What is loneliness? Almost 50% of people say they feel lonely. Among teenagers, according to some surveys, this reaches 80%.
How did this happen? How are social media and the modern economy involved? Why do we become lonely?
How has loneliness become a modern epidemic? What comes next? And how can we.
. . Fix it.
. 15 cigarettes a day. That’s the damage you inflict on yourself by being lonely.
That's exactly how surgeon Vivek Murthy compares the damage caused by loneliness, calling it perhaps the biggest problem of our society. And it's hard to disagree with him. Research shows that about 53% of people worldwide have daily contact with others.
The rest either communicate less frequently or don’t interact with people at all. In some developed countries the number of people living alone has surpassed 50%, and this number keeps growing. What is the cause?
Philosophers across different eras have spoken about the looming issue of loneliness. Friedrich Nietzsche once predicted that nihilism and secularization, or the loss of religion’s role in society would lead us to a crisis of meaning and total loneliness. In the 20th century, Jean-Paul Sartre said something similar.
But he identified the main cause as the freedom man attained leading to a crisis of purpose in existence. And both were right. .
. Loneliness is generally divided into two types: objective and subjective. Objective refers to when a person has very few or no social contacts and doesn’t belong to any social institutions, doesn’t study at school or university, doesn’t work, isn’t connected by shared interests with others or cannot move properly due to health reasons.
This is physical isolation, a lack of people around. Subjective loneliness is about the inner feeling when you're dissatisfied with your social connections, even if you’re surrounded by people, because they don’t meet your expectations, lack sincerity or lack deep connection. Both of these states are dangerous for health in their own way.
The first affects our body. and the second also affects our mind. And the mind can turn any small thing into a catastrophe.
destroying all your health. Often. these two states flow into each other.
Subjective loneliness is the most dangerous because it can remain hidden. We can lead a social life but still not understand why we feel lonely. And this feeling can persist for years, constantly suppressing us.
And unlike objective loneliness, where a person just needs more opportunities to communicate, subjective loneliness requires a deep analysis of one's needs. A person may have many friends, but not understand what they truly want. They may also need to work through their traumas, negative past experiences and internal beliefs.
Often, people suffering from this type may believe they are simply unworthy of attention, love or relationships due to deep childhood traumas and insecurities. But the need doesn’t disappear. Therefore, the source of this feeling becomes an internal conflict between attitudes and desires, which can lead to chronic stress and other disorders.
The feeling of loneliness is a signal from our brain to seek social connections for our safety. But prolonged loneliness increases the risk of depression by almost two and a half times, as well as increases anxiety and other stress conditions, which can trigger distress. A type of severe stress that negatively affects health.
A person like that usually feels helpless and that their life is meaningless. He doesn't sleep well and, overall, regularly feels a lack of energy. And there’s a 30% chance they will die earlier.
But despite this, some people in the modern world consciously do it. Therefore, we can identify a third type: mindful solitude. I already talked about him and my experience in one of my videos, I suggest you watch it later.
And this phenomenon is not new. Even philosophers of past centuries actively practiced it, believing that it helps the mind and personality. It is different in that it is a person's choice to improve their income, learn new skills, and create inner harmony.
Personally, I consider the solitude I create as an excellent practice for self-exploration. If you know little about your hobbies, your needs and inner experiences, or if you just sometimes need to calm your soul by spending your free time away from work or family in complete solitude. This taught me to have a dialogue with myself and to listen to my inner needs, not to ignore them.
Because when I couldn't rely on others, I developed support within myself that is now with me for the rest of my life. But is it really that helpful? Time alone promotes deep self-reflection, helps process emotions, and is generally beneficial for highly sensitive people who get tired of external stimuli.
It stimulates creativity and creative thinking, and allows you to understand your desires and intentions better, especially if you don't know what you want to be in the future. I highly recommend taking a free career guidance test that shows which profession you're most suited for. You can do this at Skillbox - the largest educational platform.
