Charles Paris Situation Tragedy A | Jeremy Front, Simon Brett | BBC Radio Drama

You moved again, Charles. >> No, I don't think so. >> You did. You definitely did. >> Actually, you did. Actually, you moved your head. >> Everyone's a critic, but for a change, my reviewers were evening class art students. One of whom was my full-time landlady and part-time life partner, Francis. >> Your chin was up. Now it's down. >> They're right. You were facing the door before. >> Trust the cute tousled head tutor to toss his four penny into the ring. >> Here's a trick. Find a still point on the wall and focus on that. >>

If I hadn't been in a state of semi- desarba, I'd have applied my boot to a still point on his backside. >> That's more like it. Great. Now try not to move. >> When Francis told me her life class Needed a model, I thought, hey, why not? Money for old rope. Turns out sitting around is not the dodle I thought it'd be. >> You moved your head again. >> And your shoulder >> and your knee. >> Head, shoulder, knee. How are my toes doing? The toes are fine, but the drapery is slipping. Let me adjust

your sheet. >> Oh, that's better. I'll chalk you up Later. >> Shouldn't we start with flowers and dinner? >> I'll mark your position before we break. >> Oh, if we're breaking, I could murder a makiato. >> We've only been going 10 minutes. >> Whatever a jib is. I didn't like the cut of his or for that matter the special attention he was giving my semi- detached wife. >> Oh, you've got a strong hand, Francis. Steady, confident, but also delicate. Your kira school is very sensitive. >> Thanks, Barry. >> Give me a break. >> Everything all

right, Charles? >> Dandy, >> why is the sheep moving? Charles, >> what are you doing? >> I know what he's doing. >> I'm not doing anything. >> He's got his phone under there. He's texting. >> I'm not texting. I wasn't texting. I was googling agents because even my loyalty has its limits. And after months of silence from Morris, I was at breaking point. >> Oh, what now? >> Leg cramp. >> All right, I'll take a break. Keep still while I >> Oh, mind where you're going with the chalk. >> That's the last time I do

you a good Turn. >> I was doing you a good turn. >> You were being paid. Remuneration renders a good turn null and void. >> Null and void. I was on minimum wage >> to do nothing. All you had to do was keep still. You do that in front of the telly all the time. >> You think modeling's easy? You want to try it, mate? >> Mate, what are you, Tony Hank? >> I tell you, Quentyn Crisps risen even Higher in my estimation. >> I bet he didn't call for an intimacy coordinator. >> You weren't

on the end of Ben's chalk. >> You're not even his type. >> You are. >> What? >> With your strong, delicate hand and your sensitive Kirauro. Thanks, Ben. >> Oh, do grow up, >> she said, blushing. >> I'm not blushing. >> Blushing. >> Why don't you >> Oh, >> answer your phone. >> I would I would if I could find it. First time the old shyer rings in months and I can't >> here. >> Why have you got my phone? >> I confiscated it while you were stretching your crampy leg. >> Unbelievable. >> Talk to

Morris while I make some tea. >> Tell me everything's done and dusted because I'll be back next week and if I see a single pot of paint, you'll be hearing from my lawyers. >> Paint? >> What? >> That's my question. >> Who is this? >> Charles. >> Charles who? >> Paris, one of your clients. >> What are you doing in my earbuds? >> You hit the wrong C, didn't I told Siri to dial Twallic. >> Who's Twick? >> My builder. >> You told the builder who was actually Charles the client. You'd be back next week.

Back from where? Don't tell me you're on holiday again. >> I'm on leave. >> Brigadier generals go on leave. Agents go on holiday a lot. How long this time? >> Oh, just a few. Oh, signals terrible. >> A few days. >> Weeks. >> I've been trying to get hold of you. >> It's a high stress job, especially with clients like you. >> Yes, sir. Frank, ready when you are. >> Who's Franker? Where are you? What are you doing? >> My instructor about to set off. >> Off. What? There's a mo. >> Morris. Morris. We better.

It's George here. Where? >> My leg. >> Ouch. [Music] >> Morning. >> No. >> Any coffee in the pot? >> No. It's like living with a teenage boy. >> Yeah. >> Screams away. >> I'm busy. >> I didn't ask to be born. >> What are you doing that's so serious? >> Research >> into what? >> I'm on a group chat putting out feelers about agents. >> What about Morris? >> I'm not going to ask him. >> You've been with him forever. >> Exactly. Familiarity breeds content. >> But he's not just an agent. He's a friend.

>> That's the problem. Agents shouldn't be friends. It's a professional relationship and ours is on the rocks. >> He's ill. >> He's not ill. He's injured himself doing something reckless and stupid and entirely avoidable. Man of his age shouldn't be on the pie. Name one person you know who's come back from a skiing trip without a plaster cast. >> So you're leaving Morris because he went skiing. >> Not just the skiing. The skiing is the final straw that broke the agent's leg. >> What? >> While he's been guzzling glue vine and gorging on fondue, I've

been selling my body. >> Honey, after yesterday's performance, you couldn't give it away. >> Someone's ears are burning. >> Oh, >> aren't you going to pick up? He's probably dialed the wrong number again. >> Oh, for >> Hello, Morris. How's the leg? >> Making me appreciate Tony Shar's crutch work on Dicki 3 at Stratford. >> You're still in hospital. >> They sent me home. >> I'm in a cab. But I wanted to share some good news. Is he there? >> No. >> Putting you on speaker. >> Uh, all right. >> I'll be in a wheelchair

for the foreseeable, but that's enough about me. Um, you know Tim Leman comedian talks about his personal health. >> I know who he is, but I don't know him. know him. >> Tim Leman's been given a comedy pilot. >> Of course he has. >> And there's a Charles Paris shaped hole in it. No comeback, no repost, no retor. >> Where's the catch? >> No catch. Parts yours if you want it. Thank you, Maurice. You're welcome, Charles. >> Have you seen the script? >> I'm sorry. I thought I was talking to Charles Paris. If it goes

a series, you'll be a regular character. What's it to be? Yes or no? >> Yes, of course. Yes. >> I'll let them know. Unless your new agents found something better. >> What? >> If you're playing the field, you might want to remove me from the group chat. >> Oh, well, don't look at me like that. >> I'm saying nothing. [Music] >> Within the hour, the script, such as it was, pinged onto my tablet just in time for a leisurely read in a hot bath. >> Okay, scene one. Tim's group therapy session. Oh god, >> I'm

coming in. >> I've got Morris. >> Don't bring him in here >> on the phone >> again. >> He's in a bit of a state. >> You're on speaker, Morris. >> Lousy, rotten, stinking shy. >> Who? >> Fool. >> Me? >> Me? My god, he ru the day. >> R. Who's going to ru? >> Twic the moonlighting builder. >> A monthly his head. One month. Builder months are like six human months >> for a simple slate tiled wet room with combined steam sauna and plunge pool. >> Damn this cost of living crisis. >> All right,

Owen Jones, >> get some perspective. Take a step back. >> I'm in a wheelchair. >> All right, roll back. Look at things in context. >> As soon as I found somewhere to stay, I'm going to sue him from tuckers to breakfast time. >> That's another option. >> He's going to learn the meaning of the word pain. >> Why do you need somewhere to stay? >> My place is uninhabitable. It's a building site. >> Call you, Francis. >> I wish I could help. Francis, >> I mean, I've got the downstairs room, >> Francis. >> Oh, darling,

that's very kind. >> There's an onuite bathroom. >> No, Francis. >> Oh, it's a generous offer, but I >> There are steps up to the front door. >> But once he's inside, >> I suppose shortterm it could work, but I don't want to be a nuisance. >> You wouldn't be. >> Oh, it's times like this you find out who your real friends are. >> Is that a yes? >> You're a mench. >> That's Yiddish for sex work. >> That's corn. This is going to be fun. >> I'll stick a few things in a cab. Maybe

a people carrier. Make it a mini bus. Be on the safe side. >> Stuck in the middle with you. Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you. >> Most actors find readthroughs fraught with nerves and insecurity. Some perform, others mumble, while writers get that thousand yard stare, waiting For years of hard work to live or die on that table. Hello, mate. How's it going? >> Ash, >> you didn't recognize me. >> Of course I did. >> I didn't. >> It's the beard. >> It's the beard. That's it. >> It wasn't the beard. The beard was

the least of it. Ash Amos was 30 years my junior, but wearing some cruel city years. >> Every time we finish filming another season of D, I let it grow out for a bit of privacy. >> Well, it's the price of fame. Oh, >> mate. Mind you, can't complain about the odd selfie. >> He said complaining about the odd selfie. You wouldn't believe how that's taken off. And we're talking globally. America, Australia, Germany. Japanese fans actually dressed like me. >> Wow. How can you tell? >> Well, not me. Me when I'm playing Dart. >> Ah.

>> Inspector Dart always wore a hoodie, sweatpants, and trainers. As did Ash Amos and half the population of the world. But I didn't want to rain on his transitory day in the sun. No one was dressing like me. Vintage chic meets charity shop cheap. Some days I look in the mirror and pinch myself. I'm like, "This is what it was like to be a Beatle." >> This triggered a PTSD flashback to the time I played a tiny role in an episode of Dart and my first exposure to Ash's Ego. For anyone who's been living in

a cave, Inspector Dart was a maverick breakdancer whose Olympic dreams were dashed after a mistimed monkey flip. Now a maverick cop, he executes his duties with the fearless abandon of a competitive B boy. A crimesolving street dancer who comes up with this stuff. >> I'm surprised your people let you do a Comedy pilot. I'd have thought you'd be on an exclusivity deal. >> The manager hates golden handcuffs and I don't want to get typ castle. She played hard ball. >> I was glad to see your name on the call sheet. I bloody hate readroughs. With

that, all I have to do is scull meaningfully into the middle distance, then hit someone. With comedy, you need a reaction. You want laughs. We're not going to get those in a room full of Suits. >> It was a point. Apart from the suits bit, all TV execs now dress as if queuing for a flight to Ether. >> There's the star of the show. >> Self-identifying as funny, Tim Leman rose to fame with an award-winning confessional tour, Leman's Demons, in which he exposed his innermost problems to packed houses who like celebrities with issues. >> You

read the script? Of course. I don't Mean your bits. Cover to cover, starter to pudd. And >> wow, did you laugh? >> Uh, >> smile. I thought it was just me. >> I quite like the bit where the girlfriend dumps him at couples counseling, but only cuz he's such an unlikable git. I wanted her to do better. >> My manager sold it to me as a sitcom, not sit track. >> The press release calls it an uplifting issueled dramdy for Gen Zed Z. >> Pardon? What? Oh, what? Oh, there comes Shelby world. >> Get down.

