Translator: Trina Orsic Reviewer: Michael Nystrom I’m going to show you a person’s face for only 0. 4 seconds, the time it takes to blink. And you’ll need to pay close attention because I’ll then ask you to try to reflect on whether this person seems to be attractive or nice or someone with whom you’d want to grab a drink.
What type of job should this person have or not have? What type of spending capacity should this person have or not have? And where in the world should this person be from?
All this in just 0. 4 seconds, okay? Well, it’s likely many of you, are already very clear on some of these premises, if not all of them, at least many of them.
It’s estimated that we only need 0. 4 seconds, the time it takes to blink, to get a first impression of something or someone. And we’re very good at it, as we’ve been doing it all our lives and perfecting our technique throughout our lifetime.
Additionally, our brain loves it and it’s also very skilled and efficient at making associations and at compartmentalizing groups or individuals into sets. And it's true that we all say: “No, we shouldn’t let ourselves be easily swayed by first impressions. ” But we all do it to some extent, even though later we can rationalize that first impression.
And what do we rely on for this? We rely on body language, the language of the body, on what we see, on images. A language in which it’s impossible not to communicate, because everything you do, at the level of nonverbal language, communicates.
To do nothing is to do something. Stillness communicates, rigidity communicates, and silence communicates. And it is something, a priori, so easy to see, so close, so accessible, so apparent to us in the other person, so fundamental.
And yes, it’s true that people are generally good at reading other people’s body language. But in the vast majority of cases, we are not even remotely aware of the tremendous impact that nonverbal language can have on our lives, especially on an unconscious level. That is, when we don’t even realize it.
Today, I am here to share with you four fundamental aspects of your life in which nonverbal language impacts us. And number one is in others. And this is most obvious when you are traveling by plane.
You’re in flight and you suddenly encounter turbulence. You’re in the midst of an episode of severe, severe turbulence. In such a situation, immediately, the first thing we all do is look at other crew members and at the flight attendants to see how they appear or what they are doing.
If you see that they are more or less calm, at the very least, you don’t feel any worse than you felt. And we are very fortunate that they are aware of what can happen in such a situation. And when they see moments of high turbulence, they usually stop doing whatever they’re doing and smile at the passengers to calm us down.
Because in such a situation, we all become experts in nonverbal language. And if we perceive in a flight attendant the faintest hint, the slightest trace of fear, we don’t feel fear, we feel terror. Because emotions are contagious through what you see in others.
And it’s something that can just happen when you’re watching a television series, and you see two sad people crying and you don't know why, but you also become sad, you also feel like crying. But this is exaggerated in a situation like when we’re traveling by plane. In a crisis situation, the entire cabin will turn to look at the figure of highest authority and will be infected with the emotion expressed by that person.
And that’s something you have to keep in mind, especially when you’re one of the flight attendants. It’s the mirror neurons that are responsible for simulating in us, for creating in us an internal simulation of what we think another person is feeling based on what we observe in their body. Another thing mirror neurons are responsible for is that we imitate gestures, movements, physicalities, even words, unconsciously adopting the manner and style of those we validate in one way or another, whether they are people who are part of our circle or people who are part of a team that we want to be part of, someone we like or someone with whom we have a close relationship.
You can easily see how there are even couples that after so many years, have mimicked each other to such an extent that they look more like identical twins than a couple. And you have to keep in mind that we all like to see others, the people we validate, having an affinity for our things and vice versa. We don’t like to see our things on someone we don’t like.
Thus, mirror neurons are responsible for learning through imitation. Number two: nonverbal language impacts how you relate to your environment. It impacts, for example, how you embrace someone.
And, from now on, you won’t be able to unsee this. When two people hug each other and there isn’t a connection between them, nor a desire to have one, it will be always be revealed. You’ll always notice, when it’s time to embrace, they will do their best to keep their pelvises as far apart as possible.
And vice versa, when there is a link or a desire to be connected, the pelvises magically find each other. It never fails, you won’t be able to unsee it. Another way body language impacts us is in how you relate and how you look.