Based on the test results, you will receive a selection of four professions, ranging from programming to cinema and music. Practical assignments for the profession will help you determine what you really like. They are not difficult but very engaging.
This way you will immediately understand what you truly desire. This will take you literally one evening, about four hours. And the choice made may be for a lifetime.
They will also help you quickly start learning this profession and address any doubts you have. If you have any questions, you can contact the career counselor in the chat and get feedback and recommendations on career choice. And it's free.
So I don't recommend putting it off. . Follow the link in the description or scan the QR code on the screen to make your alone time as productive, as possible.
. . And in general, people who perceive loneliness as their own choice feel good alone, they experience a greater level of autonomy in their lives and self-confidence.
But in another case. . even it harms.
. . Self-reflection can be helpful, but in some crisis situations in life, it can turn into rumination.
When you constantly replay negative thoughts in your head, thinking about the past and regrets. And the longer it goes on, the more problems you create for yourself and you become withdrawn. .
. So, out of all the possible types of loneliness, the least detrimental is the one you choose consciously, when you aim to improve yourself and establish a connection with yourself, without being distracted by the noise around you. But only if it is truly your decision.
You are improving your life, and if it doesn't last too long. It's insanely great when you become emotionally mature because of this, but very bad when you don't strive to create social connections at all. The line between improvement and self-destruction is very thin in this matter.
. . And if we look back at the past: people really were less lonely then.
Overall, it makes sense: in the past, there was a different social structure. People mainly lived in large families, villages had well-defined social roles, and values were completely different. But when did everything start to change?
When the person moved to the city. The problem is that they don't quite fit a person. For most of history, people lived in small communities, and now cities are overcrowded with people.
According to the theory of anthropologist Robin Dunbar, our brains can only sustain stable social connections with a limited number of people: approximately one hundred and fifty people. And when we are surrounded by so many people, it is just not possible to establish quality and deep relationships. That's exactly what we miss, and every passerby becomes just ordinary social noise.
Even in cities, there are so many external factors that a person's nervous system simply gets overloaded and is constantly stressed. On one hand, living in a big city is great. They provide us with services, convenience, comfort, opportunities, and freedom in everything, including self-expression.
And a large number of people allows us to choose who to communicate with An abundance of dating apps, interest-based communities, and the modern world in general have given us social networks! But when we replace organic with artificial, we only create the illusion of the desired. People who spend more time on social media feel lonelier.
To find a relationship on Tinder, it generally takes more than 285 matches. . .
In a separate video, we will discuss love and relationships. Write in the comments if you want to see an episode about this. It's important for me to know if you find this interesting.
Are you ready to give up on self-fulfillment and your goals? Probably not. .
. But, according to statistics, it is precisely because of this that we have become lonely. Individualism has become more common in recent decades.
We are increasingly focused on our careers, achievements, and wealth. This weakens our social connections. And very often people have to move to other cities and countries, losing their old connections.
We have started to work excessively and depend not even on the idea of self-fulfillment, but on the idea of money and prosperity, which has shifted our life into a banal survival mode. Because of finances, we often delay or even abandon important decisions like starting a family. And this is not a problem of the people, it is a problem of the modern economy.
. . In fact, we cannot meet our basic need.
Home prices have soared by hundreds of percent over the past half-century, but wages. . by a modest dozen.
I really like the meme: Seeing this, humans invented Excel and the eight-hour workday. Very funny! !
To tears. ( In other words, a person became lonely because they became free. What an irony of life.
. . And in answering the question of why we are lonely, I can point out several main reasons.
First: it's the lack of purpose in one's existence. When a person simply does not understand why he is studying, working, developing, or for whom he is doing all this. When the focus is on material things, not on the spiritual within oneself.
History knows many people who lived as hermits and did not suffer from loneliness. Because they had a motive, they were inspired by a goal. Because loneliness.
. is within. When religion played an important role in people's minds, it gave them a purpose in life.