Oh, has she messed your cargo pants? >> That's what they are. >> I I need the pockets. >> Hello, you Judy. This is >> Charles Parish. >> Paris. >> Big fan. >> Well, such a fan. She got my name wrong. >> But you must have worked together. And if we haven't, I feel like we have. I know your work. So, >> we hadn't and she didn't. But it was a well- meant gesture designed to make me feel good. >> Judy Gilmore. Yeah, >> like I didn't know who she was. Judy Gilmore was one of those

' 60s/70s figures whose public profile was matched Only by her colorful private life. >> Ah, I said stop it, Dupy. >> Oh. >> Oh, sorry, Charles. >> No, no, no. She's um she's um What is she? >> A docker. >> As in ship building. >> As in datau. >> Leave him alone, madam. Ah, >> young Judy had a poncho for marrying Musicians, ultimately winding up with Stevie Dean, drummer of 70s Prague rockers Fractal Mirrors. >> She likes you, Charles. >> I like her. >> Stop flirting, you wicked little mink. >> Me? >> Oh, where contemporaries

floundered, Judy weathered the storms, navigating the choppy waters from Bond girl to the doldrums of middle-aged moms. Now she majestically cruised the sparkling Waters of nostalgia casting. She was in short a national treasure. >> All right, hun. Um I'm uh going to slope off to and to >> Davees. >> Davees. That's it. I I told him I'd uh >> go over the studio. >> That's it. Uh see what he's >> doing. >> Recording. >> All right, sweetie. Well, before you go, let me introduce Ash and >> Charles. I saw the fractals at the 14-hour Technicolor

Dream in ' 69 and again at the White Festival in 70. That was a very uncool fanboy intro. >> Not at all. Um, >> Charles. >> Charles. Not at all, Charles. It's uh, you know, nice one. Yeah, >> I think he smiled, but it was difficult to tell behind the unnecessary indoor mirrored shades. >> All right, Jude. Uh, text when you want Me to uh, you know, >> pick me up, >> right? >> Drive carefully. >> Always do. See you, J. >> Yeah. >> Thank you, Charles. >> For what? >> You made his day. >>

He made mine. >> Tell me, who's the sorrowful wife with ankle trousers, no socks, and a vitamin D deficiency? >> That's Tim. >> Suppose I'd better go over and be gracious. >> Where's the men's room? >> Gender free, mate. All in together. Not literally, I hope. [Music] >> A cubicle was just what Dr. Feelgood ordered. And the capacious pockets of my cargo pants were like Mary Poppins carpet bag. If Mary drank blended scotch For what we are about to receive, one more for the road, Charles. Why not? You stop following me around like a sad

rescue dog. >> Just a We've got nothing to chat about. >> 5 minutes. >> I'm going to the L. >> I'll wait. >> Don't. >> I thought we were gone. >> We were. Now we're not. >> Don't be. You can spare me. Fine. >> I'm at work. I'm going to the L. And when I come out, I want you gone. >> I can see you in one of Go. >> And don't come back. >> I could kill you when you're like this. >> Just you try it cuz I'll take you down. I take you down

hard. I didn't recognize her voice, but something about his. I sneaked out to the corridor in time to glimpse the rear view of a round shouldered man in a knackered leather jacket entering the Lift. >> Doors closing. >> Where had I seen that slouched hang dog stance? Laughter coming from the read through room. >> I can smell alcohol. >> Um, antibacterial gel. >> Single or double? When I heard laughter, I thought you'd start it >> with this script. No, the laughter's duty, charm, the truth. >> I knew she'd be fun. >> My old man's got

a thing for her. >> She's always been a beauty. >> The good work never shows. >> Good work. >> She's had more work than be put. >> A gentleman doesn't comment. >> Lucky I'm not a gentleman. >> Ash Charles. I'm Sadie. >> I recognize the voice as my cubicle neighbor. >> I have got a [ __ ] job title, but all You need to know is I'm assistant to God Almighty. So, anything you want or need within reason and the eyes of the law, come to me. Welcome to Tim's Got a Thing, or thing as

he calls it. In case you're wondering, most of this not our seat fillers, placeholders, or a general waste of DNA. >> Ah, coffee. >> Cheers. Thanks. >> Okay, who's in the room? >> Yeah, >> left to right. She's head of comedy. >> He's a producer talking to one of the three executive producers. That one's a development producer. That's an assistant development producer standing with an associate assistant development producer. The one in bold statement glasses is something to do with furtherance. >> No, me neither. And the one they're all fawning over is the chief executive of

creative content. Still with me or Losing the will to live? >> A lot of titles for a half hour sitcom. >> Don't say sitcom in front of the head of narrative comedy stroke content. It's an uplifting issueled dramdy. >> What's the difference between the chief executive of creative content and the head of narrative comedy stroke content? >> Uh, about 50k a year. >> I am so on the wrong side of the camera. >> If you'll excuse me. I use a gent before we start. >> You pointed out the back office staff. What about the creatives?

>> Obviously Tim's name's in the title, so he's also showrunning. But as he's never written narrative, they brought in Itchy and Scratchy to do the heavy lifting. >> She indicated a downcast woman doomscrolling her phone and a wayfaced lad picking his nails with a propelling pencil. >> Don't ask which is which. They're interchangeable. >> What's the director like? >> Scott industry nepo babe. Mom's in the music business. Dad's a big deal producer and all round operator. >> But can he direct? >> He's a safe pair of hands. He'll get the job done on time, on

budget. Then he'll be off racing around on his motorbike. >> Count your blessings. >> Why? >> Because standups think they can do everything. Tim Leman wanted to direct Till someone persuaded him to concentrate on first time writing and first time acting. >> Okay, let's have a little, shall we? >> Looks like Scott's failing to get some attention. Uh, if a job needs doing, >> guys, >> shut up you lots. >> Thanks, Sadie. Okay. Exciting. Welcome one and all. Really excited to finally get you all together. I'm really excited to to start work on this this

>> exciting, >> incredibly exciting series. >> But that's enough of me yaking. >> Let's have a read. I'll read in action and stage instructions. Okay. Cold opener. Interior therapist's office. Tim on couch sobbing. Then turns the camera, stares down the barrel of the lens, and says, >> "Oh god." [Music] >> Okay, if I sip my wine. >> Yes, but try not to lose the pose. >> You know, I could get used to this. Bit boring after first night parties, red carpets, charity gardens. >> Oh, this is so peaceful. So relax >> luggage. >> Holy crap.

>> Sorry, I was waiting for you to get back. >> This is me getting back and possibly going straight out again to A&E. Did Did you have to leave it in the middle of The hall right in front of the Oh my god. >> Evening. >> Why is he naked? >> I am not. >> He's not. >> He is from where I'm standing. There's a difference between naked and nude. It's a matter of context. Viewer versus boyer. >> Where did Kirsty Lang appear from? >> Male gays versus female gays. >> All the gays like me.

>> Zedi, not YS. >> Will you cover up? >> I'm partially dressed. I'm wearing a plastic leg brace. >> Which somehow makes the overall effect worse. And strangely, it's not the leg brace that's drawing my eye. >> So, bourgeois, >> get yourself a glass. Morris brought this. >> Rather cheeky little I had tucked away. >> If that's a pet name. >> It's the wine. >> I'm not in a wine mood. >> What? Who are you? What have you done with the real charge? >> It's been a tough day. >> Would you like to share? >>

We had a read through. I'm sorry. I can't talk with you sitting like that. >> How about like this? >> No. Stop moving. >> Relax. >> I can't when it's following me around the room. >> We should probably have something to eat. >> I'm not sure I could face food. >> Dinner's on me. >> Well, I might force something down. >> Pass the dressing gown. >> That's my dressing gown. >> You'll have it back as soon as my are in my quarter. >> Okay, that's it. >> Where are you going? to shove the accutrants in

his lordship's quarters. >> Try the chewacio. >> I'll swap you a bit of my lamb. >> Oh, look at you. I feel like a proud father. >> I didn't even know the conot did take away. >> If you know, you know. >> Well, it's very good of you. >> No, it's good of you to put up with me. Isn't this nice? Like designed for Living. >> We are not a null coward. Menoja. >> You're getting very stage in your doage. I'm at the peak of my late adolescent stroke, early middle years. >> Less. >> Don't

say stroke at your time of life. >> What was so tough today? >> Well, I had an uncomfortable moment in the laboratory. >> We're eating. >> It's It's one of those unisex setups. >> Unisex? >> Is this 1972? >> Were the ladies wearing trousers? >> If you finished, I was stuck in a cubicle while a big shouting match was going on outside. >> Cubicle? >> What? >> I'm enjoying the mouth feel of the word. >> How much have you drunk? >> Who was shouting? >> One I discovered was Sadi who works on The show. you

because >> will you stop? >> What were they shouting about? >> Sadi told a bloke not to follow her round. >> Creepy. >> She got him so wound up he said he could kill her. >> No chance. >> What? >> Don't start. >> Start what? >> You know what? >> People say things all the time without meaning they're literally going to kill. >> She's right. >> Was before or after the read through? >> Before. >> And was Sadi at the read through? >> Yes. >> Then the mystery man didn't murder her. >> No. But >>

but what? >> What? But >> it's still an odd thing to say, don't you think? >> No. I've lost track of the times I've said things like that. Invariably after a phone call with you. >> Very amusing. >> How was the read through? >> The script isn't funny. >> Funny is subjective. >> I know. But >> fashion's changed. >> I know. But >> did you see Tim's standup show? >> I was washing my hair that year. >> Leman's Demons was two hours of him unbburdening personal trauma. It was like group therapy and they loved it.

Audiences left in tears, >> of laughter, >> of recognition. People want to be seen and Tim saw them. >> Critics love triumph over tragedy. Francis is right. They'll love Tim's got a thing. Niche viewing, cult following, They'll be all over it. Wait till awards season. >> What's the thing? >> Tim's thing. >> He's got all sorts of issues, or issues, as he calls them. >> Issues are very on trend. Very sexy. >> If Tim's character is anything like the actual Tim. I'm amazed he can function in the real world. >> Sounds like this generation, some

mothers do have them. I always thought Frank Spencer had a thing, but nowadays crazy is glamorous. >> Morris, >> it's true. Sickness sells. After a hard day's craft, people don't want to sit down to watch perfect lives. They want suffering celebrities with a thing. I keep telling my clients, you want a career boost, get yourself a thing. >> Wow, >> you invited him to stay. [Music] [Applause] >> Location shoots require a UN peacekeeping force in residential streets. >> Morning, Sadie. Maybe for you, not so much for me. I know you want to get your kids

to school, but leaning on the horn really isn't help in the name of all that's holy. Will you please shut the >> I think that's Judy's car. >> Morning, lovely. >> Sorry, Judy. I didn't see you in there. >> Where can Stevie stick? >> I've got one idea. >> Nicely. >> If you can just hang on while I deal with >> Yes, I know. I heard you and I'm doing my best. While facilities and wardrobe clogged the road like arterial fat, I took refuge in the catering truck. Taking a fry up breather, I noticed a

silhouetted figure walking past, hunched, round Shouldered, the same man I'd seen disappearing into the lift after the laboratory contratop. Why was that hang dog stance so familiar? >> You seen Sadi? >> Um, last spotted trying to avert World War II. >> Judy's got a massive great winny bagel. >> It's a bit personal. It's like bloody for a sai on wheels. >> Okay. >> It's not okay. Not okay at all. >> She's got sty with her. >> Maybe I should bring a dog in with me. >> What type have you got? >> I haven't, but I'll

buy one if it means a decent trailer. >> A dog's not just for filming, Ash. Anyway, Judy's Judy. >> Yeah, and I'm Look, you know me. I don't give a damn about all that A-list beist crap. I'm I'm not that guy. But if we're going to play status games, there should be Parity. >> Trailer parody. >> I need to find Sad. Good luck with that. He marched off in high dungeon, leaving me to tackle a second sausage and wonder why you never see low dudgeon. Then through the tinted glass, I saw Sadi pursued by Stupy,

pursued by Judy. Get her off. >> Oh, she bit me. Now she's drawn blood. You little >> Get away from my dog. You control your Animal or I'll have her removed from the set. kick or forceful pushing aside, Sadi had crossed a line. If Judy's smooth face had been able to express emotion, it would have been blind fury. The Edwardian house had been extended in every conceivable direction with glass everywhere, glass walls, glass doors, glass roofs. The end of the garden had a raised patio affording me a vantage point over the distant chaos. I felt

like Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window Minus Grace Kelly or a broken leg. Morris was welcome to that. >> Four stories plus roof terrace inside and out. The place resembled an ants nest crawling with crew. >> Come here. >> Shut him. >> Good timing. I'm sitting in the sun watching a makeup artist chasing Judy. Chasing her docker >> as in ship building. As in a daxund cocka spananiel mix. >> Oh, I'd like one of those. >> You've got Morris. Oh, no. >> What? >> It's just a Amos choosing the wrong time to hustle the production assistant

about the size of his trailer. >> And speaking of Morris, >> he's driving you insane. >> No. >> Give it time. >> He's offering to feed us again. >> Oh. Sadi stormed off, leaving Ash Huffing and puffing alone. >> Thing is, we can't eat fine dining takeaway every night. As Ash exited stage left, Stevie Dean entered stage right, carrying Stupy and looking for Judy. >> Apart from the expense, by the time Morris leaves, I'll be the size of a house. >> Charles, >> there's that bloke again. >> Did you hear a word I said? >>

He's disappeared around the side of the house. >> Clearly not. >> Remember the man and woman yelling outside the gender free Lou? >> A Lou is a Lou, Charles. >> Never mind the Lou. Where have I seen that man? >> Oh my god. >> Charles, what's wrong? Shock and instinct had me up and running. Descending from the roof Terrace, something had smashed through a glass skylight. Moving closer, I saw Sadi sprawled on the stone tiles of a wet room with combined steam sauna and plunge pool. As her blood seeped into the blue gray slate, I

couldn't help wondering if this was the work of Schwallik, the moonlighting builder. >> Tough day, Charles. I've known better. Thought that was the face of a troubled man. >> You can see stress in a rear view Mirror. >> You won't believe what I see in this mirror. What you need some kickback music. >> What I need is a large scotch, but we'll go with the music. >> Leave it to me. >> I'd been filming a grimly unfunny comedy when a production assistant fell through a skylight and a situation comedy turned into a situation tragedy. >>

I'm searching for something relaxing on Free unwind. The onset death brought everything to a juttering halt, and we were all sent home till further notice. >> How about this? >> The theme from Vertigo couldn't have been less relaxing, but Argal's heart was in the right place, unlike Mercedes. >> If Morris is in the buff, I'm going straight to bed. I've had my trauma for the day. >> He's fully clothed in the sitting room. >> What about you? >> In the kitchen, >> also clothed. Very much so. >> You do know that's a grapefruit you're tenderizing.

