we are told that we should be kind and put other people's needs ahead of our own but does anyone tell us that being too kind and caring can be dangerous we live in a world where we don't always get what we give because it's full of generous people who see how their giving empties them both financially and emotionally could being too kind even put our own lives in danger be surprised by the bad things that can happen to you when you're kind today I'll tell you eight bad things that can happen to you if you're
too nice and I'll show you four tough ways to keep people from taking advantage of you let's move on to number one without further Ado you will have too high of hopes for people the stoic said that we should accept things as they are and not depend on what other people do to make us happy giving without asking too much in return keeps you from being disappointed and helps you practice emotional separation which gives you a calmer mind whether we are aware of it or not it's hard for us to be fully selfless when we
give when we give everything we have we expect everyone else to do the same when it's us who needs something important though you've gotten people so used to having everything done for them that they'll take it for granted that you can handle everything in their lives and yours especially your own because if you don't take care of your own why would you take care of other people's in reality your hopes of reciprocity won't be met and you'll end up with a bad mood tiredness anger and sadness still if we look at it objectively people aren't
letting you down they're just doing what you should be doing which is taking care of their own tasks people will only expect you to give them something which is the second point the stoics say that it's important to remember that real worth comes from acting in a way that is good and logical not from just doing what other people want moderation and giving in a balanced way help you stay in charge of your actions and keep you from getting into habits that hurt your mental health you've heard your whole life that people are creatures of
habit and this couldn't be more true people are made to adapt to a pattern a way of life and a symphony of things going on around them the idea of the comfort zone comes from this desire to change this means that if you're always giving the people you help will expect you to give them something all the time you'll lead them into their comfort zones and they won't have to do many of their responsibilities because you'll be there to do them if you don't value yourself no one is likely to look you in the eyes
and tell you to think more about yourself at least don't expect this kind of empathy from the people you help because they'd stick to their own Robin Hood which would cost them a lot in their lives third your goals will not be taken into account the stoics said that it's important to live by reason and virtue to set limits and to put our own responsibilities first if we want to stay in balance and not give up our identity and well-being for other people if you put everyone else's needs before your own you may end up
running away from something inside you that hurts and scares you how do you feel when you spend the weekend alone or come home every day knowing no one is there to greet you if you're doing so many different things because you want to get away from yourself the blow will be twice as hard because on the one hand you'll have to face yourself sooner or later and on the other your bad mood will get worse as you start to put other people's needs before your own self-care is one of the most important parts of being
healthy before you can help others feel better you need to make sure you're happy spoiled and well cared for that is you should never give someone a chocolate unless you first really enjoyed one yourself similarly you shouldn't offer to clean a friend's house until you've cleaned your own and watched a good movie while sipping wine the rest of the world comes after you four people will think you are weak and treat you that way stoicism tells us to work on being strong and in charge of ourselves by setting limits and practicing self-discipline we can show
others that we are committed to our own responsibilities and ideals earning their respect instead of being seen as weak if you help other people too much over time you might be seen as an expert in the area where you work with other people you might be making the exact opposite impression when you don't set limits people start to see you as weak just like the person who opposes a boss so much so that they'll come to you to get rid of their responsibilities because they know you won't say no on the contrary as soon as
you use this magic word they will start to feel something for you they never thought they would respect you'll have a lot of butts or people who only come to you when they need something stoicism teaches us how important it is to be smart and wise by choosing who to help with self-control and perspective we can tell the difference between real people and those who want to take advantage so we don't waste our time or energy on things that don't help people who thought you were a good friend all of a sudden only want to
hang out with you when they need something if you think about it logically it's not so unlikely that this could happen to you since most people don't invite their employees or co-workers to have coffee with them let alone a beer what's going on with you makes sense but that doesn't mean it's fair so you need to learn how to handle the methods I'll tell you about at the end to keep people from taking advantage of you sixth you'll only get people who want something and never those who want to give with patient judgment we can
build relationships that are real and good for both parties people come into our lives because their energies match up with ours that is if we vibrate low we attract people who are negative depressed have dark souls and want to hurt us when our vibrations are high on the other hand we draw people who are full of good energy kindness excitement hard work and joy because of this when we give to everyone we lose so much energy that we start vibrating at a low frequency this makes needy people feel drawn to us as well as opportunists