Not only that, but simply the way you look can change the behavior of others. There was an experiment carried out by some scientists, some Dutch researchers, who had real people talk to avatars. The avatars appeared on monitors and they were talking to the people.
They asked: “What do you like to do in your free time? ” “What is your job? ” etc.
Well, the researchers programmed the avatars so that for some time their blinking rate would be slower, longer. You know the typical slower, longer blink. All the responses the people gave, while the blinking was like that, were shorter answers.
The people felt like they had to finish talking. When at the end, the researchers asked them: “By the way, anyone noticed anything striking when the avatars were blinking? ” No one said they noticed anything.
That is, they unconsciously felt that they had to finish. This happens because when you blink in this way, you cut the flow of eye contact with the other person and they feel like they don’t have a direct way to talk to you. You can try it the other way around, making rapid and and very brief blinks.
When it comes to relating to others, your body language also impacts how you orient yourself. We unconsciously orient ourselves toward what generates a positive stimulus in us and we orient ourselves away from a negative stimulus. So it’s easy to notice someone, at the end of a meeting, who starts unconsciously leaning towards the door.
Or, for example, in round tables, it’s very apparent how people - round tables with a lot of people - it’s easy to observe how people are orienting themselves. And it's true that by social convention, you can’t turn your back on someone you have no interest in, who ends up next to you, right? You’re just trying to keep your composure.
In that case, it will be the feet of that person, which, almost certainly, will point to where they are interested. And you have to keep in mind that people feel it when you move towards something. Don’t be that typical person in an office, who sits and writes next to the door, and when someone enters they don’t even turn.
If you want someone to know that you are fully present, offer them your entire torso. Anyway, it's very easy, let's see, in this sense we’re still talking about orientation. It’s common to observe two people who meet on the street and begin talking, a conversation that no one knows when it will end.
There is inevitably one who already wants to leave. And in that case, if someone is talking on the street with someone else, it’s easy to observe how they’re attempting to leave. And I’ve come to notice people talking like that.
And the other person doesn’t let go, don’t be that kind of person, please. Your body language does impact how you lie. And it’s a myth to think that by someone’s body language, we can tell with utter certainty if they’re lying - we can’t.
Sometimes though, for that reason, to give an example, the body language of someone who lies may be identical to that of someone who is very nervous or overwhelmed. But we can have clues, for example, when it comes to expressing emotions. The expression of surprise is very brief.
When you are truly surprised, the expression lasts for just a moment on your face. The typical expression of surprise lasts a very short time, then disappears, and then you express the emotion the surprise elicited in you. That's why we say that generally, when expressions of surprise last longer than 60 to 90 seconds, it may be because the people were initially surprised, and then, for whatever reason, wanted to show you that they were surprised.
Or it could also be because, in reality, they were never surprised. They’re making it seem like they were surprised, but they don’t consider something you now know, that the expression of the emotion of surprise is very brief. Your body language impacts how you relate to others.
It impacts how you walk, more specifically, how fast you walk. The University of Seattle conducted a study. For one whole day, men were walking alongside different women.
Among those women were their wives or women with whom they claimed to be in love. When the study ended, the researchers observed that all men on average had slowed down by seven percent when they were with the woman with whom they said they were in love. Presumably to spare the woman the energy expenditure required to match their brisk pace.
In general, I emphasize generally, men walk faster than women. This behavior was not observed when men walked side by side with women with whom they did not have any kind of connection. And speaking of walking, number three: body language impacts how others treat you.
Criminals, for example. Offenders choose their ideal victims on the street, based on their body language. The ideal victim, in case you are wondering, is the one who walks along the street looking down, looking at their cell phone, taking closed steps, very short steps and with closed postures.
This is the type of person who doesn’t usually foresee or anticipate an attack and doesn’t appear likely to retaliate either. On the other hand, a person who looks straight ahead, connected to the surrounding reality the typical expansive posture, swollen chest, firm step. This person is more likely to be able to anticipate the attack or fight back.
Joe Navarro, one of the eminences in the world of body language, says, if I go to your house and enter to see it’s totally pristine and smells good. There’s not a speck of dust, it’s spotless, the first thing I’ll do is check if I have mud on my shoes. And I'll be very careful not to leave the can of soda I’m carrying around just anywhere.