>> I didn't have a steak. >> Not quite the answer I expected. >> I've had a bit of a day >> that mine was worse. >> You think >> Morris? >> How'd you guess? >> Only he can drive a person to pulverize A citrus fruit. >> Francis was a sucker for a lame duck, or in this case, a lame agent. Morris had broken his legs skiing, and his fly by night builder had broken their contract by failing to complete Morris's new wet room on time. I did warn you. >> Don't gloat. >> No gloating. I

never gloat at a woman holding a tenderizing mallet. All I'm saying is you were warned. >> Okay, you were right. >> That's a first. >> You'd say I'm a reasonably good person, wouldn't you? >> Well, better than me. Admittedly, that's a low bar, but yeah, I'd say you're a good person. Virtuous even. And yet Morris has driven me to thoughts of violence. >> Imagine he's your agent. What's he done? >> He's turned the sitting room into an office, monopolizes the TV remote, and delivers a running commentary on Everything I want to watch. I tell you,

I'm having serious Titus Andronica's fantasies. I swear to God, never in my life have I wanted to hit a man in a wheelchair. >> Hello, Morris. >> Time for your meds. >> His or mine? >> Were my ears burning? Like the wicker man. >> Hate to interrupt a nuptial moment. Tweak's husband and wife, but it's time For a non-ceelebrity to be expelled from the bake off garden of Eden. Oh, and don't worry, I I'll risk a regular tea >> as opposed to >> Morris only drinks decaf in the evening. >> It's like house sharing with

Jimmy Hendris. >> Is that a grapefruit? >> It was. >> Come on, Francis. Don't want to miss the entirely unnecessary cake. Jeopardy. >> I need a drink. And I don't mean tea. >> You and me both. So, how bad was your day? >> Oh, you know, a lot of sitting around and then someone died. >> What? >> A production assistant fell off a roof terrace, went through a skylight, and wound up on the expensive tiles of a wet room. Cheers. >> Where did this happen? >> Some poor Sod's. Well, some rich Sod's house, which is

now crawling with police In disposable overalls. >> When was this? >> This morning. >> Who was she? >> Name was Sadi. And you missed a question. You asked what, where, when, and who. You didn't ask why. >> Why? What? >> Why did she Paul? I assume by accident. >> Maybe. >> Charles, >> just wondering. >> You don't know what >> you know. What? Were you on the roof terrace? >> No. >> Were you in the wet room? >> No. >> Where were you? >> At the end of the garden. >> Big garden? >> Very. >>

So, not close to the house. >> Well, no, but I heard her scream in the Smashing glass. >> Sometimes accidents happen without sinister motives. >> Sadi was the woman I heard yelling at a man in the gender-free Lou the day of the read through. >> Why are you so obsessed with gender free lues? Most loser, gender free, but loser side. So what that you heard two people arguing? >> Immediately afterwards, I went into the corridor and saw the lift doors closing On a man who looked I don't know. >> Like a man who'd been shouted

at in a loom. >> Familiar. He looked familiar. I just couldn't figure out why or where from. >> But I saw him again today hanging around the chute just before she fell. >> Enough, Charles. >> But Francis, >> look at me. >> Look into my eyes. It was an accident. a fatal accident. >> But an accident, they happen. Admittedly, more often when you're around, but even when you're not, accidents happen. >> I don't believe it. >> What? The gym buddy from Love Island got a Hollywood handshake. [Music] >> There was a brief hiatus, partly out

of respect for the deceased, but mainly for the police and insurance purposes. Then the call came and once again I found Myself in the back of Argyle's electric car. >> I We've got royalty on our tail. >> How can you tell? >> Bentley with smoked glass thrashing me to get out the way. That's either Royal City or a drug dealer. All right, mate. Calm down. I'm pulling over. >> As the luxury tank drew alongside, the passenger window slid down to reveal Judy Gilmore with Stupie, her beloved Docker, on her. Watch him disappear. >> The Bentley

took off without effort, which was when I realized it was being tailgated by a motorbike clinging to its rear bumper like a needy raora fish attached to a shark. >> Some idiots don't want to live. Oh, I like this one. >> With time on my hands, I opened an app and noted down everything and everyone I'd seen leading up to Sadi's death. I remembered Ash Amos spoiling for a fight with her because his trailer was so much Smaller than Judy's. I remembered seeing Judy's rock musician husband wrangling their dogy. I saw Judy defending the mut

when Sadi complained that it bit her. And I recalled the dog's yelp when Sadi lashed out at Doc Martin. And who was the round shouldered man in the neck and leather jacket? I'd seen him hanging around the set shortly before Sadi died. Did any of this amount to foul play? Or was Sadi's death, as Francis insisted, An accident? >> You asleep, Charles? >> What? No. Well, not anymore. >> Only we're nearly there. >> From a B- road, we entered a narrow, highedged lane, which opened onto the gravel drive of an 18th century mana house, which

in Tim's Got a Thing, doubled for his rehab clinic. Like a child on his first day at school, I was shepherded to makeup. >> Good morning, Charles. Americano, Espresso, cappuccino, macchiato. >> The streets of heaven are missing an angel today. >> Double shot. >> You bet. Bullseye. >> Take a seat. >> How come makeup always have the best coffee? >> If the actors start the day happy, everyone's day gets off to a good start. Of course, not all actors are as easy as you. Ooh, you can't say that without Naming names. >> Oh, I shouldn't.

But have you ever worked with >> God, I love this job. Gossip, flattery, and great coffee all before breakfast. >> The words granola, fruit, and yogurt mean anything to you. >> I don't hold with modern breakfast fads. >> I pity the state of your gut microbiome. >> It's done me all right so far. >> You're still living dangerously eating a bacon roll and ketchup in costume. >> You're never too old to learn from a senior actor. Look, jackets inside out and back to front. >> I thought it was an amusing outfit for comic purposes >>

in this show. Fair point. >> I didn't see your name on the call sheet. >> I'm just hanging out. >> Isn't that above and beyond the call of duty? Or are you watching how the pros do it? Learning from a master. >> An old bastard with ketchup on his chin. >> Have I? Oh, damn. Have you seen the size of this place? >> I know. Nice gaff. Seven acres. Tennis courts round the back. >> Talk about lemons. Who lives in a place like this? >> Me. >> What? I do >> live in a place like

this. >> Not like this. This is the house that that bought. Finish your cars and I'll Give you the tour. >> Oh. >> We walk through the kind of house you only ever see in TV shows and think, who lives like that? Now I knew. Screening rooms through there. That's the gym. >> And through here is the Amos Arms. My very own pub and man cave. Ash had the tastes of a 12-year-old boy and thanks to Dart, the money to indulge them. >> Come back. We'll shoot some hoops. >> Oh, nice try. >> Well, I'm

I'm I'm more of a of a footballer. >> Oh, get a ball. >> No, no. I I I better not get too sweaty. Makeup will kill me. >> Oh, good point. Yeah. >> Come here, stupid. >> And it runs in the opposite direction. Stevie, can you fetch Stubby? >> Poor Sad. >> Stevie or Stuppy? >> Well, one of them's got a dog's life and it's not the dog. >> Stevie, >> you never believe he used to smash up hotel rooms. Now he drives Judy around, chases after Stuffy, and picks up his mess. >> Doesn't seem

to mind. He looks devoted to Judy. >> Now he's peeing against the motorbike. >> Stevie. >> Stupid. >> I think that's the bike I saw tailgating their Bentley earlier this morning. >> It's our directors, >> Scott. I didn't have him down as a speed freak. Probably a midlife cry for help. Rich coming from the guy with his own pub and man cave. I wouldn't want a TV crew running wild on my country pile if I had a country pile. >> Good to keep people on side. You never know what the future holds. >> Inspector Dark

can't be insecure. >> We're all insecure, Charlie. >> Even with 10 times 2 hours of ITV prime time. >> Never count your chickens. >> Your eggs are laid with 24 karat gold shells. >> That's been good to me. It keeps the wolf from the door. But you still got to make a while the sunshines. Stuck in an idiomatic rut, Ash went on to tell me he was cooking up a comedy vehicle for himself, possibly involving the sun, Hay, eggs, and chickens. >> It's very much at the development stage. >> Are you writing it? >> I'm

not an idiot. I've commissioned one of the writers from this. >> This was a pilot for a depressing comedy co-written by the aonomous Tim Leman with two hired guns doing the heavy lifting. >> Rides are surprisingly cheap, and you can claim them as a business expense. >> Maybe I should pitch a vehicle for me. Yeah, everyone else is. Even Judy's trying to flog a project for Scott to direct. But Danny's just happy to work on something with jokes. >> Which one's Danny? Itchy or scratchy? >> Do what? >> Sadi nicknamed the writers Itchy and Scratchy.

>> She was a right piece of work. >> You weren't a fan. >> Could say that. >> What's mean? >> Nothing. >> I didn't much care for her, but it was mutual. >> Could you say I was difficult? >> Difficult actors never considered themselves difficult. When I politely point out that Judy's winning bagel was twice the size of mine, she bit me head off. >> Judy Sadi, she completely lost it. I had to look up a couple of experiences and I'd work with Burkoff. >> Ready for you, Charles. >> Catch up later. >> I'll be

around. >> Scene a spa retreat where Tim has been sent to relax. Action. Tim's mom Judy and her new squeeze me are enjoying an illicit weekend at the same place. I'd like to say with hilarious consequences, but I'd be lying. >> There you are. >> What are they arguing about? >> The script, of course. >> Oh, tensions were running high between Tim and the writers, while director Scott tried to arbitrate. >> Where have you been? >> Ash was showing me around his gracious home. >> Dressed up like Lord of the Manner. I said he looked

like Guy Rich's idea of a to >> Oh, Judy. >> Well, sometimes you have a thought and it just sort of slips out. Am I a wicked Woman? >> Why do people keep asking me if they're good or bad? >> I'm definitely bad. >> I'd say impish. >> I'll take that. Can I check your makeup, Judy? Of course, darling. >> What are they arguing about? >> Tim thinks it's too comedy comedy. He's got a bee in his bonnet about cool comedy and uncool comedy. >> Well, any comedy would be a blessing. >> Close your eyes.

>> That's enough hairspray, darling. Think of the planet. >> Your turn, Charles. Is this tomato ketchup? >> Oh, yeah. >> Oh, mucky p. >> Oh, coming in with a wet wipe. >> I bet they're going to spring a last minute rewrite. >> Oh, it's not fair on us. I mean, they've had months to get it right. >> I've seen this before. >> No. A standup who was fine alone on stage, but couldn't handle working with script and actors. >> Don't understand. This is not what I need right now. Okay, >> that didn't look good. Here

comes Scott. I don't think you two are going to be needing any makeup. >> Judy Charles, sorry about this. We've uh well, there are problems with the script that need fixing. So, I'm sending Everyone home and we'll reconvene after the weekend. >> Want to attend? Will you shut up? >> No, not you, Murray. Sorry. Can you hold the line for a For's sake, Charles? I'm brokering a very big deal for a client. An important client, Charles. Which one? >> Which one? What client? None of your business. Who is it? >> Mind your own. >> I

know. First name begins. >> I haven't got time to play riddle me re. >> Tell me where she is and I'll leave you alone. >> I never give out clients details. >> Client Francis, but now I know it's an actress. >> I said she's been painting in there. >> Good call. Don't trust him, Murray. He makes Trump look honest. >> Go. Sorry, Murray. My butler thinks he's funny. >> O, where were we? >> Mind your clothes. Have you been butchering something out here? >> It's a lizarin crimson. >> It's everywhere. >> I'm not sleeping well.

