-Hi. I'm Olympic champion Michael Phelps. You know, I had to sacrifice a lot to earn eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics.
But one thing I never sacrificed was a good meal. And neither should you. Introducing the Michael Phelps diet.
It's the only diet that lets you eat whatever Michael Phelps eats. And as you can tell, it works wonders for me. [ Laughter, applause ] [ Instrumental music plays ] ♪♪ -Next on The Californians.
. . -Wow.
I can't believe that I'm getting married again. Second chance at a similar life. -Stuart, I'm going to make sure this wedding is major memorable.
-Yeah. My whole family is coming in from Simi Valley. They're going to take the 118 west to the 23 south, all the way to the Tierra O'Hara road exit.
Then they'll be here. -The 118? Isn't all that construction on the 405 going to just back everything up, Stuart?
-[Grunts] Bree, I was just going through our wedding details with Todd Garnes. H-He's a real pro. -I just hire primo people, like the guy I got to build your wedding trellises.
Hey, Todd. I'm going to dip out and cop some more California cedar for those trellises. -Devin?
-Devin, what are you doing here? -Bree, what are you doing here? -Oooh.
Why are you both asking each other, "What are you doing here? " -Weee know each other, Stuart. We once had a romantic lunch at Umami Burger on little Santa Monica.
-What? -There's no Umami Burger on Santa Monica Boulevard. -I said little Santa Monica Boulevard, Stuart.
-Why didn't you tell me, Bree? -It was just lunch. Don't get bananas.
As soon as it was over, I picked up my car from the valet. I got on San Vicente. I took that down to Pico.
I hung a left on Alvarado, and I went right to my condo. -And I just got on the town. -Shut up, Devin!
Just get out of here. Get on the 405 until you can't take it anymore. -Right.
Like, to Ventura? Or south to Anaheim. I don't care.
-Why would he go south when his house is near the Getty Center? -Uh. .
. How do you know where he lives? [ Pensive music plays ] [ Laughter ] ♪♪ ♪♪ [ String music plays ] -The Californians.
-I'm just putting some California dates in these small bowls for our wedding guests. -Great. I'm gonna go change the filter on the lagoon style pool.
-And Mr Stuart, there is a private detective here to see you. -Oh, yeah? -Hi, I'm Marcus.
Marcus Wallace, private detective. Can I speak with you? -Sure.
Let's sit in these coastal living style chairs. -Oh. Sure.
Okay. Alright, so, look, I have to talk to you about your friend. Your fiancée here, Bree.
-[ Gasps ] -She's wanted for fraud. See, she bounced a lot of checks at Desert Hills Premium Outlet mall in Calabasas right off the 101. -Bree, why didn't you tell me any of this?
-I'm sorry. I have a shopping addiction. -You wouldn't understand.
-Well, try me, Bree. -It was so hard growing up in the Long Beach area. I just wanted to take the 105 and get the hell out of there.
I wanted to pass the airport and continue on to La Cienega. That was my dream. But that dream ended when I checked in at the Yucca Valley Treatment Center for Shopping Disorders on the Palms Highway, across from the Del Taco.
But I'm better now. -Oh, yeah. Way better.
It's like a light switched back on in her eyes. [ Laughter ] -Wait, how do you know that? [ Pensive music plays ] [ Laughter ] ♪♪ ♪♪ [ String music plays ] ♪♪ -The Californians.
♪♪ -Stuart, bro, would you like to share your vows with us? -Well, first, I'd like to thank my best friend for being here. -Ain't no problem, man.
I boogie boarded here all the way from La Hoya. -Cool. Okay.
Bree, in my eyes, all roads lead to you. The San Bernardino freeway, the Riverside highway, [Chuckles] the 15 North, even the surface roads. -And Stuart, you got me through all the hard times.
Like, when you let me know that fountain. . .
that junior high school, the one Carol Burnett used to go to. -If there's anyone present who objects to the union of these -- -I object! [ Laughter ] -Julian, you're supposed to be in a coma at Cedars-Sinai.
-Who are you? -I'm her husband. -My husband?
[ Laughter ] [ Pensive music plays ] ♪♪ [ Laughter ] [ String music plays ] -Next time on The Californians. . .
♪♪ -I'm out looking for my biological father. I, like, totally sprinted here from, like, Demolder Avenue. I was told he was, like, here, bro.
-Uh, who are you looking at? [ Pensive music plays ] [ Laughter, applause ] ♪♪ [ String music plays ] [ Cheers and applause ] -The Californians. -Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Phelps.
[ Cheers and applause ] [ Instrumental music plays ] ♪♪ ♪♪ -Thank you. Thank you very much. It's so good to be here hosting "Saturday Night Live".
This seriously is, like, the ninth greatest moment of my life. -Whoo! -[ Laughter ] -Good job, Michael.
Whoo! -Thanks, Mom. For those of you who don't know, I set a world record this summer by becoming the first person to appear on NBC 390 consecutive hours.
-[ Laughter ] That's my boy. -Mom, relax. -That's my son up there.
Whoo! -Relax. Relax, Mom.
Come on. -What, a mother can't be proud of her son? Do you have children?
