can you turn things around with a girl who's losing interest who asks you for space or tells you that she's not sure how she feels about you this is one of the most common questions that I get from clients and the answer is yes but not by doing any of the things that most guys assume will work to get her back in fact the things that stop a woman from pulling away and turn things around are very often counterintuitive in a lot of ways they're the exact opposite of what you naturally want to do so
in this video I'm going to give you five powerful tools so that you stop chasing her turn things around so that she's chasing you instead I'm going to go through all five and give you real world examples of how to use them to reattach a woman and stop her from pulling away hi I'm Bobby Rio and having coached so many guys who've come to me in a situation where the woman they like is starting to get a little cold or she tells them that she's just not sure what she wants anymore sometimes she's already mention
the idea of just being friends I've had to spend a lot of time developing tools and techniques that can quickly change a girl's mind about you so if you've ever been in that situation or you're in that situation right now I'm going to go through five of these tools right now so the first tool is sort of a meta idea or a mindset that's meant to counteract your natural inclination because if you're like most guys when a girl starts losing interest we go into panic mode or we fall into something that I refer to as
emotional quicksand and we get really desperate right we get desperate in trying to show her or convince her that we're right for her right this might mean confessing our feelings it might mean giving her a gift or trying to plan some super romantic date to impress her and it often backfires I have another video on my channel the five big mistakes guys make when a woman pulls away and in that video you can find it I explain why these mistakes are so deadly but for this video it's just important to know that they don't work
you may have already realized they don't work so the first overarching mindset or meta strategy is something I call the pullback and this one move that takes almost no skill to pull off Taps more psychological attraction trigger points than just about anything else you can do it's this idea of a mental and emotional pullback and it's really effective what does this mean it means texting or calling a little less or not calling for a couple days at a time just really pulling back your communication wanting to see her a little less than you did in
the beginning acting a little less enthusiastic about her a little less certain about her so why does this work better than confessing your feelings or giving her some gift it really comes down to triggering one principle of basic human psychology humans have a huge fear of loss even when we're not sure we want something the minute that we sense we're losing it a natur Natural Instinct begins to kick in for us to want to hold on to it and part of it is because of this if a woman is losing attraction to you if you
can just sense that something is different we all we've all been there it's because doubt has crept into her mind and once that doubt Creeps in now she's focusing on all the things she doesn't like about you all the reasons it might not work out and that causes her to put the brakes on on the other hand when she thinks that she's about to lose you the opposite happens she starts to focus on all your positive qualities again it's this weird human psychology where we hate to lose something that we already have so that's sort
of the big Meta Picture tool to start with is that you have to eliminate this certainty in her that she has you because if she knows she has you then she is in control she's dictating everything when you hang out she's dictating how much time you spend together when you guys do meet up she dict Ates whether or not you get physical she dictates how often you text and when she's in control of these things your value is diminishing in her eyes because she knows that she's in control and it's hard for a woman to
respect a man who lets her be in control so now let's go through some of the tools that take this feeling of control away from her so one of the things that I always try to help a client do is create some cogn I nitive dissonance in her so what does this mean what does cognitive dissonance mean cognitive dissonance occurs when someone experiences conflicting beliefs or conflicting attitudes and it creates a sense of discomfort that they want to resolve we've all experienced this at some point with a woman I can almost guarantee where if you
go through your mind you'll find this where things don't line up there's this incongruency that drives us crazy with her behavior so how does in congruency or cogn dissonance lead to a woman feeling more attraction to you well as she tries to reconcile her perception of you with this new unexpected Behavior or this new attitude that feeling of control that she had starts slipping away she thought she had you she thought she had you all figured out and now it's like all of the sudden you don't make as much sense to her so let me
share a real life example to kind of drill this home from a client of mine to illustrate how powerful this can actually be in reigniting attraction in a woman if she's losing interest so my client was dating this girl Chelsea who saw him as a typical nice guy right he was predictable romantic he was just the kind of guy who probably had his heart on his sleeve she can tell he probably got broken up with plenty of time she had him pegged as that certain type of nice guy and she kept cooling off the relationship
asking for space talking about hey maybe we should just try being friend she would never really move forward with her so I'm working with him and I'm trying to find a way to zap this nice guy image that she has of him and as we're talking he casually tells me about how he had once been on a reality TV show a few years back it was a a show kind of like the show The Bachelor less popular than the bachelor but the kind of show where a bunch of guys are competing over girls and in
