Hey little boy, keep your ball out of my yard. I told you multiple times already. >> Sorry, it was by accident.
>> Well, stop being an idiot and don't do it again. >> What does idiot mean? >> An idiot is someone who explains something in a long or boring way and that the person they're trying to explain it to doesn't understand what they're saying.
Do you understand what I just said? >> Nope. You explained it in a long and boring way.
Uncle Fred. >> Hey kiddo. Oh, you cut your hair.
>> Yeah, I want to be like you. >> Like father like son. >> What?
>> Nothing. What's up? >> This guy keeps bothering me in class.
You know how I can stop him? >> Do this. >> And it will leave him speechless.
>> Okay, thanks. >> The next day. Hey, what rhymes with cruiser?
>> I don't know. >> Loser. Loser.
Loser. That's what you are. >> Cool.
How are you so calm? >> Because I never argue with dumb people. I just cut it short and tell them they're right.
>> That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. >> You're right. >> Roses are red, violets are blue.
You're like a math test. Nobody wants you. >> Roses are red, violets are blue.
If I had a brick, I would throw it at you. >> Roses are red, violets are blue. Everyone's good looking, but what happened to you?
>> Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers. The middle one is for you.
>> Roses are red, violets are blue. When I flush a toilet, I remember you. >> Roses are red, monsters are green.
Looking in the mirror, you'll see what I mean. >> Roses are red, violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in the zoo.
But don't worry, brother. I'll be there, too. >> Really?
>> Not in the cage, but laughing at you. >> Oh, great. >> Uncle Fred, I need your help.
>> What's up, son? >> Son? >> I said nephew.
>> Oh, I must be hearing things. >> What can I help you with? This girl in my class broke my best friend's heart, and I want to get her back.
>> What' she do? >> She became his girlfriend. And then an hour later, she broke up with him for fun.
>> Oh, I know exactly what to say. >> Will that really work? >> Oh, yeah.
The next day. >> Don't worry, bro. I got you.
Watch this. Hey, Rachel. What do you want?
Why'd you do that to my best friend? Oh, because boys are like sports. They're meant to be played.
And guess what? What? Girls are like rocks.
The flat ones get skits. >> Oh my heavens. >> Here's my number.
>> Thanks, cutie. >> Tabitha, it's not what it looks like. It's for a project we have together.
So, I gave him my number. I don't want to hear it. Please believe me.
Hold on. Hello. Let me call you back.
Sorry, that was my mom. I was just telling her how my ex-girlfriend sounded a lot like an owl. Who?
>> Uncle Fred, I need your help. >> Of course. Anything for my child.
>> What? >> I mean, nephew, what did you need help with? >> This kid keeps making fun of me, and I'm just getting sick of it.
>> Do you want me to handle it? >> No, I don't want you to be in prison longer. Fine.
This is what you're going to say. >> Will that really work? >> Of course.
Always trust your dad. >> Okay. Wait.
>> Hey, Nerdy. >> What's up? >> You got a girlfriend?
Yeah. >> I do, actually. >> Oh, yeah.
How old is she? >> 37. >> 37?
She's old enough to be your mom. >> I know, but she's yours. Roses are red, violets are blue.
How does it suck to be someone like you? >> Roses are red, violets are blue. I feel bad for you to smell like poo poo.
>> Roses are red, violets are yellow. Want to smack your face with a cello. >> Roses are red, violets are blue.
The mirror crack after seeing you. >> Roses are red, violets are blue. This poem is pointless and so are you.
>> Roses are red. Your ex left you down somewhere taller. who is 67.
Sucks to be you. He's only 5'7. >> Oh, great heavens.
>> Look at this little guy. He's so small and dumb. >> Later that day.
>> Uncle Fred, I need your help. >> Hey, son. I mean, nephew, what's wrong?
>> There's this mean kid that keeps calling me dumb and small. >> What? Okay, I'm going to escape and give him the Uncle Fred treatment.
No, you don't have to do that cuz you already added so many more years in prison for escaping. >> Fine, we'll say this to him. >> Do you think that'll work?
>> Oh, yeah. The next day, look who it is. The little dumb small kid.
>> You're right. I am little and small like your brain. >> Hey, son.
