[Music] how many of you are blamers how many of you when something goes wrong the first thing you want to know is whose fault it is hi my name is bernee I am a blamer let me tell you this quick story so this is a couple years ago when I first realized the magnitude to which I blame I'm in my house I have on white slacks and a pink sweater set and I'm drinking a cup of coffee in my kitchen it's a full cup of coffee I drop it on the tile floor it goes into
a million pieces splashes up all over me and the first I mean a millisecond after it hit the floor right out of my mouth is this damn you Steve who is my husband because let me tell you how fast this works for me so Steve plays water polo with a group of friends and the night before he went to go play water polo and I said hey make sure you come back at 10:00 cuz you know I can never fall asleep into your home and he got back like at 10:30 and so I went to
bed a little bit later than I thought Argo my second cup of coffee that I probably would not be having had he come home when we discussed therefore and so the rest of that story is I'm cleaning up um the kitchen Steve calls caller ID I'm like hey he's like hey what's going on babe what's going on um so I'll tell you exactly what's going on I'm cleaning up the coffee that spilled all like dial tone cuz he knows how many of you go to that place when something bad happens the first thing you want
to know is whose fault is it I'd rather it be my fault than no one's fault because why why because it gives us some semblance of control but here if you enjoy blaming this is where you should stick your fingers in your ear and do the na n n thing because I'm getting ready to ruin it for you because here's what we know from the research blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain it has an inverse relationship with accountability accountability by definition is a vulnerable process it means me calling you and saying hey
my feelings were really hurt about this and talking it's not blaming blaming is simply a way that we discharge anger people who blame a lot seldom have the tenacity and grit to actually hold people accountable because we spend all of our energy raging for 15 seconds and figuring out whose fault something is and blaming is very corrosive in relationships and it's one of the reasons we miss our opportunities for empathy because when something happens and we're hearing a story we're not really listening we're in the place where I was making the connections as quickly as
we can about whose fault something [Music] was