I had this horrible violent vivid nightmare. So, I thought I'd try to exercise it in paint. >> Whoa. >> Inspired by Gentileles. Judith slaying holofernies >> who bears a striking resemblance. >> It was paint him or hurt him. >> I'll have a word. >> Do it now. >> He's on the phone to LA. He's constantly on the phone to LA when he's not on the phone to the office or clients or his builder or his wine merchant. And when he's not doing that, he's got a wine merchant. >> He thinks he can buy me off

with vintage mar. >> He can buy me. >> No, Charles. That's what he wants. But You mustn't let him. That's how the devil works. Me nephilub. He goes by many names and he's everywhere. >> We are talking about Morris. >> He's everywhere, too. He takes calls in the bathroom. He set up a ring light in my kitchen. I wanted to make a cheese sandwich, but he was on a Zoom call to Steven Spielberg. >> Spielberg was in our kitchen. >> I'm at my wit's end. A piece of elastic Could only be stretched so far. >>

I'll speak to him. I'll lay down some house rules. >> Do it now before life imitates art. >> Why do they do it? >> You want to call? >> Just scrolling through my feed. >> We need to have a chat. >> Can you believe this guy? >> Establish some ground rules. >> I can imagine him sitting at home. Actually, more precisely, house rules. >> Oh, the pub. >> Pub? >> What? >> You said pub? >> You're like one of Pavlov's dogs. I was talking about a bloke who follows me. >> Where? >> You don't do

socials, do you? If you dain to use these platforms, you discover the self-appointed critics who spend their days reviewing. >> Reviewing what? >> Practically anything, but in his case, telly. He wrongly assumes that everyone wants to hear his opinions, and you ought to know better cuz he's in the business. >> That would be like me criticizing another actor in public. >> Well, we all do it, but we do it in private. Does he think they won't see it? >> Who knows? He certainly doesn't understand the concept of cause and Effect cuz he moans on about

being out of work while systematically pissing off potential employers. >> Speaking of pissing people off, >> I've annoyed Francis, haven't I? >> You may want to employ a food taster. >> I'm not easy to live with. My therapist says I've got work life balance issues. >> Just dial it down a bit. >> He's at it again. Now he's slagging off Dart. >> Who is this guy >> here? Have a look at this. Even in a tiny profile pick, I recognized the hunch shoulders and hang dog expression. It was the man I'd seen hanging around the

set. Howard Langage. That's him. I knew the face, but I couldn't place it. About a thousand years ago, he directed me and out to play. Oh, yes. BBC Children. >> He didn't used to be bold, but that's him. Who? The mystery man. The bloke who's been hanging around the set. Are You sure? >> Definitely. Can you send him a message? No, I don't want him pestering me for work. If you want to reach out, set up your own account. I ran myself a bath and reluctantly prepared to join 5 billion other people in the needy

process of requesting friendships. Howard Langage was very quick to accept, which piqued my curiosity. I started by friend requesting Judy Gilmore, Ashamos, Scott the director, the girls from Makeup, Argyle, my driver, and anyone else I could find from Tim's Got a Thing. Always liked her request. Can't stand him or him. Definitely not him. It was like everyone I knew was at a party no one had told me about until I pushed open the door and there they all were. Not sure I should friend request her 40 years on. >> Are you still in the bath

only? It's nearly midnight and I wouldn't mind brushing my teeth and going to bed. >> Midnight? >> I I don't know what happened. One minute I was reading Howard Lang's unsolicited critique of Dwayne the Rock Johnson's new movie. >> The next minute it was 2 hours late. >> Yes. >> You've fallen down the social media rabbit hole. >> Well, no one told me it causes a shift in the space-time continuum. >> Go to bed. Well, well, I've had 11 12 13 Friend requests. >> Bed now and turn your bloody phone off. >> All right. >>

The first double espresso took the edge off a broken night. >> The second sharpened the edge of the morning, and the third was just elevating me to a state of grace when gales of laughter led me into the sitting room. >> What did you say, Bongo? I've forgotten a Frank Z mustache. Is that me? Now to Play 1973. >> Watch go out on the river. What do you think, children? Shall I take Bongo out on the river? >> Where did you find this? >> Well, thanks to YouTube, your past sins are out there for all

eternity. Would >> you like to come with me and Bongo in my rowing boat? >> You wouldn't do that now without a DBS check. >> Happier innocent times. >> The 70s. >> That's it. Climb into the >> I wouldn't let a child go with anyone wearing those dungarees. >> So tight a pre-light. >> They were the height of fashion. >> Ready children? >> Oh, looks like a kilo of Jersey royals down there. >> I'll leave you to your phone. >> Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is a dream. >> I headed off for a lunchtime drink

with Howard, who'd messaged me, suggesting we meet up for old time's sake. The Duke of York wouldn't have been my watering hole of choice. It was less a pub, more a holding bay for the sad and lonely. Among whom sat Howard, hunched, round shouldered hang dog, like his surroundings. He looked weary and defeated. >> I was surprised when your name popped up. >> Oh, you thought you thought I was dead. >> Well, you get to an age when it's not unusual. >> I see you're in the new Tim Leman pilot. Good for you. How are

you finding Scott as a director? >> Well, he seems >> one of the lucky ones. >> Golden boy. Can't put a foot wrong. To be honest, I haven't done much yet. >> Oh, no. We've had a couple of setbacks. >> Oh, dear. >> Did I detect a smile? A smirk of belligerent shardan Freder? >> That's a shame. >> He made a quick recovery. Face returning to a tacitturn frown. >> Setbacks, you say? >> If it had been a smile, was it the smile of a man who'd done something bad and got away with it? >>

What kind of setbacks? Well, for one, the script's all over the place. You didn't hear that from me. >> Mom's the word. But far worse, we had an onset death. >> Really? >> Yeah. >> Like a poker player looking for a tell, I scanned his face for the slightest twitch. >> Illness or accident? >> A production assistant fell from a great height. You say a production assistant? >> Her name was Sadi. >> What? >> Howard? >> Oh, no. >> Are you Are you okay? Um, I need some air. >> Okay. >> I followed him out

to an ashtray unironically signposted as the beer garden. >> Why can I never find a lighter >> here? >> Thanks. Sorry about that. >> No. >> You probably think I've lost it. >> No. >> Thing is, I knew Sadi quite well. Actually, very well. >> Right. >> Extremely well. live here. >> Yeah, I get it. >> Until I realized I didn't know her at all. Sorry, I I'm talking like a romcom script. >> It was still better than the script of Tim's Got a Thing. >> You know, our world, we get thrown together. Everything's fastm

moving, accelerated. People are away from home, relationships develop, call it a midlife crisis, whatever. I thought Sadi was more than a travel lodge fling. I knew to my disadvantage the perils and pitfalls of show business affairs. >> All those TV dramas where marriages end amicably. >> Yeah, >> they're all bollocks. My wife made a Bonfire out of my clothes. She damn nearly set fire to the ones I was wearing. You think I'm an idiot? >> No. >> Well, I am. I was. I was deluded enough to think that Sadi was the one. Act three of

my personal real life drama. >> Did you have a round with her the day of the read through? >> How do you know that? Dangers of gender-free laboratories. I was in the next cubicle. What? Why were you in the Building that day? >> The truth is I can't get arrested. I'm out of work. I can't pay the bills. Can't meet the alimony. I'm clinging on by my fingertips. Keep this to yourself. >> Mom's the word. >> Sadi knew everyone and everything that was happening. So, I went cap in hand to see if she could help.

She didn't want to know. Told me in no uncertain terms I was an embarrassing interlude and to sling my hook. But I saw you again the Day of the accident. >> I can't afford to be proud. My agent's given up on me at sink or swim. Thought I'd have one more shot. Throw myself in her mercy. Beg if necessary. But she was busy or trying to avoid me or both. So I gave up and left. >> You knew nothing about the accident. Not until you told me. >> I saw you leaving around the side of

the house. >> So I'm trying to remember the timeline Of events. the last time I saw you. >> Why are you looking at me like that? >> My god. You're not suggesting I had something to do with the accident. I'm down on my lock, not a bloody murderer. >> I didn't say >> you better not. Where's my phone? >> Your phone? >> Oh, Facebook friends like you. Who needs enemies? Do me a favor, Charles. Don't stay in touch. I bought myself another scotch to numb My embarrassment and was licking my wounds when the production office

messaged to say we were back filming the following day. >> See you later, Charles. >> Cheers, Argyle. >> We'd had a clear run and Argyle dropped me bright and early at Ash's stately gaff. >> 20 minutes. >> What's that? >> 20 minutes door to door. I broken my PB. >> Very good. I passed Judy and Stevie a couple of miles back. The old rocker's not going to like that. >> From the luxurious comfort of his Bentley, I doubted Stevie Dean could care less. But it clearly meant a lot to Scott, who could barely suppress his

childish excitement. >> Bit of a dinosaur, >> Stevie. That luxury status symbol they drive around in. It's less a car, more a drawing room on wheels. >> Well, when you get to their age, >> by the time I get to their age, world governments will have banned gas guzzlers like that. >> But surely your bike runs on fossil fuels. >> No comparison. Look at it. Morning, Judy. >> Darling. >> Oh, >> okay. Get. All right, Stephie. That's enough. >> Leave him alone, you little mink. >> Right. Better get a wiggle on. >> You're bright and

early, Charles. >> The early bird catches the full English catering service. >> I'm going to come with you and get you into healthy eating. >> Oh, see you later, darling. When I was modeling, we used to spray our food with cologne. It tastes disgusting, but you're >> Thank you, everyone. We bought that. See You all tomorrow. >> Our thinly drawn characters were cliche, but hey, it was work. >> Night all. >> Have you seen Stevie? Charles. >> Uh, the car's over there. >> Yes, but he's not in it. Isn't it sty? >> What's that? >>

You haven't seen Stevie, have you? >> He's probably taking the dog for a pee. See you tomorrow. >> Oh, Guile. You haven't seen a miniature Daxund, have you? >> Daxon cocker spaniel mix. Sorry. >> Yeah, it ran off and the gentleman chased after it. >> Oh, dog. Thank you. >> Most likely cocking a leg. Yes. >> And the dog. >> Yeah. >> Ready, Charles? >> Yeah, absolutely. >> Let's see if I can top this morning night. All >> boys and their toys. Oh, I thought a nice drop of mot for the home run. Perfect. >>

Oh my. >> What was that? >> I'll call 999. >> Dazed and confused, Stevie came hurrying around a bend in the lane. >> Stevie, what happened? Are you all right? Her husband's rock and roll palar was an even whiter shade of pale than usual. >> You wait here. I'll go and check. >> I instinctively went to follow our guile when Judy's pocket-sized dog shot past me, dragging its extendable lead behind us. >> Stuffy. >> Judy made a grab but missed the lead. >> Here, stupid. >> Maybe it's my alpha male pack leader authority, but the

docker stopped in front of me. >> It's all right. >> I looked down at the dog who had something tightly clenched in its jaws. What is it? What have you What have you got? Crouching down, I extended a hand and the dog dropped something into my palm. A wet chewed golf ball. >> She's fine, Judy. >> Thank God. >> Stupie was okay. >> Oh, did they bo say and we're not on the crest run. After Morris's skiing accident and in a moment of kindness, Stroke weakness, Francis had taken pity and offered him to recuperate in

her stroke hour house. >> Come on, Morris. We've got a clear run through the vegetable. >> And I don't want to end up one of them. You've already witnessed a motorbike crash this week. >> Not involving a Waitro's wheelchair. >> The accident in question happened at the end of a long day's filming at Ash Amos's Country Pile. >> When Scott, the director, smashed his motorbike into a wall. Our production also ground to a sudden halt. >> Slow down. >> To apologize for being a terrible house guest, Morris wanted to cook dinner, and I'd been charged

with taking him shopping. >> Don't forget our promotional offer on all wines and spirits. 25% off when you buy six bottles or more. >> Actually, would that be of interest to You? >> Discount booze. >> Supermarket voiceovers. >> Whoops. the day. >> I've got a leg. >> Francis would have been perfectly happy with one of your fine dining takeaways by way of a grling apology. >> I like three Michelin stars as much as the next top-notch agent, but nothing says sorry like a homecooked meal. >> You wouldn't need to apologize if you Weren't such a

steady workaholic. >> If doing my best for my clients is a crime, guilty is charged. >> I wouldn't mind if you were doing it for me. >> If only you knew what I do for you. Now stop sulking. Add the porchini and keep stirring. >> I don't know what's wrong with button mushrooms. >> I'm not spoiling the risotto over a hap of a fungus. And there's a difference Between button and porchini. >> Yeah, flavor a ponet. >> There's a chemistry to cooking. There's an alchemy to combining the right flavors. Rather like casting the right actors.

