now i don't read books i don't read books at all in fact i can barely read nasa wouldn't teach me in my head books are a more boring version of tv movies and comic books because there's no visuals to go off of you have to imagine what's happening with your brain and frankly they're asking me for too much i don't want to use my brain when i'm trying to be entertained i'm just trying to have a good time and you're telling me to imagine that good time man i should snap you for that if it
doesn't have pictures in it i'm not gonna read it giving me a book is like giving me a menu of no pictures like how am i supposed to know if the food is good if i don't know what it looks like you could be serving me a nasty patty in disguise and then i start choking to death all because the menu didn't have pictures on it that's what reading books feels like that's why i don't read last time i read an actual book on my own was in freshman year and it was of mice and
men of course i only read it for class but it was honestly pretty good and sad if you don't know this book it's about these two dudes getting a new job and working on a farm george and lenny lenny being the big strong guy and george being the smaller wise guy a big guy little guy kind of dynamic anyways they start working there and then one of their co-workers fiance starts flirting with lenny she's a thot she has a whole husband and she's doing this and while she flirting with him uh lenny accidentally breaks her
neck i skipped a few scenes but it happens that's what you get for hoeing around editing though uh i forgot her husband was an abusive alcoholic my bad i take back everything mean i said i mean i would smash then everybody and george find her body and lenny's gone and now everybody knows that lenny did it and then everybody's like hang him hang him but george is like oh no because lenny is like his childhood best friend and he knows he ain't all up there in the head he also knows he didn't do this on
purpose but there's no turning back this is where the sad part happens george finds lenny before the mob does and lenny is just stressing out cause he knows he did a seriously bad thing but george consoles him tells lenny everything is going to be all right he starts telling him about their dream of owning their own land living a peaceful life where they're both happy and lenny can pet all the rabbits he wants and then he was like oh the rabbits oh i can't wait to pet the rabbits george i can have a white rabbit
or i could have a black wobby and then without warning george just 360 no scopes my boy lenny in the back of the head goodbye my [ __ ] i really thought he was gonna pet those rabbits man got trolled man got punked but that was basically the last book i read every other book that was mandatory for me to read at school i just read chapter summaries online or even better course hero god bless them would have chapter summaries and explanation videos on youtube and each one was like no more than two minutes i
don't need to read a book again never gotten lower than a b in english in high school am i a genius but me looking back at the classic of mice and men it made me think damn i actually used to read at one point mostly as a kid though and it got me thinking about the books i've read during my childhood that was a long intro as a kid i was a reader i remember going to the library often and i remember going to my favorite bookstore often right here in front of barnes and nobly
[ __ ] every day if i wasn't at the manga section reading naruto i was getting the latest copy of diary of a wimpy kid i remember when this book was just a book to have all the time in the school library diary of a wimpy kid and bones were always checked out and i sadly never got into bone diary of a wimpy kid was pretty cool it was a blast reading greg be a piece of garbage to everyone with his psychopathic personality i had no idea i was reading ted bundy's childhood i can't believe
we never realized how much greg sucked as a kid man literally broke riley's arm didn't apologize then got mad at raleigh because he started getting more [ __ ] than him with his broken arm riley deserved better man and greg deserved that weirdo friendly wanna see my secret freckle weirdo man you know he's that neighborhood kid you don't wanna associate with any way roderick is the best character and i'll never forgive what they did to him in the fourth movie they greased them up like who is this i hate him i hope your kids look
like you there were so many other series to read as a kid there was harry potter boxcar children goosebumps animorphs there were so many options and the ones i just named i did not read i'm sorry not really but i'm sorry harry potter was way too long boxcar children look boring goosebumps was too scary and animorphs man this shitless looks stupid like what is this are they superheroes like what are they this looks gross fear has a new name jerk why would i be scared of a [ __ ] named jerk that can turn into
a spider i would just smash his spider ass to pieces but i do kind of regret not reading these series but a series i do remember kind of reading was 39 clues now i'll say kinda cuz i only read two books the green book and the medusa book and i don't remember anything about it i remember they was looking for 39 clues i remember that and a card came with the book that that's that's all i can think of that's all i remember the i survived series is cool though my favorite one is the 911
one like literally that's the only one i've read what is it about what do you think but a book i do remember i used to love so much was charlotte's web and i'm gonna tell you about it off of my pure memory of it alone keep in mind i haven't read this book in like over 10 years so this is pig out of ranch with a bunch of animals i forgot his name so i'm just gonna call him porky and he's like a showtime pig but nobody goes to see him because you know he's a