Do you know where your sister's at? >> I think she went ball hunting with her boyfriend. >> Ball hunting?
You mean golfing? >> Have you seen her golf? She's ball hunting.
>> Ow. Ow. Ow.
What happened? Walk slow, babe. And she got stung by a bee while we were golfing.
>> Where'd you get stung? >> Between the first and the second hole. >> Oh, well that's a problem.
Your stance is too wide. You got to put your legs closer together. >> Anyways, guess what, guys?
I got hired to be a fitness model. A fitness model. What are you going to be?
The before pictures. >> Son, be nice. >> Well, I have real news.
I just became a hypnotizer. >> Ha. Yeah, right.
>> Oh, you don't believe me? Pay attention. When I snap my fingers, you're going to forget that you're stupid.
>> I am not stupid. >> You see, it worked. >> Oh, great heavens.
>> Hey, Mommy. >> Yes. Can I have $20, please?
>> $20? Why do I have to give you money? >> Well, because dad told me to tell you to give it to me.
>> Well, you can go tell your dad that I gave you life, so he can give you the $20. >> Dad told me you were going to say that, so he told me to tell you that he played a small part in it, too. >> Oh, yeah.
He did. A very, very small part. Hey, Mom.
Steven came over. >> Hi, Mr. Adams.
Oh, hey, Steven. Y'all want to hear a joke? >> No.
>> Sure. Why did the chicken cross the road? Um, I don't know.
>> Mom, stop. You're not funny. >> Oh, >> you never make jokes.
>> That's a lie. >> How's that a lie? Because I made you roes got cooked, roasted and deep fried.
>> Roses are red, violets are blue. Your personality is trash and so are you. >> Roses are red, violets are blue.
You talk too much but have nothing to prove. >> Roses are red, violets are blue. You think you're cool, but you're really a fool.
Roses are red, violets are blue. God made everyone, but who made you? >> Roses are red, violets are blue.
You look like a monkey. Go back to the zoo. >> Roses are red, violets are blue.
I still have a mom and dad. I wish I could say the same for you. >> Oh, great heavens.
>> Oh, yeah. I got two coupons here for you. They're both for 50% off.
So, it looks like I'm getting my perfume for free. >> That's not how that works. >> Okay, someone clearly didn't pass math.
50 + 50 equals 100. I'm using the coupons together. It's really not that complicated.
Well, for starters, you can only use one of those coupons per item. But even if you could use both, it would just be an additional 50% off the halfp price discount. It would be 50% off of 50% off.
Okay, clearly someone didn't pass math. >> Oh, great. >> Yo, bro, pass me the basketball.
>> Okay, here. Oops. I overthrew it.
>> Yo, you almost hit that car. >> My bad. >> I saw that.
>> Sorry. We'll be more careful. >> No, you mean y'all going to stop playing cuz y'all almost hit my car.
>> Miss Karen, we didn't hit your car. And I said we'll be more careful. >> I don't think you understand who runs this neighborhood.
>> Not you. Well, I'm about to call the police. >> Go ahead, miss.
I run this neighborhood. >> Wow. You brats must have been at the back of the queue when God was giving out brains.
>> At least we were in the queue. >> This isn't over. >> What's wrong, son?
What happened, sweetie? >> I just got off the phone with grandma and she called me ugly. >> She what?
Ignore her, sweetie. You're handsome and amazing. Really?
>> Yeah. Remember, she's getting old, so she might not be able to see good anymore. >> Oh, okay.
>> What did she actually say to you? >> She said, "I look like daddy. " >> Oh, great.
I say, "Let's go. " You say, "Sweetie. " Let's go, sweetie.
Let's go, sweetie. Make us proud. You're silly.
Thank you for inviting me, beautiful. I can't wait to hear. >> My auntie has a room that smells like bubble gum.
She said it's just for grown-ups. There's mirrors on the ceiling and sparkles on the floor with swings that hang like jungle vines and locks on every drawer. She says she helps important men with stress and letting go.
I saw a prince from Switzerland and once a CEO. They always dress in funny clothes and crawling on all fours. And one time someone brought a leash and barked behind the door.
She said I have to do my math while they play musical chairs with ropes. But I think it's unfair that I do homework while they chant weird hopes. >> Oh, it's not true.
