain because the villain role is already taken by man
I mean can Ryan Gosling finally gets to shake off his sleepy-eyed murder face and take his back to his Disney door Crews give me that pie in a comedic performance that transcends funny for someone who looks like Ryan Gosling that's fine and approaches funny for someone who doesn't look like Ryan Gosling I have apologies I hope the nice guys was a fluke but no there's really nothing left for us how goes game over Gus wins [Music] follow along on Barbie and Ken's trip to the real world sometimes it's the reality we live in sometimes it's
more zany than Barbie land there Ken will speed run through the manosphere like a middle schooler's first Andrew Tate video what was that well Barbie will have to balance handling her new feelings of inferiority with the superior handling of the new Chevy Blazer EV [Music] IL I gotta lose these chuckleheads [Applause] her discomfort with being judged by her exterior with the smooth comfort of the new Chevy suburban's interior thanks for the ride this has been so much fun my truck car I'd like to have actually in this epic Voyage of self-discovery that wouldn't be possible
without first getting into the 1956 Chevy Corvette C1 it's subtle like a rock but Barbie and Ken aren't the only characters getting in and out of various Chevrolets there's Gloria who's show-stopping Mama log Builds on the ideas first set forth by a hand with pobodies nerfect on it not only are you doing everything wrong but also everything is your fault her daughter Sasha a life-like Bratz doll who shows young girls how capitalism subsumes all critiques into itself you represent everything wrong with her culture Barbie Landing saving Barbie needs saving weird Barbie who's so weird you
don't know if she's gonna do the splits or reinforce China's territorial claims over Vietnam Alan Michael Sarah's long overdue apology for the crimes of Scott Pilgrim Will Ferrell as Lord Business the CEO of Mattel whatever and a rousing game of spot the actor from every British TV show Greta Gerwig likes because we all stupid now it's up to a Barbie movie to teach audiences about feminism oh look the Supreme Court they're so smart the patriarchy I'm a man with no power does that make me a woman and female anatomy I'm here to see my gynecologist
in a fresh new installment of woke Wars 2K 23 that did the opposite of go broke in a basic 101 level lecture full of broad generalizations and naive fixes we're giving voice to the cognitive dissonance required to be a woman under the patriarchy you robbed it of its power yes because it's a popcorn movie congrats you're smarter than a child's doll here's a student loan so enjoy the Smash Hit of the year that shines thanks to its incredible production design perfect casting and a release date that got them more Free Press than the Grimace Shake
in one of those hits that should remind Hollywood women like good comedy too but Warner Brothers will see the results and conclude toys they love looking at toys give me Uno give me Barney give me my Magic 8-Ball what toys starring the Pink Ranger Goss and the Real Girl brand Parenthood when is Gamora Allen Barbie mama drama you're just a woman woman with a small brain the brain the third the size of us it's just science Cynthia from Rugrats reps Chong chard C-sections and Barbie land are a bit excessive Aqua every couple's costume this Halloween
every tick tock this year when you know they had Tarantino [Music] [Music] when you know they lost Tarantino I don't want to touch a foot when they stuck it to film Bros it's like I've been in a dream where I was somehow really invested in the Zack Snyder cut of Justice League and when they went too far oh my God you've never seen The Godfather can you start the movie over and just talk through the whole thing The Godfather is a masterpiece Francis Ford Coppola's Mastery of The Craft is Bianca oh no I'm one of
them aren't I Guys and Dolls [Music] I have a TV in my back you know whose dream that is nobody nobody's dream did they not consult any men on the script we crunched the numbers on the age dynamics of every movie romance in an all-new episode of by the Numbers spoiler alert keep James Bond 500 yards away from a school at all times click the box in the right to learn why I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world life in plastic it's fantastic you can brush my hair undress me everywhere imagination right is your
creation Come on Barbie let's go party