-No. -How many of them have gold medals? [ Laughs ] I love you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Keep going.
-Also -- -You're in the zone! -Also, I'm very proud to announce that I'm going to be a big part of NBC's fall schedule. So don't miss me in the new cop drama Swim Cop.
If you commit a crime and that crime is in the water, you're going to have to deal with me. I've also been getting a lot of endorsement offers, and you don't realize how important it is to choose the right kind of products for your image. -Excuse me, Mr Phelps.
-Uh, yes. Do you have a question? -I do, uh, you mentioned endorsements, and I believe that I have the perfect product for the Michael Phelps brand.
-Well, I don't think now's the best time. -It's My First Meth Lab. [ Laughter ] It's the only meth lab kit on the market that is specifically marketed to pre-teens.
I already put your face on the box. -Wow. I would not want to endorse something like that.
I don't care how much you paid me. -Paid you? [ Chuckles ] -Thanks, but no thanks.
See, that's a good example of a product I should not endorse. I'm looking for endorsements that make sense for someone like me. -Yeah.
Yeah. It's true. You -- You can't be too careful.
-Shatner. [ Cheers and applause ] What are you doing here? -Well, Michael, I-I'm here to give you some advice.
Nothing is more important than integrity. You've earned your integrity in the Olympic arena, and I was born with mine. So we must be vigilant.
We -- We -- We just can't throw our face on any second rate product. We have to save ourselves for the high end brands. Brands like, um, Priceline.
[ Laughter ] Well, I mean, the only online way to book flights, hotels, cars, you name it. -Are -- Are you just here to talk about Priceline? -No, no, no.
I would never do that. And you know why I would never do that? Integrity.
And Priceline. [ Laughter ] -Thank you. We have a great show to do tonight.
Mom, are you excited? -Yes! Yes!
-And how about you, Mom? -Yes! -Yes!
[ Laughter, applause ] -Well, we have a great show tonight. Lil Wayne's here, so stick around. We'll be right back.
-You're watching HLN Headline News. Headline counts for two letters. We now return to HLN's coverage of Three's A Crime -- The Janet Johnson-Luna and Kara Torkelson Civil Trial.
-Bill Arnold, alongside Paula Abbott. Live at the Palo Alto Courthouse, where another scandal has rocked this city's schools. -High school teachers Janet Johnson-Luna and Kara Torkelson are accused of having an inappropriate group physical encounter with their student, Mr Daley, who was just 16 at the time.
-Daley's mother is suing the defendants for emotional trauma inflicted upon her son. -Testimony continues as Gavin Daley will be questioned by the defense. -Now, Mr Daley, can you point out your former teachers for the court?
-Uh, yes. Uh, they're right there. .
. giving me butterflies. -Oh, my God.
-So cheesy. -Monsters. -[ Stammers ] Mr.
Daley, please try and control yourself. Continue, Council. -Mr Daley, do you recall the events of October 3, 2014, the day of the encounter?
-Uh, very clearly. Uh, I replay it like a movie in my head every single day. [ Laughter ] -Now, Your Honor, I'd like to present exhibit 7-A, a text conversation taken from Mr Daley's phone.
The defendant, Ms. Luna, texts, "I'm with Ms. Torkelson!
Come over for some private tutoring. " Wink-y emoji face. Can you describe your response, Mr Daley?
-Uh, yes. Uh, I responded with a gif of a cartoon bird exiting frame so fast that his feathers fly off to imply that I was happy and on my way as quickly as possible. -Yes, you certainly were.
To illustrate Mr Daley's attitude, I'd like to show traffic camera footage of Mr Daley's car the moment he received Ms. Luna's text. [ Laughter ] [ Tires screeching ] Was that you driving, Mr Daley?
-Uh, yes. Uh, that was the second coolest thing I did that day. -Second coolest.
[ Chuckles ] I see what you did there. -And what happened when you arrived at Ms. Luna's house?
-Uh, I ran to the front door saying, "Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. " -I see. And when did things turn sexual between the three of you?
-Uh, after I walked in, I went to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, "Your life begins today. " Uh, and then I came out, and we got down.
-And how long would you say the encounter lasted? -Uh, about five hours. -Ohh, I remember those days.
[ Laughter ] -Mr Daley, what happened when you left Ms. Luna's house? -Uh, I walked to the car with my -- with my arms out.
Kind of like spinning in circles like a Disney princess, like -- like, mid-song. -Oh, my God. -So corny.
-And in the days following, how did your classmates learn about what had happened? -Uh, I believe from me telling the story to anyone who would listen. -And were you ostracized at school because of this?
-Uh, no. I felt more like Forrest Gump, uh, when he was running across America and people started following him because he represents hope. [ Laughter ] -Yet your mother claims your peers called you names.
-Oh. Yes, sir. Uh, kids call me "The Chosen One", uh, "King of Everything", "The Revenant", "Three's Humpany", uh, "Diary of a Pimpy Kid", "Veloci-tapter", and, uh, "My Man", but, like -- like the way Denzel Washington says it.
-Um. I'm sorry, "'My Man', the way Denzel Washington. .
