Working hard for something we don't care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion. I think one of the mistakes that people make is they think purpose comes from their job.
I've been a whatever for so many years and when then I lose my job or I retire, I now don't have a sense of purpose because I've I so closely associated my self-worth with the job that I did. I knew what my job was. I had a sense of purpose.
And one wonders of those things are conflated, right? Which is I had a sense of purpose for my job, but then when I didn't have the job, all of a sudden I sense I woke up in the morning, didn't know what to do. The purpose is not your MOS.
Your purpose is not your assault gunner. Your purpose is not the job that you wake up to do every day. Your purpose is something bigger.
I have five little rules that you can follow as you find your spark and bring your spark to life. The first is to go after the things that you want. Let me tell you a story.
So, a friend of mine and I, we went for a run in Central Park. The Roadrunners organization, uh, on the weekends, they host races, and it's very common at the end of the race, they'll have a sponsor who will give away something, apples or bagels or something. And on this particular day, when we got to the end of the run, there were some free bagels and they had picnic tables set up, and on one side was a group of volunteers.
On the table were boxes of bagels and on the other side was a long line of runners waiting to get their free bagel. So I said to my friend, "Let's let's get a bagel. " And he looked at me and said, "Ah, the line's too long.
" And I said, "Free bagel? " And he said, "I don't want to wait in line. " And I was like, "Free bagel?
" And he says, "Nah, let's it's too long. " And that's when I realized that there's two ways to see the world. Some people see the thing that they want and some people see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they want.
I could only see the bagels. He could only see the line. Because the rule is you can go after whatever you want.
You just cannot deny anyone else to go after whatever they want. You don't have to do it the way everybody else has done it. You can do it your way.
You can break the rules. You just can't get in the way of somebody else getting what they want. Rule number two.
In the 18th century, there was something that spread across Europe and eventually made its way to America called fever, also known as the black death of childbed. Basically, what was happening is women were giving birth and they would die within 48 hours after giving birth. This black death of childbirth was the ravage of Europe.
And it got worse and worse and worse over the course of over a century. And these doctors and men of science wanted to study and try and find the reason for this black death of childbed. And so they got to work studying and they would study the corpses of the women who had died.
And in the morning they would conduct autopsies and then in the afternoon they would go and deliver babies and finish their rounds. And it wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s that Oliver Wendell Holmes realized that all of these doctors who were conducting autopsies in the morning weren't washing their hands before they delivered babies in the afternoon. And he pointed it out and said, "Guys, you're the problem.
" And they ignored him and called him crazy for 30 years until finally somebody realized that if they simply washed their hands, it would go away. And that's exactly what happened. When they started sterilizing their instruments and washing their hands, the black death of childbed disappeared.
The lesson here is sometimes you're the problem. Take accountability for your actions. You can take all the credit in the world for the things that you do right as long as you also take responsibility for the things you do wrong.
It must be a balanced equation. You don't get it one way and not the other. You get to take credit when you also take accountability.
Lesson three, take care of each other. The United States Navy Seals are perhaps the most elite warriors in the world. And one of the seals was asked, "Who makes it through the selection process?
Who is able to become a seal? " And his answer was, "I can't tell you the kind of person that becomes a seal. I can't tell you the kind of person that makes it through buds, but I can tell you the kind of people who don't become seals.
" He says the guys that show up with huge bulging muscles covered in tattoos who want to prove to the world how tough they are, none of them make it through. He said the pining leaders who like to delegate all their responsibility and never do anything themselves, none of them make it through. He says some of the guys that make it through are skinny and scrawny.
He said some of the guys that make it through, you will see them shivering out of fear. He says, "However, all the guys that make it through, when they find themselves physically spent, emotionally spent, when they have nothing left to give, physically or emotionally, somehow someway they are able to find the energy to dig down deep inside themselves to find the energy to help the guy next to them. They become seals.
" He said, "You want to be an elite warrior? It's not about how tough you are. It's not about how smart you are.
It's not about how fast you are. If you want to be an elite warrior, you better get really, really good at helping the person to the left of you and helping the person to the right of you. Cuz that's how people advance in the world.
The world is too dangerous and the world is too difficult for you to think that you can do these things alone. If you find your spark, I commend you. Now, who are you going to ask for help?
And when are you going to accept help when it's offered? Learn that skill. Learn by practicing helping each other.
It'll be the single most valuable thing you ever learn in your entire life. To accept help when it's offered and to ask for it when you know that you can't do it. The amazing thing is when you learn to ask for help, you'll discover that there are people all around you who've always wanted to help you.
They just didn't think you needed it because you kept pretending that you had everything under control. And the minute you say, "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm stuck.
I'm scared. I don't think I can do this. You will find that lots of people who love you will rush in and take care of you.
But that'll only happen if you learn to take care of them first. Lesson four. Nelson Mandela is a particularly special case study in the leadership world because he is universally regarded as a great leader.