When people lived for their communes, communities, villages They didn't have to answer this question. To us, as city dwellers, such a life seems somewhat backward. But.
. Do you have a goal? Now, in such a big, noisy, and fast world, we need to find it ourselves.
Not feeling complete inside, a person can surround themselves with hundreds of the nicest people, but they will continue to feel lonely if they do not fill this huge void within themselves. A person who does not know themselves as a person, soul, and energy. .
. will always be lonely. .
. Second: social networks. Yes, they have greatly simplified our interaction with people and friends, made a revolution.
But even an hour of texting can't replace 10 minutes of real conversation with a loved one. And we have overly shifted the responsibility for communication onto them. People who spend more than two hours a day on social networks are twice as likely to feel more socially isolated than those who prefer real life.
It is important for us to see more than just lifeless text on a smartphone screen. . A person needs.
. a person. We need touches, hugs, contact.
During the pandemic, another issue came up: the lack of physical contact. During the COVID pandemic, which further exacerbated the issue of loneliness, a study was conducted in which 83 percent of subjects reported a lack of physical contact: hugs, kisses, and other interactions. This disadvantage was associated with a deterioration in physical, psychological, and social quality of life.
Dating apps also contribute to feelings of loneliness and lack of love. After all, in Tinder, the average share of mutual matches is only. .
one and a half percent. An overflowing fridge doesn't always mean satiety. .
Third: the diminishing value of social connections. We live in an era where most people prefer casual sex over building long-term relationships, where the effort for long-term relationships is less appealing than a burst of quick emotions, and where friendship is often associated with personal gain. And social networks are increasingly replacing real life for us.
We live more in a world of illusions and expectations that we will eventually have something. Someday we will love someone. someday we will be happy.
forgetting that we live right now. And the fourth is excessive individualism. Self-realization is great, but it does not mean you have to do everything alone, avoid communicating with anyone, be a mysterious Sigma, and view every person only through the lens of your own benefit.
A person needs to understand that to be a complete individual, they must find themselves, an inner core, and strength. But in order to remain a human, he needs a human. .
All of humanity suffers from loneliness, and it carries a huge risk for the economy. Perhaps it benefits some of its sectors, but only temporarily, because in the long run we're all in a big trap. By 2050, many countries will face an aging population and declining birth rates.
This means the need for spending on healthcare and social programs will grow significantly. Research already shows that loneliness increases the risk of premature death by almost. .
30%, and society will become even more fragmented, leading to increased social dissatisfaction and political instability. As a social being, a person always unconsciously seeks community and belonging to a group. It is our natural need.
Loneliness and social fragmentation can lead to seeking radical forms of community, including extremism and fascism, or other authoritarian ideologies, which are great at attracting people who want to feel part of a powerful and unified community by playing on their needs. Moreover, productivity is declining everywhere: lonely people often suffer from depression, which means they work less efficiently, negatively impacting the economy. And the problem of loneliness itself will spread more and more.
And they are aware of this problem. In the year 2023, the World Health Organization established a commission on social connections. They identified loneliness as an urgent global health threat and social connections as a global priority.
How does the world plan to deal with this? Firstly, he plans to address this issue and promote the value of social connections. Secondly, governments develop programs aimed at integrating people into society, as well as support volunteering and improve social infrastructure, allowing both elderly people to maintain a social life and young people to have more places for convenient rest and communication.
In some countries, there is even a practice of social appointment. This is when doctors prescribe patients to participate in social events or volunteer programs in order to reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness. Quite a decent medicine.
. But how do we fight it? Apparently, loneliness is an inevitable part of progress.
But that doesn't mean we should just accept it. What to do, if you feel lonely? First, take the time to formulate your own purpose for existence in life.
It may take years to find the answer. But ask yourself: why are you here? Are you here to completely change the world, to make a revolution?
Or just to do a lot of little good things? It doesn't matter how large your goal is. Importantly, when you find it, you begin to live.
