Why It Sucked To Be Born as a Triceratops

you don't remember how you got here but you know you've always been here for as long as you can remember there's nothing to see here because it's dark but not completely dark because there's some kind of dim light coming from somewhere but you're not sure where you always been quite content in here it's warm and comfortable but all of a sudden you're feeling a nurge to stretch out and push so you do you seem to have some kind of tiny horn on your nose so you use it to push against the walls that surround you

you push harder and suddenly more light breaks through push again and a bit more and that's it and suddenly you emerg blinking into the light welcome to A Brave New World you take a look around it's warm outside it looks Lush and green but wait what's that and what's that and what's that this place looks terrifying I've made a terrible mistake let me back in I don't like it here please let me back in help me okay calm down that huge monster is actually mom she looks pretty big and strong no not pretty just pretty

big and strong she'll definitely be able to protect you though so that's good let's hear you roar okay that was embarrassing let's hope nobody heard but as long as you avoid getting eaten you'll have plenty of time to work on it but is being a Triceratops good or bad well sorry to break this to you but it's not going to be fun because being a Triceratop was never very easy and spoiler alert you just happen to have chosen the very worst moment possible to be born a Triceratops so it's not going to end well for

you either basically your life will suck and your death will suck even more but we'll get to all that in good time so let's try to make the most of it while we can oh look you're not alone it looks like you've got some little brothers and sisters who are also struggling to emerge from their eggs but you don't care instead you look around to see if you can find something to eat you see there's plenty of vegetation that's good because you're a herbivore a plant eating dinosaur so you make your way out of your

nest towards the nearest plant you can see your snout ends in a beak which is great for pulling leaves off plants so take a big bite and stuck in your teeth are perfect for this kind of diet too as you grow you'll develop what's called a battery of teeth that means you'll have Columns of teeth piled one on top of the other they keep growing to replace the ones above as you wear them down you'll only have around 40 active teeth at any one time but with all the replacements lined up and ready to take

over you might have up to 800 teeth in your head at any one time and that's important because you're going to be huge so you'll need to spend a good portion of your life eating ooh be careful mom's there to protect you but you don't want to get Trampled Under her feet she's the size of a mountain and you won't look much like a baby Triceratops anymore if she steps on you you settle into a routine which basically means following mum about all day trying not to get stepped on and eating as much as you

can your head is huge relative to your body so you prefer to eat low growing vegetation although once you get bigger you'll be able to knock down bigger plants and trees to get to the leaves that way too you live with your mom and other adult Triceratops maybe your mom's sister and a few other babies and juveniles other dinosaurs in your neighborhood include anosa surus an absolute tank of an animal that wanders about flattening vegetation eating the same plants as you and clubbing anyone who comes too close with his massive bony tail then there is

Pache sealosaurus a dinosaur that seems to enjoy spending its days banging its bony head against the heads of all its buddies and there are quite a few other dinosaurs besides them and some of them are not that friendly there are some weird hairy creatures too mammals they'll be called eventually but that's not something you'll ever know or need to worry about they eat dinosaur eggs when they can get them but they're mostly too small to bother even a baby Triceratops so you don't pay much attention to them in the far distant future some mammals will

evolve into monkeys and some of the monkeys will invent something called movies in the movies they'll have something called a VelociRaptor but Velociraptors are not something you'll need to worry about either for two main reasons first Velociraptors live in a place that will eventually become Asia but you live in an area that will become Montana in the USA so there are no Velociraptors here second even if there were velociraptors where you live they still wouldn't bother you because they're only about the size of a turkey turkeys are a kind of weird looking dinosaur descendant that

will appear in the far distant future but don't worry too much about what a turkey is the main point is that real velociraptors were nothing like the big scary ones in the future monkeys movies and they definitely wouldn't be able to kill a Triceratops like you especially when mum's around but what you do need to worry about are Dakota Raptors medium-sized meat eating dinosaurs that look like the Velociraptors from the movies but are much bigger these guys are about 30 ft long nose to tail they have sharp teeth and slashing Claws and they share your

patch so if you see any about you'd better make for the bushes and hide ASAP oops oh well you can't all make it huh congratulations you're now a juvenile Triceratops you've still got a long way to go before you're fully grown but you're already well on the way your main horns are getting nice and long so you'll be able to protect yourself a bit better you won't want to tangle with any Dakota Raptors by yourself because they hunt in packs but if you stick with your family you should be more or less safe but there