Some are patty deagra, others are liver s. >> We're all just meat to you. >> And you're mechanically reclaimed. The acting equivalent of a little pink slice with a clown's face in it. >> Why don't you poke my home? Why don't You kiss me in Tokyo? >> Boys, boys, I hope you're playing nicely. >> Started it. >> Something smells good. >> Porchini Resort. A little gesture will wave an apology for being less than the perfect house guest. >> Oh, I wouldn't say. >> You bloody You bloody did. >> You know, it's all right. You can

be candid with me. >> Oh, good. >> Not you. >> I'm not making excuses, but I've lived alone a long time, and I know I can be a >> selfish pain in the ass. >> Many live in glass houses. I was going to say I'm an acquired taste. Anyway, this meal is a step towards making amends, a show of gratitude and an act of self-preservation as Charles was threatening to make his signature omelette with tinned sardines. >> Protein and oily fish is incredibly good for you. >> If you can get it down and keep it

there, >> it's the production of it. Oh, no. >> What's happened? >> It's Scott. He didn't make it. >> Didn't make what? He died. >> Then say so. >> I was trying to soften the news. >> Euphemisms are as bad as metaphors. Just say the thing and we can move on. >> There goes the entire Shakespearean cannon. >> First, Sadie, now Scott. This pilot's been jinxed from day one. >> No, they'll be looking for a new director. >> Morris. >> Really thinking like a producer? >> Said the agent, skimming through his list of available directors.

>> Is that what you really think? >> Don't play the innocent. You shameless Old funeral chaser. You're forgetting I've read the script. I wouldn't let any of my directors touch it. >> Oh, but it's all right for me to be in it. >> No one will blame you if it bombs. The money was good. And in the highly unlikely event the pilot goes a series, shows like this have tiny viewing figures. >> You really work all the angles, don't you? >> I like to think I'm rigorous. >> Mia with a database. >> Why, thank you.

>> I told you no. Keep stirring. >> Oh, it's going to be ruined. >> Oh, I'm sure it'll be fine. You two lay the table. Aldish shop. [Music] >> Very tasty. >> It's burnt. >> Lightly smoked >> barbecue flavor. >> Who barbecues risotto is Italian, not text mech. >> I wonder if the Scott news has gone public. >> Nothing stays private these days. >> This has. I've Googled it. There's nothing about his >> passing >> death. Matter of time. >> At which point every director in town will be queuing around the block. I doubt Mike

Lee's champing at the bit. >> You know who will be? >> The Grinch. >> Who's the Grinch? >> Howard Langage. >> Should be the Grinch. >> So, how was your catch up with him? >> Well, he unfriended me. >> Why? >> What did you do? >> Nothing. It was a misunderstanding. >> Sounds ominous. >> He thought I was You know >> what? >> Accusing him of murder. >> Tell me this was face to face and not in writing. >> Don't worry. No lie, >> just slander. >> What's wrong with you, Charles? He didn't deny arguing

with Sadi and admitted he'd been hanging around the production, >> which emboldened you to ask if he killed her. >> I accuse people of murder every day, don't you? >> Of course. >> All right. >> How many times do you have to be told? >> You're an actor, >> not a policeman. >> I know what I am. Thank you very much. >> You know the difference between you and the police. >> They don't have to learn lines, but do have a pension. >> They meticulously gather information to build a case, whereas you have a hunch

and too much time on your hands. >> Was Howard around when Scott crashed his motorbike? No, we were out at Ash's country pile, the house that Dart built. >> His agent advised him to invest in bricks and mortar. >> You've never given me financial advice. >> You've never made enough money. >> Whose fault is that? >> It takes two to tango. >> I don't want to be on Strictly. >> Just as well, cuz they're never going to ask. >> I need some air. >> Remember you told me to let you know if you relapsed into

being a bad house guest. >> I get my crutches. Those things are going to kill you >> if you don't do the deed first. >> Me? You're my brother from a different Mother. >> Kane and Abel were brothers. >> Kane was armed. I bring a peace offering. And reach into my bag. There's a bottle and glasses. >> Calvados. >> A rare vintage according to my wine merchant. >> You really have got a wine merchant, haven't you? >> Happy to put in a good word for you if You're interested. >> Even if I could afford it.

We both know that would be a bad idea >> to uh reconciliation. >> Let agent speak peace unto client. >> Look. >> Cheers. >> Very very appily. >> I've read more lyrical tasting notes. You like >> He doesn't like Scrumpy on steroids. >> You're trying to give me a seizure. >> Now you know what it's like being me. >> I'm sorry if I implied you weren't famous enough for Strictly. >> Well, it's true. But never say never, especially as the currency of celebrity status is so low. >> Well, thanks for the backhanded compliment, but I'll

consider my life well-lived if I go to my grave without a spray tan. >> There's string to that. >> Yeah. >> Some actors are desperate to enter the strictly glitter zone. Judy Gilmore's agents offering ablations to the gods of shiny floor shows. >> Judy's a national treasure. She's made for it. And Ash is keen as Coleman's to slip into a sequin jockstrap. >> Can he actually dance? >> Who cares? They love a plucky underdog. >> I'm not sure his ego would allow that. >> Beggars can't be choosers. >> TV's Inspector Darts hardly a beggar. >>

What's >> I shouldn't really say. >> But you will. >> It's only a rumor. But Ash is leaving Dart. >> No. >> Why would he leave? What his decision? >> He's being fired. >> Well, the official line is that the show's moving on, or rather moving back to explore young inspector's origin story. >> What's the unofficial line? >> That Ash asked for more money than they're prepared to pay for a demanding primadona. >> You didn't hear this from me. >> You don't think he knows? >> That's the impression I got. Has he said anything to

you? >> Only that he feels insecure. >> What actor isn't. >> Maybe that's why he's developing a new vehicle for himself. >> All actors do that. No, >> I don't. >> Actors with profile. >> Yeah. All right, I walked straight into that one. >> That show is >> apparently Judy was pitching a project to Scott. >> Well, it's not going to happen with him now, but she was shrewd pitching it directly to a director. >> Why? He's a freelance like the rest of Us. >> Do you know anything about your own industry? >> Acting's not

an industry, just a series of random accidents. >> Scott's father owns Pi Productions. He was the scion of a highly influential showbiz dynasty. >> Sadi said he was a nepo babe. >> Now I get it. The parents are a real power couple. Mom's a big deal in the music industry and dad's CEO of Pali. The boy was born into a family of showbiz operators. >> Where have I seen the name Pali? >> Amongst other shows they make. >> Dart. >> It's their biggest hitter worldwide. >> What's >> You don't think Scott's old man's behind Ash

getting the boot? >> That wouldn't be his sole decision. I wouldn't be surprised if he had the casting vote. >> Would Ash know that? >> Well, if I heard about it, the rumor was out there. It doesn't take Einstein to put two and two together. >> You're ooing again. >> If Ash heard on the grapevine that he was being ousted from his own show. >> Oh, here we go again. >> Think about it for a minute. >> I don't want to and I don't want you to either. >> Ash is working with Scott when he

hears The father's production company are planning to ax him from the show that brought him fame and fortune. >> Charles. >> Ash is furious. He wants to get back at the man who's dropping him. Charles, >> why not? Revenge is a powerful emotion. in Greek drama. But this is Ash Amos, not Antiggony. Well, thanks for the drink. Um, do you mind if I take the bottle? >> Where? Well, I've got an asignation with Francis, and a glass of this might smooth the way. >> Oo, I wouldn't want you having a rough asignation. >> Morris is

right. >> Or about the Calvidos. like you playing at detectives. >> I knew you'd say that. >> Then why ask my opinion? >> You know, you used to be fun. >> I am fun. This is fun. I'm thoroughly Enjoying myself. >> Can you move your leg? >> Oh, better >> much. I don't think your sleeping habit should be encouraged, >> even when I might be on to something. >> What? On to what? >> It's no coincidence that Scott died unexpectedly around the same time Ash is being fired by his dad. For starters, you don't know

that Ash even knows about Dart being acted. >> If Morris knows, it's out there. >> And with all due respect for the dead, a young man crashing a high-speed motorbike isn't exactly unexpected. >> If we were back at work. >> What? >> I could have a chat with Ash. >> Like when you accused Howard Langage of murdering his ex-lover. Remind me how that went. >> Like a heckler at a festival of mime. >> Some people are so touchy. >> Is the water too cold? >> I'm okay. >> Probably a trick of the light. >> What?

Uh, I need to scale things down. >> Okay, that's it. >> Where are you going? >> I agreed to be sketched, not body shamed. [Music] >> Not before time, a new director was on board, and we were back filming at Ash's Gracious Retreat in Sur's Green and Pleasant Golf Club belt. No sooner had I left makeup than I came close to being the next casualty. Ah! >> Oh man, >> mad mad girl stupid. >> Sorry, Charlie. I don't know how she got away from me. >> Stevie had her on an extendable lead. That's how >>

Are you okay? >> I'll let you know. >> It's not fun having a fool at our age. >> Our age? I was still at school when I saw Stevie play the roundhouse, which put him a good decade older. >> Don't try to move. The upside of this would be telling friends I'd been flawed by the drummer of the fractal mirrors. >> Do you want me to call a unit paramedic? >> Oh no. >> Are you sure? >> No. I think I I think I'm okay. >> Well, your costume is a bit of a mess. Better

get wardrobe onto it. >> It just needs a brush down. >> Well, I've got a clothes brush in the trailer. Come back and Stevie will put the kettle on. Oh, >> you're not going anywhere, young lady. >> Bad. Bad girl, stupidie. Ooh, nice trailer. >> My agent's one non-negotiable rider. >> Wow. >> Other actors agents were always a source of envy. What must it be like to have an agent who remembers you exist 10 seconds after hanging up? >> You take um you know, >> milk. >> That's the one. >> Just a dash. In a

regular human, cognitive declines put down to age or illness. With Stevie, everything pointed to substance abuse and years on the road. >> I hear Ash kicked up a fuss about his trailer. >> I know he spoke to Sadi about it. >> Much good that did him. >> You weren't a fan >> of Sadi. I shouldn't speak ill. I know. >> What she didn't know was that I'd seen Sadi kicky. >> But I'm not going to lie just because she's passed. >> Past? This year's polite, preferred euphemism. >> No, I didn't care for Sadi. English understatement's

charming, but it can also conceal a boiling cauldron of repressed emotion. >> There you go. Help yourself to um to um >> sugar. >> That's the one. >> If I could go back in time and tell 16-year-old me that one day Stevie Dean would serve me tea, young me would laugh in my face. >> Oh, that's sweet. Isn't that sweet, Darling? >> Talking about trailers, >> which we no longer were. I could tell some tales back in the day >> if trailers could talk. Although there was the night when I thought mine could. >> Oh

dear. >> Swearing for seven parties central. >> Charles doesn't want to hear about your sorted miss youth diary. >> I do. I really do. >> Don't encourage him. >> Bad old days. >> Have a boring business. >> I'd rather hear about the bad old days. >> Home on the driving range. >> Driving range. >> Patting balls along hotel corridors. >> Hang on. Now you've woken madam. >> Me and Iggy pop Alice Cooper >> David Bowie >> Cassidy. >> Lovely sweet boy and very easy on the eye. >> Tasty with a five iron. >> When you

said bad old days, you meant golf. Most my mates happiness is a sellout run in their work. >> If I was a musician that do me. >> Yeah. Well, for me it's a all in one. >> Golf. >> That's his first love. >> Golf >> followed by music. >> Golf. than me. >> I mean, Golf. >> You're always number one, Jude. >> Stevie was a junior champion. >> Oh, happy days. >> I'd always thought of rock musicians as exotic creatures of the night and golf as a good walk ruined by dodgy knitwear. Illusions shattered. I

left the Glitter Twins in their luxurious trailer and within seconds rubbed shoulders with my own mortality. >> Watch out. What? >> Charlie. >> Whoa. Ow. >> Bloody ebikes. >> I thought you had it. >> That's the second time this morning. >> Second. >> First styled me. Now this. They're so quiet. You can't hear them coming. >> I suppose as you get older. >> I can still hear you. >> I'm winding you up. >> What idiot does that kind of speed Anyway, >> Danny? >> What? The writer. >> Tim's asking for more changes >> now. >>

