non-violent communication the theory of non-violent communication provides us with a number of techniques to help us stay in control of difficult situations all too often our emotions take over and cause us to lose our temper or get upset often bizarrely enough a conversation in which we don't show enough assertiveness turns into a downright slanging match because we don't have the necessary tools at hand to express our emotions correctly we could distinguish between two forms of communication the jackal and the giraffe the giraffe is open respectful assertive and not judgmental the jackal interprets accuses judges reproaches
and manipulates if we want to create a rapport when communicating we better leave the jackal in a cage and release our inner giraffe let's have a closer look at a technique to do exactly that the method of non-violent communication comprises four consecutive steps the first one is observation stick to the facts do not interpret do not judge all you do is observe and put in words what you're observing for instance i can see that what i noticed is that i have done what i hear is that you and so on and so forth step two
is the emotion put in words how you feel about it in fact there are only four basic emotions anger sadness fear and joy all others can be seen as derived from those four so use sentences such as i feel hurt or i'm deeply touched or i'm very disappointed or this irritates me and so on step three is about the need express what you find important what you need which values you adhere to what you would appreciate to see respected phrases such as i've always found it important to or i would like or what counts for
me is that are going to do that for you step four is your request point out unambiguously what you expect from the other person what are your concrete desires or suggestions in this context end the conversation with phrases such as that's why i want to ask you to or i insist on you doing or i want you to immediately and so on and so forth let's have a look at an example a colleague has asked for a few days leave without discussing this with you beforehand this messes up the planning which you have so meticulously
drawn up you want to discuss this with your colleague so step one stick to the facts i've noticed that you've applied to our manager for leave without seeing me first step two express how you feel about that that irritates me because it makes me lose the overview as far as planning goes step three tell them what you need i need this overview to plan holidays correctly for everyone and step 4 tell him what you want him to do what i would like you to do is discuss these things with me first use this technique when
you want to communicate less like a jackal and more like a giraffe [Music] [Music] you
