if you want to build self-confidence you would do well to listen to the words of Marcus Aurelius he was the Emperor of Rome from 161 to 180 ad and is considered as the last of the five good Emperor's during his rule Aurelius found the time to construct a series of autobiographical writings now known as the meditations and the meditations is regarded as one of the greatest works of philosophy which is why in this video we'll be using some of his wisdom as a motivation to talk about 10 things we should do to build our self-confidence
number one focus on building your character Marcus Aurelius says consider at what price you sell your integrity but please for God's sake don't sell it cheap in the initial phases of our lives our self-confidence is developed by the love and affection we get from our family members but it only serves as a foundation on which our confidence can grow we need additional skills to aid us in social situations where we may feel uncomfortable people skills and a strong character are basic assets that we really need character refers specifically to the moral dimension of the self
character development deals with developing your personal integrity and internal compass of acceptable behavior the formation of character involves a continuous self-evaluation process in which individuals compare their description of themselves as they are which is the real self with their descriptions of themselves as they would like to become which is their ideal self and as they fear becoming their dreaded self according to the Stoics we should use every occasion every challenge as a way to exercise our character to become a better human by constant application we should seek to become kind honest and hardworking people we
should educate ourselves and learn to treat everyone with respect because your character is the one thing that can never be taken away from you a man can rise or fall just due to the virtues or faults of his character and it's often this that leaves a legacy number 2 practice self acceptance in the words of Marcus Aurelius tend to seem what he really are self-acceptance is the cure for perfectionism and unhappiness it's so easy to focus on your faults everyone can dwell on their insecurities instead of the things about themselves that they're happy with and
doing this can cause you to dislike yourself you may also be too busy focusing on the others around you and not focusing on loving yourself some people don't want to be alone and fear to do things on their own this can really hinder your journey to self-love as you have to learn to be comfortable being with yourself self-love is one of the best things you can do for yourself being in love with yourself provides you with self-confidence self-worth and it will genuinely help you feel more positive you may also find that it's easier for you
to fall in love once you've learned to love yourself first when you truly love yourself and you're happy you should stop comparing yourself to others so much and should find yourself more confident not worrying as much about what others think of you understand that you're a whole and complete person as you are no one expects perfection from you if you're overweight your friends call you fat and you think less of yourself don't do that accept what is love yourself regardless when you're ready you can always get into eating more healthily and exercising more like the
ketogenic diet you can do intermittent fasting with weight lifting and then see the amazing transformation after a couple of months there are many ways to practice self-acceptance but the most important of them is being honest and forgiving yourself reflecting on your mistakes can help you forgive and forget if you can look back at some poor choices you may have made and forgive yourself you can start to move on and forget about the past loving yourself despite any mistakes you made in the past is great for yourself worth self-love and self-acceptance is nothing but your choice
you may have many problems and they'll usually be solutions but even without one you a still you why not accept yourself the way you are instead of beating yourself up number three focus on your thoughts to quote Marcus Aurelius the happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts if you chronically feel down about yourself it may not just be an issue of negative thoughts here or there but instead it may be that your core beliefs about yourself negative ideas like I'm unlovable or I'm a loser might be at the bottom of most
of the decisions you make so that's where you need to start challenging such a fundamental idea can seem daunting that concept has a really good lawyer in your head who's constantly presenting tons of evidence to prove his case that you're a loser so make a list of all the proof you have in your mind that supports the argument that your loser now that you've presented that case you need something that's lacking a defense lawyer to challenge this notion now sit down and make a second list a list of reasons you're not a loser why the
first lawyer is wrong having that list of reasons you're pretty darn awesome will help you dismiss that negative core belief and replace it with something more honest accurate and rational it may seem scary or even impossible to change your thoughts but you can change your thoughts to improve your self-esteem the automatic thoughts you've had for years of familiar and served a purpose at one point in your life however think about how many of these are negative and hurtful the more negative thoughts you have the lower your self-esteem will be so wouldn't it be nice to
change your thoughts and improve your self-esteem number four make a plan and stop thinking as we learn from Marcus Aurelius turn your desire to stone quench your appetites keep your mind centered on itself the truth is that we live in the age of procrastination we waste far too much of our time in making plans attending meetings strategizing but getting nothing done sure if you don't have any goals to work towards that's the first step but once you decide on your goals it's time to stop thinking and start doing thoughts and plans don't mean anything a
genius idea is not of any worth either not unless you put the work in and take the steps necessary to make it a reality wanna switch careers great decide something new to try then go get qualified or certified then start applying for jobs wanna finally get in shape awesome lift weights three times a week and start eating the right amount of calories stop doing research stop getting prepared and stop telling everyone about your sweet plan and just get started today because planning is just planning and it won't help it's your actions that boost your self-confidence
because you'll be getting things done there's a reason the ancient Stoics like the great Marcus Aurelius were so successful and accomplished and that's because they took action over and over again number five keep your word we're told by Marcus Aurelius to live up to it make good on your promises be what your father hoped for you to be keeping your word is critical to restoring your sanity and creating a meaning driven life keeping your word means honoring what you commit to it's keeping your promises with everyone and especially with yourself when we promise ourselves that
we'll do something or promise to stop doing something we feel it's for our own good we believe that life will be more satisfying with the change what we often failed to take into account is that the promise is not just about improving relationships or conditions in one's life but it's also a test of integrity to have integrity is to honor one's word to know that we won't do anything unexpected or surprising that would have us break our word and to recommit to our word if we find ourselves faltering making a promise to someone is one