Last minute tweaks. >> I say we're supposed to be shooting any minute. >> Sounds of this script chat. I'd give it an hour. Fancy a drink? >> I've just had tea with Judy and Steven. I mean a drink. Drink. >> Oh, I'm not sure. >> Don't give me that. It takes one to no one. They'll message you when they're ready. Meanwhile, I want to show you somewhere out of bounds to this lot. >> Can we smoke? >> My house, my pub, my rooms. >> What's it to be? >> Well, well, uh, whiskey if you got

it. >> I've got everything. Double single malt? >> Why not? >> Soft and honeyed. Or do you fancy a bit Of smoky Pete? Smoky Pete sounds like he played Woodstock at 3:00 in the morning. One of those >> coming up. >> I noticed the uh the wall looks fine now. >> Wall >> where Scott crashed. >> Oh yeah. >> Apart from the floral tribute, you wouldn't know there'd been an accident. >> They knew how to lay bricks in the old Days. >> Were you around when it happened? >> I didn't see it, but I heard

the impact and then >> the explosion. >> Yeah. >> Did they work out what happened? Scott was doing a ton, which was insane on a lane that size. Cheers. >> Cheers. >> You could say Judy's dogs responsible for Scott's death. What's it called? >> Stuppy. >> That's it. Stuppy master who's permanently away with the fairies. >> What have they got to do with Scott's death? >> Steviey's got stupy on that extendable bloody lead. The dog shoots across the lane just as Scott comes tearing around the bend. >> I've always thought those leads are lethal, >>

especially when the whacked out old Rocker on the other end can't keep a grip on it. Is that what Stevie told the police? >> He reckons the dog went after something and died before he had time to pull her back. >> I wonder. Oh. Ah, you were absolutely right. They're still not ready. >> Told you. Time for another. >> Why not? >> Nuts. >> You should be in the good pub guide. >> Ah, this show's a baptism of fire for the new director. >> She'll be on to her agent saying, "What have you got me

into? >> Have you met her >> briefly? Seems nice enough. Her IMDb is impressive. She's paid her dues unlike some. >> You mean Scott? >> I don't want to speak ill. >> Nobody ever does. Judy didn't want to speak ill of Sadi, then went on to bad Mouth. Now Ash was about to do the same about Scott. >> Don't get me wrong, I had nothing against him personally. Cheers. >> Cheers. >> Through smoky py fumes, I scanned Ash's face for a sign that maybe he did have something personal against Scott. >> Nice bloke. Not the

sharpest knife in the block. Certainly not in control of the production. >> Mercedes accident. >> It happened on his watch. >> But it wasn't his fault. >> What about all the script stuff? The stopping and starting. Let's be honest, Tim's fine as a standup, but he hasn't got a clue about sitcom when it comes to character and story. He's way out of his depth. And yet he was running rings around Scott. >> Sadi called Scott a nepo babe. >> She was right. He's had an incredibly easy ride. >> Unfortunate turn of phrase. >> Well, Scott

rode his motorbike into a war. Right. Yeah, true. Trouble with Scott. He never had to get his hands dirty or work hard to get a gig. Everything just fell into his lap. >> Lucky him. >> Look, I had nothing to do with it. >> You think it was all family connection? >> 100%. You know this business. It's all about contacts. Providing you got a bit of Talent, it comes down to who you know. And coming from that family, Scott knew everyone. >> I wanted to find out if Ash knew what I knew about Dart. The

question was, how do you ask an actor if their hit show has been axed? >> You had any dealings with the old man's company? >> Pali. >> Pali Productions. >> Don't think I have. I know they make a Lot. >> Best in the business when it comes to crime drama. >> They make Dart, don't they? >> They do. >> Are you taking your new project to them? >> Nope. >> Why not? You've already got a relationship with them and you're one of their biggest names. >> Like I say, they specialize in crime. That's what they're

known for. The thing Danny's writing for me is much more comedy drama. >> He looked sincere. Nothing in his face said I wouldn't work for those shysters again as long as I live. Which made me wonder if I knew something Ash didn't. >> Danny's the comedy writer. He knows everyone on that side of the business. So, I'm taking my steer from him. >> I hope he steers you better than he steers his ebike. >> It's great you've got something new when Dart winds up. >> Winds up. >> Looked like I did know something he didn't.

And now I had to wrigle. You said when it winds up. If it winds up. >> You didn't say if. You said when. >> Well, if when. >> They're quite different. >> Yeah. No. Yeah. I mean, you said yourself you've got to make hay. >> Have you heard something? >> Me? No. >> You You sure? >> Oh, we're on. They're ready to shoot. Come on. >> But the deed was done. I'd inadvertently sewn a seed. And for the rest of the day, Ash Amos wasn't really present in the moment. >> Quiet on set. turning over

and action. >> Even though most of our acting involved me and Judy raising our eyebrows while Ash did double and occasionally triple takes, I could tell my slip of the Tongue had got inside his head. >> Come back, stupid. >> Night, Ash. Yeah. Night. >> Oh dear. What was that about? >> Uh, nothing. >> She's really taken a liking to you. Yes, she has, hasn't she? >> You haven't seen Stevie yet? >> Uh, not yet. >> Oh, stopage. >> Oh. Oh. >> Oh, dear. Will that come out? >> I'll put them through a 40 wash.

>> Was it just me or was Ash a bit distracted today? >> He was a bit pro. Probably an off day. >> He shouldn't have off days. It's unprofessional. He was dialing it in. >> Yeah, he was was a bit. >> You know, if something's wrong, >> well, he um he might have had some unexpectedly bad news. Well, I'm sorry if someone's ill. >> Well, I I don't think it was. >> You're close to him, Charles. >> I wouldn't say close. >> If the poor boy wants a shoulder to cry on, tell him I'm a

good listener. >> He's probably drowning his sorrows in his pub. >> He owns a pub. >> Who owns a pub? >> Ash does, according to Charles. >> Well, it's not exactly. >> Back in the day, I fancied running um >> pub. >> No. Uh >> an inn. >> No. >> Tavern? >> No. >> Tap room. Ae house. Clubhouse. Nice little 19th old clubhouse bar. Probably as well. I didn't. I'd have drunk the profits. Eight. What? Don't bike. >> Oh, wow. Well, try again tomorrow. Third time lucky. >> Who was that? >> Danny, the writer. He

seems determined to mow me down. >> They didn't recognize me then. >> Come on, girls. Car's at the top of the line. >> Night. >> Tonight. After a stressful day, I arrived home just in time for more stress. >> You You said what? >> Oh, Ash, >> for God's sake, Charles, >> it slipped out. >> Said that before. >> I said to you, didn't I say to him? >> I don't know. I wasn't there. >> Well, I did. I distinctly remember saying you didn't hear it from me. >> Oh, well. >> What? Well, >> a

secret scatnip to him. >> Who? >> He leaks like a civ. >> I hope to god that's a metaphor. >> I don't leak. Could have made a lousy spy. You do know I'm in the room. >> I'm surprised at you, Morris. You should have known better than to tell him anything in confidence. >> What's that supposed to mean? It's >> not supposed to mean anything. It actually means >> that you've never been able to keep a secret. >> Rubbish. As I said it, I knew I was entering choppy waters. >> Every time you had one

of your many sworded little flings, >> I've never had a sworded. >> I could always tell because you're utterly useless at keeping secrets. >> I bet he was drunk. Were you drunk? >> When? >> When it slipped out. >> No, he was drunk. >> I wasn't drunk. >> But you've been drinking, >> Charles. One, >> maybe two. >> I don't care about you making a fool of yourself, but I do care that you're staining my reputation. >> Staining? How am I staining? >> At this precise moment, Ash Amos will be on the phone to his

agent asking if he's been axed from Dart. And if so, how come he didn't know, but had to find out through another actor? The agent, who by the way does know, but was waiting for the best moment to tell him, will put Two and two together, and by a quick process of elimination, i.e., Who was he talking to at the association of agents away day and bonding session will trace the leak back to yours truly. That is how you are staining my reputation. >> Stop catastrophizing. >> I am not catastrophizing the secrets I've kept for

you. >> What secret? And like an idiot, I went from choppy water headirst into the Bay of Bisque. >> How about blonde secret from Sweet Bird of Youth to Miserable Skinny Secret from The Becket Play. The secret swing captain from the Winston Churchill musical. Stop me if I'm boring you. If I could just get a word in. >> Well, I I freely admit I screwed up. I shouldn't have let slip to Ash that Dart was being axed. Mayor Cooper, >> at last, >> but in my defense, >> I was probing, >> trying to find out

if Ash knew he was being fired because if he did, >> not your revenge theory. >> What revenge theory? The poor man's Jessica Fletcher has got a cockeyed theory that correct me if I'm wrong. If Ash found out that his show was being axed, he might have killed Scott by way of hurting Scott's father. >> So many questions. >> I need alcohol. >> Where to start? >> Pass the wine. >> Why would Ash want to hurt Scott's father? >> He owns Pali Productions. Who make Dart? >> So kill the son as revenge on the father.

>> Like Antiggony. >> I was going to say Mao. >> It's all Greek to me. >> I don't think anyone's killed anyone else. But for the sake of argument, if the father was the one who acts the Show, why not just kill him? >> I said it was a cockeyed theory. >> Also, >> he calls me Jessica Fletcher. >> Scott crashed his motorbike into a wall. Yes. >> Yes, but we think he was swerving to avoid Stupy. >> Stupy? >> Judy Gilmore's Daxon Cocker Spaniel who was being walked by her husband, Stevie Dean. It looks

like the dog shot across The lane as Scott came around the bend at high speed. >> Hang on, let me get this. Stevie had Stupie on a lead. >> Extending lead. So, how was Ash going to entice Stupy to run at precisely the moment Scott was coming around the bend? >> In other words, why did the docker cross the road? >> Don't say it. >> To a treat. >> Treat? >> What kind of treat? >> Oh, well, maybe Ash had um put put some dog food on the wall. >> Okay, fine. Anyway, it's all academic

because we now know that Ash clearly didn't have a clue that his series was for the chalk. >> Don't answer. >> Why? >> You could be Ash's agent. My name will be Mud. I could be blacklisted. Drummed out of the Association of Agents. >> But it's Charles's phone. >> Oh, >> and it's someone from the show. >> Hello. >> I'm No, with resigned acceptance. >> Yeah, thanks for telling me. >> What's wrong? >> There's been another accident. >> Another book box. >> Be careful. It's heavy. It was tragic, if ironic, that Danny, a comedy writer

and e cyclist who'd twice nearly run me Down, had been hoisted by his own e patard, whatever an e patern was. >> All the books in this box are keepers. >> Okay. >> Danny was a writer on the woefully unfunny Tim's Got a Thing, described as an uplifting issueled dramdy for Gen Z. >> All these are for the charity shop. >> You're sure? I've gone through them, so don't give me the disapproving look. >> Oh, don't suck your teeth. >> Don't sigh. >> Okay, if I breathe >> quietly and without judgment. >> I'm working on

