why am I here what's my life purpose why should I care about anything if everything is just going to end these are the kinds of questions that haunted one of the greatest writers of all time Leo Tolstoy despite having achieved almost everything Fame wealth a loving family and success Tolstoy found himself struggling with these very thoughts he was often considered Cormac McCarthy of his time as his two most famous novels War and Peace and Anna Karenina continue to be some of the most celebrated Works in literature on top of that he owned a large farm
had a beautiful family and was married to a loving wife but despite all of this something shifted for Tolstoy when he reached the age of 50 suddenly nihilistic thoughts hit him hard and all of his previously found happiness seemed to vanish a man who had once lived life to its fullest doing whatever made him feel good now found himself questioning everything why did this happen how did he get through it in this video we'll discuss tolstoy's personal struggle and how he faced these deep existential questions to an answer from a young age Leo Tolstoy was
deeply skeptical of Christianity he lost both of his parents early in life which left him feeling abandoned and disillusioned the church in particular gave him a negative impression told Tolstoy once said so that now as formerly religious Doctrine accepted on trust and supported by external pressure gradually throws away under the influence of knowledge and experience of Life which conflicts with it his early life filled with tragedy and doubt set the stage for his later struggles with faith for almost 50 years Tolstoy lived a life seemingly free of major worries he was successful rich and surrounded
by family but then something changed he hid an intellectual crisis a deep and overwhelming existential crisis where sleep became his only escape the weight of his thoughts was so intense that he found Solus in sleep because it provided temporary relief from the constant barrage of questions about his purpose and existence in his essay a confession Tolstoy expressed how during this time he had to trick himself into not taking his own life life as nihilism consumed him as his thoughts spiraled he became like an emotional toddler constantly asking himself why why life why existence why death
he believed there was something fundamentally wrong with his soul in anarina the character Levan mirrors this struggle Levan much like Tolstoy was caught in an endless loop of why questions fixated on the meaning of life and death Tolstoy wrote if not now then tomorrow if not tomorrow then in 30 years does it make any difference capturing the hopelessness that defined his thinking at that time these thoughts LED Tolstoy to contemplate suicide but instead of ending his life he decided to embark on a different Journey a journey in search of meaning a search for ultimate peace
he turned to philosophy science and various ideologies to find answers one of the turning points in his journey was a parable he reflected on deeply a tale he included in a confession the parable was about a man fleeing from a wild beast who eventually stumbled upon an abandoned well desperate to escape the Beast the man jumped into the well only to find a dragon waiting at the bottom with its jaws wide open in his Panic he grabbed onto a branch growing out of the wells wall hoping to avoid falling into the dragon's grasp amid this
situation the man noticed drops of Honey on the leaves of the branch he was holding despite the danger he reached out and tasted the honey momentarily distracted from the life-threatening predicament he was in Tolstoy saw this Parable as a mirror of his own life he recognized that like the man in the well he was caught between two extremes the wild beast of existential dread above him and the dragon of death waiting below yet in the midst of this turmoil he found moments of sweetness moments that kept him alive and searching rather than give in to
the Dragon's Jaws Tolstoy chose to seek meaning exploring almost every ideology first he turned to philosophy and science tolto read The Works of multiple philosophers including Solomon Socrates and Buddha but he did not find complete answers in any of them he felt that these teachings ultimately led to one simple conclusion happy is he who has not been born death is better than life and one must free oneself from life on the other hand Tolstoy also explored science which he believed offered knowledge but found little Solace there he viewed Darwinism as embodying nihilism suggesting that humans
are nothing but an accidental Creation in the universe according to biology we are merely lumps of energy valuable only when we are healthy and destined for death once our cells grow old to Tolstoy science offered no Comfort regarding life's purpose or how one could live a happy life free from the existential thoughts that haunted him disillusioned with both philosophy and science Tolstoy turned to studying and observing the people around him after much reflection he concluded that for people in his Circle there were four ways out of the terrible position in which we are all placed
the first first way is accepting the absurdity of life I find a lot of commonality between Albert Kimo's philosophy and tolstoy's perspective on existence especially in their shared view of absurdism Tolstoy observed that one way people cope with the absurdity of life is simply By ignoring it they do nothing about it they don't overthink it life is absurd so what they just live it kamu also argued that instead of succumbing to despair or nihilism in the face of absurdity we should ad an attitude of defiance and resilience the key is to keep a mindset of
so what so what if you can't find the answer just go have a coffee with your wife and forget about it however Tolstoy didn't think this could be a lasting solution how can you stay ignorant when you have a fully functioning mind constantly pushing you to think about your existence the deaths of loved ones or personal struggles can make these thoughts even harder to ignore eventually the weight of n ISM overtakes and absurdism no longer works so while he observed that some people cope this way Tolstoy didn't believe it was a path to Lasting peace
