hey so in this video I'm gonna talk about the number one mindset the only mindset that separates the guys the the guys that struggle to maintain the attraction of a woman the guys who tend to always blow it when they really like your girl the guys who tend to chase after a girl for years even when it's pretty clear that nothing's ever gonna happen versus the guys that women chase you might call them players you might call them jerks but the reality is these guys these guys that do extremely well with women all share this
mindset I'm Bobby Rio and for the last ten years I've been doing coaching sessions and one of the things that I've come to realize is that there is a certain there's a certain mindset that creates the this feeling of emotional quicksand I've referred to in other videos it's when you become obsessed with a girl when you're so is scared of losing her or when she's already slipping away you're so obsessed with getting her back that your life almost standstill you literally can't think about anything else maybe you're in it maybe you're in this predicament right
now where you've got this one girl on your mind and you're chasing after her you're constantly playing a mental chess game in your mind of what what to do you're replaying conversations trying to figure out what went wrong or how you can how you can get her back and I deal with this all the time from clients and what I realized is and the reason I really want to create this video is because there's a mindset that that that creates that feeling and nice guys tend to suffer from this and it tends to be the
number one reason why they struggle so much to keep attraction in a woman or even to get a woman attracted to them in this first place so what is the mindset let's let's talk about the mindset and then I'm gonna explain a little bit why it's more important and more importantly I'm gonna give you three tips to implement this new mindset going forward so that you avoid you avoid emotional quicksand you don't get wrapped up in a woman you don't you don't you're not the guy chasing women you're the guy being chased so the mindset
is of abundance and even if you think even if you think you know what I mean by the word abundance right please stick with me because I'm gonna make this even clearer and even more pertinent even more so that you can actually implement this not just this abstract theory of oh yeah it's abundance of course no I'm gonna show you how you develop this habit of thinking of women in terms of abundance which allows you to escape that nice guy mentality that that winds up chasing women and become the guy that women chase now in
a previous video I actually talked about the five traits that women chase in a man and if you haven't watched that video it's on my channel I'll link to it below called five traits that women chase in a man but the reality is all five of those traits things like autonomy boundaries right all these things rely on this mindset because if you don't have the mindset of abundance it's very hard for you to be completely autonomous to go about your life to focus on other things besides women or to be talked about the idea of
setting boundaries with women if you don't feel like you have options if you don't feel like there's always another woman out there that would would be into you it's very hard to set boundaries because you are too afraid to lose a woman you're you know you're too scared to walk away one of the I was doing a session recently with a client and he's telling me about the situation he's in and it's let's just without getting into details of his private life let's put it this way it's not a situation you want to be in
right there is very very very little hope that the relationship with this woman will ever turn into what he wants it to be yet he's still wasting weekend after weekend spending time with her not getting what he wants because he is unable to walk away well why is he unable to walk away because he does not have an abundant he has a scarcity mindset his mindset is she is the only one right who's been there who has been there where you've you've dated a girl maybe it's an ex-girlfriend maybe it's a girl you went on
a few dates with her maybe it's a girl you're in the friend zone with right now and something about yourself tells you she's she's just different she's just special we just have this connection that I I don't have with other girls well that feeling of she is special really comes from a place of scarcity of believing that she's the only one you're ever gonna meet like that I could remember getting on at a college and I had been dating this girl throughout college and we were about to move in together and we had talked about
marriage and we were like you know we were on that track and then out of nowhere she pulled the rug out from under me and in a matter of in a matter of weeks I went from thinking I was about to move in with her thinking that this was gonna be my life I was gonna marry her we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together to her going I'm just not feeling it and my next six months to a year was completely I was in emotional quicksand she was all I could think about
I I remember a month where I couldn't even get out of bed and I tried to get back into the dating scene but every girl that I met I was just compared to her and go there's just not like her or she's you know she's just different and then you know the same thing happened with the girl that that I actually developed the Scrambler around I have told that story before as well where a girl that I was in the friend zone with I got out of the friend zone and then she slipped away and
I became obsessed again oh my god emotional quicksand she's all I can think about and every girl that I would meet I would compare to her and in reality what was going on in both situations and like I said maybe you have experiences - its scarcity thinking it's this thought process that there's only a there's only a limited amount of women that fit into this box of your type or girls that you'll connect with or women that you know but the reality is and the reality is is that it's the deeper feeling that you have
is not that she's the one right it's not that she's special the reality is that the unconscious belief is that she's the only one who finds me special right she's the only one who finds you special because on a logical level you know there's plenty of other women that you would love to be with so the reason that you're chasing after this one girl maybe is because you had this good feeling with her and now you think I had such a good feeling with her and she's beautiful and she's fun I'm never gonna find another