the show he ends up kissing a few of the girls on camera like multiple girls literally making out with them on camera in this show and I asked him I said has Chelsea ever seen this video and he's like no way I've never even told her about it because you know it's it's going to make her think I'm some kind of player it's going to hurt her feelings she's going to see me with other guys and and I'm like no she needs to see that video so why why does she need to see video because
it would create cognitive dissonance for her she had this solid image of him as this sweet predictable nice guy but seeing him in a completely different light being bold confident a little wild with these other girls would challenge that perception now here's the thing if he just took that video and he like showed it to her one day like hey look I used to be I was in this reality TV show and girls likeed me you can't just come out and show her this because she's going to kind of know like why is he showing
me this this is weird uh is he trying to impress me is he trying to make me jealous and the thing is if you do that if you just show it to her and she obviously knows what you're doing like hey look I used to be cool girls like me it's going to diminish almost all of the effect it would have had so what I told them was have one of your friends post it on your Facebook page like almost like he just found it somewhere like dude I just saw this this is so funny
the point really is just now she's going to see it but not in a way where he's showing it to her not in a way where she feels like he's trying to manipulate her with it and guess what it worked when she saw the video it threw her off balance in the best possible way suddenly she's now questioning all her assumptions about him maybe this guy is not as nice as I thought whatever you know and and she starts seeing him as having multiple layers someone who's not as easily defined or predictable as she thought
he was and that mystery that unpredictability now has her paying attention again because she's like maybe I don't have this guy as figured out as I thought I did and that's exciting for a girl because we always say you don't want to be with a movie you already know the ending to you want a movie that kind of makes you think a little bit that throws you off your game a little bit well you might say well Bobby well I've never been on a reality show but that's not the point of this the point is
introducing two conflicting ideas into a woman's mind at once and there's a lot of ways that you can do this this was one example one way to maybe wrap your head around this concept is to think about times that a girl has done this to you where you have this one image of her or you think she she's always acting one way you think she has this feeling toward you you think she has this attitude or this sort of whatever and then she does something so out of character that you're like everything I thought she
was feeling is different different and confuses you think about a time a woman has done that to you again where she does something so out of character that your entire perception of her just changes instantly that's what you're going for now to make this work you have to have a clear understanding of what her perception of you currently is now if you're not sure I I'll put a link in the description to a free assessment I have that identifies what I call your attraction profile what this assessment does it asks you seven or eight question
questions and how you answer these identifies how the woman most likely sees you right now and having this information allows you to Now find ways to add some in congruency and some cognitive dissonance some layers to you which has her thinking maybe I don't know him as well as I thought again you can find the link to the assessment below and we'll get back to this idea but let's move to the next one which will be easier for you to conceptualize and that's to create a triangle if you read the book Art of Seduction by
Robert Green where he talks about the greatest seducers throughout history he talks about this idea of how powerful this triangle can be the tactic actually worked wonders for that same client that that I just mentioned and the situation that he was dealing with because after we created some cognitive dissonance The Next Step was to add a sense of urgency to the relationship this girl Chelsea was pulling away she was starting to feel a little too secure she was taking her time deciding if she wanted to fully commit to him or not and when a woman
feels like she has all the time in the world that she can just sit around and make her decision and you'll be there that interest starts to fade so I told them you need to create a triangle so what do I mean well one of the things that I had recommended to my client was to take his mind off of her you got to get your mind off of her and go out there and start socializing a bit more so he joined a local hiking group a group of people who met up every Saturday morning
and they would you know go on a on a hike in in in a nearby Mountain it was something that he was generally interested in so it made sense but as luck would have it and what often happens when you get out there and you are social there was a woman in a group who was cool to hang out with now to be clear he was not interested in her romantically at all but because she was in the group and because he would often talk to her and they would you know they would meet up
and she was just somebody that was fun to talk to she naturally became part of the conversation when he was talking to the girl Chelsea now if he consciously again started to try to make her jealous about it um it probably wouldn't have worked it probably would have backfired and she would have thought oh he's just trying to make me jealous just like if he had showed her that video consciously it wouldn't have worked but because it was really just part of his life and he didn't have to shoehorn it in or go out of