Hey, I'm home. >> Hey, Mommy. Can I get $10 for V-Bucks?
>> No. Hey, Mom. Can I have $20?
No. Y'all need to stop asking me for money. Do I look like I'm made of money?
Isn't that what mom stands for? M O M. Made of money.
Son. >> Oh my gosh. What?
>> You have to do the dishes and laundry now. >> Mom, can I just chill for 5 minutes? I just got home from school.
>> You can rest when you're dead. >> But you can't make me do all that work. >> I can do whatever I want, and no one can stop you.
>> Oh, really? We'll see about that. >> Hello.
>> Hey, Grandma. Can you come over? I need some help with something.
>> I wish I could, Grandbab, but I'm getting too old to do anything right now. >> Mom didn't feed me last night. >> I'll be right there.
>> What did I say about resting? >> Oh, I can rest now. >> Oh, really?
Well, you're about to rest till this bell. Whatever you do with my grandbaby, I'm going to do to you 10 times worse. Mom, you heard what I said.
But, but nothing. Now stop being lazy and go do the laundry and dishes or else you want this belt. >> Grandma.
>> Yes, sweetie. >> Can I have $10 so I can give it to my friend? I noticed he doesn't eat at lunch sometimes cuz his family is struggling.
>> That is so sweet of you. Yes, let's go to the bank cuz I don't have any cash. >> Okay.
>> At the bank. Hi, I would like to withdraw $10. Can't do that, ma'am.
You have to use the ATM if it's under $100. I tried, but the ATM is broken. Not my problem.
>> It's okay, Grandma. Maybe another time. >> Wait, grandson, don't worry.
Hey, lady. What? What's the most I can withdraw?
$3,000. Okay, I'll take $3,000. Okay, I can do that.
Here you go. Here, Grandby. Here's $10.
>> Yay. me and for you, Miss Karen, I would like to deposit $2,990 back in my account. >> Oh, great.
>> Uncle Fred, I need your help. >> Hey, what's up, son? Nephew.
>> This kid called my mom ugly. >> What? Who's talking about my baby mama?
>> What? >> I mean, this is what you're going to tell him if you see him again. >> Will that really work?
>> If it doesn't, I'll tell you the truth. >> Okay. Wait about what?
the next day. >> You okay? You didn't yell at me today.
>> My dad's now married to a man. >> Dang, your mom was so ugly. Your dad had a husband.
>> Oh, great. >> You're grounded for what? I told you to take out the trash and you didn't.
You did it before I had a chance. I don't care. You're grounded.
Hand over your phone. No, that's freaking bull crap. That's it.
I'm going to >> Hey, can you two not fight for 5 seconds? >> I told him to take out the trash and he never got up. >> Shut up, you ugly pterodactyl.
What? Sh. Don't you sh Mark.
She asked me to take out the trash and I was about to do it and then she comes in here telling me I'm grounded. You should show some initiative. What?
You doing it before he has a chance is not his fault. Yes, it is. When I tell him to do something, it should be top priority.
>> All right, grab that water bottle. Why didn't you get it? Because you grabbed.
>> I know why, stupid. >> You don't get to say something again and I'll hit you so hard you'll HAVE A NIGHTMARE ABOUT having a nightmare about a nightmare about me. >> Here you go, sweetie.
>> Yay. KFC. >> Um, where's ours?
I didn't get you any. That's up language. Why does he get it and we don't?
Yeah, he should spllay his food with us. He's a kid. Go buy your own KFC.
With what money? You don't even pay us for chores. You see this roof over our head?
>> You're dumb. Excuse me? You have to put a roof over our heads.
It's literally your job. I could have gave you up for adoption. H I wish.
Both of y'all are being so disrespectful. Go to your room. What's the deal here?
>> These two are being so inappreciative. I wasn't talking to you, Miss Disappointment. What happened?
>> Mom bought little brother KFC and said we should buy our own. >> What? You can't do that.
>> Yes, I can. >> Actually, you're right. You can.
You two put your shoes on. We're going to go get pizza. >> I want pizza.
>> And I wanted a daughter with brains. >> Oh, great heavens. >> I am selling brownies for free and lemonade for 100 bucks.
