Travis Haley - Blackwater Sniper's Controversial Moments in Deadly War Zones | SRS #172

[Music] Travis ay welcome to the show man thanks for having me SE it is an honor to have you here and um I've been trying to make this happen for a long time and and uh I've been really looking forward to this and and seriously it's an honor to have you sitting here so thank you for making the trip thank you you know I I left the I left Contracting for the agency in 2015 and started uh training Company that didn't last very long but uh but um you and then another guy Dom rzo uh

were I looked at everybody that was doing this stuff and uh the level of professionalism that you have in in the the attention to detail that you put in all of your content your marketing your advertising your products is just second to no one and um it really really stands out at least it did for me and uh so it's it's pretty surreal to be sitting Here with you right now uh because I did I studied all of the stuff that you were doing very early on uh when I was in that game and it's

really cool man you you've built an Empire and it's very inspiring for me and a lot of other people so very cool thank you I that yes so my plan worked exactly as planned I guess it did it did but um everybody starts off with a introduction here so Travis Haley you're a prominent Figure in the defense and Firearms industry known for your extensive military service and contributions to the Tactical training and product development you're a force reconnaissance Marine combat entrepreneur and an eighth generation gunfighter in 2011 you established Haley strategic Partners which focuses on

designing cuttingedge tactical equipment and offering science-based training programs you also serve as a mind Architecture and self-improvement Coach helping others find post-traumatic growth and shares not just how you excuse me not just how to be a Survivor to life but a beneficiary to it you're a husband to a superwoman a father of seven children the founder of seven successful companies and an adventurist and extreme athlete as I mentioned before you are a very you're just a phenomenal businessman and uh started several companies CEO several companies And uh I remember I remember watching magpole training videos

hours and hours on end and when I was uh when I was overseas uh it was just we would just Loop it and you're a pro snowboarder base jumper wind suit pilot rock climber and the list just goes on but um like I said honor to have you here and um you know something that I wanted to just cover at the very beginning is um you know when we were downstairs we had a a discussion about Veteran suicide and um you had just lost your 36th close friend not just acquaintance close friend and uh I've

lost I quit counting I don't want to know the number but um but uh I just wanted to open the floor for you on that because it sounds like it's pretty fresh and uh I told myself the same thing at one point is stop counting just just stop Paying attention to it and um it was really hard to stop paying attention to it you know um when you get that call in the middle of the night or an email or text next to hey bro you know what happened and and uh so instead of running

away from it which I think I did for a long time in the very beginning CU I I I'm sure we'll get into it more but I I I did not know how to deal with loss um I didn't know what it was I didn't know how to define it and I started instead of running away from it diving into it and and how can I maybe do something to prevent this from happening more um and you're not going to stop it right it's not going to stop but we we've got to change the message

somehow some way and uh and and help people reframe the situation that's in their life the the circumstance that's happening to them at this point in time as they may not understand them I mean I've had my dark my dark moments where I get reckless in the in the past uh I've you know knock on wood I've never I've never had suicidal like like I'm going to go do this right now I and so maybe I'm blessed or maybe I'm not blessed uh maybe I maybe you know some people have had those situations in their

life and uh and even that I had a friend last night called me and uh he was on the edge and he's having bad anxiety panic attacks and then he said Yeah I even put a um I think it was a 44 Magnum in his mouth and couldn't pull the trigger and I so I immediately asked him was it wrong that you put a 44 Magnum in your mouth and it's like yeah moment of silence and he's like I said think about the answer before you say it when was that he said while back I

said ' was it wrong that you did that because we're still having a conversation right now and he says no I Say say it again and so we work through it from a mind architect standpoint so start to understand the meaning of an event a decision that you might make or a word that you might say that's incorrect like look at depression everybody's depressed nowadays well maybe you're not depressed and maybe the best way to solve a problem is to identify there isn't one in the first place every time we want a loone time or

we want to like off gas or I just need To get away from it all man I've got these anxieties and and problems I think that you could look at it as a word a lot of of experts are now starting to talk about this more it's a compression state that you want to go into to compress myself to off gas the chaos and Corruption of my day or my experience that I had it's not but you'll label it as depression versus compression so if we can just maybe identify and and Define the words more

that we Use um the spelling right that's why they call them spells because you're casting a spell every time you say I'm depressed are you or you just need some compression time to because you need that time um and I think we don't understand that and so we just get more depressed and more anxiety comes on and then next thing you know I'm like I want to end it all I don't want to be here anymore and um and next thing you know We're we're creating organizations of trying to stop suicide and and I've even

talked to the guys a long time ago I haven't talked to anybody recently at Mission 22 but you know 22 vets a day di now it's up to 40 right now as we speak and sit here it's up to 40 well why is it up to 40 maybe we're reminding them that it's okay to commit suicide instead of saying it's not okay how about Rebrand your company I I I said this one time they said Rebrand it next year is Mission 21 and then Mission 20 and then mission 19 and Mission and they were like

they laughed at that but um so if anybody hears that now I think that's a good idea is to talk about how do we get rid of it not just acknowledge it exists and that's what I'm trying to do the best I can I'm curious did you struggle with we don't we're not going to get into this full blown now we'll wait till the appropriate time but I am curious did You struggle with drugs or alcohol or both no no luckily I've never done that never dealt with it you know I think that you know

with the veteran suicide stuff I think of lot of that I don't think I know a lot of that is coming from shitty decision making under the influence of drugs and alcohol yeah and I mean you know how long it takes to pull trigger a fraction of a second and you can have that thought you know with Not a clear mind and and and alls it takes is a fraction of a second to pull that trigger or swallow those pills or how drive off the road or jump off a building or you know and and

I think that is I know that's what's getting a lot of guys is isession not having a clear mind and under the influence of drug and Al drugs and alcohol and you know it's it's not that that cures everything you know what I mean I don't I don't think Coming off of it is going to cure depression and all these other things but I think that I think the majority of these seem to happen uh when somebody's under the influence and they're not in the right state of mind and um maybe that's one of the

things that we need to be spending a little bit more time on to get to the real root of the problem you know which is which is the suicide is what we're trying to to get you know to to to to clean up to Stop and but I don't think that's going to stop until the drugs the drugs and the alcohol um yeah stop and you know you had brought up another statistic uh this morning morning Travis that that you had said you have the numbers I don't but you had mentioned and I knew this

how many people died in in oif and o yeah the the global war on terror in 25ish years now I guess um is somewhere around 92 or 9,300 and don't quote me on exactly that number but it's it's Somewhere it's over 9,000 okay if we look back to Vietnam and Korea and World War II we know what the numbers were there right you had what 45,000 52,000 and then World War II was like what 400 plus thousand men died okay damn that's pretty good global war on te in 25 years we've only lost nine I

mean it sounds shitty to say it like this but we've only lost 9,000 plus people okay technology better medical facilities I mean we can get air a metac You know very quickly nowadays um so like people would say well that's not that bad but then you add this suicide numbers which we're starting to see a lot of numbers come out and I'm going to fact check them um apparently like two months ago it peaked 140,000 gwatt veterans in 25 years whether you serve somewhere in that time frame have committed suicide so in theory our Actual

death toll of the war again not everything is combat related it could have been some family issue childhood trauma something like that um drugs whatever that influence that decision but they still are considered the gwan number that's why I'm kind of fact checking the number itself is it it could be 140 but how many are actually combat related hey I can't handle the trauma and the nightmares anymore kind of thing that's that you'll never figure That out but if that number is true of suicides alone in the last 25 years that means that we're almost

at 150,000 dead in this this war on terror and if I can personally say I know 36 of them that are good friends of mine maybe that's true yeah um and that makes me want to fight harder you know you know I want to uh I just want to rephrase I think it is drugs and alcohol I don't think that is the only problem I think when you all of this you know Operator syndrome PTSD traumatic brain injury CTE and it all gets compiled together and you add drugs and alcohol on top of it which

is a you know obviously people think it's a coping mechanism uh I think that's what I was alluding to is is it it I think that's the the icing on the cake that that unfortunately is is like the last straw you know I think there's another issue starting to happen too um so I've never had a drug or alcohol problem I don't Have an addictive personality it's weird I've I've tried doesn't work I'm actually allergic to alcohol um and that's happened in like the last year and a half like I even if I have like

a glass of wine I got in really big into wine making my own wines for a while um can't do it anymore and I'm happy CU I don't like waking up like that plus I have a TBI and I think there was some stuff going on there that was activating it and um Certain dieses I can't have Etc but another issue is not to say that I haven't had a problem with drugs or alcohol but I've tried them I've done all the experiments I've um I think besides iig gain is one of the few things

that I haven't done um but now I'm hearing guys coming back and when I do it I do it very very very traditionally I have Shaman that everything is free nothing is paid for because in in that world and I believe This if you pay for that service you you take away the the spirit of it you can interesting yeah so it's hard to find guys like that but now I got dudes coming back saying bro I just got back from South America I just did my 12th I begin or my 12th iasa trip and

I'm like that's not how it works bro you're Now using these Medical Treatments that we have really found a lot of great things with from psilocybin all these other um subjects that have I mean dude woken me Up like I found myself in some of these situations but they were like 6 day long not one second of sleep for 6 days very little food cold plunging in the snow running to the mountains um getting beat down by 80 lb soaking wet you know uh Native Americans that that put these right of warrior passages together to

offgas you from combat and when you find out you study ancient warriors you'll see how much that we used to do as Warriors to offgas Ourself from the chaos and Corruption before you were allowed to go back to your tent your teepee your family your village the medicine man would keep you there and say you're not ready to go home yet the Romans did it the Spartans did it the samurai did it every every known African trib of warriors did it natives of this country every tribe had their own process and it was based around

medicines but it was a graduating process it wasn't like we're just going To keep giving you I gain until you're better I was like that's another problem on that end of the spectrum I'm starting to see now and on the other end it's like I'm just smoking weed every night and and and doing heroin now or taking pills because I can't take the pain and then it's like where's the balance and so we need to find that balance as well it's seeming more and more like we're about to hit an inflation cycle like we saw

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therapy it changed my it changed so many aspects of my life in a positive way but um I'm like you I don't uh a little bit Different of a philosophy but I don't abuse it I'm very MH I don't know if ritualistic is the correct word for that but I I take it very seriously sometimes I think I take maybe take it too seriously um but but uh because what do you mean by that well because man this is I'm actually going to start to contradict myself here but cuz where I was going is it

it parts of this reminded me of kind of the Beginning of the opiate crisis within the veteran Community veteran Community guys got a little bit of relief from pain you know from this stuff and then then we realize oh [ __ ] it numbs our mind my mind's not racing anymore I'm in you know and I I started to see this within psychedelic too where people want to live in that realm and not take what you need out of that realm and then go live your [ __ ] life here in reality you know and

and and they that realm Becomes like some type of Escape what I was what I was going to say when I when I when I say maybe I take it a little too seriously and it gets in the way is is as more and more of these studies are coming out about micro do and and and um maybe having a a lowd do psilocybin te you know in the morning I don't do that because I I have to set my space up the way I need it to be I have to do all of as

uh that I cuz I think that it's a it is a in my Opinion it's a medicine that Demands a tremendous amount of respect and um and I I live by a code uh that does that sometimes I think that code gets in the way a little bit because I need days off in the as end I need days off in the beginning I like to prepare myself and part of me thinks hey like just do it just get the benefit but but then I see I do see people abusing it and um and I

wouldn't say micro doing Would be abusing it if you have a a system or a plan and that's working for you um where and and a lot of people will take micro does overboard you shouldn't feel a micro do you should it should be just on the edge to just give you a heightened sense of things yeah um and this is where a lot of people like God I can't believe you guys are talking about this man like that's that's so Taboo in your world it's like no it is our world that's the first thing

I tell People that are very confused like wait you you do you do plant medicine like just like the last 3,000 years that I've been able to study in Warrior cultures yes before you go into battle especially when you get home from Battle the rituals you look into some of these dude I mean I went down I think it was with the Puma Indians in Arizona and uh they put me through a a sweat lodge Camp worst pain in my life and these guys have hooks on their I'm Sorry not hooks scars on their chests

um the the the chief of the village again beautiful long black hair 80 lb soap and wet dude just wearing like jean shorts and flipflops and running through the whole SC scenario you're butt naked inside with six other dudes in this Buffalo hide tent they stoked the fire for 3 days it's like it's pretty cool the ritual aspect and it's all helping it's giving it's it's that you can tell everybody's there for you it's not hey I'm I'm paying you to go to to this 101,000 camp in South America to have 90 other people laying

on the floor going through the same experience as I am it is just you and only you um and then I ask like Chief what's uh I'm curious the scars on your chest he's like and he eventually tells me it's another passage another right a ritual um write a passage for become uh a warrior and at a certain age they hang themselves with hooks and they Hook themselves through their chest muscles and they hang from an oak tree in the village and they hang there for 3 days and they have to take the hooks out

themselves in order to come off of this right a p and then once they do they're good I'm like why is your chest so [ __ ] up and he's like I've done the seven times as a medicine man and demonstrator and I'm like yeah I'm not a warrior I'm not a I'm not a warrior dud that's I would never do that that's so You hear some of the craziest stories from these guys that are still doing it to this day on reservations not all of them do um it's like you have the you know

the uh the still the small Warrior groups inside of every culture and then the rest of them and same with us right you have the small Warrior groups inside of the culture and then all of us and what they do is they introduce you to the the spirit aspect of it and and that's what I look for so even if I'm Microing uh one day it's because it's for me I'm going to be out in the mountains today I might just run up to Sedona meet my buddies we'll go par paramotoring through not not on

medicine but we'll have this night this this campire this uh you know we'll we'll bathe in the in the mosquet trees which mosquet trees release a natural DMT into the water um that's what the natives believed and uh so they would we would bathe in the freezing Waters we lay out In the Sun and meditate and journal and then we go fly and have this amazing flight um and then we land and we off gas hug high five man we' go back to our lives like that's a that would be maybe even a full full

