have you ever wondered how to tell where a potential relationship might go should you stay should you leave do they even like you back well I have some advice to share for my own personal experiences and although they probably won't solve everyone's problems I'm sure they can help you find some clarity and certainty in your future dating life these make it really easy for me to tell where a potential relationship might be headed and it shows me whether or not we're even compatible and if our feelings are mutual for each other but first let me
get something important out of the way oh Lord it's good to be here with you Mr I've been in quite a few relationships and I've been on a lot of dates and I've seen the good stuff the bad stuff and the really bad stuff and I want to help you out by sharing my experiences and what I learned from them and I've put those experiences into 2 and a half red flags and green flags which I think just about anyone can use one of the biggest things I learned from my experiences was a great way
to tell where a relationship is going to go is by looking at the problems or the good things that has early on when you're just starting out and how willing the other person is to communicate those things that's because almost every single time the problems that I've had have just gotten worse and the good things I've had has stayed or even they've gotten better and more beneficial whenever I run into a problem I think the best thing to do is to communicate it to whoever I'm seeing early on I personally do this through something called
iMessages and iMessages is a technique where you send a message to your partner communicating to them how you feel and you said I messages I and then messages are a very effective communication technique where you just tell someone how you feel about something without necessarily upsetting them Without accusing them of doing anything wrong it's a very direct way of addressing all kinds of things and it's as simple as saying I feel X about X an example might be I feel uncomfortable when you sing really loudly to David Bowie's quicksand I know that sounds really specific
just don't worry about it they might not even realize that something that they're doing is making you feel a certain way or that they're even doing it in the first place a mature person would be grateful for you telling them such things now we don't just have to use IM messages to describe negative things we can describe positive things as well why not a positive example might be I don't know I feel safe when I'm with you that's one or even one as simple as I like the cologne that you wear because it makes me
feel warm from my own experiences I find pointing out the positives in a relationship is important as well as the negatives it might seem pretty trivial but the amount of people that don't understand the basics of communication between two people in a relationship would surprise you I was telling my spouse I'm going to go to Costco and what she said was that kiwis are on sale and I said okay now Communication in a relationship is crucial if you want a happy one if you want a really crappy one just don't communicate anything at all trust
me I've been there I've done that I used to suck at it I didn't understand it at all and it made just about every relationship suck towards the end do you know what else sucks major red flags which show you that the other person probably isn't interested and if they are is going to make your life absolutely terrible so let's dive into these two big red Bad Boys how I found them what I learned about them and I might talk about a bonus one at the end it depends if I'm feeling like let me tell
you about a time where I dodged a real life bullet this bullet nearly killed me all right I nearly died so there was this person that I met through a dating app we went on our first date was fairly attracted to this person we started exchanging messages those kinds of things I was excited to see where this might go I planned out a date a first date dinner at a sushi train in a really nice area this is you can't get much better than this I thought to myself this is going to be good I
arrive I'm about 30 seconds late that's just typical me there's a lot of traffic [ __ ] weather and I'm a [ __ ] driver so I was a little bit late it's about 6 30 seconds past instead of 6 on the dot feeling a little stressed fast walking I'm rushing in and I finally make it to the Sushi Train 1 minute late and so is this person they're 1 minute late too I see them and wow this is a very Lov Lov L looking individual but are they a lovely individual well let's find out
I thought to myself let's sit down and have a chat so we sit down at the sushi train and get some sushi and then we start eating sushi and I listen I do a little bit more listening some more it's been about 30 minutes and I'm still listening and no big deal right I'm learning a lot about this person so now my memory isn't great but after I think 14 and half hours of listening to this person I realized that they talk a lot more than I do now from my personal experience in any romantic
setting be it dating or an actual relationship when someone doesn't listen at all it's usually a sign that they're either uninterested and unwilling to put in any effort or they're just insecure in general either way it's a sign for me to get up and leave and in this instance I messaged them afterwards saying that I wasn't really interested in continuing but trust me the opposite goes for a great listener a good listener will make the relationship healthy and will keep things interesting I notice good listeners try to understand what's going on instead of just being
dismissive I notice a good listener tries to show that they care they give great gifts and know how to plan a good date they help me build chemistry with them and in a lot of instances they've shown me how to listen properly they make me feel valued and I've seen countless examples of the same happening to other couples if you want to learn more about the basics of listening I actually have a pretty good video about it which just goes over the simple stuff I'd highly recommend that you watch that one after this Okay so