a large painting and I need space. >> Hang on. I gave you this book when we were courting. >> Courting? >> I even inscribed it. Darling Francis, I hope you find some inspiration in these pages. >> The Oxford Anthology of Erotic Literature. Oxford Book of Smut. >> It's got literature in the title. It's porn. >> It's erotic. >> Same dick. >> Not same at all. This is art. >> Why did you put asterisk C page 98? >> Um, >> okay. That's porn. >> Told you. [Music] >> After the deaths of Sadi and Scott, the filming

schedule was shot to pieces. So, The producers made an executive decision that with respect, the death of a writer mustn't bring production to a standill. Our next location was a depressed corner of a depressing seaside town, depressingly out of season. >> Morning, Charles. >> Morning. >> Ash Amos was hunched and hooded inside a long quilted coat, hands wrapped around a hot cup of Joe. >> Oh, isn't this lovely? I filmed in some right holes. Well, this >> apparently it's where Tim grew up. >> No wonder he's such a miserable comic. You'd think he'd want to

leave a dunk like this behind. >> What about his authentic self? You do know his authentic self went to Westminster. And I don't mean the council. >> It's basically the feeder school for the House of Lords. >> That's not on his Wikipedia. >> The image is carefully curated. He knows his audience are only happy watching other people's unhappiness. Well, that's the British. World leaders in moaning. >> Don't knock moaning. It's the one national pastime I'm proud of. It's the closest I come to patriotism. >> How about positivity? Aspiration. >> American shows do it better and

they believe it. If we were in the States, we'd be reclining on sun lounges, making 10 times the amount. >> We might also have a script with good lines and proper jokes. >> No, there was one. >> What? One good line or one joke? >> Danny showed me an early draft script full of both. >> What happened? >> Tim happened. He cut anything that went against his comic principles. Wrong sort of laugh. >> He should be grateful for any laugh. >> What about authenticity? What about lived experience? >> I've never lived the experience of putting

out someone's eyes, but I played the Duke of Cornwall. You played Prince William >> Shakespeare. When I blinded Glouester, a woman in the stalls threw up a butterscotch tub. >> Charles Paris makes audience members sick. You want to stick that on your spotlight CV? >> I have. Point is, Tim's authentic life needs writers to make it entertaining. >> Danny tried, but it was an uphill struggle. That's why he vented his frustration tearing around on that ebike >> twice. He nearly did for me. >> Then it did for him. >> Do you know what really happened?

>> After a hard day, Danny liked to do a bit of recreational NOS. Nos >> whippids >> dogs >> balloons >> balloon dogs >> what's happening Charles >> I was hoping you'd tell me >> nos whippids balloons street slang for nitrous oxide laughing gas to you >> Danny was into that >> it's all writers can afford anyway looks like he had a stockpile in his flat where he also kept his ebike and those batteries notoriously dodgy kaboom death by laughing gas >> an ironic punch line for a comedy writer >> ready for you Ash looks

like I'm needed at last Yeah, >> while Ash's day got busy, mine was shaping up to be a lot of hanging around. I mooched over to the catering truck for a double espresso, and then found myself a quiet, secluded corner. >> Right. One [ __ ] for a single espresso, two jiggers for a double, and one for luck. Yeah. [Music] Nectar of the gods. >> Caught in flegrante. >> Judy's little dog leapt up spilling my drink and causing scotch coffee interrupters. >> What are you doing out? Hey. Ow. What are you doing out here on

your own, Stupy? Come on. Come. Come on. Let's go. Let's find Judy. Come on. >> So, this is the way you operate when I Generously gave you first refuse. The mommy's having a round. >> I'm taking the project to someone who will appreciate it. And you are going to regret this decision. You arrogant little >> Judy. It's Charles. >> Um, yeah. Hang on, darling. >> Stupid. >> Where have you been, you naughty girl? >> I found her. Well, well, she found me. >> Well, kettle's warm. Kappa. >> Ah, >> I'll text Stevie. >> Take a

seat. Is he looking for her? >> Sorry. Oh, yes. Where was I? T, I'm sorry. I'm a bit all over the place. >> Is everything all right? >> Yes. No. Well, >> only I heard raised voices. >> Did you? >> Well, one voice, so I assumed you weren't talking to Stevie. Not that it's any of my business. >> No, a producer. I say producer. She's associate assistant head of development, stroke production, whatever. The I mean, I don't normally swear, but this one nearly drove me to the strongest possible. I mean, what the hell is an

associate assistant? >> It's a fake it till you make it title. They give office juniors who've never made a damn thing apart from tea. >> Junior's about right. I mean, she sounded like a school girl. >> Who? >> Some silly child. >> Where? >> On the phone. Don't worry. >> Hi, Stevie. >> Hi. Um, Charles. >> That's it. There she is, my girl. >> Didn't you see my text? But our phone was set to >> silent. >> No. >> Airplane. >> Blessing. >> Did you lock the Bentley? >> Yeah. >> Did I? I think I

did. >> I'm no head doctor, but I'd say the one-time drummer of the Fractal Mirrors was a salutary warning to aspiring musicians to eat well, sleep well, and try not to fry your brain. >> Go check, will you, sweetie? The Bentley. >> The Bentley? Yeah, sure. >> Charles Stevie, >> he's all right, you know. I mean, he's never been the same since the incident, but who would be? >> She wrongly assumed I knew what the incident was. >> He's a bit forgetful, but Aelia is fine. >> I guessed the incident had been chemically assisted with

long-term side effects. But as it was none of my business, I changed the subject. What Did the associate assistant head of development producer say to make you so angry? between ourselves. I own the rights to a series of crime books which have got telly stamped all over them. If only I can get them in front of >> the chief executive of drama/content open brackets creative close brackets. >> It's impossible to get past the gatekeepers. >> Ash reckons Pi Productions are big on crime dramas. >> They are, but I've tried them. >> You know they're owned

by Scott's father. >> Yes, but sadly he passed. >> He died. >> He's very much alive, but he passed on the project. >> That's right. I suppose his mind's on other things at the moment. I approached him long before Scott's accident. >> Terrible business. >> Getting a show commissioned. >> Losing a child. >> Yes, that too. >> Even a grownup child. I can't imagine what Scott's parents are going through. >> Do you know them? >> No, only that he runs PI and she's something equally big in the music business. >> Well, I hope when it

gets made there's a cracking part for you. >> I'm not a fool. And if I do actually get it away, there's a perfect Charles Paris-shaped roll if you're interested. Damn right. It'd be lovely to work together on something good. >> I didn't offer you sugar, but I think you're sweet enough. [Music] >> I wasn't needed till the end of the day. And after some quizzical eyebrow work, plus the odd double, triple, and in one scene, quadruple take, I was sent home. >> Honey, I'm home. >> Would the house like a welcoming kiss? >> Not from

you. We wouldn't is lost. Come into the sitting room. There's something I want to show you. >> What new horror is this? >> Tada. >> Thank God for that. >> That I'm out of a wheelchair. >> But you're fully dressed. >> Oh, I only achieve full nudity when Francis has the urge. I'm her muse. Now, if you'll be good enough to take my crutch. >> Not while there's water in the Atlantic. >> Just take it while I attempt the full Douglas B. >> How about that? Bit wobbly, but what I'd expect from an elderly man.

>> Yeah. >> Give me back my crush so I can beat you with it. >> Coming through. >> Let go of Michael. >> Idiot. >> Sorry. >> Sorry, miss. >> Are you all right? >> I am. Can you help pick these up? >> Oh, I'm still having trouble bending over. >> Unless he's talking to Warner Brothers. >> While Charles picks up books, you think you could limp to the kitchen for a bottle of wine and three glasses? >> I dare say I could hobble. >> He's taking advantage of your hospitality. Irony's lost on you, isn't

It? >> These books are for the charity shop. >> No. >> Well, from the covers, I assume they're just >> what? Just what? >> You know, cheap holiday reading. >> Such a snob. >> I'm a discerning reader. >> Not every book has to be an unpunctuated stream of consciousness by a Nobel laureate. It is possible to read for Entertainment. >> What are the macardal mysteries? >> Cozy crime murder mysteries set in the world of golf. I've read quite a few in cottages. >> Oh, that's what you do in cottages. He means that the sort of

books you always find in holiday l to but none the worst for it. >> Just the job for a rainy day. >> Dear biscuits, >> bowl of wine. >> Liz, speaking of which, I grabbed a Pomeme. >> You can get done for that. >> It's very fine wine you won't have tried, so don't pretend. >> Classy label. >> It's not part of a 4.99 bottom shelf meal deal. >> Who has wine with a meal deal? Oh, silly question. >> I don't remember buying a Pomer. >> You didn't. I ordered a half case from My chaps

by way of a thank you for putting me up and putting up with me. >> Does that mean >> Twallig the builders finally finished the new wet room and nurse Ratchet, my physio, thinks I should be able to fend for myself. >> That's crazy. >> How soon, >> Charles? >> Sometime in the next six or seven months. >> What your faces? No, I should be all right to go home next week. >> I'll give you a lift. >> I'll help. What it is to have such friends. We drank a second bottle of Morris's Pomerrol with

one of his Michelin starred takeaways. After which I tucked up in bed with a mardle mystery, the club house killer. Who thinks up these titles? By Jackpot. Jackpot. Seriously. Okay, Jack. Let's see what all the fuss is about. Chapter one. Double cognac. Mr. Mardle. Stout of frame. Terry had run the clubhouse bar for as long as Mardle could remember and he knew the tastes of his members. Does anyone edit these books? Mardle settled in a leather wing back Chesterfield overlooking the first tea. [Music] >> You look like death warmed up. >> That's your fault. >>

Mine? >> You and Morris? Where is he? >> Shower. And why is it our fault you look so rough? The Mardle Bloody mysteries >> and >> appalling pros, clichéed characters, and plots that make Vagnner looks sane. >> But you stayed up all night. >> It's crack in book form. >> You couldn't put it down. That's hilarious. >> Fortunately, I'm not filming today. >> What's this? What I miss is >> I've been up all night with a Mardle. >> Is that Polari? >> Jack Puts Mardle mysteries. >> Good, aren't they? >> No, they're terrible. >> Brilliantly

terrible. They're fun. >> Putt's a gateway author. >> They're class C crime novels. >> Well, I'm not moving up to class A. Have a coffee instead. >> I'll have a double double espresso in One cup. >> Is there room for blood in your caffeine system? >> I'll drop a cozy cry reading this for you. >> Good idea. >> Bad idea. >> Millions of readers can't be wrong. >> They said that about the sun. >> One atrial arrhythmia in a cup. >> Thank you. Cheers. >> If the mardles are out of copyright, you Could pitch them.