But I won’t do any of this if, when I enter into your home, it’s a total disaster. The same applies to your car, the same to your garden. We also have the halo effect.
The halo effect consists of attributing only positive qualities to someone, because the first quality we observed in that person is positive. In other words: “No man, this handsome person, this charming guy or this pretty lady, couldn’t have committed this terrible act of which they’re being accused. Surely it was a mistake or misunderstanding.
” Sound familiar, right? Conversely too, you can see someone whose first aspect is negative and to that person you attribute all negative aspects. While your body language impacts how others treat you, it will also impact whether or not they believe you.
Returning to the plane, imagine this plane is experiencing severe turbulence. The passengers are screaming in crisis and the pilot decides to talk to them. The pilot comes out and says: “Don’t worry, I will now land the plane.
We’ll remember this shock and laugh. Don’t be scared, it’s a moment. The plane will now be like this and that, so fasten your seat belt, but don’t worry, I’ll land this plane.
” Can you imagine what that situation would be like? Why was the pilot’s body language incongruous? Because number four: nonverbal language impacts you.
As we mentioned, the body speaks. But there are times when the body shouts what the mind silences. Occasions, for example, when we lie or the words we say are the opposite of what we feel or think, or when we’re nervous or overwhelmed, or when a fire burns inside us.
The body will start to scream to tell the world the truth. And how will it do this? It will do so in the form of tiny itches, that sensation where everything itches your body when something’s wrong.
You will observe your mannerisms becoming more abrupt, more disjointed, more awkward and clumsy. Adaptive gestures will appear. These are comforting gestures you make, contact with your own body, touching a button that you wear on your jacket rubbing your hands to alleviate your stress.
The famous little dance twitches, the nervous micro-movements appear and your body stance will certainly be closed. A body posture indicative of feeling defensive or negative. And all of this shouts the truth out to the world, regardless how your words, meanwhile so quiet in comparison, reveal the opposite.
But I ask you what would have happened if the pilot had thought: “OK, of course I can land this plane and the turbulence is not a problem for me”. But, if the pilot had looked at himself and thought: “OK, for me the situation is stressful because I have to put all my focus on the turbulence. And now I will go out to speak to the passengers in crisis and as soon as they see me, they’ll shout and ask me questions.
” The pilot could have taken into consideration how his body language was directly affecting him and would indirectly affect the passengers of the flight. What would have happened if the pilot had thought: “Okay, before I go out, I’m going to breathe. I will try and make eye contact with everyone out there.
I’ll try to limit physical contact with myself because this looks bad and I’m going to try to focus inward, quietly, on one point”? What would have happened if the pilot had said, “OK, I will deliberately adopt open and expansive postures”? You can try it.
It’s a fact that this is very beneficial to us. Adopting open and expansive postures, either because something or someone causes them or because you provoke them, is beneficial for us. In the body, what is known as “The Quartet of Happiness” is released: endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine.
It lowers cortisol, a stress-related hormone. I insist you try it, whether you adopt that position or someone compels you to adopt it. And there’s a belief that it’s the mind that rules the body.
In other words, I’m sad, so my body will look sad, depressed. But don’t ever forget, it also works the other way around. You can consciously adopt deliberately open, healthy and balanced postures, and that will have a positive impact on you.
You can transform a negative state closer to a positive one, or you can cultivate a positive mood. With your body, you can change how you feel, how others feel about you, how you look and how others see you. And for all this, I ask you: what happens when you are the pilot and you have seen how body language can impact your life in general and even in just 0.
4 seconds? Look at yourself. Look at your body.
Listen to your body. What does your body communicate about you on a first impression? Or when it’s time to talk about yourself in a job interview or in an important meeting?
Or when you have to sell something or persuade someone to do something? What does your body say about you in one of those conversations that can change a life? What does your body communicate when your child, scared to death, comes to tell you a problem, waiting for a solution from you, but what you’re hearing scares you 100 times more than it does him?
What does your body say, when finally, after so long, you decide to approach that person you like so much? Thank you.