fun beautiful woman to be with and that just simply isn't the case and the reason the reason that players are jerks or you know players jerks whatever you want to call them bad boys I don't know but the reason why they naturally do things that make women chase them right the reason why certain guys tend to have women going after them is is is is not because women like jerks right and you've probably heard me say it's because they're confusing right because women think about them well why are they so confusing why do women chase
these guys why do these guys play the game so well so naturally it's because of this idea again of abundance a guy who does really well with women he's not going to want to settle down immediately with the first cute girl he gets along with because he knows that there's dozens of other girls hundreds of other girls thousands of other girls that he could be equally compatible with so he's not going to immediately after two dates go you know what she's the one because we had a great conversation and she kissed well no he's gonna
go you know she's pretty cool she's good-looking but hey I'm not I'm not committing until I know for sure that we on multiple multiple levels and because of that he's a little different the nice guy meets her and after two dates he's immediately going she's the one she's the wall and she's GF material I can't tell you how many clients you know that hired me and they're they've met the girl they've never even slept with her and they're going she's GF material how do you know a girl is GF material if you've never gotten physical
with her if you've never slept with her if you've never spent a weekend with her right you don't know anything about her until you do these things the player the the the the bad boy whatever you want to call him he's been around the block enough to know that there's always another woman so he's not going to consider a girl girlfriend material so quickly and that makes him more exciting now the interesting thing is that nice guys become players very quickly once they have this okay this is the most interesting thing in the world is
that a lot of guys go jerks whatever this that that and that's because at they're in a place of scarcity right and when you're in a place of scarcity you tend to be nice because you don't want to do anything to lose the woman you don't want to offend her you don't want to you put up with her bullshit because you're afraid if you don't she's gonna walk away and then you're gonna have nothing right but an interesting thing happens I've been coaching guys now for for 12 years and I have friends and I've been
in this situation myself is that you start off nice but then you begin to learn some of this stuff or maybe you know I had friends in college who they got to college virgins who had never even kissed girls in high school and then they got to caught and they were nice guy total nice guys but then they got into a new social scene where like it got really easy to to to meet girls you're drinking you're partying and all of a sudden all the sudden these nice guys developed an abundant mentality and what happens
once you develop that abundant mentality you become more of a natural jerk now I don't say jerk in a bad way right I'm just saying that because guys tend to say women like jerks but in reality women like guys who have an abundance mentality and jerks you may describe them as jerks when you're sitting here but once you develop an abundant mentality you fall into this jerk player category where women will describe you that way because you're no longer willing to settle down after a couple good dates you're no longer considering our girl girlfriend material
just because she looks good you have more options so you keep your your your plate open you're not you're not gonna settle down still quake you're not gonna tell a girl that you love her after three weeks you're not gonna begin buying her flowers like she's the you know the Queen like because you have abundance so that's the only difference the only difference between nice guys and jerks is is how they have right do they have an abundant mentality or a scarcity mentality if you have scarcity mentality you tend to be nice if you have
an abundant mentality you tend to be more of the player or the jerk it's as simple as that there's no real difference right a lot of guys like to think that jerks have some inherently yeah the thing is is that everything stems from that jerks yes there are a little bit more they're willing to say more offensive things why because they're not scared of losing a woman because they know there's a lot of other ones out there that's it it's not because they're naturally bad it's because they can take more risks right abundance allows you
to take more risks okay and risks we talked about in the five traits video fun is a trait that makes you attractive to women it makes you women chase a guy who's are a lot of fun well the more risks you take with women the more fun you are and the more abundant mentality you have the more risk you take the more fun you have you are the more likely women are to chase you so it all stems from this mentality of abundance so now the question is how do you develop that mentality if you've
always been the typical nice guy who doesn't really think he has a lot of options you you know maybe you've struggled or maybe you haven't struggled but maybe you're just the type of guy that meets a girl and thinks man she's she's the one how do you prevent that well let's discuss three ways that you can do that right so let's talk about three ways to implement this mindset the first way that you want to do it is you want to change your mentality when you meet a woman that you connect with from she's gf
material or maybe you went on a couple dates with her and she didn't call you back and now you're like I'm never gonna find another girl like her and you get all upset and you get in this emotional quicksand the best thing you want to do is Express and my friend my friend Christian Hudson actually told me this and went when he said it I realized it was something that I had been doing that had helped me write express gratitude for the situation for her right and what I mean by that is and I can
