men used the image of female perfection to motivate themselves and that's exactly right that's precisely what they do you see that in the Tom Sawyer's story so Tom Sawyer is about 12 years old and he's still hanging around with his friends like Huck Finn and this wood girl moves across the street Becky and she comes out and he's struck by her for the first time in his life something's changed and the first thing he does is hop up on a picket fence and show off and balance in front of her and he's saying well look
at me look at me I'm he's like the male bowerbird building something beautiful so the female will approve of it and it's it's motivation you know and that's something that I think modern women don't really understand about men they don't understand that at least to the degree that males are uncorrupted and not better because of being rejected they're doing everything they can to kneel before the eternal image of the feminine and try to make themselves worthy that's the chivalry story right that's what you should encourage in your partner so and so out of chaos emerges
this first form it's the feminine form it's partly the form that represents novelty as such so and and on one hand its promise and the other hand its threat that you wouldn't believe and I don't know because I don't know I don't understand the situation with women as well as I understand the situation with men obviously being a man but I I don't know if women have any idea how paralyzing they are to especially young men a large number of my clinical clients but also young men I've talked to in general are absolutely terrified of
women because they're terrified of being rejected and the terror exists in precise proportion to their attraction to the woman which is a horrible paradoxical situation to be in it's often why men make such fools of themselves in front of women that they're attracted to it's because first of all they don't see the woman that they're attracted to because what the hell did they know about her they don't see her as an individual they see her as the manifestation of a judgmental ideal and then it's only in establishing the relationship with the actual woman that they
could start differentiating between the judgmental ideal and the actual individual woman and that also requires a sacrifice and the sacrifice is you never can have an ideal woman so to have a relationship with any woman you have to sacrifice the relationship with the ideal woman and you have to see the individual woman and separate her from the ideal and that's the same thing that happens to the hero in Sleeping Beauty right he sees the Evil Queen who actually turns into the dragon of chaos and it's not until he Knable he can defeat her that he
can establish a relationship with the actual princess and that's exactly the case I had a one of my clients who ran this men's group which was quite interesting one of the things they had the initiates do which was very intelligent was to go out and ask 50 women in one day for their phone numbers why politely properly you know it wasn't it wasn't this it was a game but it wasn't a stupid game and the idea was get over your fear of rejection and how do you do that by encountering it continually and continually and
continually so that you're no longer paralyzed by this