You dummy, dumb, stupid. Your business sucks. No one will buy you lemonade.
And your brownies are too cheap. I know what I am doing. Here's a brownie for you to eat.
Now, do you want some lemonade? Of course I do not. I bet $100.
Not a single glass will be sold. I know people will buy it. And I bet it will be you.
When I tell you that the brownies are made from you. Give me lemonade and take my money. Would you also like to buy some water?
Honey, how much is it? 1 million. I'll never pay such fee.
Even if I tell you that the lemonade is >> Oh, great. >> If you ever experience some of these situations, here are some comebacks that you can use when your parents catch you lying. >> Son, I told you not to eat the cookies.
>> Mom, I didn't eat them. >> Son, I know you ate the cookies. You're such a liar.
>> Yeah, I'm the liar, Mom. >> Yeah, you are. Three things, Mom.
Santa Claus, tooth fairy, and the Easter Bunny. >> Oh, great heavens. >> When a teacher calls you out for failing the test in front of the whole class.
>> Mr Adams, can you please come up and explain to the entire class why you are the only one who failed my test? >> Sure. Hey guys, I failed Miss Johnson's test because um Miss Johnson, you failed to teach me.
>> Oh, great heavens. >> Hey, Miss Johnson, can you do my homework? Beep.
>> That's not my work. Do it yourself. >> Please.
I beg of you. >> Beep. >> You have hands.
Why don't you do it? >> I'm going to tell the principal then. >> Beep.
>> Just stop it. I'm not even scared. >> Oh, fine.
Well, can I use the bathroom? >> Sure. Hurry.
>> Hello. >> Hey, principal. The teacher is being so mean to us today and not doing her work properly.
>> What? I didn't hire her to not do her job right. Let me talk to her.
>> Okay, here she is. >> Miss Johnson, why are you not doing your work properly? That's not my work.
Do it yourself. >> What? I'm your boss.
>> You have hands. Why don't you do it? >> Oh, I'm going to send you where Michael Jackson's at.
>> Just stop it. I'm not even scared. >> Ooh, she's going to get it.
>> Miss Johnson, how dare you talk to me like that? What? What's going on?
Say hi to Michael Jackson for me. >> Oh, great heavens. >> Hey, I'm home.
Hey, Mom. Guess what? What?
I got a girlfriend. Wow, that's amazing. You got a girlfriend before Ryan?
That's a shocker. Yeah, he's never getting one. >> Yes, I am.
I just haven't found the right one yet. >> Yeah, right. I heard no girls in college even know you exist.
Wow, Ryan, you're just like your dad. He had no RZ. >> Watch.
I'm going to have a girlfriend by tomorrow. Oh, yeah. If you do, I'll wear a clown costume to my next game.
If not, you have to wear a loser sign to my next basketball game. >> Deal. Later that night.
Uncle Fred, I need your help. What's up, kid? I mean, my brilliant nephew.
How can I assist? I need help getting a girlfriend. Ryan, do you know how people find girlfriends these days?
Uh, luck. No. Algorithms here.
Will that even work? Does it look like your uncle would ever steer you wrong? The next day.
Hey, Mom. Hey, Jake. I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Kaye.
>> Hi. Nice to meet you all. Wow.
What? But how? I met her on the duet app.
>> Ever since I met him on the duet app, I knew I wanted to be with him. Have fun wearing that clown costume to your game. >> Let's go, Jake.
Best bet I've ever made. >> Definitely. Oh, I'll get you next time.
Get ready for school. I can't go. Why not?
I actually feel really sick. I'll go get ready. Yeah.
You ready for school? Oh, uh, school is actually closed today. Oh, really?
Why? There was a there was a COVID case. Oh, okay.
Idiot. I'm sorry. Sorry.
THIS BELT. >> OH, GREAT HEAVENS. >> Who's ready for school?
>> No. >> All right, fine. >> Easy.
>> So, you're skipping, huh? >> Um, no. I don't feel good.
>> Oh, okay. Well, I'll be babysitting. >> Oh, you know what?
I actually feel better. >> Too late for that. >> Oh, great heavens.
>> Hey, babe. I'm cold. Here, you can put this on.
>> A Thank you. You're such a gentleman. The next day, bro, you trying to play some video games tonight?