this led Tolstoy to observe a second group of people who sought peace in another way epicurian ISM Tolstoy noticed that some people turned to a life of indulgence filling it with Pleasures to distract themselves from the suffering and uncertainty of existence they pursued material wealth relationships and entertainment to escape the fear of death and the meaninglessness of life however Tolstoy criticized this approach for being ultimately unsatisfying while Indulgence in pleasure may offer temporary relief it's fleeting and fails to address the deeper questions of meaning for Tolstoy living solely for pleasure results in an endless cycle
of dissatisfaction no amount of indulgence can resolve the ultimate existential questions in tolstoy's view epicurian ISM was like the drops of honey in the parable of the man in the well sweet for a moment but ultimately just a distraction from the harsh reality of Life the third group Tolstoy observed were those who in the face of life's struggles lacked the strength to carry on but have strength to end the silly joke they were overwhelmed by the absurdity of existence and saw no way out this is a path that Tolstoy himself could not Embrace he saw
some people go so far as to consider ending their lives but he believed that this too was not the solution and yes please never ever do that if you're in an existential crisis keep moving forward don't let it consume you instead search with an open mind as the answers may not be immediate but will come in time anyways this however was also not a path that Tolstoy could accept instead he observed a fourth way which he described as a state of existential limbo this is where individuals after recognizing the inherent meaninglessness and suffering of Life
feel trapped between two extremes they acknowledge the futility of existence its suffering the inevitability of death and the absence of inherent purpose but they lack the strength hope or energy to act on it Tolstoy noticed that unlike those who actively seek pleasure find solace in faith or even those who consider suicide as a way to escape their suffering these individuals do nothing at all they don't reject life but neither do they embrace it they are caught in a state of passive resignation they recognize the problem but feel too drained or defeated to confront it this
is not an active choice to continue living rather it's a form of numb endurance a kind of spiritual exhaustion these individuals simply exist unable to move forward it's not so much about embracing life or rejecting it but rather about existing in a suspended State unable to act or find any form of meaning or peace Tolstoy saw this as the weakest form of living because it offers no resolution no progress the individual is fully aware of life's absurdity and the existential challenges but remains stuck in a standstill unable to seek purpose or hope this state of
limbo leaves them emotionally and spiritually paralyzed they remained suspended in their suffering with no movement in any direction and no real possibility of finding peace or meaning in their lives after studying various theologies and observing people Tolstoy experienced a profound [Music] Revelation on a journey to find the meaning of life he started observing everyone his observations of the poor however marked a significant turning point in his understanding of life purpose he was struck by how The Peasants despite facing immense hardships maintained an unwavering faith in God this belief seemed to give them purpose and resilience
even in the face of suffering in contrast Tolstoy caught up in his own existential struggles found himself disconnected from such Faith the peasant's simple yet steadfast belief stood as a stark contrast to his intellectual uncertainties and inner turmoil having achieved wealth and intellectual success Tolstoy found himself at a Crossroads material possessions and social status no longer brought him peace or satisfaction the pursuit of reason and logic which once seemed to promise answers instead led him deeper into despair this mirrored the dark moments of Doubt Levan experienced in anak Karenina where the search for meaning appeared
feudal and unresolved however tolstoy's encounter with the faith of the poor challenged his perspective he began to see that life could not be fully understood through reason alone it required belief in something greater than the material world this realization marked a profound turning point for Tolstoy although he had not initially believed in God he began to recognize that Faith particularly in the infinite was the key to transcending the limitations of the finite World The Suffering and struggles of human life were temporary but the Eternal presence of God offered a sense of purpose that could provide
meaning beyond the fleeting nature of existence in this newfound understanding faith became not just an intellectual concept but a way of enduring life's challenges and finding meaning in the face of suffering even if his rational mind saw Faith as a leap without tangible evidence Tolstoy came to understand it as the only path to true peace and purpose embracing this belief Tolstoy was able to overcome his Despair and find genuine contentment his life underwent a transformation as he adopted a simpler way of living focusing on the well-being of others and committing himself to a life of
humility and service he became convinced that without faith true happiness was impossible faith in his view provided life's meaning a higher purpose that went beyond human suffering and the limits of human reason as Tolstoy embraced this simple faith he found a renewed sense of purpose dedicating himself to helping the poor and living in a way that reflected his Newfound humility and Devotion to God in the end tolstoy's life once dominated by intellectual struggles found its meaning in the very Faith he had once rejected though his version of Faith was not entirely Orthodox Christianity it was
deeply rooted in his belief in the infinite and his understanding of God this gave him the satisfaction he had long been seeking it was not wealth or intellectual achievement that provided meaning to his life but a trust in something greater than himself what had seemed at first like a concession to his rational mind ultimately proved to be the only path that allowed him to find peace a peace that had eluded him in his earlier attempts to seek meaning through reason alone he began living a more modest life giving away much of his Health which his
family did not appreciate after this period of struggle and adjustment Tolstoy spent his remaining years living honestly and devotedly finding the peace he had been seeking and at last he passed away on November 20th 1910 at the age of 82 [Music]