who don't even want to help and only want to take what they can from us and leave without even saying thank you 7. you could end up getting hooked on something the stoics taught people to be calm and in charge of themselves self-discipline in giving keeps us from getting stuck in bad habits and lets us keep a good relationship with our actions and choices when shortage is a regular part of our Lives the need for something grows which is the best way to get addicted so one day someone close to you might notice that you
drink too much and not just spring waiter they might also notice that you eat too much or even gamble too much pay close attention to what someone who cares about you says because your first instinct may be to get mad at them and tell them you don't have any problems but this is how people usually act when they are so caught up in their own problems that they can't see that they have one always remember that people who care about you want what's best for you so pay close attention to what they say because they're
trying to help you stop falling and move forward number eight you'll make people think twice stoicism tells us to do good things no matter what other people think of us by focusing on living in line with our beliefs and principles we build a good image that can withstand false accusations no matter how much we'd like things to be different the truth is that there aren't that many kind people in the world so if you are one people will be suspicious of you instead of being impressed and thankful it won't be long before your kindness makes
people wonder what's going on with you and what plans you have that you don't tell anyone about this could mean you've met a group of suspicious people but it's more likely that they're just being honest most people who want to help too much are hiding such evil plans that it's best to stay away from them and refuse the help they offer now let's look at what you can do to stop people from taking advantage of you strategy number one pay attention to how you feel because it's telling you something based on the stoic idea of
self-awareness pay attention to how you feel the stoics thought it was important to think about yourself to understand your feelings and wants by paying attention to your feelings you can tell if you're giving too much and wearing yourself out mentally this lets you change your focus and find a good balance how does it make you feel to help other people thinking about yourself and putting yourself first is such a kind thing to do that you should feel like you're walking on clouds when you do it so if you feel too busy tired angry or used
it's time to listen to how you feel if something you don't have to do makes you feel so bad you shouldn't lie to yourself about it instead find out how the help you're giving affects your health plan number two don't be afraid of the word no following the lessons of the stoics you should realize that your time and energy are important and need to be used in a balanced way self-control can be shown by being able to say no when you feel too busy or when the request is unfair even though the word no makes
us think of bad things and sadness it's normal for us to find it hard to say it but if we don't learn to say this word when someone wants more from us than we can give pessimism will take over our lives practice in front of the mirror and tell yourself that it's the only way to regain your freedom and avoid unnecessary and possible risks [Music] strategy three you have a time and a place for yourself respect them following the stoic values of self-discipline and self-respect it's important to give yourself time and room to take care
of yourself do what you like like exercise drawing listening to music while having a cup of tea or anything else that gets you going finish your responsibilities as soon as you can so you can try this out you should take this very seriously so seriously that you should schedule this time every day or every week so if someone asks for your help at that time they need to be very kind and helpful to you not to the person so without remorse you tell them no and enjoy that time and space just for yourself if you
don't want to be so direct you can offer to help at a different time but make it clear that you will only be able to help for a short time because you have other things to do strategy number four identify energy vampires and distance yourself from them following the stoic principles of self-discipline and wisdom it's important to know which relationships are good for you and which can drain you mentally by staying away from people who constantly drain your energy and don't add anything positive you're taking care of your own health and showing stoic self-control in
your relationships you should know that if you try to help an energy Thief it won't work these people overwhelm you with their complaints their pains and their catastrophic view of life don't bother trying to help them because if their problems were solved they would have to stop complaining that's something they wouldn't tolerate in conclusion according to stoic wisdom in life the best measure for things is always the middle ground and generosity is no exception if we give too little we come across as selfish and greedy while if we give excessively we end up completely drained
of energy time and probably money as well so lean toward the Grays which are still the best choices for finding a balance between putting other people's needs first and putting your own needs first and if you're ever unsure just remember the magic word no even more so if they offer to drive you home from the window of their car we've reached the end of this journey and I sincerely hope these tips will be of great use to you don't forget that you are a crucial part of this channel so if this video has helped you
made you think or you've learned something give it a thumbs up so that more people can discover the powers of stoic wisdom and if you haven't already don't forget to check out or ebook about stoicism and how to apply it in your own life subscribe for a daily dose of stoic wisdom and growth