we've taken a look at the value of listening and how the presence of it can be a green flag and the lack of it a red flag but is there anything else that we can look out for I've been in a few relationships where absolute bull crap occurs but what do I mean by that well do you ever feel like someone is just playing games with you like they say they're fine when they're definitely not or perhaps they're just saying really passive aggressive things randomly when they're mad at you instead of talking about how they're
feeling maybe when they're feeling upset they just don't even talk to you maybe they make themselves distant from you funny story actually I thought that this was completely normal I thought that this was just because people didn't like me very much or it was just a normal part of being in a relationship with someone you might be thinking the same thing as well and I found out that it's actually a deeper issue now these are early signs of an insecure attachment style and or emotional unavailability but what does that mean what are the signs well
an insecure attachment style is simply that they're insecure when it comes to attaching to someone they might be too scared to get too close to someone cuz maybe something happened in the past or maybe they're being too clingy they might grab on to you and let you drag them around because again something that happened in the past it all depends really because there's several different kinds of insecure attachment Styles and that is where this affir mention nonsense comes from it might feel like nonsense but this person is probably hurting because of a past experience from
my experience these kinds of people are very clingy very demanding and sometimes a little too cold and honestly whenever we spoke about their past I don't really blame them okay so what does it look like how can you tell that there's some kind of emotional unavailability or poor attachment style at play people with insecure attachment Styles usually see themselves pretty poorly they might even hate themselves something else people with an insecure attachment style might do is they'll have a lot of distrust for their partner a lot of fear that might leave them this can come
out in accusatory language and maybe they might keep their distance instead you don't want to get too close to someone if they're going to leave you right another good way to tell is how they describe people in their past maybe it's their Partners or parents that they feel like that strangely every single person they've ever dated was too clingy or perhaps a lot of people nearly everyone in their past didn't give them enough and wasn't there enough for them or they might even describe every single relationship as absolutely chaotic I don't think that these kinds
of things are deal breakers but I think it's very important to keep them in mind attachment Styles can be learned they can change and you're not stuck like that so we definitely shouldn't be using them as a label to describe someone but it's a good way to gauge how someone might react to certain things that includes ourselves I found a lot about myself and my relationship's got a lot better when I found my own attachment style and worked on it and improved it now apart from a lot of self-reflection I found it pretty easy to
move towards a more secure attachment style when I was surrounded by people who could show me what that was like I basically just surrounded myself with the right people that improved a lot more than just my attachment style I'm getting a bit sidetracked let's go back to dating now it's also very important for me to gauge the other person's personality are they open to improving do they want to be better are they open to criticism if you told them that something that they were doing was upsetting you or making you happy how would they react
but what does this look like when we flip it on his head well you get a secure attachment style someone with a secure attachment style will talk about their past in a healthy manner they won't victimize themselves and they won't blame other people people with a secure attachment style can trust others fairly easily within reason they'll be great at communicating the ups and downs of how they feel they'll support you and they'll be more than happy to talk all kinds of things out but probably the most important indicator and the biggest difference is that they
act reasonably they act in a very mature manner a reward for you sticking around is another bonus tip so a little while ago I was going to hang out with my friends one night we're going to go I think it was bowling and drinking and whatever and it came to my attention that one of them was going to bring a special someone that they were going to try to hook me up with it's your standard little introductions to one another they seem nice fairly shy at first but otherwise pretty kind I was excited to get
to know them and as we went bowling I stuck up a conversation so I introduced myself and the first question I ask is what they do do in their free time I'm like so what do you like to do in your free time and they say without moving their face away from their phone [ __ ] all I'm serious and I don't respond I sit there for a while I think I'm I'm in shock and I asked myself what am I doing here why am I doing this I went wow okay and moved away and
the reason I'm telling you this story is because I think part of me felt like I could win this person and over even though they obviously were probably half there I think the biggest lesson I learned from a decent amount of dating is to choose who chooses me there's nothing wrong with liking someone but I feel like if you're going to commit to them make sure that they like you back that's from my own experience and the signs that someone likes you back are usually extremely obvious and it's especially obvious when they don't or don't
even care like in the example I gave and it's much easier to realize that early on and move on quickly instead of wasting your time constantly guessing you shouldn't need 3 5 10 15 of the biggest signs that someone is interested in you so what did you learn in this video and what are some red and green flags you look out for let me know in the comments below