Journey or maybe just a micro do um some days if I just want to be really creative and I just can't get that Spirit to work inside me I will turn on that that frequency just a little bit but I won't abuse it and that's the Thing is people people don't understand uh the divine feminine Divine masculine aspect of all of these drugs iasa they call Grandmother for a reason she's going to take you on a journey psilocybin it's divine feminine drug is going to take you on a journey um dmts even on the feminine

side THS are on the feminine side but LSD acid or iig gain that's Divine masculine you are going here whether you like it or not and so it's to understand That shakan Shiva aspect the old ancient world of divine feminine Divine masculine you have to understand that in order to really I think get the full benefits of it and be with good people that can share and just give to you um damn that's that's hard I've not heard that the the feminine and and masculine where where did you hear that from just in my studies

and I this this wasn't medicine studies this was like ancient warrior studies um to to because Everybody has Divine masculine and divine feminine and you know that's where our love and our our even protecting comes from is on the feminine side of the house our words and which we use or the fight or the flight or the the the more masculine aspects of what we would do to protect somebody even a female that we all have the same thing and so that's where a lot of the Divine you know um that comes out of these

plant medicines will is on that Wavelength and I think if you know that about it it makes your journey so much better um like my biggest journey I ever had which was last year maybe year and a half ago um needed to really unlock some stuff needed to really you know break down some darkness that I had that was residual from something in the past um plus my father just died and that messed me up pretty bad still does sorry to hear that um you Know greatest hero of my life and all of a sudden

it's gone and it's like wait a minute and I I don't know why I just struggle with him I I I I just did a podcast with a good friend of mine Mark England he's a he's a a a mindset coach um and breath coach and he helped me unlock that problem about it wasn't it was my dad's helped so many so many more millions of people than I could ever possibly fathom helping and when he left um I wanted to celebrate him my family Didn't want to cele celebrate my father and so I I

did this podcast with Mark and he did a four-step process on me to help me slow the story down in my head because like we get tight we get high and tight going back to kind of the PTSD a little bit and some of the things that we hold on to it's in our chest we're trapped in our chest and if we can't unlock that breath we can't we can't switch from being high And tight because we don't know what it's like to be low and slow in our breath that's going to get you so

a lot of these guys need to learn to unlock that before they go on a journey so we would even do massive breath work stuff that's where the cold water comes into play uh to really get somebody to to take it seriously and then we we have them dial on their breath and then we'll start educating them on on what we're going to be doing at this point in time So like on my last one it was like seven grams of of psilocybin which is what they consider a her Heroes dose MH um and then

that wasn't working the I think five grams is considered a hero's five hero seven is a Warrior's doseit that's right um so I did seven so I did a warrior dose and um that wasn't working for me it was taking me on a journey but this is where the coaches come into play we had UFC movement fighting coaches there so we fight all night long as well On the on the medicine um we um go through the mountains through Bryce Canyon and and run through the snow and the mud and barefooted and just silkies man

and you're like how are we out here living for 4 hours in nothingness it's just like it's it's it's a different world of mindset you know um and so then that wasn't working for me so they said hey he needs Divine masculine so they dropped in some more um and that was that was the LSD and my life has changed Since that moment um more so than any other experience what changed the ability to see myself off my past life my um which is what I've been living in you know not necessarily a past life

even though I saw some pretty gory like the most real Combat I've ever seen in my life uh my hands hurt so bad the next day hold on when you say a past life are you saying a past life or like right my previous career is a force Reconnaissance Marine so both so I saw a past life image of me standing on top of a pile of bodies with blood soaking through my hands around a katana and I remember screaming how could one man do this and that scared the [ __ ] out of me

then my past life started coming why did that scare you I don't know what did you think it was how did you process that I felt like I was just a murderous uh it was the most real I mean I don't know what it's like to be in a Sword fight but I was like now I know what it's like to be in a sword fight after that that experience that Vivid like just real um screaming they had to hold me down at times um they had to put a buffalo hide blanket over me and

pin me down um to try to just calm and they're very good they're they only they know when to speak and when to be in there and when to kind of touch you and and just kind of make you calm back down and uh and I could see then my current Life past life you know being in combat family traumas death everything and then I started realizing I'm living in my past lives when I should be living in my path life what's my path my path is created by my past and that was the first

time I've been able to actually see that it's the first time I've been able to breathe through uh with coaching and and hearing you know my my best friend Byron going ride the exhale ride the exhale and and by seeing All that um again show me who I was and what I was living in and where I should have been living and so now every every day I wake up I I will think about what is my path moving forward not Reminiscing on my past and or or worrying about something you know being in fear

of my past and being anxiety for my future like and that's like the Now concept everybody understands the Now concept everything happens right now in this moment in this time it's not my Dad's time anymore it's not my ancestors time anymore it's like the problem with our country when's somebody going to step up uh it's you it's your time and and hopefully many moons from now our grandchildren will be reading about the history that we created in this country to keep it free to keep the world free um so those are those are things that

uh I couldn't really see a whole lot and now I'm seeing a whole clear message message about what do we do moving Forward it's not about what I did that that doesn't Define me my my traumas don't Define me my childhood traumas don't Define me um what I'm doing right now does what do you believe happens when you die I think I'm still trying to figure that one out now not to say I'm not a man of spirit or man of God because I am um are you a Christian I am I am I was

raised Catholic um it's kind of funny I went to Catholic school didn't really get along with the the uh cuz I went to Jewish Community Center after Catholic School which my sister hated uh and so they it was this conflict and I got caught saying Hell Mary's in Yiddish one day and they kicked me out of school because the The JCC guy this I for I think his name was Tommy big old Jolly fat guy drives up in this little Volkswagen van picks me up every day from Catholic school and sister Pat Would just stand

there with her you know her nons suit on and just like just Scout this dude and he would teach me he would teach me you know to speak a little Yiddish and he taught me hell Mar's in Yiddish and I was out the I I got a math problem wrong one day in Catholic school and she's like uh go to Mother Mary and and do your your hell marri's so I'm out there I'm doing them and all of a sudden I feel this ruler on my shoulder it like old school Catholic You know ruler stuff

and and uh parents came in and that didn't work out too well so then my mom's like well maybe Christian School would be a better thing so she sends me to Christian school um and that was good and that was that was good I got in a fight with a teacher about dinosaurs one time cuz I went outside and grabbed a fossil and she said well that's because the government put those fossils there to make you think dinosaurs are real and I'm like uh Thought they talked about beasts in the Bible like so I was

confused and and then I brought a a link of 20 millimeter shells from my dad's Air Force time as a pilot and they kicked me out of school for a show and tell um guess you're not allowed to have live rounds in in school so um anyways I I I've studied religion I've tried to make um a habit of it you know I've I've been to some big universities went to Cornell on to studi the promised land Judaism and and the Palestinian conflict um really started diving into the Quran and reading it and trying to

understand it and then started even played with Buddhism for a little while to understand not to to practice and to realize what are people's motives and intentions because you know how it is man young and dumb we're in the military go here and do this you don't know anything about the people you you never given good Intel um and so I wanted to try to change that in my life So for my kids that are growing up if they decide to serve which they are um I can educate them from a a different place than

what the education I got and I think that's important for people to realize because look how many Muslims that we would we would trust Our Lives to we have yeah we've had best friends man look at this freaking Afghan pull out man like how many dudes on some of those teams that yeah you know you know the story there Um and buttion I'm curious how if you love talking about these going down these rabbit holes but if you're a Christian then how do you what I'm curious about is how do you tie in multiple lives

right in different time periods and that's where I don't I mean I wouldn't consider myself the most DieHard Christian in that regard um I would say that there's definitely an afterlife and and that was what we would consider Heaven uh some people would Consider that the density you know like we're in a density right now just like rocks and plants are in a density and animals are in a density we're in the next density and the next density we move on to is a higher a higher self that's Heaven um so I love I love

dabbing into those stories too and listening to those people kind of talk about how that works on their scale you know the the frequency or the spirit world it's like so and it's all the same You know so so you do you believe that you'll go on and have another so this is kind of like reincarnation right that's that's the density aspect which again is confusing where most people would think oh if you're going on to a next density what is that that's like this you know Spirit alien world it's like it could also be

Heaven it could be in that next World then we're put on This Earth to get our PhD in a very hard place in the universe um and we're judged for how we respond to it we're judged for how we help people people how we love how we we show our compassion how we are able to to be vulnerable and and and have the courage to be imperfect and I think if you do all those things well you'll be rewarded to the next life or density or heaven so and I know some people that that uh

you know I our di hard in that case would be like no you Need to pick a side it's like why I love studying everything and I'm still trying to figure it out at this point in time of my life um where did you come to I guess maybe conclusion isn't the right word because we still looking into it when when did you come into this thought process how did this happen I think it's been in about the last five or six years of my life did it come in with plant medicine I actually came

in with with my fiance um she's diard Christian uh mega Church a bringing mom dad you know own a Christian bookstore um and uh she can recite the Bible like the back of her hand but she's also looked into a lot of these other things and um has not changed her mind about God or Spirit but it's just more information to understand and to take in and and have fun exploring um versus being absolute about I'm just not an absolute person I'm not going to say oh all all religions are bad except Christianity shame on

us for thinking that um you know why are we so special you know faith is Faith spirit is spirit and when you have like I said earlier like if you're a man of spirit a man of Faith um well that's going to help with a lot of things like being more resilient to things um to trust the process that like hey man first thing first thing is is the facts nobody gets off the spaceship alive yeah right so enjoy it while You're on it and make the best of it and if you only get this

one in 400 trillion chance or whatever it is to become a human being um I'm going to play the most magnificent game I could ever play in that short ass amount of time that I have that's why I have a dragonfly as my logo it's because I I realize that short life that it has there's a lot of great aspects to it from the warrior side and the survival side and and it's a symbol of life because it's its lifespan is Only about 30 days when you see a dragon fly flying around and like well

how can something be one of the oldest living creatures on the face of the planet again depending on what you believe in how can it be the most adaptive most efficient the greatest hunter on the face of the planet for its size its capacity and what it does how can it be all of these amazing things and only live for 30 days I can't answer that question but what I can answer is like Or ask like every student that that comes to our programs or every person that I encounter I said what are you going

to do with your 30 days to make the world just a little bit better place than what you came in it and that's that's what that means to me um you know CU my dad gave me that as a kid when a dragonfly landed on my finger one time and he told me I had good luck and uh um and then taught me all the significance of it and that was the thing that stood Out to me the most was how short our lives really are and and how much conflict and how much diversity and

everything else that's in this life that we're being tested on and so I will always make sure that well I mean we're talked my haters earlier right I will always make sure that I'm hated and not being a hater it's much better to be in that world I feel sorry for the ones that are so full of themselves that all they do is hate on others and create Common enemy Intimacy in in the world that's the biggest problem we have that's not godly like that's not that's not good and I think if you know and

I'll speak a lot to God but I think one of the things that God made primarily over everything else is good so and I think there with good comes truth with truth comes love um or love comes from good too and then uncertainty you don't know what's going to happen next I think I like to live in the uncertain world Where I don't have an answer for everything because I realize that if I if I try to be too certain about something in my life I'll drive myself batshit crazy trying to figure out what's going

to happen next to me and then I have to realize like well if I if I knew what was going to happen tomorrow morning or knew what was going to happen even tonight um what would be the point of being alive what would be the point of waking up tomorrow if we already knew What was going to happen so I don't think certainty is a problem that should ever be uncertainty should be a problem that's ever solved um and so when I study religion I go don't be so certain about it let's just keep exploring

let's keep looking into all of these crazy thoughts and things plant medicine man dude I've never touched touch drugs or alcohol and stuff in my life I was I was a pretty straight La kid growing up I was a troublemaker I mean bad um attempt To murder type trouble that I got into wow um yeah me and DJ actually have a weird I noticed listening to him have a interesting kind of pathway there um where I wasy yeah I was extremely curious adventurous to a point where I would well let's see what happens to this

mailbox when it detonates with these types of chemicals or this or that or whatever pip bombs on cows or um hey there's somebody that needs help let's shoot at them that that's getting hurt Shoot the person that's hurting the person that needs help and that was my situation I wasn't bad but I was extremely curious and um and that put me in a lot of bad places and I probably pissed my parents off and stressed them out more than anybody um but it was all good that was my upbringing and and so the religion was

different because I was bouncing around from JCC's to Catholic schools to Christian schools so I think I've always had this kind of everything In my life and I was never grounded in something so maybe maybe my next uh next journey in life is to maybe find you know something to ground to interesting and so I'm on that I'm on that path you're a deep thinker and medicine has certainly helped me think of a different world of of spirit and and code and it's like okay there's there's something we can't explain here is that just medicine

do that to me or is that God no that's everybody sees the Same thing so it might that's that's a Godly thing to me there's a spirit world to that and I love love that man so constantly asking questions and exploring you know I you mentioned something about I don't know maybe 10 minutes ago and you you had said we were talking about you know kind of setting the sage for psychedelic therapy and how serious we both take it and I'm you know I'm curious you you had mentioned something about when things start Getting stirred

up you go do it you I think you told me you're running eight companies obviously very busy but mother to seven kids a wife you got a lot of [ __ ] going on so what I what I want to ask is you know when you feel that stuff stirring up how and you're you and you're not just going to a clinic you're going You're embedding with a with a with with some type of a tribe yeah and you're the only one so how long does it take you To set aside the time to to

work on yourself with that well I think that's the biggest problem we all have is the lack of time um now and and try to keep this as distinct as possible there's a instinctual nature to every human being right we all have an instinct we're all born with something we're not born with knowledge we're not born knowing how to do something but we're born with some type of instinctual thing that they call conation not Cognition cognition I believe comes from conation your instinctual self um and in your conation you have four action modes fact finding

how you gather and share information following through which is how you arrange organize or systemize quick starting which is how you deal with risk or uncertainty and then implementing how you handle spaces or tangibles uh how you build so like to give an example if I said hey man if we had a box from the store and it's a desk Or something we had to build like got parts and letters and instructions what's the first thing you would do um would you a open up the box pull the instructions Out start laying things out and

do an inventory of every part and piece and make sure it's all there uh would you start organizing every A and B and C's and D's and then start organizing into a system of how I'm going to start building and then read all the directions go okay and then come Back to Step One or you the guy that turns the box and looks at the picture and dumps the [ __ ] on the floor and goes I can do this you know that's what your instinctual makeup is how you problem solve that is exactly the

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Patriot that's the thing that kind of upsets people is that you're going to Score high in two of those those categories higher than the others so for me I'm a you know mid-range FactFinder 4 that means I can go either way I can read a book but I'm not going to probably read the whole thing like front to back I'll highlight stuff and post a note and make notes in it and come back to it later I have 16 Books open and I'll come back again God I'm never going to get these books done but

eventually I do and eventually I get the same amount Of information as the for person that just reads one book front to back um that's just how I do things my systemizing is a two follow through like if you said hey Travis call me tomorrow at 3 o'clock like all right Sean I'll see you tomorrow talk to you tomorrow dude don't expect me to call you tomorrow three o'clock because I'm gonna probably seize the moment elsewhere something's gonna happen so why do I carry my stupid EDC Apple watch to go Hey Siri remind me to

call Sean tomorrow at 3 o'clock now why did I do that is it because I'm a procrastinator is it because I'm like gonna just forget no it's because I love being raced against a clock because I'm a seven and quick starting I love risking uncertainty I love the uncertainty of life um and so if I understand that now I'm going to take a risk doesn't mean you're not going to take a risk if you're higher these categories And lower here it just means you're going to probably systemize fact find like the jump Master that's like

come on dude we got this you got 16 pages of weather reports and you're asking the freaking nav again for the winds at alud we got it let's go let's jump that's the quick starter talking yeah I think I see the Drop Zone stand by you're like ta don't do it that's the quick starter right 60% of the time it works out every time and then you have the you have the Uh the FactFinder that's really diving into it so I think um coming back full circle it depends on how you instinctually operate so coming

back to guy like me that has seven kids seven companies or eight companies now um how do I manage all that I love the risk and certainty of all those things I'm good at being a jack of all trades uh I'm not good at sitting down and systemizing one thing I love to build Teams I love to build products and development systems I love to sit down and go okay here's how we're making this product there's a 16-step product phase to all of this I'm going to write that down I'm going to build that and

then start building on teams and teach them how to do this 16-step product development phase and then all right Engineers ID guys go ahead and start developing shortcuts to that system and then next thing no efficiency starts Happening that's what the quick starter does that's the entrepreneur that's the musician that's the Creator that's the the the artist that just Wings it and like like probably your buddy you're talking about earlier um where your systemizers are are guys that I want as my CFO that's right because my CFO if I walk into Grant's desk and I

look at his desk and I go how the hell is he getting any work done with a clean desk like this right his stuff's always organized But he'll come into my office and go how the hell is Haley getting any work done with a messy desk like this you see the conflict that just happened in the workplace so I think if we can all understand our instinctual strengths which every one of my guys my gals are are psychologically evaluated on this conative scale it's a test called the Colby test kbe it's an alpha test Kathy