. . Secondly, reassess your priorities and the quality of your existing social connections.
Perhaps you feel lonely, even when surrounded by people. In that case, it is worth considering whether your circle of communication meets your needs and interests. Does your soul feel at peace around those you interact with?
Maybe your friends are not really your friends at all. Prioritize quality over quantity. Maintain relationships that make you happy and boldly sever ties with those who disturb your inner peace.
But if you don't have any environment at all, maybe you should first gain some quantity. Go to more events, exhibitions, visit co-working spaces, become part of communities, including online. For example, there is a community for my channel where we chat privately about interests, share experiences, make calls, and build a network, Also, every month we organize joint challenges to develop good habits.
And participants from common cities meet in person. Join us! It’s just a small part of what you'll gain there.
There is a lot of interesting stuff there. For example, access to guides and courses. .
Besides, it's a good opportunity to support the channel. And the link, is in the description. .
. And speaking of relationship quality, try to choose more casual places. There is always room for coincidences, but it is unlikely that you will find a close friend at a client search or investment gathering event.
And it is also very unlikely that you will find true love by the end of your life, on dating apps. And don't forget to ask yourself: what do you want? A person who is afraid of being alone and depends on other people, who doesn't understand what they want, what they value, how to set boundaries, and simply who they are, risks spending their whole life in dependent relationships and meeting people who are unsuitable for them.
So first ask yourself: who you even are? Maybe, you should try traveling alone. .
attending events, that you're afraid to go to without a social group, and just walking more often alone with your thoughts Before building any relationships. . Because if you cannot describe your relationship with yourself as friendly, then how do you plan to get rid of loneliness if the most important person in your life does not know you at all or even hates you, and that person is you?
Loneliness isn’t always bad. Sometimes it's a necessary stop to reassess your life, understand your true goals, and find harmony with yourself without getting distracted by external noise. But when choosing the path of conscious solitude, do not forget that you should not stay at this stop for too long.
It should improve you, not isolate you even more. . So don't forget to spend time with friends and meet new people while exploring yourself and the world around you.
But what can you do right now? ! Try mindfulness practices like meditation or journaling to explore your inner feelings and needs.
All of September we practiced breathing exercises in our community, and many people enjoyed my original meditation with my velvety voice. And speaking of tactility: get a weighted blanket. Research shows that it boosts the secretion of happiness hormones and the social hormone oxytocin, mimicking a hug.
Try to go for a massage occasionally, because like primates, humans really need touch. And don't forget to hug your loved ones: hugs are much better than handshakes. And generally.
if you have a social circle. try to spend more time with them. According to Robin Dunbar’s research.
meeting close ones at least twice a week has a significant impact on health and well-being. Such people experience stress less often, get sick less often, and generally feel better and happier, because this increases the secretion of oxytocin and serotonin. And if this is not possible, then try to call your friends more often, play games with them and keep in touch through messengers, and meet people in them.
Our chat has many profiles of people who might be from your city and share your interests. But don't forget about the balance between real communication and virtual. And don’t forget that.
. you are not alone. .
. If you still have them, visit your parents and loved ones more often. Spend time with them, write to them, call them more often, find out how they are doing.
Sometimes try to travel and relax together. Or at least, visit on holidays. .
. Loneliness is a problem for all of humanity. not just yours.
And while we’re young. we have many more opportunities to solve this problem or not feel it at all. And remember, loneliness always starts and ends in one place.
. . here.
. Here. .
. Explore your soul, find harmony and don't waste it on evil, toxic, or insincere people. Don’t let your good heart be overshadowed by evil.
. Don’t let your sincere intentions tolerate falsehood. .
Don't let anyone overshadow the light you radiate. . Because he becomes a guide for you and those.
. who around you. Don’t devalue your feelings.
. don’t devalue friendship and love. .
. In our artificial world. try to preserve at least that.
This was Albert with you, subscribe, join the community, and also follow me on social media. Be happy. .
. And all the best.