of the most powerful forms of communication in existence yet how many times do you make vows that you can't possibly keep you tell a friend your child your partner that you'll do something for them but then you don't actually go and do it we already know breaking promises has a disastrous effect it not only disappoints the person we've promised but it also erodes bits of our self-esteem to brain research shows that breaking promises actually registers in our brain activity showing up as emotional conflict for the promise-breaker as a result of suppressing their honest keeping our
promises is the key to experiencing life as we dream it to be number six take ownership of your actions as Marcus Aurelius so succinctly puts it do your job without whining the inability to accept a responsibility is a telltale sign of low self esteem this shows up when someone is indecisive and when they blame other people people blame others because they believe what you do is who you are which means when you make a mistake you somehow diminish yourself they don't realize by blaming others they've made themselves powerless by becoming a victim of circumstance how
many times have you heard or maybe even said I was late because of stupid train delays I didn't get promoted because I don't smooth with my managers or I can't find a job because of the economy although these may be valid reasons people with strong self-esteem don't focus on the external factors that may have caused the undesired result but rather spend their energy thinking of ways to achieve the outcome they want they don't put themselves down for making the mistake they just learn from the experience and move on when you begin to do the work
and take ownership over your life you start to realize the power of time management control and autonomy you live your life on your terms this way it truly is the only way number seven don't speak too much about yourself Marcus Aurelius instructs us to accustom yourself to attend carefully to what is said by another and as much as it is possible try to inhabit the speaker's mind we're all guilty of talking too much about ourselves we talk about ourselves thirty to forty percent of the time that's a lot studies have shown that talking about ourselves
is strongly associated with increased activity in the mesolimbic dopamine system the same part of our brain that experiences pleasure through things like food sex and money the truth is no one wants to sit through a slideshow from your latest outing on your latest gadget no one really wants to hear another person going on and on and on about themselves all of that talking is costing us time productivity and energy it's also costing us credibility and our relationships people who go on and on and appear to undervalue others contributions lack curiosity and self-awareness and seem self-absorbed
and even nervous this is just terrible for your self-confidence we should stay away from the conversations that concern with gossiping and passing judgments on people to indulge in gossip and judge people who aren't present to defend themselves simply doesn't seem to be the virtuous thing to do we should instead develop our listening skills and respond less to gossiping and passing judgments and occasionally introduce a challenging topic that you feel might lead to a mutually beneficial conversation with your friends number eight remind yourself of death Marcus Aurelius says you could leave life right now let that
determine what you do and say and think the Stoics made it routine to keep the prospect of death in mind and you two can practice this every morning there's a phrase within these stoic philosophy called memento mori which means remember that you will die the point of this reminder isn't to be morbid or promote fear but to inspire motivate and clarify this morning routine will help you approach your daily life fearlessly and make you feel confident about doing things that really matter reminding yourself that every day has value and every day that passes is another
day closer to your expiration date can provide the perspective and motivation necessary to help you prioritize your life in a way that reflects the kind of person you truly want to be number 9 ignore the naysayers as we learn from Marcus Aurelius when another blames you or hates you or people voice similar criticisms go to their souls penetrate inside and see what sort of people they are you will realize that there's no need to be racked with anxiety that they should hold any particular opinion about you naysayers are the people who criticize object to or
oppose something the naysayers just love to say nay whenever you step out of the norm and declare what you want and that you're going to do whatever it takes to achieve it you will attract naysayers it might love you but they're afraid of progress so they're against everything and their opinions are just terrible for your self-confidence one you don't have self control over what other people think or how they act around you you do have control over how you react their voice does not deserve to be heard don't hand over your peace of mind to
outsiders to disrupt it as they please the truth is you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with so if someone just has a history of being a naysayer ignore them number ten have an evening confidence ritual in our final quote from Marcus Aurelius he tells us these are the characteristics of the rational soul self awareness self examination and self determination it reaps its own harvest it succeeds in its own purpose self confidence is a positive feeling about yourself your ideas and your worth that enables you to take good care of
yourself stand on equal footing with others and feel pride about yourself and how you live your life not all self confidence is actually under your own control in fact about 50% of it is genetic fortunately you've got the other 50% to work with here are two easy exercises you could do in the evening before going to bed for confidence-building number one keep a gratitude journal keeping a gratitude journal is a simple process every evening you should pick three to five things every day that you're thankful for and write them down gratitude doesn't have to be
saved for the big things in life the habit of being grateful starts with appreciating every good thing in life and recognizing that there's nothing too small for you to be thankful for appreciating the smallest of things in your life before going to bed will also give you a good reason to wake up and a confidence to face new challenges in life number two have a daily success review this is quite similar to your gratitude journal each evening during your success review write down one two three successes of your day success doesn't necessarily mean major achievements
although if you have them by all means be proud of them but don't overlook the power of your everyday small wins some of your small wins could be about making good decisions or taking the time to exercise helping someone anything that makes you feel good this will give you a huge boost to your self-confidence because by focusing on daily victories you'll reinforce your constructive actions and thoughts thus making it likely you'll have more small wins on subsequent days if you like this video please do make sure to check out our complete stoicism playlist and for
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