Colby developed this uh many years ago and it's a test you can't lie on you Cannot lie on it it's it's it's it'll put you in transition if you try to um lie on this but if you've ever taking like a Myers Briggs or or like those Starpoint tests or some of those IQ type tests those are cognitive based tests you can lie on those so like I know a lot of Intel agencies like we're working with the Australians um and they give their guys neuroticism ISM tests and so I took the test and I

scored 98% neurotic and the dude's like bro we Didn't think you were a neurotic guy and I'm like yeah I lied on your test man and he's like what I like it's a cognitive based test I lied on it because I want to get a job with you guys I want to be an I want to be a case officer with you guys and he's like holy [ __ ] I was like yeah you have neurotic case officers running around that are neurotic that Li on your test you need to give them more of an

instinctual based test that you can't lie on so That's why I like working with the kobby corporation and so out of hundreds of employees that I have all of them I can walk into any department and know exactly what everybody's conative instinct is that's my job as a leader I have to because if I can go up to you and say let's say you're the high fact finding systemizing engineer and you're like in building a cad bottle you're into it and I walk in and go hey Sean come with me real quick I need you

on a Project you're be like like right now like yes right now but I but but like inside they're saying that like don't please don't make me stop what I'm doing right now I need to finish this system where if it's me and you come in I'm in the middle of something I'm diving really deep you're like Travis come here I got I want to show you something all right man hey what's up so you'll see that in people you'll see that in your kids and when You can see that and you can understand their

innate motives and intentions and innate force and talents I can now direct my teams better I canot have as much conflict in the workplace I can have collaboration so going back to the question of how do I manage all that stuff I do it by really making sure that everybody's operating in their instinctual strengths not just their cognitive based strengths that's your resume your resume of life is your Cognition that's what you've learned you're going to learn and continue to learn and you'll keep filling out that resume all right you didn't know how to jump

out of an airplane when you before you went to freef fall School you were taught to do that cognition but what made you really fly better than maybe somebody else your spatial awareness your ability to implement and see and mimic somebody else watching the instructor in front of me I could be Like okay what's he doing with his elbows I'm going to try that next thing you know it starts working or gripping a gun I sit there and watch the great ones back in the day like how does freaking Robbie leam doing that man I'd

rewind in like VHS like like okay I'd replicate it and next thing you know I'm shooting well that's the good implementor some people can't do that so even teach somebody on a range I'll find out every class we go through a conation exercise I have a guy that's an implementor I'll show them I'll point I'll touch I'll feel I have somebody that's a FactFinder hey put the gun away all right let's go back through the three points that we talked about in class what was the first element of the grip it was uh something about

friction and and this bone I forget the name of that bone the trapezium bone what does that do Ah that's right it traps traps the hand okay what does that do as you extend the Gun that's what I'm missing what is it doing if you think about lever systems in class one and class two levers pair of scissors does what versus a pair of Nutcracker does what two different tools because the pin's in a different place don't put your PIN back here when you grip a gun put your pin up here here and grip a

gun and what do you have leverage good try that I don't even show him he looks the same as the impl down at the end of the line because we've taken and Put cognitive and cognitive based outcome training into a Firearms program versus just saying just keep going you'll eventually get it just get a better grip like how what does that mean so I've implemented that across my family across my companies and it allows me to trust everybody more with their instinctual strengths and if they mess up I go hey quick starter why'd you screw

up cuz I was being impulsive boss good what are you going to do next I'm Going to build a system for myself why because I use my quick starting as a crutch instead of working on the thing that I'm not good at like setting an alarm to call you because from here on out if I set that alarm right now to call you tomorrow at 3:00 guess what happens to all my other tasks it's a race I have to be there for Sean at 3:00 so I would knock out this I'll knock out that I'll

go back in and finish a project I'll go and uh spend some time With my kids and and all of a sudden my life becomes so much Fuller because instinctually that's what I want I want to be raced against the clock so when we brain map this and put it on EEG systems you will see stress in me trying to organize and systemize even if I love it you will see no stress and flatlining in my Delta beta Alpha theta waves in my brain when I'm about to sling load 450 lbs on a torch jump

out of the back of a C130 and a full wall Locker jump my Heart rate actually goes into almost a rusting heart rate when I'm in those situations but me reading and writing and doing taxes okay man what the hell's wrong with me you know what I mean so once you understand that about people I think it it becomes easier and that was a big struggle for me in the beginning starting businesses quick starting all over the place and failing and getting fired and like dude you're not doing the Right thing um you're moving too

fast slow down that system alone has really helps me help people interesting and then in return I can sit here and say I can successfully manage almost successfully manage seven kids I'm still trying to figure that one out but the companies it's like yeah they're self-sufficient because I let them have that s that self-sufficient Nature by giving them the trust that they're going to operate in their Conative instincts well and help others identify when they're not operating in their conative instincts well um that's why I don't care about how much you know cuz knowledge is

just potential power it doesn't give you any power the plan of execution gives you power and that Baseline understanding myself instinctually okay now what do I know cognitively and then how do I affect that with my aect my emotions because that's the three elements of life right Your your cogn your instinct which grows your cognition which your cognition then helps develop your emotional state what I know what I've seen what I've done will make me kind of anxiety make me happy make me whatever like that's that's the order of those things and I think if

we understand them as Leaders of organizations or family members uh and and as individual operators imagine how many less people I would have fired in the team that couldn't get the hey Man if you just keep tumbling for 10,000 fet bro you're not going to be on team you're not going to be on jump team sorry you know if you can't figure out how to breathe on pure oxygen and you're having trouble and you're in hypercapnia constantly because you don't know how to fin because you never go to the pool and work out you're fired

it's like no I could have taught them differently by using their cative Instinct so it's complicated but when you get into it You're like man this is actually extremely simple why aren't we thinking or teaching like this imagine if they taught your kids in school with their Instinct versus just giving them the [ __ ] that the Department of Education gives them which hopefully that changes interesting I'm definitely going toome into that that's one answer that I that helps me balance then of course off gasing and doing the other things and trying to make sure

I stay as healthy as Possible uh I used to love all the extreme sports I can't do them all anymore uh but is anytime I can get out in the elements that's my that's my off gassing you know to help not well Travis uh so I want to get into your life story so we'll go childhood military career transition out Contracting what you're doing now and then who knows what we'll get into what rabbit holes in the middle of all that but um I got I got you Something it's probably the only reason you're here

actually that's it I've been waiting on these vigilance lead gummy bears made right here in the USA and I got you something else so your EDC was awesome by the way oh yeah but have you heard of the up phone yes talk about this and I've been very curious to dive into this yeah so there is a whole slew of features on that phone uh Eric Prince um yeah developed it he got a guy that Helped develop Pegasus are familiar with Pegasus yeah a little bit the computer virus yeah um one of the guys on

the dev team uh of Pegasus helped develop that phone so there's just you know everybody's worried about big Tech and people spying on you and big Tech following you and tracking everything you do and so that that is the best answer that I've found thus far and um you know I don't we have a lot of heavy conversations Around here that we don't want anybody listening in on and we usually throw our phones in a faity box or something but with that it's got a kill switch it throws up a piece of plastic in between

the battery and the and the phone so they can't they cannot listen wow uh and then you can even download your social media apps on there and there's a feature that um that enables it it enables the social media companies to not track everything that you're doing On your phone it's got an integrated VPN it's got an integrated version of signal on that phone wow um it's yeah lot of cool features that was my biggest question I'm sure a lot of people would look at this and go can I can I operate it as a

normal phone yeah that I'd be using like an iPhone or a Samsung device or Android or whatever else can I can I still have my lifestyle or do I have to use this for something else like that was my big question you can still use it For your lifestyle and it it works with it works with a bunch of different um Network providers okay I don't know exactly which mine's with T-Mobile but um but they're going to eventually work with all of them but if you go to the website it'll tell you you know which

ones you can you can use so it's not its own service it's it's a device okay but um I thought I thought you might like that absolutely and uh perfect perfect yeah somebody offered me gummy bears Yesterday on the Range and I was like nope I'm going to go see Sean tomorrow I can't do that to him right on but um man well Travis let's start getting into your life story where'd you grow up north Florida um in the swamps farm boy um what town little town called denell in Florida it's a yeah Okala area

and then there's Crystal River Crystal River is where the vanes go in the springs There like so if you're if you're looking at Florida well I guess it be like this from the camera side uh it's right in the crook so you got the pan handle up Pensacola you know Panama City and stuff is and then um Miami down here we're right in the Gulf of Mexico side of the house so um you know lots of river life growing up on the boats fishing with Dad and swimming um love the water scalloping you hunting big

big Hog Hunter um Hogs and knives kind of thing back in the day um brothers and sisters one brother yeah sister died in car accident when she was uh when I was I was young 5 years old four or five years old um and yeah big athlete played played multiple Sports uh tried to letter in as many sports as I could in my senior year just because I'm trying to be a jack of all trades wanted to be a Recon marine or Force Recon Marine since I was about Nine years old that's when I remember

seeing or hearing about it's like nine or 10 actually and my brother's almost six years older than me and uh I remember seeing a marine walk into his high school wearing dress blues and and I wanted to be an A10 pilot my dad was a pilot in the Air Force um grew up sitting in the seat next to him flying um like I was I was soloing and ready to fly at 17 years old and uh um had a opportunity to play play football at big Big university in Florida um turned it down join Marine

corn instead no kidding yeah yeah turn on so um was lucky was uh again like I said earlier I was a troublemaker um you know loved fire I loved I love I love fire it's bad dude what kid does a love fire horrible um gotten some hot water you know I I I uh um one night some some people were breaking into houses and and they were you know meth heads Tweakers and and uh we decided to go out and stopped them You know I was a bunch of kids camping out wearing cammies and uh

we how old were you I was 15 I think at the time had a saw off 1022 rouer no stock no Barrel like we didn't know back then man and uh and it was black as night it's about 1:00 in the morning and uh they said shoot at him shoot at him put get him out of here so I just a I mean 50 yards at I just to shoot to Make Some Noise to scare him and I see this body drop on the Dock and I'm like oh [ __ ] and are you serious

yeah and my buddy's like dude you hit you hit that dude and gave me a high five and then that they ran out screaming um turns out they were they were bad and they got busted for what they were doing but we didn't know any better we're just like hey let's go get rid of these people we already held him at gunpoint earlier um my buddy's dad came out with the shotgun says hey y'all get the hell out of here right now I'm Calling the cops they lied their ass off and then they went around

and and then Dad went back to sleep so we decided to take it in our own hands and was not who's we me and three other buddies that were camping out and running around and partying that night and shooting guns everywhere it's total redneck Florida story man and so we ran across street and two guys went left we went right and uh basically L-shaped ambushed them before we knew what an L-shape was and and dumped one they drag it turned out to be a female um just scraped her head uh didn't kill her but they

about a year later they found out and tried to came to school hooked me up threw me in jail for about 8 days and and uh they found out that you shot her over a they arrested they arrested his dad because he was the only one witnessed with a with a gun that night and I was like dude what happens if they find out he's Like he goes screw my dad he goes uh he abuses me and and molest me [ __ ] him he can rot in jail and I was like uh okay A

year later he breaks and they come in and say hey you're under arrest um so that was an attempt to murder charge at first and of course it dropped down was a juvenile so they dropped that down to some assault charges battery aggravated battery assault with a deadly weapon um they I ended up taking a plea And the judge used to be a former Jag a colonel and my recruiter I'm I'm I'm in the delayed entry program at this point in time and because now I'm like 16 and a half by the time this all

comes around and I'm thinking my entire life is ruined I'm not going to be able to join the Marines I'm not going to be able to go play ball now can't do anything and the judge after he reviews it and my staff sergeant like look I can I can speak for this kid um you know He's helped us immensely in the delayed entry program um my dad worked for Florida Power Corporation so I had a I had access to numerous resources on the family farm so I built a obstacle course on my family farm that

was bigger than Paris Island South Carolina's confidence course Towers uh almost a th000 foot zip line coming out of a 62t platform fast ropes like I was a nerd I was a nerd um because a guy that built the original fast ropes had a hanger hanger right Next to my dad's hanger when we fly Colonel John Matthews he introduced me to him and cuz I used to pull up old Wells and the old plastic pipe and I hang it in trees like 40 feet up and I drill holes through it hang it I'd slide down

until one night I I uh sprayed my ankle cuz it was wet hit the ground and my dad's like you're not doing anym cut that out of tree and then he introduced me to John he said go ahead and pick one it was a fat you know back as a kid when Fast ropes were brand new like you never heard of this concept was always repelling I see this rope I'm like holy [ __ ] I and so I hung in the tree and I just fast roped every single day of my life um and

wow you know so we'd have delayed entry program meetings at my farm we'd have like 60 70 kids running through the whole course and the recruiter's like who the who does this as many of you know life can be extremely unpredictable which is why Taking care of my family financially is the number one priority on my list fabric by Gerber Life is term life insurance you can get done right from your couch all online and on your schedule you could be covered in under 10 minutes with no Health exam required fabric has flexible highquality policies

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just a military nerd um grew up on my grandfather and my father's you know blood soak horror stories from war um I what I would say maybe blood soaked Horror stories for some but for me I was like that's my destiny I feel like I need to do that I need to serve in some way do you feel like was it pushed on you at all no not one bit it was 100% your decision never my dad never really talked about it a whole lot my grandfather did but there was never any you should think

about this son never um ultimate support uh I think they expected it from me and uh soon as I joined up and of course when the judge Goes that's exactly what you need is some discipline so upon completion of your community service and all this other stuff you got to do you will join the United States Marine Corps do you understand me and I'm like yes sir and he goes and staff sergeant he goes if this kid doesn't do these things and you will come back to me we're going to have another meeting and we'll

we'll readdress your future and so I did everything I was supposed To do and still had that shot to join the Marine Corps so I you know I I equate that back to a lot of guys do bad things but it doesn't mean they're bad people and and I realized that you know later cuz I really questioned myself like am I a bad person for trying to help people you know I didn't know the law I didn't know what I couldn't couldn't do and then I still had the shot to go and and do what

I did in my life I you know I'm extremely grateful For that and blessed that I was afforded that opportunity um you're an eighth generation yeah my dad my grandfather all the way back to who fought in more American Revolution yeah my grandfather's got probably the most unique story Omaha Beach first wave first boots first ramp to drop he survives four out of 40 and his boat team um makes it to the beach Head tries to jump overboard when everybody's getting shot inside the boat realizes he can't swim sees one of the one of the

other soldiers drowning um and jumps back in and the staff so's like let's go and he grabs A A Thompson off of one of the dead guys an M1 and goes in gets injured goes back to London does the whole reabilitation Camp stuff then he goes back to New York meets grandma gets his orders to go back to Europe command for a second Tour gets on the train and about three hours in the train ride he's like uh are we going to New York and these guys are next to like no man we're going to

Camp penelon California we're Marines and he's like what and he couldn't stop so by the time you know trying to wire to people back then you ain't getting off the train and going back to Europe or back to New York so he ends up going to California they retask him and then he was In first wave Invasion osima first ramp to drop got hit by a kamakazi came in ripped off the back of his boat um and then packed their [ __ ] up a few months later went to okona Japan and uh was in

okal so he's the only known Warrior that was in both theaters in all three major campaigns both of his flags are down in new New Orleans World War II Museum and the stories that he has so I got to grow up on that and I'm like that's cool I didn't even know Until about 10 years ago the lineage of my family I didn't know this growing up I didn't know anybody beyond my grandfather in World War II because my dad's like yeah I think we're from Germany I think great grandpa gersbach is from Germany on

on your mom's side and then Grandpa Haley you know we have family I'm like Haley's not German Dad it's Irish English and he's like well I don't know and then I found out and 10 years ago I got this whole family tree And I found all the military documentation all the way back to uh James Haley was my his seventh generation grandfather who was a sergeant in 11th Virginia infantry in 1776 and then he ran home to his dad William Haley who was 52 years old retired on the farm and said dad the revolution starting

you got to come out of retirement and fight so he served as a private under his son who was a sergeant in the 11th Virginia Military And and infantry and they fought in the revolution U and I just found last month another name popped up John Haley before him so now I just found my ninth but I don't know where he comes from it doesn't there's not a whole lot of information on it yet so I'm still digging into that cuz and then I go back to my dad I'm like Dad we're not from Germany

at all man we're freaking been in America he's like what how long I said I don't know we've been here since At least the 1600s so we're ear early settlers in this in this country and you know um wow every every every male has stepped up you know I'm curious you do you think your dad and your grandfather wanted you to join the Marine Corps having both have been to War I wish I could ask them that question because I don't know the answer I know they were super proud uh when I did uh and

I think you know how that generation both those Generations were a Little quieter especially Korea and World War II now my grandfather didn't hesitate to talk about slaying Japs and freaking you know in World War II or or you know killing the Nazis uh but my dad was quiet about it and not not from a trauma standpoint I don't think I think he was just a quiet man and uh um it's probably why I run my mouth too much sometimes and because I I always wanted him to speak out more always wanted him to tell

more stories so I I think that He was extremely proud of me joining um because he never gave me any sense of you know or like any weird frequency or feeling I never got from him um so no I don't I'd love to one day one day I'll ask him that yeah you know reason I'm asking is we we we had a conversation downstairs about your son and uh you know I ask a I ask a lot of gents that come through here if they that have been to war you know in our Time frame

if they want their kids to go to war I think about it all the time you know about my son and he's only three but um and I think about how I'm going to project my past to him and all that kind of stuff and and so do you want your son to serve did you want your son to serve I think that was the most Bittersweet moment when and and maybe in that feeling I may now know what my dad and grandfather Might have felt um you know like I told you I found out

from the recruiter not my son and so a lot cuz of course my ex calls like did you you made him join the Marines like I I said no I I had nothing to do with with this this is all on him and so I was confused at first um because I was worried that they weren't picking anything no job you know they talked about a couple things but military was never on the Table and all of a sudden this recruiter is telling me hey I'd like to meet with you um he's 18 I know

he can do what he wants but since he still lives under your house I want to give you that respect and and talk to you about his his desires and I'm like okay find out get down there Hayden what's going on man I'm joining the Marines dad okay and I'm going Recon I'm like what like you didn't think to talk to me about this we talk about this all the time you come Out to my classes you hang out with these guys you talk to these dudes a lot like you know why not tell me

and uh and and it just wasn't my time for him to tell me that so maybe he was thinking I would talk him out of it I think I think he would I think he would say that maybe um and maybe I should open that transparency up with him and make sure that that's clear but I did tell him I said if you do this you have to promise me one thing you are not allowed to walk In my footsteps you will make your own so because I don't want you because he's going to get

compared to me of course you know um you know his honor graduate high shooter all that stuff in boot camp he's living under that and guess what he does he gets Iron Man and high shooter and undergraduate gets Pro E3 promotion meritorious land corpal out of boot camp I've never heard of that in my life Um so he's already kicking my ass and my brother's ass who was also Iron Man and high shooter and undergraduate and then became a colonel just retired um and now he's heading to the same path and the same footsteps that