say this from the bottom of my heart every time that I've been with a woman in the past that it ended and I was upset about it I always went on to meet someone that I was more compatible with more attracted to got along with better so what I found was that anytime that I met a new woman that I was really into and then for whatever reason it didn't work I would I would almost be thankful I would say you know what this just shows me that that last one wasn't the only one there's
a lot of them right you just you meet them and I know I know that when your your your you're going on a lot of dates right specially if you're on online and you're going on with these and you're meeting these girls off max calm and and you get there and there's I mean listen I I've been in the max calm hellworld years ago where I would go on dates and I was like oh my god you'd sit there and the most boring conversation she never looked like her pictures you're like this is you know
what am I doing here and then you keep thinking about that other girl who was so much better in so many ways but so when you do meet the one and it doesn't work out don't get upset don't don't stay emotionally tied to her just go thank you for letting me see that there are girls like that out there let me just get back out there because there's the one from three years ago she wasn't the only one my ex-girlfriend wasn't the only one I just meant a new one and I'll probably meet another new
one the more I'm out there the more likely it is I'm gonna meet her I know that you might go well in theory that's easy to say but trust me the one girl that you're pining over she's not that special she's not that great there's nothing about her that you're not gonna find in other girls it's the emotion it's it's the scarcity mentality I know this because we only really pine after a girl when we don't have another girl that we're into the minute you find another girl that you're into that last girl becomes old
news you don't even think about her anymore the problem is is that when you have nothing going on in your life she's the only thing that you can just associate those emotions that you want to have with a woman with so you think she was the only one so how else do you develop this mentality right well the thing you have to keep reminding yourself is that it's never been easier and there's a variety of reasons why it's never been easier but I'm gonna give you the big one number one is the Internet now not
only has it been never been easier because of you know in the past when I was like in high school I had no clue what I was doing wrong I had no clue I knew that you know I wasn't the guy that girls liked I knew that but I didn't know why you know I I thought maybe I was and I wasn't fat I wasn't any but I but I always blamed well maybe I need to go to the gym more you know I was I was naturally introverted and kind of quiet so I always
says you know I'm just quiet I but I didn't really know what to do I didn't understand any of that well nowadays with the internet I mean you can watch videos like this and understand oh wait a minute it's not that I'm attractive person it's that I haven't learned to flirt yet or it's not that she didn't want to kiss me it's that I didn't know how to make my move in the right way or it's not that uh you know I'm naturally unattractive it's that I was too needy I was too available and by
the way neediness neediness comes from scarcity the reason guys are needy if you've ever been needy if you've ever needed reassurance and you've been clingy with a girl those unattractive traits it it comes from the feeling of scarcity once you have an abundant mentality that that neediness disappears but when you watch videos like this you can learn that it's it's not anything inherently wrong with you it's that there were skills that you never learned and because you had maybe the scarcity mindset you veered into nice-guy realm and it could probably cost you women that you
probably had a good chance with had you learned these skills or earlier in life well now you have no excuse because you know there's there's everywhere you look there's ways to improve but that's not the main reason the other reason is that the Internet allows you to connect with women all over the all over the world really but all over the radius right in the past and the reason I say this is I have a lot of clients that are older guys guys in their 50s even guys in their 60s who these guys have better
sex life than most 20 year olds right these guys are hiring me because they're juggling multiple women and the reason they're able to do that is because the internet now allows this it's unfathomable that you know 15 years ago you were kind of regulated to your social circle the girls you worked with you know your friends of friends well nowadays it doesn't matter if you're into hiking you can go into hiking meet up groups online and connect with other hikers if you're into music you can join you know go to music things if you're into
studying you know Mandarin you can go to study Mandarin you don't there's literally endless options of ways to meet women now I understand years ago if you were an outcast like in high school if you were an outcast in high school it was tough because you didn't really have many options nowadays no matter what age group you're in you can go and find more women there's always more women and the thing is is that your some woman's type no matter what you look like no matter what your personality type is I can remember being in
a group one time and this was back when I was still pretty clueless with with women and I was with a lot of my my other friends who were you know much better than than me and we were playing this game this was early in college and it was like you know kind of like a truth or dare type game and one of the questions was who in this room would you want to hook up with and one of the girls I never would have expected she pointed to me and she's him and then I
find out that she's like liked me and I never would have thought it I never would have you know it won't even have crossed my mind but I just happened to be her type well you just happen to be some woman's type and if you put yourself out there more places you will meet that woman she's out there and she's looking for you but when you sit home and you focus on the one girl in your life who isn't into you you're not gonna meet the one who is so you got to get out there
more and it's it's really never been easier you also got to use dating apps now I'm always shocked when I when I do a client call and I'm talking to a guy and I go what else are you doing to meet women are you on what we know what dating apps are you on and so I'm not on any I was on tinder two years ago and it didn't really do anything so I I haven't I'm like if you haven't watched the video yet my friend Rob judge he he's literally the master at dating apps