>> Me? Why not? They'd be a good vehicle for you. >> Actually, that's not a half bad idea. >> Suddenly, he's cozy cried curious. Which one do you read? >> The clubhouse killer. >> When the club secretary falls through the conservatory roof. >> Do you want me to look into the rights? >> Would you? >> That's why you pay me 10%. I could see The Mardle mysteries on BBC daytime. >> Lovely shots of English landscape. Everything filmed through a warm yellow filter. >> I've got the weekend off. I suppose I could read another one >>

or two, maybe three. They're easy page turtlers. >> I can see Charles's McConnell. >> I was thinking Terry the portly barber. >> Yeah. Do you want your other leg broken? usual, Charles. >> Uh, actually, let's ring the changes. Give me a double cognac and a bag of dry roasted. >> Really? >> It was Mardle's tipple, but I'd unsettled her and disturbed the natural order of the drum and monkey. >> Everything all right at home, >> ticky boo. >> Ticky what? >> Just something I read in a book. >> Actually, I was trying on Mardle's Catchphrase

for size. Pulling a yellowing paperback from my whiskey pocket, I grabbed a bonet. Right. Okay. Jackpot. What have you got for me this time? >> In Eagle Under the Sun, Mardell investigates a corpse in a burntout golf buggy. That set me up for lunch. >> One plowman's platter with extra scotch ink. >> Any mustard? >> English, French, American. >> The holy trinity of heat. Yes, please. And some horseradish. >> Okay. >> Oh, and that Carolina Reaper X chili sauce. >> Are you lined with asbestos? >> It's called eating the rainbow. You should donate your gut

microbiome to medical science. >> As a pallet cleanser, I started reading Blood in the Bunker, which I finished at home after dinner, then went to bed with Death on the 18th green, in which an assassin offered a motorcyclist with a well- aimed golf ball. >> Great. Hold that pose for a one minute scare. [Music] But you better not steal the moves. >> Is it the over 60s morning at heaven? >> Try to capture Morris in motion. >> So you can release him back into the wild. >> Yeah. Soon I'll be free to roam the Streets

of Soho. Graze the pastures of Mayfair. >> Eat out on 10% of the dying hopes of eager young actors. >> Someone spent the night sucking lemons. >> I'll suck your >> You look exhausted. >> I overdosed on Mardle mysteries last night. >> How many now? >> Lost track. I've just finished. Her heart belongs to Caddy. That was Puck Trying to pull off the American hard ball style and missing the green by a mile. >> In general, do you think they're salvageable? >> With the right script writer on board, did you look into the rights? >>

I started. They're out of print, which is good. I'm hoping the author's dead. >> Charming. >> 70 years after death, they'll be out of copyright. I can't find anything on him. Bit of a mystery man >> or woman. >> Either way, the Mardles were a one hit wonder. Not that they were best sellers. >> There are loads of poper authors in the genre. I managed to track down his last known agent. No website, no email, so probably a oneperson operation on retired. I'll see what I can find out after the weekend. Monday morning found us

on the wind battered seafront which stood in for Tim's childhood hometown. As it was out of season, the production had taken over the prominard as well as the derelict old pier. to the death of a clown. >> I reckon this is blowing straight in from the eurals. >> Why are there clowns wandering around? >> It's a fantasy flashback to Tim's childhood. I think it's also a homage to Fellini. >> Ash looked at me blankly. >> Federico Fellini. >> I searched his face for a smile, a wink, a sign that he was kidding and got the

reference. >> Who's Fellini? He ran a local ice cream parlor down here. Oh, here comes two tons of vintage rust and a Bentley. >> Hi, guys. >> Morning, boys. >> How did you manage to drive your car along here? >> Perks of a one-time Bond girl. >> What? >> I found the the um >> council. >> That's it. >> The lovely man he spoke to is a Bond super fan. So, he opened the barrels for the Bentley. I've invited him for tea in my trailer. >> Be good. >> Unbelievable. Did anyone bother to check the

incoming tide? We're going to get soaked standing around out here. >> Follow me. >> Ash and I took refuge in one of the beach huts they'd hired for the day as shelter. >> Thank God for that. >> This whole shoot's been chaos from beginning to end. >> I wish we had something to drink. A >> I might be able to help with that. A flask. >> Always prepared. >> Half boy scout, half St. Bernard. >> I'm after you. >> Cheers. Oh, that's better. And did I tell you I went round to see Scott's old man?

>> I don't know if I'd be that magnanimous if they'd killed off my hit show. >> Axing doubt was business. This was personal. >> Yeah. Well, no. Oh, yeah. True. >> I wanted to pay my respects. And when all said and done, we're all humans. >> It was a nice gesture. >> Our world's too small to bear grudges. Also, you never know when I might want to work with Ali Productions again. >> I admire your pragmatism. >> No, I think they were genuinely touched that I made the effort, especially his mom. You know, she's a

big player in the music business. >> So, I hear >> poor woman was proper cut up. I mean, she tried to hold it together, but she was in bits. >> Did they talk about what happened? >> Not much to say. I knew there must have been a postmortm. Picked that up from playing D. >> What was the verdict? >> Apart from the eye thing, the coroner's report was pretty straightforward. >> What eye thing? >> And one of his eyes was all like, >> is that a medical term? >> I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

I've never even played one. I don't get seen For those parts. I bet you do. You're tall. You got gravitas. >> I don't understand why his eye was all I mean, I know he hit a wall, but he was he was wearing a helmet. >> Visor was up bit freaky, but they reckon something hard hit him full in the face. That's why he lost control and smacked him to the wall. >> If you're in there, Ash, we're ready for you. >> Coming. Don't suppose you've got any Mints in your whiskey pocket. >> Apart from another

Mardle mystery and a few bits and pieces, I found a tube of extra strong >> Charles Parish, the drinker's friend. Right. Where'd you want me? >> I hunkered down with Jack Putts. Bye-bye, Birdie. >> Oh, >> if you're filming, your phone should be off. >> I'm not filming. Is that why you called? >> Actually, I've made some progress. I've tracked down Jack Put's book agent. She's retired, but used to run a tiny outfit representing a handful of obscure crime writers. >> Sounds a bit Broadway Downey Rose. >> Yeah, there were loads of oneperson agencies before

publishers went corporate. Anyway, sadly Jackpot is alive. >> Morris, >> it means the books are still in Copyright. >> One small consolation. Well, bang on the money. The person holding the rights is trying to develop them for telling. >> Oh, great. I mean, isn't that typical? Just my luck. The one time I start to get proactive about a property. >> Would you like to know who owns the rights? >> Not particularly. >> Judy Gilmore. >> You're kidding. I was talking to her on Friday. She told me she was trying to pitch a series of books.

She just didn't say what books. >> Well, now you know. >> Canny woman. >> Just lucky. >> How do you mean? >> Jackpot is a pen name. >> Who'd have thought? >> A pen name for You're going to love this. It's the alter ego of doom. >> This isn't strictly >> Stevie Dean. >> Golf. Of course, he was a junior golf champion. Judy told me that was his first love. And he listed off a bunch of his rock and roll golf buddies. Some names so big I thought it was a sign of cognitive decline. that

or the after effects of chemical excess. >> Is Stevie losing his marbles? >> Judy says he's never been the same since the incident. >> That's the phrase his book agent used. She said he'd been traumatized by an incident. >> What incident? >> He was struck by lightning on a golf course. >> So, a lightning strike turns a junior golf champ into a rock drummer and writer of terrible who done it. Then again, only somebody with impaired brain function would write them a cardal mysteries. >> He did also marry the lovely Judy. >> They've been inseparable

for about 40 years. Yes. I'm not sure it'll last another 40. >> What does that mean? >> There's a rumor. >> Rumor? >> A gathering storm? Are you alone? >> Yeah. Why? >> You know those open secrets that lots of people have known for years, but no one said anything. >> Are we talking me too? Feeling a drink Coming on, I pulled the flask from my whiskey pocket. >> Don't want to say too much on the phone. You can't be too careful these days. >> Reaching back in for the tube of mints. Something small, hard,

and spherical rolled into my palm. Death on the 18th green. >> What? >> A light bulb's gone on. >> You're sitting in the dark. >> No, but I think I'm having an epiphany. >> Please, Charles. Your epiphanies often backfire. >> This one is either very right or very, very wrong. >> Now listen to me. Do not, I repeat, do not go. And >> I hurried past a beach cut where they were filming adult Tim being taunted by clowns. Judy, are you in there? >> She's finished for the day. >> She's gone. >> Walking the dog

on the prom. >> Thanks. >> Her car is parked by the PR. >> The tide was in. Waves crashing over the shingle. >> Judy. >> She didn't hear me over the noise as she struggled to control Stupy, overexited by the buffeting wind. >> Judy, you're right, darling. You're not all of a bother. As she peered up and me with those big seductive eyes, I was 15 once again, watching a bride for Dracula through my fingers. >> Leave them alone, Dy. >> Actually, I've got something that belongs to her. I held out a hand. >> She's

more of a tennis ball girl. >> Probably why she dropped this one. I'll I'll walk you to the car. See if Stevie recognizes it. >> Coming. >> Any joy pitching the books? >> Not yet. >> I was thinking you need to attach a good script writer. >> Not a bad idea. Yeah, the Mardle mysteries will need updating for a contemporary audience. >> How did you know I own the Mardles? >> Did you ask Danny to see if they were salvageable? >> They don't need salvage. >> I think he told you he wouldn't touch Them with

a barge pole. >> He had enough on his plate with Ash's new project. >> Bloody liability. Ebike batteries. >> So they say, >> especially if they're tampered with. >> Sorry, I >> Danny's death made me think of Eagle Under the Sun. >> You've read it? >> Yeah. When the electric golf buggy spontaneously combusts. Past few days. I Binged on Marta Mysteries. I've become a bit of a jackpot nerd. >> You must tell Stevie. >> I will. >> He'll be ever so chuffed. >> You two are amazing. >> Oh, >> I've never met a couple so

completely devoted to each other. >> You are, Steve. >> I mean it. I mean it. You'd do anything for him and he'd clearly do anything for You. The first one I read was The Clubhouse Killer. >> I haven't read that in years. >> It's the one where the secretary of the golf club falls off the roof and smashes through the conservatory. Was it your idea or Steven? >> I'm not a writer. >> I meant pushing Sadi off the roof. >> Are you mad? As revengers tragedy goes, that one had me stumped till I remembered she

hated stupid. >> Who could possibly hate my little baby? >> I saw Sadi kick her. More importantly, I saw you seeing her do it, which circles us back to Scott. >> I think you're forgetting who you are. >> You mean not as famous as you. >> I mean an actor, not a detective. >> It must have hurt when Scott's dad said no to your proposal for killing the son for the sins of the father. That was particularly cruel. >> You look tired, darling. Then I heard About Scott's mother, which is when I realized it wasn't

just about revenge. It was a warning, or rather a threat to keep her quiet. But she's been quiet long enough, and times have changed. It's not like the bad old days when she worked with Stevie. >> Will you do something for me, darling? >> People listen to women now, and pasts have a tendency to catch up. >> What you get, babes? >> Promise me you'll get some professional Help. >> Nice of you to walk back. Um, >> Charles, >> that's it. I'll drop you anywhere. We're not going >> be great. >> I'm enjoying your books.

>> Cheers, mate. Need to turn the motor around. >> Big fan. Especially Death on the 18th green when the guy's killed by a golf ball to the head. >> Have to do a UI on the pier. >> Oh, I meant to give you this. >> Not while he's driving. >> But it's his golf ball. >> What ball? >> This one. >> Sign. Stevie. There's a weight limit. >> It's the ball with Scott's blood dried into the dimples. >> Stop the car. The sign says it's not safer. >> Not now, Joe. >> Stop. Did it? >>

She's right. >> Do as she says like it did with Sadie and Scott and Danny. >> Have you read Fairway? My lovely. >> No. >> You'd have liked it. It's the one where the whole Rider Cup team crashed land into the ocean. >> No, Stevie. The car's too heavy. >> Without thinking, I threw the door open and then myself out of it. >> Followed by >> Oh, I'm not I'm not throwing fools now. Stupid. Get out of the car, Judy. >> It went the door. >> Salvaging tons of vintage Bentley took a mammoth effort, but

less than it would have taken to salvage the Mardal mysteries. Death saved Stevie from a Me Too investigation and spared Judy public disgrace and humiliation. Speaking of which, >> thank you both for bringing me home. Pleasure. >> And especially for your hospitality, Francis. >> What about my hospitality? >> Don't push it, Freddy Freeloader. >> Can I have a go in your wet room? >> No. >> Fair enough. >> I've painted you a little welcome home present. >> Hardly little. >> Yes, I think get a bit carried away. Um, if you don't like it, >> of

course I like it and help me unwrap it, Charles. That's correct. >> I hope it doesn't dominate the room. Oh my god. Hello. >> I've called it symbiosis. >> Is that like a thrombosis? >> That's what my cleaner will have when she sees it. >> It's supposed to represent the symbiotic interdependency of the agent client Relationship. >> Why am I in the bath? >> I had a good sketch of you. >> Was the water cold? >> O, it's all right for you. >> Yes, I come out of it rather well. >> I mean, I took

some liberties, >> I should say. >> And it's more allegorical but literal. I mean obviously we tend to wear clothes during meetings these days. >> Can't you paint over my bit? >> But you're inal. You're an actor, an artist, sensitive, vulnerable, >> naked and cold. >> Whereas I am exuding >> confidence, swagger, >> big agent energy. >> If you don't mind, I think I'll hang it at work. >> No, in the boardroom. I think >> I need a drink. >> Would you like a large one? Shut up.