dirty ass pig and the owner of the ranch is like man this piggy not making me no money i'm gonna turn his ass to bacon then porky start crying like a [ __ ] like i don't wanna be turned into bacon and then he meets charlie who's like this cute and sexy spider girl and then she starts helping him writing these names and words on the web that she makes then porky just like sits under it and all the ranches customers are like oh my god it's so crazy spider-pee now porky won't be turned into
bacon no more cause he's no longer useless all thanks to charlotte then porky gets her pregnant then she dies from giving birth to their spider pig babies the end yeah i think i remembered it right it was a good book charlotte had me tweaking though like why is she looking at me like that well why is she looking at me like but the best childhood books would be the picture books they used to have in class you know the good night moons the very hungry caterpillar the given tree you know all that stuff but there's
just one book that i used to love as a kid but i hate it now and it's called the rainbow fish and i hate it because the message sucks so bad and let me tell you why so the rainbow fish is about this fish who is completely dripped out in shiny rainbow scales he is the flyest fish in all the seven seas and all the fish around him are like damn man look at him you see his scales those rainbows looking fresh you know that he has unspoken wrists and rainbow already knows what's up he
knows he is that guy then the fish around them are like yo can i get a scale okay can i get some scales it's basically asking yo can i hold a dollar and rainbow's all like no i don't even know y'all and then the next day after turning down all the fish who are asking for handouts they were all mad at rainbow and don't like them no more then rainbow starts to feel all sad and i'm like no don't feel sad those fish were fake they only like you if you give them something then this
crusty octopus comes out his crusty cave saying you should give away your rainbow scales to the other fish so you can make them happy which then will make you happy and of course i know that's some hogwash but rainbow listens anyway and what do you know everybody suddenly starts liking him as soon as he starts giving away his drip and that's basically the end everybody likes them now the whole message is supposed to be sharon it's caring but they don't care they only like him because he started giving away his scales he basically brought their
friendship those fish are nothing but clout chasers freeloaders they don't deserve rainbow scales terrible book terrible message you know what else is a terrible book if you give a mouse a cookie why would you give them as a cookie they are disgusting rodents kids are actually going to start thinking that if you give them as a cookie you're going to start having a gale time with a mouse but no that's not true you're going to get rabies terrible book you know what were great books though the guinness world record books it would just be mind-boggling
just to see these world records like world's longest fingernails dude with the buggy eyes i swear i see him in every single guinness world record book same with this dude with a coca-cola can in his mouth like no other [ __ ] can fit a can in their mouth anyways i want to talk about one last book well not just one book but books by the goat dr seuss dr seuss is the backbone of our childhood he has created some of the most iconic books of all time like sleep book the butter butter book and
the foot book [ __ ] book is actually fire these weird and zany characters which half the time i don't even know what they are like what are they like what is that thing that that's a little thing the stories were so weird and the words were so cool and i love dr seuss he is so inspirational man i remember my kindergarten class made green eggs and ham one day after reading the book i mean it tasted like ass but that's a memory i only have because of this man this man is a genius and
also most of his adaptations are also childhood classics i will always love how the grinch stole christmas both the cartoon and the jim carrey movie and that cat in the hat movie i don't care if people say that's trash i love it same with the lorax movie i love that too all of these were so great ah take me back dr seuss's catalog is literally filled with only classics not one piece of mid unlike one piece this man is the greatest children's book author of all time and not only that he is the greatest rapper
of all time do you see the bars he writes in every single one of his books he is writing rhymes like it's a second language tool he was the biggie smalls of children's books just look at the rhymes of his best album one fish two fish redfish blue fish the bars in this book is so out of control man man put on a beat yeah that's the beat i'm looking for yeah let's go you already know who it is one fish two fish rare [ __ ] blue fish black fish blue fish old fish new
fish this one's a little card this one has a little starface what a lot of fish they are yes some are red and some are blue some are old it's someone new some are sad and some are glad and some are very very bad why are they sad and glad and bad i don't know what thin in some of that the fat one has a yellow hat that's all y'all get if i went on for too long your phone or computer would just combust into flames but i'm not a rapper anyways dr seuss is the
goat not much needed to be said and that's kind of all the childhood books i wanted to talk about today now i know a lot of people are probably saying uh where's this where's this don't worry i'll make a part two to this i don't know when it's gonna come i can't cover everything in a timely matter my guy i ain't no anamorph superhero but where near in the end follow my twitter only tweet the best tweets and also join the discord server and in conclusion charlotte can get it [Music]