I don't know. I'll probably hang out with my girl. Come on.
You never have time for your bros. Wait, isn't that your girl wearing another guy's jacket? >> Hey, what are you doing?
We're done, >> babe. No, please. >> Come on, bro.
Let's go. Later that night. I can't believe she did that to you, bro.
>> Ding dong. >> I think that's your ex. I see her car outside.
What does she want? I'll be right back. >> What's up?
>> I'm so sorry for earlier. Can you please forgive me? >> Please say something.
I'm cold. Don't fall for it. Here, I got you.
What's this? Some matches. Now you can get warm by setting yourself on fire.
Hey, brother. >> What's up? >> What's that song that goes like despacito?
>> Despacito. >> Yeah. >> Despacito.
>> Yeah, that one. What's the name? >> I swear you were adopted.
>> Thanks, brother. Okay, Alexa, play I swear you were adopted. >> Okay.
the heavens. >> I sit by myself talking to the moon. >> Wow, sis.
I wish you were on TV. >> Really? Wow.
Thank you, brother. Am I really that good? >> No.
At least if you were on TV, I would be able to switch it off. >> Oh, great heavens. >> Hey everyone, welcome to music class.
Today, everyone's going to be performing and I want everyone take a seat and I want everyone to pay attention. Um, you since you were late, you can go first. Yo, it's the freaking weird kid.
He's always so quiet. I know. He hasn't said a word all year.
He's probably like a murderer. Go ahead. Sing from the heart.
>> It's a homicide. His face is on a t-shirt and his family's traumatized. I didn't even mean to shoot him.
He just got me by surprise. I reloaded the pistol, cocked it back, and shot him twice. >> Oh, great heavens.
>> You want to talk after class? Dude, it's been so boring lately. Facts.
Ever since Mark got suspended, class been so boring. >> Guess who's back? >> No way.
>> Yes. >> Welcome back, Mark. And thanks for joining us.
Have you learned your lesson? >> Yes. >> Good.
Now, go take a seat. >> All right, if you say so. Hey, do you have an extra pencil?
Teacher Mark's trying to cheat off of me. What? No, I'm not.
>> Mark, you got an automatic zero on that test and you have detention. >> What? But I wasn't trying to cheat.
>> I don't want to hear it. >> Later that day. >> Wow, I can't believe that happened.
>> Ooh, a ice cream truck. Do you have a Spongebob ice cream? >> Yeah, I only have one more.
It'll be $3. >> But I only have $2. Hey, you a dollar short?
>> Yeah. Hey, sir. Can I get a Spongebob ice cream?
>> Here you go, buddy. >> Thanks. >> OMG, thank you.
That was so nice of you. >> You're funny. >> Wait, I thought you got that for me.
>> Who do you think I am? Your boyfriend? This is mine.
>> Oh, great heavens. HAVE A GOOD DAY at school, grandson. Love you.
>> Love you, too. >> Yo, look. It's Mr Ugly.
>> You should have waited. >> Waited for what? >> Until she drove away.
>> Who? You're so ugly. Your mom told you to take out the trash and you had to move out.
You're so ugly. When you were born, your mom said, "What a treasure. " Your dad said, "We should bury it.
You're so ugly you scare the crap out of the toilet. You're so ugly you make blind kids cry. You're so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mom.
You're so ugly if ugliness was a brick you'd be the Great Wall of China. >> Oh great heavens. >> Um I'm breaking up with you.
Huh? Why? I thought everything was going good.
because I got bored with you and I found someone new. Like Jake. Jake the class clown.
>> Yeah. >> A week later. Bro, it's been a week now.
Are you feeling better? >> Yeah, I'm okay now. >> That's good.
Oh, your ex is coming. >> Hey, what do you want? I'm so sorry.
I made a mistake. You want to get back together? Why?
Jake never took me seriously. Oh, I never saw that coming. So, what do you say?
>> Don't fall for it. >> No, thank you. What?
Well, you'll never find someone like me. That's the point. >> Hey, what's wrong?
>> My mom just died. >> What? I'm so sorry.
Well, I'm always here for you if you need me. >> Um, ew. I have a boyfriend >> and I have a mom.
Big mouse. Got a big body.