but he's got a video it's called end of men comma I'll link to it here end of men now make sure you watch it because you have to be on dating apps nowadays you absolutely have to be even if you don't want to be you have to be because literally almost every woman you meet will be on these sites and you need to know what her reality is because most guys that they don't they don't they can't comprehend this that you know women have this abundant mentality right and that's that's why women don't settle down
with guys so fast anymore is because they're on these dating apps and they know they have you know thousands of options well the thing is is that you have thousands of options on these dating apps too and even if you don't have thousands of options you have options and when you're on these apps and you're communicating with girls right and even if you're not meeting up with them even if you're not dating them or sleeping with them even if you're just pulling out your phone and you're contacting them and you're and you got messages from
them you begin to understand the mindset of the woman that you're into is that this is what she's going through right you're not the only guy in her phone you're not the only guy she's talking to so you have to really it kind of helps you understand that well if she's the only girl you're talking to and you're sitting home and you message her and you send her this boring thing you you expect her to be all excited because oh I got this message from him but meanwhile she's she's juggling like 18 guys on tinder
you got to realize that you have to up your game a little bit to stand out so you want to be on these dating sites a because you will meet more women I mean like my client like I said my clients in their 50s 40s 50s 60s I mean these guys are killing it on sites like tinder and Bumble and all that it does come down to presenting yourself the right way and all that sort of stuff end of men calm you should watch that video but you got to be on these sites because it
fosters the abundant mentality now the final thing that I want to talk about and this really is one of the most important is always be growing and improving because one of the things that happens is a lot of times the scarcity mindset comes because you're you've met a really great girl maybe you've been in a relationship and you got little easy and then you get out of the relationship and you forgot how to flirt you forgot all the things that made you appealing to your last girlfriend and all of a sudden you've you know you
kind of feel like you have nothing going on in your life you kind of have this low self-esteem so one of the things that you say is that first off a lot of guys think that women have the power well the reality is that if you're a a successful you know I'm a guy who has purpose a guy who has a lot of those other traits that I talked about you have autonomy you have boundaries you know you're going somewhere in life those are the guys that women are insanely attractive they have all the power
in the social scene you know it's not that women have the power it's that you know I kind of kind of say that you know there's such thing as incoming inequality well there's also dating inequality you know the guys that that are at the top of the food chain they have all the choice well the goal is not to be the guy at the bottom of the food chain the guy think the goal is to always be rising to the top of the food chain and it's it's not as hard as you think right when
you when you eliminate this mentality of it's I'm not naturally good-looking as those guys well I can tell you this natural good-looking nest does not take you very far I've had some somebody left it in a comment recently if you look at the guys in high school who are naturally good-looking you can see that they don't normally marry the best-looking women on the other hand if you look at the guys in high school who struggled a little bit they tend to be the ones who are getting the better women because they had to make their
life better and women are attracted to that the guy who makes his life better so if you're not settling right and one of that was one of the things that we talked about in standards right if you're not settling if you're always striving to be better in all areas right and I have videos on my channel about you know getting better at making money because getting better at you know self-confidence because the cream rises to the crop at the top cream rises to the top so if if you're always improving you will develop this abundance
mentality because you will be moving towards that that that pinnacle of all the sudden women start coming to you and I can't tell you how many of my older clients I had our older clients say it's me recently goes Bobby it's it's like 10 times easier at 50 to meet women than it was when I was 20 he's like because nowadays you know if you're relatively stable successful you know in shape and you know how to talk to women you know how to flirt you know how to play the game you have this abundance mentality
you become the prize and and as long as you have that that that mindset of like I'm always going to be making myself the best version of myself you begin to think in abundant terms because you'll notice you'll notice it right I can't tell you how many clients that I that have hired me to get one girl and now they're like you know I don't know if I'm ever gonna settle down because there's so many girls out there I'm having so much fun being single so to sum it up you you want to develop the
mindset of abundance that's all it comes down to abundance is the only thing that separates nice guys and let's just call them four players whatever I don't like that term but let's just call them that right because then there's scarcity here a nice guys cling to scarcity players claim to abundance once you begin to cling to abundance you move into that category that it's as simple as that so like I said if you haven't watched Rob's video on dating apps you really need to watch that because it will help foster this mentality of abundance it's
end of men calm I know it's a gloomy a gloomy URL but trust me you want to watch it end of men calm now if you liked this video make sure you subscribe leave a comment below and let me know what else you'd like to see me cover in future videos