are much worse things out there to worry about than just a few skinny Dakota Raptors because you're alive during the late Cretaceous and you know who else is alive during the late Cretaceous well you won't be able to smell him because your sense of smell is poor and if he attacks you from behind you won't be able to see him either because that great frill on your head creates a huge blind spot but just turn around and take a quick look yep him because Triceratops lived alongside Tyrannosaurus Rex T-Rex is your Nemesis and this one

looks hungry yeah these showdowns probably weren't actually a thing T-Rexes were unlikely to attack fully grown Triceratops adults like in some of the other monkey movies because with those formidable horns the Triceratops would have been too dangerous to tackle but a baby or juvenile sure that would make a tasty T-Rex snack so just be thankful mum was there to get you out of trouble this time so now let's concentrate on eating as much as you can every day because once you reach a certain size even an adult T-Rex will leave you alone probably good job

you're now a sub adult you've made it this far and the odds of you remaining alive have increased significantly this is a good age for a Triceratops so enjoy it you're big enough to handle yourself but you're not old enough to worry about having to buy a car getting a mortgage starting a family or getting into debt so just make the most of your days now is the moment to leave your family and head off on your own up until now your family group has provided safety and protection but Triceratops are not particularly sociable animals

so you set off into the wide world in search of New Life Experiences exciting culinary adventures and the chance to get the perfect incess snap next to a cool looking volcano for the next few years all you need to do is eat drink poop and sleep it's an easy life that doesn't need much thought which is a good thing because dinosaurs like you were never blessed with great intelligence look we all know what's coming it's already in the galactic post and is hurling through space towards you and as we speak but even without that your

kind were never destined to be featured among the planet's great thinkers but you're good with that leave the philosophy to the monkeys your thing is plants so just crack on and eat as many of them as you can time for a promotion you're no longer a subadult Triceratops you're a fully grown adult and you're the size of an African elephant don't worry if you don't know what an elephant is that's another reference for all the monkeys will be watching this video millions of years from now but with your new status comes new concerns new responsibilities

and new experiences and here comes one now right on Q he greets you with a low rumbling call your ears are adapted to hearing such low frequency sounds and the meaning is clear he thinks pretty hot but wait who's this another one ambles out of the undergrowth and it looks like there's going to be a confrontation they both have impressive Frills and their Frills are now flashing with a color display that's designed to impress you while intimidating the Rival but neither seems too intimidated so it's going to come down to a fight the two males

lock horns literally and an epic battle of pushing and jostling ensues finally with both males exhausted the the loser beats a hasty Retreat blood dripping from several wounds on his face and fr the Victor is also injured but he doesn't care because he has won the prize yes that means you so brace yourself because this huge T ton dinosaur is getting ready to climb up onto your back and do his thing well that was an ordeal at least it didn't last long somehow you expected more of him he must be tired and then before you

know it you're scraping out a nest and filling it with eggs of your own and and the circle of life continues your babies have been born and just like your mother before you you do what you can to keep them safe you've joined up with a couple of other females and their offspring and your family group provides you with safety and numbers but then one day it happens the fight of your life a young adult Tyrannosaur catches you offg guard he's too young to know any better and the two of you begin circling each other

locked in a combat that could easily turn deadly for one or both of you he darts forward biting at your frill he catches your horn in his mouth and bites down hard with his huge teeth he slips off but uses one of his claws to scratch at your side then you charge forward with your horns opening a wound in his thigh you both back off and begin to Circle again both looking for a way out but as you Circle above you something rushes through the sky you feel it first on the ground a rumbling sound

that turns into a roar the ground shakes and you both fall to the ground with with the ground still shaking violently you get to your feet the Tyrannosaur does its best to run in the other direction and the sky above you begins to turn black a massive asteroid around 9 M across has just smashed into the Earth and the result will be that you your Offspring all other triceratops and every other non-avian dinosaur along with 3/4 of all plant and animal species on Earth will quickly go extinct in the coming weeks and months deprived of

sunlight due to the cloud of dust that fills the sky the plants will all die you'll have nothing to eat and you and all the rest of your kind will quickly starve to death and this is why being born a Triceratops really suck after all your struggles surviving to adulthood and starting a family of your own enjoying the good times and getting through the bad there's nothing you can do because you and so many others like you are all about to die so let's hope you enjoyed being a Triceratops while lasted because now now your

time's up