I stepped into and you know like those those fins man when he puts those feet down that pool deck here coming up soon he's going to kill it and he's doing more now than I was doing and I was pretty prepared going in so I think my feelings at first was like Pride man he's he's doing something that most people on the face of the planet would never do second emotion fear suffering um just like the old saying ignorance is bliss he's ignorant right now wisdom is suffering the pains that we have um this the

the the the Visions the memories the The Sounds the smells whatever it is from our past and our combat experience is is this is the Suffering from how much we now know about it how much we know about the world I mean look at the things we're talking about with the state of America the border the drugs that you name it the sex trafficking the wars um the corrupt corruption like we didn't have that at least we I didn't remember that when I went in I was like going to go serve my country put foot

to ask for my my country you know against evil people in the world and that was All I had to worry about now our kids are joining the military with all of those things that we're talking about and they hear podcast they hear guys talking about it uh he has access to all this information and he's still choosing to join that's where I go why why are you joining because I want to make the world a better place okay that's a really good start and so of course a lot of people would say are you

sure you want your son join the military in a Time like this you sure you want him working for this administration of course not but I worked for some shitty administrations too just like you did and just like a lot of us did just like my grandfather did there was people that were running the country back then that weren't the best um and you're always going to have bad leaders and so you're always going to have bad people and I think people forget in all the chaos and the [ __ ] in the world that

we talk About all the time it's like music man there's so much beautiful music in the world just like the world is a beautiful beautiful beautiful place the problem is the bad is louder that's it so my opinion is the only way to fix a problem like the problems we're having in a woke G ass military in a government that's that's not prioritizing Americans first etc etc is to put good people into that system and stop quitting now I get it I'm I'm a victim Of of quitting law enforcement because I was forced out because

I was making too good of decisions I was increasing people's hit probabilities and survivability rates like astronomically and world record uh National highs in percentages around the country well that puts out the improper psychological mindset to our communities that we're training Killers not police officers so shut it down like what do you mean we only do four calls a year shut it down You only need to do one a year why you can't justify that to me then goodbye and I had to throw my badge across the table because I won't be a part of

that when I know I can fight harder outside on that system um so I I I've not told him any of these things I've not said hey here's all the corruption and stuff you're going to be up against here's the things that you need to worry about no you need to worry about swimming running breath work meditation and I'm teaching Him old cultural Warrior ways not not the new stuff like I I'll see him get really stressed out and all a sudden going start going and then he goes and I'm like damn I wish I

had the census to do that when I was younger um so I it's not my job to tell him about all my hores and my suffering and and the wisdom that I have I want him to be a little ignorant I want him to go in with a good foundation and good parenting strategies uh which We can pride ourselves on for I think doing a decent job in in a hard life that we've all had you know broken F divorces and Trauma me I was not the best guy man I wasn't I wasn't around much

um that's why I stopped that's why I left the Marine Corps 15 years and Tred to find something else uh because I was confused and I want him to find those lessons on his own what is your what is your what bothers you the most what's your biggest fear about Him potentially going to war it's a selfish thing I've realized it's I I don't want him to have the same darkness that maybe we have afterwards but he's going to and that's the choice he's making that's the life he's manifesting um and I realize that if

you're going to step up and and take on that that hardship of a life um I mean just think about a Pipeline alone who who does that to themselves why would you want to you know be deprived of food and sleep and be wet and cold all the time and be beat down and and mentally physically exhausted at the end of every day for two solid years who does that to thems very special people and I know a lot of operators don't consider themselves special and that's the problem they are they are special When you

get out you look back at your brothers and you look back at what you did you're like there's not a lot of dudes in the world that would do those types of things to themselves and with each other and that's what creates the bond that we have um I'm excited for him to feel that really excited all the great things that that we've encountered in our our lives and in the operational Community I want him to feel all of that I I'm scared that he'll feel all the bad I'm not sure how he'll react to

it but that's that's where that's the selfishness that's why I have no business trying to change his physics because that's nonsensical you can't have that conversation that's like trying to change the position of the sun you can't change somebody else's physics man and so I want him to be on this journey I know he's going to be a Savage a compassionate Savage um he Cares he's vulnerable and I want him to to find all the hard things and deal with him in his own way and I hope that I have given him the best that

I can with what I have a structure of how to manage the stressors where I didn't have one um he's he's gone through the passages not medicine stuff um The Meditation work the cold stuff he's a fighter um he he knows what pain is and that's the biggest lesson that I want him to understand is the the difference Between those two words pain and suffering do you worry that he is trying to live up to to the life that you've manifested yeah that's that's another piece of it that I think when I heard Marine first

I'm like whoa what and then all of a sudden he goes and I want to be a Recon Marine I'm like okay I hope I didn't do something to make you think that you have to take that same path that I did and after exploring that deeply with Him I don't think it is I really don't because I had some buddies of mine um talk to him um I had him talk to a couple my buddies that were former Force guys went to PJs down at Tucson had him talk to a couple buddies in KAG

that came in and uh my buddy in KAG he's like he's like look man your son's not joining because he he wants to be like you cuzz he he went deep on him and cuz I told him the same exact thing I like man I'm worried that He's doing this because I'm doing it and he goes no man he he wants to get it out of the system he wants to choose the hardest branch of service he wants to get the badass uniform wants to get the ass and he wants to go out and and

be hard but he goes I understand and and after talking to your son he is extremely intellectual um I said yeah he scored perfect on all his his tests 100% on the asab or whatever that is I was like he Could add any job he wanted chooses Recon and he's like he wants to take the hardest thing and then he started asking me about our world and I was like oh really he's like yeah he goes a kid like him in four or five years from now we're going to look for him that made me

feel good right because especially the hardships that Marines go through and the force reconnaissance or reconnaissance Community the Raiders are getting their they're always constantly Messed with by the Marine Corps um and that's why a lot of guys go contract that's why a lot of guys go over to the dark side they they start their own companies they get out and they do something different because they're they're at this point like I I think I've think I've maxed out what the Marine Corps can give me at this point and it's getting better I hope the

Marine Corps starts learning their lesson and starts taking care of their People um because you have the greatest organization of again Brotherhood and camaraderie and this crazy ass Psychopathic compassionate fraternity of men that come together to go destroy evil that came together in a bar one night in Pennsylvania said we need to kill people and they started a branch of service in a bar okay that tells you a lot about the Marine Corp um so uh I'm I'm honored that he's a part of that and I'm also you know I was grateful to hear And

when I started talking to him about hey what do you think about some special Mission stuff later on down the road he's like oh yeah he goes I would absolutely love to do that he goes I just I love the water I love the amphib side I try to I said dude I need you to come down of Cado work with some of the teams that I work with some of my buddies down there I want you to check out the the naval special Warfare side of the house we go down there hang out Talk

to a bunch of my buddies and he's like I'm just not I don't I don't feel it I don't feel it I was like okay what about per rescue what about helping saving lives man you know So Others May Live concept introduced them had him work with a team of guys that came in from Tucson and he's like this dudes are badass he goes they're he goes incredibly talented he goes I just don't like the medical side too much I'm like all right okay what about Asos what About this what about that no I was

like what do you want to do then bud I don't know recruiter calls me like I tried so I try to introduce him to as many people as I could and I think what he'll do is he'll take that path he'll he'll go up and then he'll he'll cross deck and go to the KAG program I think have you thought about how you would handle it as a father if he doesn't make it of course I've had that worry um and so with that worry I've just said to him Like look this is a hard

life and not everybody makes this through on the first one it's okay it's okay if you don't make it through um some of the selections or vetting or or or basic Recons course um you know so what I want you to do is think about you know the the the the trusting side of the house all the things that I ever taught you about the braving system you know the boundaries the reliability the accountability The Vault the Integrity The non-judgment the the generosity that you need to have as a leader before you go and outperform

everybody else over here uh I think Simon senic talked about that a little bit with SE teams like he always looks for the the trusted and performer guy you know he's got his cool graph that he talks about with that but I'm like no that's you need to understand what the anatomy of trust is first and that is setting healthy boundaries that is reliability that is Vulnerability and accountability of your actions uh that is you know being a quiet professional because there's no such thing as a silent professional that's something the military is messing us

up with bad that's the problem with a lot of these guys that get into going back to the stress and the PTSD not to bounce around here but like they're they're taught to be a silent professional and that's a problem there's a look again Define the word Silent means what nothing quiet though means hey you guys keep your voices down um you know and I know you know the the the teams get their balls busted for writing books and making movies I wish we did that I wish we had 5,000 Force Recon Marines in the

world but we don't we have maybe 400 actually that's up the 800 right now it's the highest it's ever been when I was in 300 dudes 100 on the East Coast 100 on the west coast 100 in okon Japan that's it and then your Reserve guys you guys have like 5,000 Navy Seals in the world right now or something like that uh why because you guys are good at marketing and storytelling and um you know regardless of people busting balls Marine Corp won't do that you look on on their Instagram channels you'll have a Recon

Marine doing something jumping out an airplane it'll say US Marines doing this conducting this exercise here and there like why don't you talk about it that's The quiet side I'm trying to get people to do more of and so I'm a shocked that he came to me and and wanted to do that because I've never really talked about it much what I did in force Recon you know some I think about this all the time and you know I I really hope my kid doesn't want to join the military um I'd rather him go another

path but I I you know I think about it all the time and is a is a dad and he's he's three But he's starting to get into he's starting to show a lot more interest in dad took him fishing for the first time not long ago took him camping for the first time not long ago do a lot of family hikes ATV rides [ __ ] like that and you know one of the things that I just always think about is is what if he does try to walk in my footsteps especially you know

the career it sounds weird but uh because I'm talking about my own career but I could see how a kid would be impressed with the military career that I've experienced and then to expound on that the the podcast that I'm doing now you know we're bringing on guys like you and and and lots of soft Socom tier one types and and I wouldn't necessarily say that we glorify it but um it's everywhere you're telling history and history is important and uh you know So something that I that I think often about is even that if

he does want to if he does go that route which I hope he doesn't but uh if he does what how do you let your son know that you're proud of him if he fails and what you've succeeded in I think that would be one of the toughest I I've shared this with him and I think being transparent is important To your kids about those types of things um and saying look it it was not easy for me there's things that I failed at there's things that um I I never thought I would be able

to get through and some of them I didn't and I said you're going to find those times I said you know just like you jumped into wrestling in the last two years of your life and you skyrocketed to the top man you took top state champions ships and and in a short amount of time but how many fights did You lose he's like oh a lot Dad I said exactly so you're going to continue to lose a lot of fights especially on this journey um you're not you're not going to be the star athlete in

this game you're going to be with 60 other dudes that are also almost on the same level as you at certain points in time now of course you got your tool bags and you got your high performers uh but the mid-range of everybody is going to be pushing everybody and and that's that's What's going to be addicting to be around those types of guys that want to push themselves that hard and be that miserable in order to put foot ass for their country that says a lot about them and that's what makes it a special

organization um so I've I've shared those those times like you you will fail you understand that right and I said just because I failed um doesn't mean I didn't go back and try again I said so if you fail it that doesn't mean you Don't you don't you go back to the Marine corps's need you go back to another unit like you can take that indoc again later it's going to happen um there's times I had to spend two and a half years as an infantry man before I was even allowed to take an index

I said son you're on a contract you get to go out of boot camp and walk right into the Recon Training Center like that's awesome right and I said but I had to live through failure for Two years before I even got my chance and I just so happened to be lucky to pass the vetting and indoc to get into that but then I failed miserably down the road I failed at a lot of stuff and so uh so when that happens don't hang your head low and walk away so um you know and I

of course I've taught him don't ever don't ever ring the bell concept you know that's not that's not in your in your life it's a love story so I I have shared that with him I've Shared the love story of what it's like to to want to do that you know like when we were kids you had a poster on your wall and and had the cool guy stuff um you know I kids watch the the commercials nowadays of the of the Special Operations jumping and diving and doing cool coming out of the water and

I was like damn I wish I had that one as a kid I had that stupid Marine Corps poster with the guy with the c paint the K Bar on his lc1 it's like That was it it's all I had um and I I just happened to find reconnaissance and and and never studied any other Branch to Service never studied seals never studied Air Force any that stuff even my dad was in the Air Force I just just gravitated towards this path and um um so I think you know he is extremely lucky to be

in this opportunity to where I think he's set up for Success cuz I know there's a big they've changed the programs quite a bit Which makes me feel better about his success because right now basic Recon course has like a 98% pass rate um and people be like wait that's a basic school man it should be more like buds because that but that's a problem with buds now too because I know you've been talking to a lot of people about that but I heard last year that they had like a 71% attrition rate well that's

a lot of money and a lot of time they're spending so where's the preparation Courses for these guys before before they even go into it that's what Recon is doing now so they're doing a like he's starting five weeks of Mart which is this Marines waiting Recon his training then he goes into a five we uh Recon training Assessment program where they really start squeezing them and try to figure out who's going to be candidates to go to to BRC and then they'll have 13 weeks basically on top of their infantry training they just got