his way to try to talk about this other girl cuz here's the thing anytime a woman can tell what you're trying to do anytime and women are very smart when they see what you're trying to do it won't work she'll see through it but because it really was just part of his life and he didn't have to try to shoehorn it in or go out of his way to talk about this other girl it worked here's one of the most important things to realize with women it's it's so much better when she makes the Assumption
on her own meaning whatever you want a woman to believe about you rather than tell her leave need her to assume it because we rarely believe things that we're told but we believe almost everything that we assume and here's the thing women have a six sense when it comes to other women the moment he casually mentions this girl his girlfriend started zoning in she starts thinking is he interested in this new hiking buddy even little things like he posted a picture from the group and he was standing closer to this girl not with his arm
around or anything like that just standing near her or him just being excited to go on the hike just Chelsea seeing him looking forward to Saturday mornings made her a bit nervous it made her feel less in control was he excited about going hiking or was he excited to see this girl that's what her mind is thinking and as she's thinking about this she starts to wonder am I losing my grip on him do I not have that control now like I said we kind of stumbled into this triangle just as a way to get
him out of the house and meeting people but it worked perfectly this is one of the things that that I have to explain to guys because a lot of guys will say I hate to play games or this is I don't want to be fake and it's like you only have to play games when you're sitting home obsessing about this girl staring at your phone waiting for her to text if you're out there living your life independent of her you don't have to fake these things they'll already exist they'll fall into your lap like it
did for my client the only thing that you have to consciously do is not try to comfort the girl because like I said earlier it's counterintuitive but my client was like Chelsea starting to get jealous about this girl at the group should I stop going to the hiking group because that's our natural inclination we want to eliminate that friction or that tension or that uncertainty for the girl but that uncertainty that tension actually draws her in and it also creates urgency because now she starts to realize that she can't take all the Time in the
World to decide if she wants him or not she doesn't have you know she could lose him because now there's a little bit of competition even if it was just in her head and that made her step up her game I remember him telling me that he was meeting Chelsea after one of his hikes and she shows up dressed in a sundress her hair done her toenails done clearly trying to impress with him which she hadn't cared much about for a really long time because suddenly she's more invested in the relationship she's more eager to
spend time with him and the dynamic between them shifts in his favor so let's keep this thought in your mind how can I create a triangle with her okay so the next thing that you can do to turn the tables is something I call attention straying so if you've been giving her too much attention constantly focusing on her making her the Center of Your World Imagine that there's something called an attention dial and up until now when you're with her that attention dial is at a 9 or a 10 well it might be time to
dial it back to a five or a six this goes back to our meta concept from earlier of the pullback here's how the whole entire thing would work attention straying is all about gradually pulling back the amount and the quality of the attention that you're giving her when the two of you are together it's a way to make her feel a little less secure to spark that sense of urgency that sense of curiosity in her mind like what's going on something is different with him I can't put my finger on it but something's different we've
all been there with a woman where she's still being nice to us but we can sense that the amount of attention that we're getting from her uh it's been dialed back a little bit and that's the feeling that you want to create in her here's some ways that you can start implementing this concept start by suddenly just checking your phone more often not in an obnoxious way but just enough for her to notice that you're not completely absorbed in every word she's saying to you if your phone rings don't just take the call in front
of her excuse yourself and go into another room to take the call let her wonder what's so important that it pulls your attention away from her if you're out with her start conversations with other people whether it's a quick chat with a bartender or a longer conversation with a friend let her see that you're not solely focused on her make her wait a minute or two while you finish your conversation this can make her feel like she's not your only priority which increases her desire to get that attention back now a lot of guys might
be afraid to do this but I was just talking to my friend Rob judge reminiscing about some of the old dating coaches and pickup artists that we used to know back in the day and Rob was telling me about a time that he met up with this legendary pickup artist xan who just had incredible game and they're at this bar New York and xan was with this supermodel now Rob had never met xan before and he starts talking to him and Rob has all his attention and like the model girl is like standing there and
Rob assumes that the girl is going to lose lose interest because xan's like ignoring her and later Rob looks over and xan is making out with her on the corner she didn't leave she didn't get bored if anything xan's lack of attention made her want him even more she saw him as being a high value guy who didn't need to fawn over her and that made her work harder to get his attention back attention stringing is a nice subtle way to shift that Dynamic and keep her on her toes okay so here's a powerful mindset