. " -Wait, wait, wait, let the record show the witness means [Imitating Denzel] "My Man. " [ Laughter, applause ] -Yes.
And. . .
did this affect your relationship with your family at all? -Oh. Yes, sir.
Uh, my grandpa and dad were estranged. Uh, this event brought them back together. [ Laughter ] -To illustrate Mr Daley's mental state in the days following, here is a Vine he posted the morning after the encounter.
-♪ Everybody dance if you're feeling great ♪ ♪ Everybody dance if you're feeling good ♪ ♪ Everybody dance if you're feeling great ♪ ♪ Everybody dance if you're feeling good ♪ -I can't with this kid. -What a dork. -[ Normal voice ]Okay, you know what?
We'll take a short recess. And then we'll resume testimony from [Imitates Denzel] my man. [ Laughter ] -Wow.
Absolutely riveting testimony. -I know. That kid rules.
At 16, I was still all about playing with Legos. More after this. [ Cheers and applause ] -LeBron.
Hey. I'm the director. Mike Underballs.
-Hey, Mr Underballs. I'm a huge fan. -Oh, that's great.
Call me Mike. You ready to do this? -Yeah.
Let's go. -Okay. let's try a take.
NBA Ready to Achieve. PSA. Take one.
And action. -Take time to read to a child. Read to Achieve.
And give it your best shot. -[ Alarm blares ] -Okay, okay. We were, uh, we were a little high on that pass.
-Yeah, it's my bad, Mike. Uh, the ball slipped. -Come on, Jeff, you know I expect the best out of my crew.
Let's get it right this time. -Oh. Hey, man.
Don't worry about it. Just hit me right here, right in the chest. -Yeah, I know how to throw a basketball.
Thanks, though. -Okay. [ Laughter ] Alright, NBA Ready to Achieve.
Take two, and action. -Take time. -Hey.
What? -[ Ball bouncing ] Hey, man, that's a little early. -Hey, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
Jeff. Gotta wait for that cue, buddy. -Yeah, sorry about that, Mike.
Uh, my mind must be elsewhere. You know, I just bought a new sweater. -Jeff.
I get it. Just focus up on this one. -Yeah, I hear you, Mike.
I guess I thought an NBA player would be a little quicker, that's all. -I wasn't even looking. -Yeah, whatever excuse works for you, man.
-It's not an excuse. -Hey, look, dude, I played high school ball. Point guard, Shawnee Mission West Vikings.
-Jeff, wrap it up. -Led the team in assists. -Jeff!
-Hey. I'm with you, Mike. Time's money.
Let's shoot this puppy. -Okay. NBA Read to Achieve.
Take three, and action. -Take time to read to a child. Read to Achieve.
-Hey! Hey, what's your problem, man? -Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
Jeff. I-I-I told you to wait for that cue, man. -Hey, he's supposed to be a professional athlete, Mike.
Guy gets paid millions of bucks to catch a ball. -You threw it at my damn head. -Hey, Bron-Bron.
Look, the adults are talking here, okay? You're 22, right? Go sit at the kid's table.
Have a juice box. -Jeff! This is a PSA for literacy, not an NBA tryout.
-Hey, I'm with you, Mike. I'm not the one hot dogging it here. -Let's -- Let's just -- Let's try it again.
Alright. NBA Read to Achieve. Take four, and action.
-Take time to read to a child. Read to Achieve. What the hell is this?
-That's a book. -Okay. Okay.
What? Okay. W-Why did you throw him a book, Jeff?
-Hey, it's about literacy, Mike. I'm just trying to mix it up. I got good ideas, too, Mike.
-No one's arguing that with you, Jeff. You've had good ideas for years, but we need this as written, okay? -Okay.
You're a straight shooter, Mike. Gotta respect that. -Hey, if we're not gonna do this, I'm gonna get out of here, okay?
-Hey, sounds good to me. You know, we should get Dwayne Wade anyway. At least he's got a ring.
[ Exclaiming ] -Yo, man, you either fire this guy, or I'm-a kick his ass. -[ Laughs ] Alright, that's it, hotshot, check ball. [ Laughter ] -Are you serious?
-Yeah. Damn straight I'm serious. Let's go.
You and me, one on one. -Mike. -LeBron, check the ball.
I really want to see this. -Alright, don't give me this. I'm a lefty from Kansas.
Alright, here we go. Oh, oh. I'm-a back you down.
Alright, here we go. Now you're in my house, little man. Here we go.
What you got? Oh, what's it gonna be? What's it gonna be?
Baby hook. Okay, good D. Good D.
Good D. Good D. -D him up, Jeff.
D him up. -Alright, here we go. Stick it.
Stick it to you. Alright. This is my forte right here.
Okay. Nice move. Nice move.
Alright, alright. Here. What do you got?
What do you got? Where's it at? Oh.
-[Thud] -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. [ Cheers and applause ] -Give it your best shot. -Cut!
We got it, man. Jeff, you alright? -[ Gasps, whimpers ] -Fine, Mike!
Let's go! Win by two. Let's go.
Check it up. [ Breathing heavily ] Here we go.