Out of on top of 13 weeks of boot camp which there's more infantry training in so they already have a good infantry skill set with land navigation and basic patrols and and formations and stuff like that where I know if you're Navy side it's hard to get that if you're not in an infantry based job so you're you're trying to get into that school and then you're learning all the combat tactics so I think the Marine Corps and the Army has that side a little bit Better um and so they've realized that that's the last

place we need to have a high attrition rate let's burn them out before they even get there because then we can send them back to infantry or the Marine corps's needs before we waste a ton of money or million bucks send into BRC and so now they've they' they've pretty much capped that 98% which is awesome so I good feeling and he goes I said well it's a 2% um to the staff at you iy out there and he goes it's dos It's guys that still at that point they get all the way through that

they get to BRC I'm like I just I changed my mind I don't want to do this and that 2% that's pretty damn good yeah um so I think those preparation programs are are very important nowadays well I didn't have that I just I took leave to take an Indo to sneak out of my unit cuz my unit's like you ain't going to Recon you're a Light Armored reconnaissance Marine I'm like that's not Recon it's a tank I'm Driving around and I hate my life it's hot it's [ __ ] steamy and and there's sand

on my body all the times and I want to go in the water and they're like too bad so I took leave and I pre for the indoc and uh I found a guy at the pool one day had a Recon Jack on his arm where we typically tattoo it and uh I said Hey how do I get the Recon he said just come to Camp pendlton take an indoc I said just just come take it I said but how do I do that my unit won't let me And he's like bro if you pass

the indoc Recon owns you your unit can't do [ __ ] about it I was like so I had to find out the hard way and me and a best friend of mine took the Indo and took a week off went to Camp penlon did surf drills and did everything we thought we needed to do and pass the indoc and we were three out of 53 people to pass that's it no [ __ ] yeah and so I they said all right good job guys we'll do your psyche Valves and they send us Back to

our unit and they said few months we'll call you and and get your orders out here and then 6 months goes by and then finally all of a sudden orders show up and dude I got hammered start major screaming at me like I walk his ass and I'm just sitting there smiling big shitty r on my face and he's like you're going to fail and you're going to come back here and you're going to make your life miserable and that motivated me I was like well I'm damn Sure not failing because I don't want to

come back to your ass um so I I tell him those kind of stories as well that's a that's you know the potential of failure is is greater uh then than I think he has now and plus the kid like I said he's a Savage man he's he's swimming 15,000 meters a week before he goes he's deep into the deep end fitness program uh that I run uh with a friend of mine and in Scottdale uh under Prime Hall and the guys that you've had on your show Before and uh and that's I'm just seeing

these kids man we got about 10 kids in contract right now on our deep end fitness program I mean I would have died to have had an eighth of the training that these kids are getting now so the resilience and the water survivability stuff and the things they're doing is 10 full more so than what they'll even get in buds or or uh special warfare and air force or or reconnaissance training wow so I'm not worried what is The I'm sure you've had a lot of talks what is one piece and I'm sure he's going

to watch this what is a piece of advice that you haven't given him yet that you want him to know wow to Soul search what compassion truly means to the warrior um I believe compassion is the number one trait of a warrior uh why I say that is because um you know a lot of people would say What do you mean that what does that have to do with Warfare or gunfighting I'm like kind of has everything to do with it because if you think about it the more I care about something the harder I'm

going to fight for it um it's like if somebody broke into my house and tried to hurt me or my family uh and I'm sitting on the curb afterwards and the cops are like hey what happened um why did you shoot that guy 15 times um I'm not going to say the Typical answer that most people might say well because his evil motive or intention or his capabilities and all the stuff that we would legal have a legal justification of why I did it uh that would be reasons considerations and potentially excuses of why I

did it the deeper meaning is I did it because I care about something so much more precious than that piece of [ __ ] my family that's why I did it I didn't want to do it the last thing a man that's That wants that's seen violence as you know very well is more violence and but I will take his ass out of the street and skin him alive and light his ass on fire to make a spectacle for everybody to see what not to mess with it's like that American flag on the wall same

thing I care about that I care about what it means and so that compassion is what drives us to go out and put foot to ask for our country and we forget that at times and I want Him to remember that that no matter what you're going through no matter how much pain or suffering you're in remember how much you give [ __ ] it's a great piece of advice and the world will be a better place if we all just cared a little bit more thank you let's take a break I know everybody out

there has to be just as frustrated as I am when it comes to the BS and the rhetoric that The mainstream media continuously tries to force feed us and I also know how frustrating it can be to try to find some type of a reliable news source it's getting really hard to find the truth and what's going on in the country and in the world and so one thing we've done here at sha Ryan Show is we are developing our newsletter and the first contributor to the newsletter that we have is a woman former CIA

targeter some of you may know Her as Sarah Adams call sign super bad she's made two different appearances here on the Sha Ryan Show and some of the stuff that she has uncovered and broke on this show is just absolutely mindblowing and so I've asked her if she would contribute to the newsletter and give us a weekly intelligence brief so it's going to be all things terrorists how terrorists are coming up through the southern border how they're entering the Country how they're traveling what these different terrorist organizations throughout the world are up to and here's

the best part the newsletter is actually free we're not going to spam you it's about One News newsletter a week maybe two if we release two shows the only other thing that's going to be in there besides the Intel brief is if we have a new product or something like that but like I said it's a free CIA Intelligence brief sign up links in the description or in the comments we'll see you in the newsletter all right Travis we're back from the break let's get back to you you're going to you went in the Marine

Corps you got into reconnaissance how'd to go yeah so I um I uh like I took that leave got my orders back about six months later pissed off my command uh got what I wanted went out there and uh loved it Now again I i' I've never seen in my life as a Florida boy never been in the snow ever never saw snow ever uh never saw mountains you know came from a small you know Farm type family didn't have a whole lot of means Mom and Dad worked their ass off everything we had um

and so we didn't take a lot of family vacations unless it was like Disneyland or something like that which was huge for us you know and so I get out there and all of a Sudden I fall in love with the mountains and The Rock and California and Mountain Warfare schools and I just hit every school I could possibly go to um and spent some time out there I did my first enlistment got in a relationship very young and dumb relationship typical Marine 21y old story Vegas I'll just throw that in there nice Vegas yeah

and uh the old shotgun wedding the old shotgun wedding literally at the chapel of the Bells Which was the same that Chevy Chase and the Vegas same same church hold on we got to go into this what's what's how did this happened all right so I check into first Recon company um back before was a battalion so some guys like what's a Recon company like it was first Recon company at the time uh the Battalion had been disbanded and came back later and when I check in I check into the headquarters Bali where these these

uh girls were working secretaries S1 abin And they check us in and you know my buddy's like hey they're pretty cute let's let's ask them out so we both ask them out start dating both of them and in two weeks we're both in Vegas getting married nice um I don't think I've ever told this story before out loud um so he comes home first and goes dude I got now we're surfing man we're like living California life we're just just trying to to be The Bachelors that you Know we're finally Recon and uh I mean

we're still ropes we're still on the Recon indoctrination program at this point and he comes home and says dude check it out I got married this weekend I'm like what what the what are you talking about who are you what do you mean you got married this weekend he's like no check it out they both work in admin right this was an old school thing I don't suggest anybody do this that's watching oh I think I know where this is Going and they can go into accounting and because both being active duty you get dual

comrat and bah housing allowance and so you can then move out in town when you get this and get an apartment and live the bachelor life and then we get it an anal and go our separate ways and that didn't work out um because she ended up getting pregnant about four months later um and I'm in Jump school at this point or no I was still I was still in IND Doctrination program and and I think BRC started coming around and then jump school and all that stuff there was the pipeline wasn't the way it

was back at today um so I'm like when are we going to get this in alled when are we going to get this an all and she's like I was like we haven't told our parents anything nobody knows about this and she's like I'm pregnant and I'm like uh what the hell do we do so we tried to Make that work the best we could for about a year and a half I even got out of the Marine Corps moved back to Florida with her and Travis Jr my oldest um and I was an electrician

growing up my dad was a big electrician so I went to job went to work for a buddy um and went to the police academy every night for 26 weeks I'll just be a cop man I'm no longer a marine so I do that for about 10 months uh I start working on my post Certification for Orange County Sheriff's Office out of Florida to become a deputy and the guys I'm working with the field training officers my my recruiter that I'd hang out with and drink beer every night and I'm just miserable he's like dude

sign the papers go back in what are you doing you're miserable I'm like I just no I got to be a family man now I'm just going to become a cop and I'll be fine no dude sign the I'm not signing the paper stop Dave and then uh and then everybody was just boss my boss you're not ready to be a cop yet man and so I go home we didn't get along too well we were just totally different personalities and I said look I'm sorry I need to go back and do what I I

set out in my life to do and so after that 10-month break I contact the recruiter I walk in say hey man give me those papers right now and he's like well I can't get you to Recon I'm like what do you mean You can't I'm a Recon Marine what do you mean you can't get me to Recon and he says I've got look he goes I got a buddy up at 22 scout sniper platoon the stap platoon he goes they need a chief Scout right now I'm going to send you up there go over

to Recon tell them that you're you're stuck in the Infantry and they'll suck you back over and I'm like okay that's crazy why the hell would I go to a sniper platoon I'm not I'm not a stay guy I'm a Recon guy that's not going to Work and he's like you'll be fine don't worry so I did it and it was actually a great opportunity to run you know sniper command centers and understand that world because I never understood it before being in reconst side of the house um and so I I on the job

trained in those with those guys for about nine months whenever the start major said hey I'm a Recon Marine at at an infantry and he's like what the hell are you doing over there I said they told me that They're not taking sergeants at the time back into Recon and he's like what are you talking about we need Sergeant like crazy so again recruiting commands are all screwed up so I had to go through this whole process when I could have just went right back to Recon and then so they they found a seat and

second Force Recon one of the platoon needed a guy so I stepped into that and jumped right back into Force Recon and holy [ __ ] so hold on let me Replay this for you just so I'm tracking here so you you've wanted to be a force Recon Marine since you were 9 years old yeah you joined the Marine Corps at 18 you become a reconnaissance Marine two years later you have a fling you guys get married so that you get the B buddy and you can move out in town only to get out of

the military and become a [ __ ] cop right holy [ __ ] Travis what the [ __ ] totally gets everything that I wanted to do in my life right but that was what Was happening and I've learned very well I've learned the hard way that hey man what happened happened and it happened exactly the way it happened and it didn't happen any other way you know why because it didn't and so I get back on my journey and so I just had I had like I don't know I wouldn't call a pause it

was I was that was that was meant to happen for some reason and of course I have an amazing incredible son you know Travis junor he's a freaking He's he's he's my my first love man my first kid and uh um he's working on becoming a professional fisherman uh electrician um and just all around just awesome and and what what month is it I don't even know what month it is it's November in two months I become a grand daddy so congratulations so I'm excited about that that's awesome yeah he's GI congrats he's given me

and everybody a wonderful gift so um and of course that Was that was a struggle though the one question I have is wait how long after you got married did you get out of the military that that stin with that marriage yeah it was pretty tight towards the end of that it was about a year and a half so we dated did the thing got to Recon about two and a half years and then at the end of that enlistment I had to make a decision to to stay in and and continue to deploy And

stuff which she was not having that and she's like we need to just get out get away from the military and so on my first I was on a small extension and I said I'm I'm done I'm leaving so ain't happening so what was it a year and a half of marriage before he got out about year and a half I think if I remember back that's not very much money in bah right so now so then I get out and I'm working as electrician from 5: in the morning till 6:00 at night going From

the Law Enforcement Academy 6:00 at night till about 10: at night every day for 26 weeks and I was like this is I want to go back and just minger in the Marine Corps damn for those that are at wondering what bah is BH is a housing allowance that should get the military that was set back then I remember $7 like9 a month more to live in an apartment in California nowadays it's a little different but yeah you're right it wasn't a lot of money so but no I Deployed um you know I went con

as many deployments as I could do when I got to Second Force Recon um then I did you deploy did you did you deploy with reconnaissance before you left the first time no not on the west coast was youry all schools all workups and that's what pissed me off so bad is that I felt like I was leaving my guys down cuz now I got to get out and I'm I'm just now fully getting schooled up I didn't go to dive school yet cuz dive School was a hard seat to get back then um and

then I'm like I gotta go guys and I remember gunny Smith Ed Smith I'm sure a lot of the recondo dudes out there listen know that man's name um he tried to keep me he's like you're an idiot don't do this come on man and he screamed and yelled at me and I was like I just had to take care of my son now he's like we all got kids we all got to take care but the cor needs you and I was like I wasn't listening at that Point M and I wish I would

have but again everything happens for a reason and I maybe I wouldn't be sitting here if those things wouldn't have happened to me what year is this this would have been 98 is98 so not a lot going on in the world anyways no not at all and uh so maybe that was something else too I'm like okay I've spent an entire enlistment here nothing's happened and maybe I can just get a become a cop and Take care of my kid now I [ __ ] up I'm ashamed of myself you you know now I got

to figure out how to be a dad and live a life and then I realized how hard it was and so um I went back in and just fell in love with that love story again you know of of of being the image that I wanted to become when I was 9 10 years old and started schooling out heavily what year did you come back in 98 you came 99 would been 99 that I came back in yeah So you were out for like a year maybe less it was less than a year like 10

almost 10 10 and a half months maybe if I had to guess um yeah cuz it took me a little bit to get in the academy get my job scored away and then by the time I graduated the Le Academy it was 26 weeks later and I'm like no I'm going I'm getting in so then I get back to Second Force I deploy a couple combat tours on that uh where' you go that was first wave Invasion Mosul uh we were the first troops into Northern Ira um and went off the 26 Marine Expeditionary Unit

so we're already floating and cutting circles so you so you went in and then did what you went back in 99 four years and then finally deployed into a combat R yeah so but yeah what two 20 oh 99 I went into Koso which all we did was fill gaps with the SAS there and you saw some interesting stuff um you know we got some orders fired on us and navigated Around a bunch of landmines for a long time working with this um so a lot of guys wouldn't consider that a combat deployment was an

active like we're going in and working against the the serbs because they were the ones we were watching at the time um so and then I did a golf deployment in Somalia I was telling you about when I first came in just hit the fleet at third light armor Rec concept time in 20 on Palms Boom Balloon goes up going over And I spent four months over there on boats and working around um watching people fight over bags of Rices on the docks securing the the pier facilities um so that was cool because that was

that was first thing man first first step on the parade deck in 2 on Palms just getting on of boot camp in school of infantry I'm on a plane heading over to Kuwait so I was like I'm doing it and then it get this stagnant like nothingness happens and then I get out Come back in 99 coost I'm like all right things are starting to happen now and then 2003 kicks off and uh I was 2003 is when debt won if you remember the the first marine Special Operation team was hand selected with gun oats

and those guys out of 500 candidates that were selected I was one of them with two other guys in my platoon to go to De one but me and and and I think it was Brian moss and Ricochet and Shawn mckl uh we got Selected and uh um I remember us having to kind of come to Jesus me like d we're already we're already done with the shooting package we're ready to deploy and I was like I don't think I can leave my guys and because you got a 25man tight team that's been working together

for six months you're ready to hit stuff and so we decided to stay back then Shawn gets injured and he goes so he couldn't go on deployment anyway so he healed up and Actually I think he went and did part of the Deb one stuff so um then marine Special Operations is founded and I'm overseas on on deployment we get the call to go into uh mosul we stopped in the Cypress flew in and it was uh uh the Battalion Landing team from the Mew was supposed to through turkey and uh we land into mou

in the middle of the night um AAA fire everything's on fire flying in and we're supposed to be going up against the Iraqi 10th Corp Army which Is 10,000 troops and from what our Intel reports were we uh birds take off we're sitting there in the grass all night long kind of waiting find out on comms hey BLT is not being authorized to break through the Turkish border you're on your own and we're like okay so we end up setting out sniper teams and figuring out the situation before we could finally get other people in

there there was an O Oda working in town that we finally linked Up with uh and a couple of agency dudes running around um got us some got on some firefights um let's talk about the first one firefight first your first firefight it's [ __ ] hilarious um so there there's a Learning lesson on this one too that I I I it really started making me think about the science you know because everybody kind kind of it calls me the Science Guy in The shooting World a little bit uh we're rolling through the asps and

and to describe mosul it's a you know when you're out in the fields it's a beautiful rolling for those that haven't seen it like grassy planes you can see for 10,000 K like 10 clicks man you can just see forever um now the ammo the ASP which is an ammo supply Point um south of the air fueld is one of the biggest asps in the world EOD guys said it would Take like 10 years to systematically clear this thing out um so our job was to go in and secure the asps so nobody could get

access to all that ordinance and it was a lot of ordinance 300 foot deep tunnels and and and these structures in the ground they kept all their artillery missiles and and stuff in and scuds um also looking for chem Labs was one of our missions and so we go out roll this like Day four I think think in country and the BLT is starting to finally come in and we're like all right we're going to go push out and get out into our and there was four four ifab Commando Jeeps um six-man team in each