You can take other personalities and depending on the nation you go to, we have different opinions about other personalities. But Nelson Mandela across the world is universally regarded as a great leader. And he was asked one day, "How did you learn to be a great leader?
" And he responded that he would go with his father to tribal meetings. And he remembers two things when his father would meet with other elders. One, they would always sit in a circle.
And two, his father was always the last to speak. You will be told your whole life that you need to learn to listen. I would say that you need to learn to be the last to speak.
I see it in boardrooms every day of the week. Even people who consider themselves good leaders, who may actually be decent leaders, will walk into a room and say, "Here's the problem. Here's what I think, but I'm interested in your opinion.
Let's go around the room. " It's too late. The skill to hold your opinions to yourself until everyone has spoken does two things.
One, it gives everybody else the feeling that they have been heard. It gives everyone else the ability to feel that they have contributed. And two, you get the benefit of hearing what everybody else has to think before you render your opinion to keep your opinions to yourself.
If you agree with somebody, don't nod yes. If you disagree with somebody, don't nod no. simply sit there, take it all in, and the only thing you're allowed to do is ask questions so that you can understand what they mean and why they have the opinion that they have.
You must understand from where they are speaking, why they have the opinion they have, not just what they are saying. Practice being the last to speak. One afternoon, I went to buy a cup of coffee and there was a barista by the name of Noah who was serving me.
Noah was fantastic. He was friendly and fun and he was engaging with me and I had so much fun buying a cup of coffee. I actually think I gave a 100% tip, right?
He was wonderful. So, as is my nature, I asked Noah, "Do you like your job? " And without skipping a beat, Noah says, "I love my job.
" And so, I followed up. I said, "What is it that the Four Seasons is doing that would make you say to me, "I love my job. " And without skipping a beat, Noah said, "Throughout the day, managers will walk past me and ask me how I'm doing, if there's anything that I need to do my job better.
" He said, "Not just my manager, any manager. " And then he said something magical. He says, "I also work at Caesar's Palace.
" And Caesar's at Caesar's Palace, the managers are trying to make sure we're doing everything right. They catch us when we do things wrong. He says, "When I go to work there, I like to keep my head under the radar and just get through the day so I can get my paycheck.
" He says, "Here at the Four Seasons, I feel I can be myself. " So, we in leadership are always criticizing the people. We're always saying, "We got to get the right people on the bus.
I've got to fill my run my team. I got to get the right people. " But the reality is it's not the people.
It's the leadership. If we create the right environment, we will get people like Noah at the Four Seasons. If we create the wrong environment, we will get people like Noah at Caesar's palace.
There was a former under secretary of defense who was invited to give a speech at a large conference about a thousand people and he was standing on the stage with his cup of coffee and a styrofoam cup and he took a sip of his coffee and he smiled and he looked down at the coffee and then he went off script and he said, "You know, last year I spoke at this exact same conference. Last year I was still the under secretary and when I spoke here last year they flew me here business class and when I arrived at the airport there was somebody waiting for me to take me to my hotel and they took me to my hotel and they had already checked me in and they just took me up to my room and the next morning I came downstairs and there was someone waiting in the lobby to greet me and they drove me to this here same venue and handed me a coffee cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup. He says, "I'm no longer the under secretary.
I flew here, coach. I took a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself in. When I came down the lobby this morning, I took another taxi to this venue.
" And when I asked someone, "Do you have any coffee? " He pointed to the coffee machine in the corner and I poured myself a cup of coffee into this here styrofoam cup. He says, "The lesson is the ceramic cup was never meant for me.
It was meant for the position I held. I deserve a styrofoam cup. Remember this.
As you gain fame, as you gain fortune, as you gain position and seniority, people will treat you better. They will hold doors open for you. They will get you a cup of tea and coffee without you even asking.
None of that stuff is meant for you. That stuff is meant for the position you hold. It is meant for the level that you have achieved of leader or success or whatever you want to call it.
But you will always deserve a styrofoam cup. Remember that lesson of humility and gratitude. You can accept all the free stuff.
You can accept all the perks. Absolutely. You can enjoy them, but just be grateful for them and know that they're not for you.
And so I keep meeting these wonderful, fantastic, idealistic, hardworking, smart kids. They've just graduated school. They're in their entry- level job.
I sit down with them and I go, "How's it going? " They go, "I think I'm going to quit. " I'm like, "Why?
" They're like, "I'm not making an impact. " I'm like, "You've been here 8 months. " You know, it's as if they're standing at the foot of a mountain and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world, which is the summit.
What they don't see is the mountain. I don't care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly, but there's still a mountain. And so what this young generation needs to learn is patience.
That some things that really really matter like love or job fulfillment, joy, love of life, self-confidence, a skill set, any of these things. All of these things take time. Sometimes you can expedite pieces of it, but the overall journey is arduous and long and difficult.
All you need to do is have the will and the desire to want to understand what drives and inspires you.