shift technique that can completely turn the tables especially if you find yourself constantly seeking a woman's approval and noticing that she's giving you less and less of it it's the shift from being screened to doing the screening here's what usually happens with a guy when he senses that a woman is losing interest in him or pulling away and like I I said we've all been there and we panic and we start to try harder to gain her approval we want to prove ourselves we want to live up to her standards but here's the truth this
only makes you seem more desperate and it lowers your value in her eyes what you need to do instead is flip the script and start screening her again counterintuitive here's what I mean screening is all about subtly Shifting the dynamic so that she feels like she's the one being evaluated it's not about being harsh or obvious or judgmental it's about casually bringing up your values and your interests in a way that makes her wonder if she measures up to your standards so how do you screen a woman first off and this isn't just um for
this situation but in general right I it's a great idea to do this you want to be aware of your own values and your own interests you want to be really clear on this you want to be clear on what you value in a girlfriend whether it's intelligence spontaneity ambition kindness you need to know what's important to you now once you know that once you know your values then you start to weave them into the conversation in a way that feels natural so for example I love reading I love learning new things so maybe if
I was with a woman I would tell a girl about a book that I just read so if I was talking to her and i' might be excited be like oh I just finished this book sapiens it was just so interesting I learned so much about humans and the history and all of that and then I tell her a little bit about the book and then I'd ask her so what's the most interesting book that you've read lately because now she's going to be like oh wow what what can I tell him that will impress
him what interesting books have I read now a lot of women haven't even read a book right since they got out of out of college so a lot of girls will be like uh yeah I haven't really read anything in a while and you can you can kind of give a you know oh oh really then you let it move on you don't scold her for it but you you kind of let her know right um another thing you might ask is like what's the most spontaneous thing that you've done recently just her going through
her mind trying to find something spontaneous that she's done and trying to impress you really that begins to change the dynamic so another example for something that I might say so I'm really big you know I donate to charity and one of the Charities that I I like to donate to is those sort of Make A Wish foundations where kids who are who are you know have illness or they're dying they get to experience something really memorable and in a lot of ways it's it's really just important for the parents to get to see their
child so happy and have this memory to stay with so if I'm with a woman and I'm telling a woman that and I'm explaining to her why I like this I might say do you donate to any Charities or do you volunteer any anywhere or believe in any causes again maybe she does maybe she doesn't but just asking her demonstrates a little bit that you're screening her does she live up to your standards does she have have your values now to be clear the key here is subtlety you're not interrogating her you're just slipping these
questions into the conversation in a very natural way when they make sense and you're doing it to gauge if she aligns with what you're looking for when you ask these when you ask these type of questions the goal is to make her feel that you're genuinely interested in whether she meets your standards or not this creates a shift where now again she's focused on proving herself to you rather than the other way around this shifts the power dynamic between you and it makes her more invested again when you're combine this with the other uh tools
that we talked about it's really EMP powerful it's really powerful when there's a triangle going on and she's got some cognitive distances and your attention is starting to pull away all of these things are happening and now she's realizing you know do I meet his standards am I good enough for him and you want her realizing that she has to meet your standards and not the way around it also shows that you're not desperate for her approval which is incredibly attractive because now she's not just thinking about whether you're good enough for her she's thinking
about whether she's good enough for you and that's exactly where you want to be now one of the most powerful things that you can do though is just eliminating the subtle mistakes that you're making because the reality is most of us are making really subtle mistakes and it's because we have a certain attraction type as I mentioned earlier we have a certain vision of what it means to be an attractive guy when we're with a woman we've had this vision for probably since we were in middle school and we continually do it whenever we're with
a girl that we like we do certain things because we believe that these things are what we need to do to get her and certain guys fit into certain categories right and so what I did like I said was I created this seven question quiz where it identifies seven common situations in relationships dating flirting and the way that you answer these questions pinpoints where you fit in this traction profile and then it pinpoints your mistakes and how to fix them it's completely free you can click the link in the description and you literally answer seven
or eight questions and then it'll formulate your custom profile with a plan on how to fix it I recommend that because most guys are completely oblivious to these mistakes that they're making so click the link take the quiz and if you like this video subscribe to my channel leave me a comment and let me know what you thought was the most insightful thing you learned in this video and anything that you want me to go further into cuz I went through a lot of this stuff very quickly uh we had a lot to cover and
this video was already in the over 20 minutes long but if there's one of these techniques that you're like ah I I'd like to hear more about that leave a comment and I know that in a future video I can expand on it for you