Jeep so you got a whole platoon of force Recon guys and our last platoon was probably one of the most stacked platoon in history I I'd have to imagine I think by the end of deployment everybody got promoted it was I want to say there was like Five or six Gunnies in the platoon which is unheard of and you know um e7s in the platoon everybody else's staff sergeants um which is more like an Oda team how that would be structured not necessarily a force Recon team where you have a gunny you know maybe a

staff sergeant all sergeants say team leaders and then everybody else is kind of Sergeants most of the time so everybody I mean I think we have like 17 School trained snipers in our platoon which most scout sniper Platoons don't even have that I think we have like five free fall jump Masters most of those tandem Masters and just dive supervis I mean it was stacked man so and I'm I'm I'm staging that because of the amount of experience that was in this platoon you know looking back laughing now we're rolling down this hill and we

come around we see this little building in the middle of nowhere there's nothing else for miles and miles and miles and the building was probably About 5 6,000 square ft one story um couple windows and a door on the front and all of a sudden I hear one of the guys in the front and he goes light it up and we're like what the hell and I remember hearing something that didn't sound right but I didn't hear like it wasn't like the traditional snaps but I heard something I was what the [ __ ] is

that noise what and then all of a sudden I hear and I'm like oh [ __ ] we're getting shot at now we're tailing Charlie and uh Brian Moss I believe who was driving at the time he just retired um congratulations Brian by the way if uh uh he sees this and uh he pulls off through the rocks and I'm on the 50 trying to get on this window and uh left side window that was shooting at us uh and so um I'm like Brian stop stop stop and he's like I can't let me yellow

shape because he's trying to pull away so we can pound the building and I was like [ __ ] it so I throw the 50 down I bring up my M4 and I I pulled that trigger so fast man it was probably 3 seconds that gun was out of ammo and I remember coming down now he stops the vehicle I'm like nope I had a ready mag so on so I drop a MAG put another mag in and I remember going damn it use your 40 mic M so I'm like so I grabbed the 203

and one of the policies that that I've always had for my teams um and even that team a lot of us carried them to a three is Because if we were in a contact you know as a six or fourman Recon team put their heads down man put some heat on them first you know to make them think that you're bigger than what you are and so my brain just clicked into that mode like hey pump a 40 my bike into the building because I don't know where this is really necessarily coming from except for

that window which everybody was identifying so 40 Mike Mike is a grenade launcher for your civilians yeah the the 40 mimet grenade little tube underneath your rifle and uh and it's already locked and loaded so I take the safety off come up and I remember the first time my life going where the hell do I put the Red Dot on my aim point because I you don't typically shoot a 40 mm this is exactly 50 m on the road I mapped it out afterwards and so I was thinking like [ __ ] top of the

window maybe couple feet above the window so it's like d and it fired and went in and detonated and Blew up the window and uh um then I remember I think Ed sees mine go in the window so he decides to fire his and it goes like 150 meters over the building because you know your your brain goes to what it knows it's like d and it's like God damn it so I busted his balls for that for a while we spent I think I think three of the 50 cows were almost empty okay everybody

shot at least a MAG on window 240 Mike mics were fired and I think some of the pinl out of 240s were Were run down pretty good to at least 100 rounds or needed to swap a belt um and I'm just like this building looks like swiss cheese I've got this sounds very Marine Corp yeah but not I mean again going back to the experience of us right you think we like oh there he is done hey high five let's move on this building was falling apart man we done with it and I remember us

kind of having some especially our team having to come to Jesus meeting afterwards Being like hey man if you're going to pop that puppy's can don't grease him so hard next time man cuz we're almost out of ammo we got to go back and refit and regroup now we can continue our Patrol that we just started um and that was kind of the first funny thing so that that really triggered me and I looked back on a lot of the stories that that we have and whether it's buddies or personal situations that I was in

like that bothered me that I didn't know Where to hold that that red dot cuz I'm like well they don't let us shoot high explosive grenades out of a 203 and 50 m in training um I've heard heard they've done some programs like that now because I know the guys were trying to breach doors with them and stuff um and I started realizing why wait a minute hold on I don't even remember seeing my red dot for the 30 rounds that I fired before that why not and then I started studying ocular Science and I

ended up hiring three ocular scientists that ha strategic to try to help me understand why we see things a certain way how can we understand how our eyes can be better how can I be faster uh how can I increase my visual Acuity um how can I calm myself down under critical stress so every time you get under critical stress gunfight um or if you remember back to high school fighting you're just like Going crazy it's like that's the amydala hijack that's the the chimp Paradox great book if if nobody's ever read that by the

way if they want to know more about that um it's like once a chimp comes out of the cage you can't control them because if we had a chimpanzee here right now we started pissing them off and got in a fight with them who's going to win will tear your ass limb from limb so like that's your emotions that's your a and you need to keep him in the trunk And and that's my biggest thing and want going back to the medicine and stuff we talked about earlier I finally met my snake it's a snake

in my world and I was able to keep him at Bay I'm like sayy I don't need you I don't need you anymore you keep [ __ ] up my life you keep making me talk to my wife the wrong way you make me treat my children in a way that I don't want to treat them um you come out when you're not needed man stay asleep I'll come get you when I need you And you've done a lot of help for me in my life you've been there when I needed to destroy things but

not anymore I'm in control now so that's what it kind of helped me with and so anyways when you go into this critical stress this body alarm response that we call it this blood flow increases to the center field of your vision which eliminates the possibility for a nearsight focus which what have we've been taught all our life with Handguns clear front sight clear front sight clear front sight well guess what you can't you cannot get in critical stress is a clear front sight so it's like well what do you mean we've been taught that

all our life what do I do well that's where I broke it up into you have a clear front sight which I would categorize as Precision sight picture hostage situation long Target and then stress site picture well stress site Picture is when I walk up to a vehicle and go hey good evening ma'am I'm Deputy Haley with America woo and I start doing the Matrix and drawing a gun and coming back and I'm getting shot at you're your eyes are going to immediately change in geomet that's the thing that's the key and wishing I knew

this information back then so I may have had better Solutions or better more files in my file box to pull from when the geometry the lens the Gushy white ball changes shape and flattens out this is looking this way they sary muscles that go around the eye and those sary muscles will contract and then flattens the geometry of the lens which eliminates your possibility to see near focus it does what it's a natural defense mechanism for humans to go hey the bear is attacking me throw the spear throw the rock punch do whatever it's so

it's like well why do we teach that in in Firearms when nobody else teaches That baseball players don't have to go clear red threads clear red threads and throw all the way from a mountain to a pitcher and be perfect a sword fighter never said clear sword tip clear sword tip and stab um you know what I mean so like nobody's ever had to do that and now sudden we introduce modern firearms and screww up the way our eyes naturally defend oursel so it's like well what's the answer and that's what I started working back

and forth with a lot of Doctors to figure out like hey I couldn't see this then why okay here we go we start diving into it I understand the eyes and we start doing tests back and forth and going who okay so we need to have some other type of sighting system which would be stress sight piture what does that mean learn to shoot with my iron sights by focusing down range on the target it's a simple plane adjustment is all it is and then some people like well that's all you had To say I

know but it took me so long to figure out and and dive into you know ocular experts to understand how my eye actually works to come up with a simple solution to go Precision say picture I've got time working for me hostage situation some guys would say time's not working for you but you're not coming into a room and going hey that's my briefcase bro and Tom Cruising them in the street you're going to be very precise with that shot even if it is at Speed your brain will switch in those situations and what I

say is that when the threat is bigger than the threat itself that might be confusing if I'm in a hostage situation I go home and I find a a man or threat holding my wife or kids what's when the threat is bigger than the threat itself yes and so to give you this example if you walked in and saw horrible case scenario your your wife or child or somebody that you love or care about being held at gunpoint or Knife Point what's the biggest threat your wife dying not the guy with the gun or the

knife so the biggest threat now is oh my God the most precious thing in my life might die if I screw up so you might want to take some time and then make sure you see your sites um I talked to a lot of guys that have taken shots on hostage or SS guys and a buddy in in KAG that took a shot like this and he said he remember calculating the brain box Math as he's coming around the corner hitting a guy on the on the bed with his wife and kid about to go

higher order like movie type [ __ ] and I was like whoa wait that's you saw that okay describe that to me I'm I'm nerding out on what he's saying because the Situation's like okay it happens but and then you ask cops the same thing um yeah I remember seeing my sites just like I was trained really it was 900 p.m. you're sprinting down an alley shooting at a guy at 27 Meters and you hit him once in the back of the head with a single shot fired single-handedly mind you just like you're training I

want to hire I want to go work for that department that's how you guys train well that's what I had to write down in my report oh okay you didn't see [ __ ] did you no I was just shooting at at the guy okay just like that that building we started shooting at I didn't see clear at all until my eyes went hey You're about to fire a high explosive device you might want to remember where you're so now the threat's becoming bigger me potentially lobbing a grenade and having frag back or something and

I think that's what triggered my brain just like will trigger a hostage shooter or a a svest type situation so in his case what's the biggest threat him and his entire team about to vaporize not the guy with the bomb it's like no we might all die if I don't take this shot And calculator right now so I I thought those stories were extremely interesting and and why I took a really deep dive into the ocular stuff so yeah something as simple as a stupid little gunfight in Iraq blowing up a building um which turned

out to be an ammo supply Point issue Point that's where all the ordinance would come and they would issue that out so that blew up for days wow because and that's how we started clearing we'd have we worked with the Oda it was the next kind of fight we were in we pulled up on them like hey what are you guys up to and they like yeah some [ __ ] shooting at us from one of those ASP Towers up there about 500 met away and we're like let's go roll them up it's like one

dude so it's us us and a a whole Oda let's let's go get this guy and they're like n we got a Viper on station he's coming in here he's IPM bound about probably two minutes and we're like what you're got To you're going to drop a [ __ ] jdam on that building over there and they're like yeah they were like okay and you said IP inbound 2 minutes like yeah okay see you later so we jumped through a [ __ ] and start hauling ass up the road um because and they're dropping I

think it was a 2,000 pounder on the thing and in a ASP that's 300 feet deep in the Ground full of ordinance so we're like yeah we're out of here and we hauled ass and then we could kind of see in our Mirror the GU is looking back like and you can see them calculating the distance they jump in their hum bees start hauling us with us they that [ __ ] blew up for three days man nonstop like I got a video we sleeping at night at the Airfield he's already Landing in town and

the good thing was like well we don't have to patrol for 3 days we're good so cuz nobody can go in there at that point and that's how some of the Asps got cleared uh because it was bad wow wow wow so you you were on the initial Invasion first troops in yeah that is pretty [ __ ] historic and it was kind of cool that you know we took mosul and we did a good job um big army came in Hunter first took over for us that's when the IED War started kicking off and

I I I believe and a lot of other guys talked about how much ordinance there was coming out of that ASP we believe that may have fed The IED war in the country and when we lost control of mosul um we didn't gain it back until um uh until marso and I think it was St I think still team seven um I think it was seven went into MOS together and took it back in 2017 um and they gave us a piece of the one of the mosques there and it's got the Trident on it

and uh and the flag that they flew over the city when we won so we've got that in our in our little Museum at H strategic headquarters that is cool um to try to try to say like man we' lost this for almost 15 years and we fought and fought and fought with the Iraqis and finally got it back so but still a [ __ ] hole still a loss what was your guys' optempo on that deployment it was short and fast uh uh lot of movement and then um we left flew back to the

ship now we're out of full deployment at this point and we're ready to go home And so we're heading through almost to the Straits of jalter and you know the Mew the Marine Expeditionary units uh for people that don't understand how that works like right now there's a Mew in the Mediterranean probably cutting Gator circles as we call them around Israel and just hanging out waiting for something to happen and then there's always one in the Pacific and you always have the back thens changed a little bit But you always have a force Recon team

and a Seal Team attached to that view and we work hand in hand as a special operations nucleus of that entire entire system and you're on a carrier the the gator the lhds which have all the Ospreys and cobras and and uh f-35s um so we can deploy an entire Marine airr task for Force hovercrafts tanks you name it um infantry guys so we can mobilize anywhere in the world in 24 hours or less so they call us the 911 of The world so when a country has a problem an embassy goes bad or Afghanistan

with the Abby gate that was the 26 Marine Expeditionary Unit they call in to go and help um like I think Tyler Vargas you had Tyler on your show he he was on the Mew that went into Afghanistan and got in that [ __ ] with Abby gate do you know Tyler oh yeah yeah had him on the podcast everything what a [ __ ] awesome I think that might have been the first Podcast he did was with me damn I love that dude yeah he's incredible resilient man yeah I mean that's we learn a

lot from him so we got the 911 to go into Liberia after that and Liberia was uh uh of course we were disappointed at first like come on man we just want to go home and so it's like nope your assets are going in figure out what's going on uh this was a 14-year Civil War um Charles Taylor the president of the country very highly educated us Educated guy he was on a just a murderous he was a genocidal freak all of a sudden started killing his own people so he killed about 180,000 of his

own people that year um with his his corrupt government forces so now you have Sierra Leon uh and a couple of other countries that created uh Rebel groups like The L Rebels they would come down from syri Leon and fight against the government so now you have these corrupt government Guys fighting against Rebels trying to overthrow the corrupt government and guess who's in the middle getting getting killed all the innocent people in the country um that was probably one of my most eye eye openening experiences culturally you know like again being being worldly traveled um

seeing true death and true just just heads heads on tables everywhere in the Markets uh human heads oh yeah piles of why were there human heads on tables cannibalism it was it's voodoo man cannibalism it's West Africa it is like hardcore um do you see that happening every day you see if you if you if you type in rebels of Liberia West Africa you will see crazy people with wigs and weird glasses and wearing women's dresses and life preservers and they're out there shooting with AKs and RPGs kind of Lord of War remember the movie

Lord of War with Nicholas Cage that is Liberia and so the the the ground the pavement is all 762 x 39 brass there's no pavement it's brass everywhere you go in the streets just constant gunfights um and what hold on eventually we got a this is a s that nobody never heard about I've never heard about it what what is it I mean you saw [ __ ] cannibalism yeah what I mean just describe that in detail the first time you saw it or Anything so this is the weird part about this this country um

you have people that are just trying to survive and live like almost normal people like just normal great people um I love love is is a word that's might might even describe how I feel uh towards the Liberian people like I I there was kids I wanted to adopt and bring home with me man it was crazy experience I don't know if that was a same for for other guys in my team um But I I really immerse myself in places that I go and sometimes too much if you've ever seen what's a good movie

Tears of the Sun with Bruce Willis the Navy SEAL Team that goes into Cameroon um and there's piles of bodies and the stench and everything very very similar um the Nigerians are there whacking and killing people um even though they're supposed to be a a friendly peacekeeping Force for the African EAS or ecomill forces which are Their kind of small NATO so in in the continent of Africa if something goes high water like something blows up they will not call Nato in right away they'll call ecoas which I forget what ecoas is with African nations

come together and they they then determine does military action need to happen here and then if it does they'll say Okay Eco military side let's get Ghana senales Ivory Coast um Cameroon Nigeria you guys can bring in a contingent of armed forces and help Secure this country and stop the Civil War before we need to get bigger people involved so that's this that's the level this was at so United Nations everybody's watching this our job was to go in and do a uh a hydrographic survey of the port facility and whites Beach down by the

by the um by the embassy so we could determine if we can land hover crafts am TRS you name it and send the BLT in the stock um RFI and Bush at the time needed to get more sa so they send Us and Seal Team 4 in um you know RoR Lieutenant RoR uh Denver R he was the platoon leader for still team for the time uh and now is in the acting world I think um he played himself an Act of Valor the movie so he he was he was Lieutenant R in Act of

Valor um and so I know he's done a couple other films well he was a platoon leader they they and Rob O'Neal was in that team as well um they hit the beach we hit the port facility um I know they Were a little upset about that because we won the mission planning on the port facility which was a 2,000 meter surface swim we were trying to go subsurface but we couldn't uh because of the amount of Intel because I was one of the Intel guys on the team pulling all the information from S2 there

was like three ships laying on their sides in the port bodies floating in the water um active gunfights going on on the ports facility while we're doing a hydrographic survey And so what happens is we're back done Recon done we're back on the beach I'm sorry back on the boat and about 500 a.m. if I remember right we hear launch uh qrf launch qrf over the 1mc on the boat uh the intercom it's called 1mc and so cobras and 46ers took off because something happened one of the team guys got I heard and I'm sure

there's a I'd love to hear the story if anybody knows It um I know it's probably embarrassing for those guys but somebody said that one of the guys got cramped so bad from drinking the night before on the boat they couldn't get through the surf zone and they brought boats in they brought the ribs up to grab them and throw them in and Liberian fishermen were coming out that morning and identified now we're over the horizon man we're not supposed to be there it's a clandestine operation um and if you look up Navy Seals in

Liberia you'll see Rob O'Neal and all his guys and work on the beach holding like a thousand liberians back going stay back back and they're like Americans you're here you're here you're here so there was a compromise um and then they get back to the boat and general Turner's like you guys can go back to sigonella we don't need you here anymore thank you now we have to change the entire Mission so they send us back in um as a liaison Team to work with the ecomill forces to try to stop this Civil War by

running checkpoints and telling the Nigerian nightback commanders hey this is what you're going to do this is what you're not going to do then we go say and grabb the lured Rebels and we'd say hey sit your ass down um you know you are not a general even though you call yourself that cuz you know these little skinny crackheads like when I say crackheads like crack was extremely bad heroin was Bad they're constantly chewing cot um and you're telling them like hey stop shooting at civilians if I catch you shooting at civilians you're going to

die do you understand that you see that that loud that thumping noise that flies over every once in a while we will have no problem no hesitation blowing your ass up if you're firing a rock and on a bridge across the street into the market um you will stop beating people and stealing their cars you will stop Treating people like [ __ ] and so every night we'd have these meetings at their bars we'd walk in and like hey sit down all right what can we do and we single-handedly and I I say this not

out of of you know being egotistical or narcissist or anything but we stopped a 14-year Civil War in just a couple of months um by moving as fast as we did as three Recon teams throughout that country damn keeping the [ __ ] South Africans back cuz they would come in and Just say just kill these people I'm like yeah okay [ __ ] out of here you don't care um and the Nigerians that's a whole other story um they're they only get paid about I think the average infantry Nigerian soldier gets paid back then

