how many of you when you were kids if a train was coming by you try to get near it run by it watch it maybe count the number of cars on the train how many used to do that when you were a little kid now you're on the way to work a train comes freaking train I'll give you clue the train didn't change but if every time you stay playful it'll get better and better and pretty soon the very sound that irritated you will put a smile on your face how many of you have something
in your environment a person or situation that gets they come in it pisses you off or it annoys you so what do you do when you have an environment something in the environment that triggers people you have to change what those triggers do to you one of those tools is understanding the power of priming this is something I do every single day so I don't hope that I'm going to show up as my best I prime especially days when you're exhausted or tired or hurting or whatever the case may be it's even more important but
it's important every day now priming is a psychological principle it's not a new principle but most people don't apply it most people who apply it are advertisers and marketers and most individuals don't apply it to themselves priming is this idea that you think your thoughts are your thoughts and they can be but they rarely are they're usually primed by something going on in the environment and if you learn to Prime yourself you won't be at the mercy of other people who may not have your best interest in mind or may not even know what they're
doing they're just priming it and so what does it look like one study that grabbed me one of the earliest studies I read was at Harvard and they took a group of people they took two actors a man and a woman and had them go rehearse doing an exact presentation over and over again they went to a mall and they went to a park and what they would do is they would walk up to you at the mall of the park and they had a coffee in their hand and they'd say excuse me could you
hold this just for a second and they wouldn't ask they handed to and looked down so you didn't have a chance to say yes or no and they'd reach in grab their phone do something on their phone put it back and say thank you so much and they take it back and they practice having the same facial expression saying with the same tone of voice and he used a man and a woman and they went to 150 people the man and woman One Way 150 another way they did everything ex identical except one thing half
the people they handed them ice coffee the other half they gave them hot coffee just for a few seconds now interestingly enough 20 minutes later somebody with a clipboard would come by back through the mall and they'd see you and theyd come up to you and say listen I'd like to ask you to read two paragraphs and answer one question and I'll give you $20 for it for our survey you read the two paragraphs of this little story and then the question was how would you describe the main character in this story and what's interesting
is over 81% of the people who were given hot coffee said the person was warm and genuine in the story they were reading 20 minutes later the ones were giving ice coffee 80% only a 1% difference variable natural variability 80% said the person was cold and calculating and uncaring exact same story 20 to 30 minutes later that's how powerful priming is in certain restaurants they use music to get you to eat faster and get out when it's busy they have tracks that do that so if you go to various restaurants especially big chain restaurants that
have a lot of money they've made it a science they know when they're getting really packed they put certain music in that primes you to eat more rle get out and it works there are places where you go buy wines and they'll play certain music they'll play Italian music and 70% of people will buy an Italian wine these are unconscious tools of influence so there's no question priming is real the question is are you being primed or are you doing the priming and in most cases you're being primed but I want you to actively take
control and Prime yourself when you do it it really really transforms you but if you don't do it you're just pretty much stuck with anything else so priming is happening all the time think of priming is like training we're training our brains we're training our minds and our emotions we're training each other by the way we treat each other and we're always doing the training my youngest son his name is Josh he couldn't walk down to the edge of the driveway and get on the bus to go to school he was so fearful and then
one day he came home and he had a whole different continence about him he was really playful and then I met his friend he met a dear friend who was two doors down they're still best friends today 30 years later 35 years later and and um and this kid you ever been with somebody have you ever been around somebody who's not really funny but they think they are and they crack thems up and they're not funny but the way they crack themselves up you find yourself laughing too who knows what I'm talking about that's what
this kid is he wasn't funny at all he just thought he was the funniest thing in the world and he laughed so hard you find yourself laughing so he made me laugh my off Josh was laughing his off and after he left I said Josh I said you really like this kid he goes yeah I said I said make him your friend for life he said why Dad I said because he has wired himself to find joy and humor in almost anything and if you spend time with him enough you'll develop the same pattern he'll
Prime you to be in a playful state right it all came from priming your best friends Prime you and you prime your best friends right I can remember one time my daughter was uh I think she was just turning 16 and she fell in love with his kid he played football he was in college and my daughter one night he showed up like 45 minutes late I mean she was so angry and so pissed off and thrashed him verbally I heard it from two three rooms down I didn't say anything the first time and then
the couple days later a similar thing happened instead of saying hey I miss you I love you I know you must have been engaged she was playing football the practice went long instead of doing that you're teaching him that you equal pain you are training him you are priming him instead of priming him to feel love from you like when you do see him you're sharing your love for him or your appreciation for him or your gratitude for him I said the fact he's not here you can find out why but he's not trying to
harm you part of understanding that we have tremendous power to influence each other and if you do something consistently you will Prime people but the place you want to start is priming yourself so we can prime ourselves so the very thing that used to irritate you that person that situation makes you feel great or you lose confidence you go to speak and you're freaked out you can prime yourself so that speaking makes you feel strong you can prime yourself for anything you do not have to wait and wonder or hope or react to your old
conditioning you want to keep doing that so it gets so wired it becomes your natural state it just means that gear is available to you anytime you want it it's on the edge whereas to most people especially right now in this country uncertainty not just this country around the world is the dominant emotion and uncertainty leads to fear right and fear that is continuous leads to sadness depression overwhelm and all the other things when you see a great athlete you see a great leader you see great anybody parent they have a certainty inside them the
certainty does not come from the outside world it comes from within and I want you to experience that I don't only just experience it I want you to leave with it in your nervous system so we're going to Prime the most important emotion of all if you prime yourself like this do you think it would shape the way you would interact with your world yes or no it happens you're in this state you handle a problem very differently right so priming is something you want to do minimum the next 10 days ideally at least 21
and then some of you may decide to commit to it 5 days a week or 7 days a week regularly if you make it the first thing you do in the morning it's only 10 minutes if you prime yourself it'll be different it doesn't mean you won't have problems or challenges just mean you'll have more of you ready to deal with it so you start your day in a beautiful state right and you build it up I in the beginning I did it in the morning and I did afternoon or evening I did both and
then now it's pretty well so wired in me I can do it very quickly and easily I do it just in the morning itself and most cases but if something was really crazy or stressful I might take 10 minutes in the afternoon or evening do it and then go deal with a situation from this state very different right let's see we can't control the outside world we can influence it we have absolute control of the inside world [Music]