$600 a year and equivalent to American money and they don't get paid while they're there but they're on a year-long deployment and they have to go in this Ecco Mill deployment for a year and work in Liberia and then when they get home they finally get paid so what do you think those guys are going to do imagine if you took freaking a thousand marines that are all privates put them in a foreign country and said we'll pay in a year from now yeah they're going to rape pillage and kill everybody they can so now

they're a problem that we had to work as a lias on Force to stop um so it turned into a nightmare made uh I'll be honest it made Iraq look like Disneyland Really did sounds like it especially with the stench and the bodies and people come up to you in the market with a head like hey this is a you know government head from a commander look what do we got look what we got my dude the [ __ ] head out of my face man like that's what Liberia was like and it's and it's

it was a beautiful country before this all happened subtropic beautiful hotels on the beach when we got there looked like some some horrible Tropic um uh like a bomb went off no windows holes swiss cheese everywhere casings all over the ground constant rocket firing back and forth um and then we forced Charles Taylor out he went in Exile um um but then paid his Special Operations team which he called the wild geese they would name everything after like weird American movies and stuff like the commanders would drive by say Rambo on the side of their

car and then it'd be John Wayne it'd be like funny funny you know Josie Wales and the commanders think got 20 people in the back of the truck with AKs and pkms and stuff and you're like hey what's up Rambo like if you see all the pictures on the internet if you look up Liberian Rebels like I guarantee I know every one of those dudes by name and the voodoo magic was really interesting because they would wear women's dresses wigs life preservers just life Preservers yeah there's a funny little funny story on that um they

would wear these things because they the the voodoo magician would bless that article that they're wearing and it would make them bulletproof and uh one day one of the guys comes up in a blue dress and a and a wig and these little weird glasses and I said why do you guys wear that [ __ ] and they all speak English they all speak it's their first language which I this was the coolest part of the Whole country was back during the you know they kept calling us brother American brother American I'm like why do

you guys call us brother Americans like you're not what do you mean they're like we are Americans and I'm like l a chick you're Liberian why I'm an American no no no no we are grateful and and honored for you to be here because we are all brother Americans we come from America and I'm like what are you talking about You come liberians come from America and then they started educating me and my guys on the history of our own damn country that we forgot the IP ation when the slaves were freed they had an

opportunity to go back to their Homeland and Liberia Monrovia Liberia was the first colony of American slaves that established a new order and a new government in the in the continent of Africa um and they are extremely grateful for that right interesting Interesting you know misunderstanding potentially and I was like really and so we just dove into the the culture and the information and they were teaching us some of these kids man that are the they don't even know how old they are but like 12 to 15 years old they'll recite parts of our Constitution

and you're like you live in a you live in a tin Shack dude it was incredible that's why I just really have a deep love for for those people I mean it's interesting You know the the piece of advice that you gave your son this fine compassion and you're talking about it right now in one of the worst places imaginable at least at that time yeah it made me realize how how good the the world really is even though it's bad all around you uh even the kids the kids were amazing one time we pulled

up on this Village just checking in doing a security assessment uh they got hit the night before uh lost A couple people and because every night you know when you're out you're trying to patrol as much as you can you hear about hey we got a village over on the east side just got hit man the government came in and he paid his government 44 million dollar in cash to he goes look I'm going to prove that I'm still in power even though I'm in Exile you guys keep raping pillaging and killing as many people

as you can and that's what his his Special Operations Teams were doing so at night they go out and and tear people up and then the Eco Mill forces and us aison would have to try to figure out who's what and try to help out all these people and then go in and do an assessment the day after figure hey what happened um you know raping jez pillaging cutting nipples off of women so they can't breastfeed their babies are you [ __ ] kidding child yeah child soldiers constantly being taken this is 2003 man this

was still Happen happening and it still happens in Africa um Liberia is a better place now from what I understand but that's what it was and it was lifechanging for me because I think a lot of guys don't think about what that was um just because you weren in a [ __ ] ton of gunfights doesn't mean that you can't learn valuable lessons about cultural you know um differences or um you know like just the kids man I had grew such an appreciation and and I'm sure a lot Of people will when they hear this

we hear all this laughing and screaming and and we pull the corner and there's like 15 kids running up and down the street up this little Hill and we're like what the hell are they all happy about every time we'd pull into a village all the women would come out and start dancing and chanting and like thanking God for us to be there because now they get to walk free because they're scared of getting raped killed their children Being stolen um and put into child Warfare um whatever like they're just and they it was the

greatest feeling to have these people chanting and screaming and laughing and smiling all of a sudden and it made you choked you up for a second and we realized these kids are chasing a toy and I look at I walk up to them like what are you guys doing and they hold up a a wheel which was a piece of wire it's like a piece of hard wire that they found like a hanger and they Twisted together and made a wheel then they made a stick about 3 feet long and it had a little L

shape on the like a snake stick and they would sit there and roll that wheel with that snake stick down the hill and get it going really fast and they would Chase it up and down and up and down and they did that [ __ ] the entire time we were there and not one time did anybody quit or like they were constantly having fun meanwhile there's like death and destruction in Piles of bodies everywhere uh and they just got hit the night before so that to me I'm still trying to understand that they became

accustomed cuz every time I walk into my kids' rooms and I see all the [ __ ] they have makes me want to go outside and grab a piece of wire um and I think we need to remember that you know we have a ton of resour forces as an American um we have everything in the world you have every single opportunity to make something of yourself in this World in this country especially as an American um and so I think you know after my world experiences and traveling seeing that I go how dare you

have the audacity to say that you don't you need more and and so again it comes back to how much resources can you have before you forget how to be resourceful and that's all those kids are they're so resourceful and having the best time doing it in the worst situation you Could ever possibly fathom and you know that scares me now because if something did happen in this country which every great nation eventually has this problem um what are our kids going to do are they going to be able to have that resilience and that

happiness under that situation or is going to be 10 times worse um so those little things that you pull out of the battle spaces are what you really truly remember the gunfights that's why we were there man you pull The trigger you you you do your job sometimes it hurts especially when you [ __ ] it up um but the times you do it right feels good uh but what really feels good is making that kid smile making that woman chant and and and dance and praise thank you for making us free like Americans don't

realize what that means um until you see some [ __ ] like that and you don't need to be in a gunfight to see that you know But yeah I think uh that was an interesting one that was I'm I'm very agree with everything you said there and I think that was important uh that you brought that up I want to know about the cannibalism I've never seen that what what was that experience like so it's not like they're eating bones and stuff in front of you and the markets and stuff but you're hearing the

stories constantly of of especially the the rebels and the corrupt government people That would do that as a um a fear tactic um and it's I think it's a part of their culture it really a cultural thing it is it's the same thing that comes out no I don't think it's a necessity because not everybody does it um your people that were in positions of power were the ones that did most of it that I'd noticed um this is like satanic ritualistic [ __ ] well if it's the if the elites are eating other [

__ ] human beings yeah but they're also just you know younger Operational types too they're teaching the kids to do that stuff um you know so all the [ __ ] you see in movies about you know the the cannibalism in those countries is not on this like like you would think like the deepest darkest little tribes in Africa or in South America only do that no normal people that are wearing blue jeans and gold necklaces and running around with AKs and wigs and stuff on are also doing it um it's a part of the

culture it's holy [ __ ] um was it the biggest thing how do they do it do they do they cook it or I think they just cook and eat it yeah or eat a raw wow yeah not a big expert in that regard the cannibalism um even just asking that question makes me want to look back and go wait a minute let me let me dive into that a little bit more yeah um but it's it was definitely very apparent and people would tell you about it and the excuse where we go wait is

that satanic they don't know what that Is I don't think um but I I think there's one line like in that movie Tears of the Sun when they walk in and they see the the mother with the nipples cut off which is a thing uh they pour cornmeal we'd find women with cornmeal in their mouths as they're getting raped and trying to be suffocated as they're being raped by these kids that were Rebel soldiers um and they would steal the the boys they would shoot the men leave the Elder alive to tell the story they'd

rape all the women and impregnate them and then cut their nipples off like and Jee that's just the rest of the world that's why it'd be nice if Americans realize what percentage they are of the the world it's very small and and and and I'll I'll maybe close with that later but I call it the whole concept but uh yeah it's that's just what they do that's the best Answer when you say who in the [ __ ] would do something like this and then the only response is it's just what they do you know

and what drives that I don't know but I would be happy to kill every one of those people that do that man to these beautiful souls as all these people these these kids were people in The Villages that we encountered amazing absolutely amazing i' go back in heartbeat matter of fact I did I went back on my own you went back there on Your own did some Contracting work by myself with a client yeah how are you handling the home life with with that son then you have a son now yeah I mean how are

you is this [ __ ] coming home this is this is where things started getting weird in the transition of my life how did I transition out of the military why did I even transition so many years of active duty service at this point um after a few Deployments I love I loved uh being a way sick instead of home you know guys get homesick like I just want to go home man like you got the army guy with his helmet cockback his dragging ass going I just hate this I've been here 13 months I

want to go home to my family I get it but that's not why you're here you're here to do the job and if you really love the job you shouldn't have to go home because you start to realize home Is where you are and I think that's what a lot of us tend to to let happen because war is a home to us and I just had this conversation with the Marine Raiders the other day because they keep getting messed with by a big Marine Corps and I hope it changes and I said you know

why you guys are miserable right now I said cuz you're not a war because you're at War you don't have to worry about being disruptive you are naturally but when You come back and you're in Garrison guess what everybody's messing with you you can't have an elite unit inside of an elite unit what what's the elite unit the United States Marine Corps itself is an elite unit like so that's where the silent professional problem comes into play and I think is destroying us because these guys are afraid to speak out um and they're afraid to

play the game and they need to just learn to play the game while in Garrison so they can Go back to war before they get this Bandit again and that can happen very quickly uh and Socom was pissed off about it um so after I came home from my deployment there in Africa my son Travis Jr at the time was about 8 years old and I remember walking into the house and going up to visit them and she knows I'm coming right I tell her I walk in and I open the door and he's sitting

there playing on the ground in the living room and I remember saying hey Buddy bu I'm home and he looks at me sitting there he looks back at mom looks at me again looks back at Mom and goes mom who's that oh I was like [ __ ] and that was like taking that dagger and stabbing it into my my heart and I I you know you've heard me mention this love story The Love Story of the poster I want to be that one day I love that image and then I love becoming that image

I love sweating and being sugar Cookie on the beach with sand in places I never could possibly imagine getting and I love that perseverance aspect where I'm still here and I'm not ringing that [ __ ] Bell I'm not quitting I'm not doing I can look next to me and say okay you may not be here but I'm still here because perseverance is my only Mission and I love that and I love becoming that image of hunting evil in the world man deploying and and I loved every second of it I loved uh being in

a tyrannical War torn shitty environment because it made me realize and appreciate what I got to come home to eventually and that's where the a sickness comes into play but I loved it too much I think and I loved it still still gets me a little bit um I loved hunting people I loved knowing that I could make the world a better place by by one 5.56 rounde at a time you know um I I Loved being away so much that I loved everything that loved me and I loved to leave everything that loved me

and then I started to deal with darkness and death and Friends passing and and then I started to realize well I guess this is just the darkness I need to learn to love because it's never going to go away in my life and I just sit there and go I just got to fake this and impostor syndrome kicks in um and then you start to realize you better find some Something else that you love otherwise is going to kill you going back to maybe the suicide if that helps people and when I walked in and

he said that I realized that I loved I loved War more than I should have loved my own family that's not okay that's not okay for any man um and so i' go back to my unit and I'm at I think [ __ ] 12 years at this point maybe Maybe yeah um most of that time now in force reconnaissance reconnaissance community and I tell my platoon Commander who's the greatest platoon commander on the face of the planet still is in my opinion uh Andy Christian I said hey I'm going to check out and he's

said what you know the guy that loves it so much what the [ __ ] you talking about you're check what do you mean you're checking out what do you mean you're leaving how You what do you mean you're what that just make any sense like it it shocked everybody um and I was up for a b Billet at this point in time a b Billet is a staff position for people that don't know um where I'm going to be some type of instructor at Free Fall school which was my first choice um Scott EV

has been a big thing for me love it um and uh and vsw very shallow water programs for working on some top secret programs with The Navy um love that stuff I know they play with dolphins in the dolphin program the Navy has and my mom was on uh she was a trainer and on the set of flipper when I was a kid growing up so she she did a little bit of stuff with Bush Gardens in Florida and uh I was like Mom I might be able to to get into a dolphin program and

train a bunch of flippers and in the Navy and she's like really that's so cool what are you going to be doing I was like you don't want to Know but I never that never happened because happened my son and I end up getting out um I was like I don't want to go to a b Billet I still want to fight but I need to make my own schedule and so I was confused in a dark dark environment now um and that's when we lost our first uh this transition time right before I started

Contracting I lost uh one of our teammates killed an ID and uh we had Just moved to Washington DC because I was working at a DC and uh um we all we all met at Arlington National Cemetery to to send him off and I was done at this point I'm like I'm I'm moving on I'm going to not contract I'm not going do [ __ ] so none of that's on the table I'm just going to start a business and I'm going to figure it out again um because I got to be there for my

son because I haven't been at all It's been a horrible divorce horrible relationship with Mom which is great now thank god um but just it wasn't our time and so I sat there at Allington you know and everybody's in their Blues looking sharp valala right it's the Warriors Noble end and uh this is another I guess PTSD story that I learned a lot from a ton where I'm standing there and I'm like this is this is why we do this you Know and then I start looking around and I start seeing the face of of

people I started seeing the pain the suffering the tears the the disappointment uh the anger and then I start to see the color guard moving in and the the the gun team and something I noticed when I was a kid every time a movie was on a war movie and Taps would play um Taps is the song You the trumpet song you'll typically hear at a funeral or uh at Night time they play Taps to go to bed 2200 um to remind of us of that there's no Victory without sacrifice in a nutshell and every

time that song Would played my dad would get up and walk out of the room every time and I was like he must be going to get another beer or something and I I just kind of made this excuse for him and then I started to realize and it wasn't until that moment when that tap started Playing that killed me and I started losing my [ __ ] and I realized like the [ __ ] man where's the nobility in this where's the nobility look at she just had a baby while he's on deployment her

two-year-old daughter doesn't even know Dad's dead laying there in front of them there's no nobility in this why are we doing this now I'm now I'm struggling with this inner fight like did was it all worth it was this worth it you know and at the end of the funeral standing There losing my [ __ ] again um you know but I'm a marine so you're not allowed to cry uh you're not allowed to show emotions so I'm trying my best to hold it inside which eventually just turns into trapped resistance and then you suffer

well one of my buddies comes over and I'll never forget this he he's comes up next to me and standing over Javier's grave and he goes uh he goes isn't it awesome man he kind of hits me and I'm Like dude what's so [ __ ] awesome about this and he's like what do you mean to know a dude that just went all the way and I'm like okay what are you talking about brother and he goes to know a dude that just went all the way like a guy that's willing to do that is

incredible he's like how do you not get that and I'm like I'm trying to process all this right now dude like what are you talking about and he Goes dude our fallen brother represents everything that we do everything that we stand for everyone that we stand with here and everything that we now stand den and uh it started to click a little bit and he said it don't forget there's no difference between you and him he did that just like you would do that just like I would do that so don't forget who we are

and what we do all right and I just like trying to keep my [ __ ] together and he gives me a hug Walks away and then that's when the nobility kicked it that's when the tears of Sadness and Sorrow that you'll still see in me that are tears but they turned from sadness to sorrow to Pride and honor and that's when the nobility kick back in and said without sacrifice there is no Victory as hard as that is for people to understand in our world everybody sacrifices something you've sacrificed a ton man you're Sacrificing

something right now being here with me when you could be doing something different you could be with your wife or your kid you know um we've all had sacrifices and sometimes they're little sometimes they're massive and I think they're all necessary especially in the face of evil um there there's only one way to get through that and has to realize that we need men and women that are willing to go all the way because if we Don't um you're not going to have anything you'll have nothing and that's what everybody's scared about right now is

having nothing so maybe we should all step up and start thinking about this a little bit differently and that's all I ask people to do just think differently how you think don't I'm not trying to change you I'm just sharing we're sharing our experiences and our stories with people that are horrible that are Horrid nobody likes telling War Stories and if they do they're probably not true um and so you know we should listen to those experiences and listen to what other people around the world tell us listen to the concept of the whole the

8 billion people in the world who are we and what are we here to do that's that's an important story um so yeah man it's it's like these little tiny things I have ex you know Where it could be just a simple story of an experience in combat or with my kid walking home that turned into the greatest lessons in my life because it allowed me to look into a place you know so that was like I need to look into that I need to I need to figure out okay he's the most important thing

right now and I still [ __ ] it up after that you know I still wasn't the best dad wasn't there all the time um and then I transition all right I'll start my own Company I'll start training and I do I move out to California to be with my wife cuz we were separated for three and a half years with two deployments between that time she was a doctor at Balboa Naval Hospital as Lieutenant Commander and I was in Camp June um in force Recon and we did it well man we made it made

it work we travel every month and see each other and i' go out and do freef fall school or you know jump packages and go meet Her she come to me and and we made it work and then we have two beautiful kids out at Hayden and Hudson and uh um but once I got out there to California she's like are we finally having a family now I was like I think so I think we can actually be together for for once how did you meet her I was in free fall jump Master school and

we were I was Gas Lamp District Buffalo Joe's disco night everybody wearing afro and Ray bands she was in there dancing walks By goes hey hey what's up pulls me on the Dance Floor we start dancing um I loud as hell can't hear a damn thing this is kind of funny story actually um and she's like so what uh I was like what do you do I'm a doctor I'm like okay whatever nice try um sweating her ass off Dancing on the floor and she's like what do you do I said I'm a cook and

I pulled the Steven Seagal thing um which that guy's another [ __ ] story Um and she's like oh you're a cook that likes to jump out of airplanes and I'm like what are you talking about she rolls back my tattoo my Jack and I was like well I also I also cook and so then we started talking on the phone and she's like why don't you come out next weekend I got a good feeling about you and and so we went diving and did some she was working up on a marathon so I ran

19 miles with her and I was like yeah I can do that um and next thing you Know I I she's like hey you want to come back again next weekend and you can stay with me and and I've got four roommates one of them's in the Navy is a lieutenant and the other one's you know a barkeeper something else um so I go there and I open up a closet put my clothes to hang them up and I see Navy uniforms and I'm like I said why is your and I thought it was her

roommate's uniforms and then I saw the female rank Lieutenant Commander Or Lieutenant at the time I'm sorry I was like Jen please tell me these aren't uniforms and please tell me for the last two weeks you haven't told me that you were in the United States Navy and she's like what does it matter she goes I'm a doctor you know how Naval docs are right then know how to put their ribbons in a rank on their uniform CU they're wearing scrubs all day I was like J this happen this isn't this isn't a thing that

we can do she goes I don't care she goes And we're on different coasts we'll figure it out so we dated long distance for years and uh and then eventually we ended up getting married and had two kids and just worked out and then she got out of the Navy as a commander um at 16 years and started her own practice in dermatology became very successful and um and then I was working and started Contracting and that's what happened when I went to San Diego finally I'm sitting there I got my toes dug into the

Beach man man I'm like am I finally going to have a break in my life which is going to be weird for me um damn phone rings and it's one of the project managers of Blackwater this is two weeks I'm out in California and I'm like transitioned my entire life to be with her my son's in Pennsylvania I'm trying to figure out how to see him more and I give this call hey trap what's up man my name is uh so and so from Blackwater I was like Blackwater The Contracting Company it's brand new at

the time it's 2004 and I was like yeah hey man we heard you're out I'm like the hell do you guys know I'm out like hey word travels fast when The Operators get out uh we got an opportunity for you how would you like to be back in moyak and be here in in a week from now I'd like to get you back into Baghdad in two weeks and I'm like what now I'm jonesen I'm I'm hurting and I don't know what to do in my life but I Want to fight I want to go

back but family's messing with me at this point and he's like look we'd like to ask you to be on ambass Ambassador breer's personal detail he's the most high- threat PSD principal in all PSD history and uh out of even every US president combined um and he's he needs he needs good hitters to be on his team and we we'd like you to come out and try out I was like uh yeah man I'm honored thanks for the call what do you want me To do hey we'll have tickets for you in a week or

two just just be on standby Roger that I hang up and she walks up she's like hey who was that and I'm like oh [ __ ] and I just couldn't stop making those decisions and I know it hurt um and went right back to Iraq 2 weeks later and so I was on the bumer detail with Blackwater um started doing a lot of surveillance work for the Blackwater teams on the advance side even though it Was on his detail as a gun gun fighter um how many people were on his detail oh [ __

] man I it was I want to say I could probably be corrected here by 10 or 20 I know there was 52 people at the time when I was there approximately for his Advanced team just the advance now that didn't include the entire company of military police and Strikers and Humvees that didn't include the pafic Iraqi forces that we oh it was a full-on mission Profile it was holy [ __ ] I didn't realize it was that big three little bird helicopters that were directly attached to him and him only unless they could be

task out which we got task out to a lot of things but that was primary he had priority all time um not including the advanced team the advanced team would be about 20 dudes at of time and then we had another 20 and we were rotating constantly because this dude was like the Energizer Bunny man he Would plug himself in and night sore he'd come home at 4 uh like well say like midnight and he would wake up at 4 in the morning he'd walk in reading into his Villa he'd come out reading out of

his Villa he plug himself in keep going all day and all night and we're just like man we can't keep up with this dude um and uh and what else and then qrf teams on top of that and then that grew even bigger after I left so air support ground sport You Name It We had it all um probably one of the coolest PSD details I've ever seen in my life um everybody was a hitter everybody was former Special Operations uh until standard started dropping and then as you know you know clown show started happen

um at that time um I was on the detail and then they asked me to come over to the airide say hey who's a who's a surveillance guy here I said well recondo and they're like you not in ront of camera I'm like yeah dude come on um So I went up in the birds started doing a lot of Intel work and they said hey would you mind you know because you're you're working all day and then you're going up on the birds at night wh you got a chance why don't you just transition to

the bird team if you don't mind I know you like being on the detail like you may not have to ride around and get smashed by IEDs all day I can look down instead of look up yeah absolutely I love I love aerial platform stuff and So I ended up kind of working in and developing the program of instruction for Blackwater I did all the videos uh that went back to Eric and and said hey we got a guy in country that can video film and edit so that way when a new gun gun guy

comes on board the team I can say watch this video here's how this works here's how we pick up the package here's how we drop the package here's how we work venues here's how we do inner and outer concentric rings of Security and blah blah blah I film this whole thing um and then I started working on Innovations now I'm working on saw mounts for the helicopters and it was a perfect match so I loved being on the little birds and uh and that's when nof happened and and April April 3rd so N is a

very historic event and this year is the 20th anniversary correct it is so I really want to document this piece of History so if you could be as descriptive as Possible I'll do my best I would appreciate it yeah and we're still trying to pick up the pieces I know me and the team leader uh for the noff team just got together did a podcast on our our our channel on the bridge and um and him and I were comparing information back and forth of what happened up north in Baghdad versus what happened down in

aof um so I'm on I'm on Detail uh I'm on office watch at the time so when he's working on his desk somebody standing in that room at all time just like super service and uh you're hearing every conversation that he has with rville the president you know Coleen pal con these right everybody's walking out of the office every day if they're there in country uh which was pretty frequent and uh I'm hearing all the red phone conversations and so we start getting Word of [ __ ] happening down in noff and so I start

hearing the traffic going back and forth on the radio and then I start hearing Brer talking on the phone hey Sanchez General Sanchez the time the Coalition Commander um not well liked at the time by a lot of the staff and everybody from from what I was hearing so he comes in Sanchez what's going on down in AA uh it's not a big deal sir we're starting To evacuate people we're good um everybody's moving from Camp golf back to Camp Ekko might have that mixed back and forth but that was in the jaaf teams and

and then the camps are about 20 clicks away from each other so when they started taking the heat from todar aladar's MTI Army um they started pushing forces back now at the time we knew there was a Spanish company of troops that were on the ground they had la V 25s not necessar like RLS but they Had 25mm Bush Master chain guns on them um uh they had I think there was about 100 Spaniards there was a small contingent platoon size of el salvadorians uh who were Savage um and then a small Blackwater team protecting

Phil cosnet who was the CPA uh official that was that was their principal and that's what white boy call sign white boy and his team were protecting um we think Phil was on the agency side Of the house as well with some stuff that was going on out in town uh there was some some I heard of a failed agency hit um I don't know any details about that I'd love to to hear more about that if anybody knows I'm sure nobody's going to talk about it but it was just like it's like what's going

on um and then they had local police Chiefs out in town that were trying to be you know um trying to be loyal to the US Coalition but at the same time mutter Aladar Saying hey you you'll be loyal to us or guys we're going to kill your police officers and so that few nights before I remember I think white boy says it in my podcast but they had this big giant meeting with Phil cause and everybody in this town hall and the police Chiefs and everybody there the Iraqi police and they said hey you

have to show loyalty to the Coalition if you do we'll help you we'll support you we'll we'll put push these people out and so apparently That Chief stands up and goes you have my loyalty I will be faithful to the coalition and they all drive out Chief gets in his car drives out assassinated as soon as he drops out and goes outside and I think that was kind of the big from what I understand motter alidar kind of the icing on the cake for him and he says you know what [ __ ] this Coalition

provisional Authority take it down I want it at this time it was uh I forget that thing where everybody's kind Of migrating into nof because it's the golden the Golden mosque is in noff It's the Most Holy City in the entire world besides Mecca for the for the Islam for the Muslims and uh so there's just people walking all over the place all over the country man as we're flying down there's like thousands of people on the roads just walking towards Naja to pray and so now you you just like our border right you invite

all the [ __ ] along with the people going to prey um To fight the Infidel and so mctd built an army of 10,000 M Army in the city of NAA so a lot of people don't realize nof the battle when the Marines go in is bigger than fua and and we just had the the the recent anniversary for for fuah but noof was a bigger offensive than fuah was um I did not realize that yeah a lot of people don't know that and uh because it was nasty it was rough I think fujia was

more systemized and organized you got General Mattis Pushing through and and his big speeches that kind of make it kind of prominent in history um and we lost a lot of people on both but I think we lost more in fujia but naop was a very complicated situation um and we weren't a part of the big phase we were the initial so I think the reason why they also then pushed in the na off afterwards is because and fujia because you know uh Jerry and the guys were just hung on the bridge um a few

days before all of this And that stimulated a bunch of people especially us and because I I actually took Jerry's oov down that morning and the little birds and transported him down to his new position um dropped them off the next day they were ambushed and killed and hung from the bridge so all of us were like man we were just hanging out this guy um you know that's [ __ ] up what happened let's get some revenge and that that could be a problem so I think everybody went after soon as the Soon as

namad Army kicked it off and started attacking the CPA that day on I believe that started April 3D all of us are like let's get it on let's go down there and mess these dudes up and of course contractors have to be reminded from time to time that look yeah you fall under the Geneva Convention you're not allowed to offensively engage in combat operations if you do it's against the Geneva Convention so pump the brakes sa U and that was the big conflict with Us in the US military um you everybody wants to shoot everybody

until it's time to read yours and your your Rules of Engagement in the Geneva Convention so this stuff all starts popping off and now they're trying to I think that they were trying to kill Phil um specifically and and take that compound down the Spanish start start pumping 25 mm the the chain guns when the initiation starts I think it was Daisy chain I think they drove an IED in popped it off Drove another one popped the next one off which is what an IED daisy chain is um killed some people and then that's when

the Spaniards started going to work to push the first phase back the Salvadorian started running around Clearing Houses and buildings and pushing people back um Blackwater dudes went into defense mode um and then the Spanish prime minister of Spain then said shut it down seiz fire not one Spanish troop will fire a shot in and if You do you'll be core marshaled we are pulling out of Iraq we're negotiating with terrorists because the Madrid bombing had just happened and instead of them saying Q they said no we're going to pull out so we even had

a Spanish sniper with a 50 cal Barrett on the rooftop that day and we had him smash a dud at 800 meters with a RPG takes him out the colonel colonel Cole the Spanish Coalition Commander personally goes up the rooftop grabs his Ass and pulls him off the roof and takes his 5050 are we heard he was core marshal for that yeah and I'm trying to grabb the 50 and they're like yeah no that didn't happen so they took all the weapon systems we couldn't shoot these guys are sitting in their tanks buttoned up while

all this shit's happening and nobody's firing around now in the beginning they did but they were they were shut down um so now and I'm not there at this point in time Right we're still up in Baghdad getting all this information back Brer gets pissed off here's another phone call kind of scratchy CS coming in from from white boy Chris down in in noff and and he he's very broken unreadable but you could hear him say hey we're not going to make it through the night and those are the words that we all heard on

the radio and so we're like holy [ __ ] we got to get down there man B call Sanchez back in sir there a Bunch of [ __ ] contractors they don't know what they're talking about stop listening to them they're Merks now you don't tell a bunch I'm still a freaking staff and seal in the Marine Corps I'm in I'm in for so I stayed in reserves through this process as well so I was out uh had a platoon in in Hawaii fourth for Recon and cuz that's where she moved to we would move

to Hawaii after DC and uh um so I'm like I'm not a Merc Man I'm just making my own schedule right now I'm still wearing an American flag just like you are there Sanchez and uh so that was pretty disappointing because you know white boy is a former freaking retired Navy SEAL um and uh and most all the dudes on his team were were hitters and and so we're all I'm standing around Delta guys has all day long SF dudes seals Force Recon Marines and Rangers and it's like you're calling us a bunch of Merks

like no we wear we Have the same heart that you do right now we're in this for the same exact reason um you know mercenary definition because people still get this wrong this is a derogatory term to call us mercs because a mercenary is somebody that only does it for their own monetary gain their own their own ego their own Gams out of it uh where the contractors still in it for the same reasons that we would all be in it as Americans in the coalition So he's like and he screams back at Sanchez they

get in this fight and I I saw BR even B his fist a couple times and I'm like this is going to be the best office watch I've ever been on in my life um so he leaves after this fight and he says hey call your boss in here I said Roger that sir I like Frank you need to come up to the office Frank comes up um hey have you heard from white boy we're getting broken C sir he goes last year we heard is they're not Going to make it through the night he

go they're starting to get wired in uh or dialed in with mortars and Spaniards are shut down nobody's firing a shot and he's like why are why are the span and he's like oh yeah they they think about the Spanish situation and like they need help they need help now and big army has denied all medacs and they have one Army cabet and that's now shot and because there was a small contingent of US military there on that post as well um The Marines that were there there was a handful of Marines they were I

think mostly um they call defense systems messaging analyst or something so they're doing like you know server stuff and sending out coms and making sure all that they were just checking in on the servers and the antennas to make sure I guess everything was working that day so they weren't even basing noop they were just popping in and popping back out couple army People um not sure what they were doing there um one female Army that was scared to death um even made a derogatory comment about her in a video that I did in the

10- year anniversary video 10 years ago um cuz she was screaming what are you shooting at you're shooting women and children and I remember turning around saying look if you're not going to be part of the solution you're a part of the [ __ ] problem if you want to go Downstairs and being and being raped and freaking killed by insurgents that are about to come in and take us all out you can go do that or you can sit there and shut your mouth and I I I don't have time for that and I

was a different man back then um wasn't as compassionate as I am now or didn't know how to find it maybe and she killed herself that day on the 10 year anniversary and that that bugged me and that's the only situation she was ever in in her life She just happened to be there in this worst case scenario this Alamo situation and it devastated her to the point where she left her own child behind and committed suicide on the 10 year anniversary and uh man that that was made me want and I was about to

go back and delete that whole video I said no I'm going to leave that up as a reminder for me of that you never know what people are going through in their lives and you don't have to have some res res That you're some badass with 14 combat deployments or 20 combat deployments or three whatever it is that you have more value over somebody else that's hurting like that's not okay um so I left it up and still to this day so that's the kind of people that were there and then you had us up

in bagdan um would it bother you if I overlay that video on this oh even the chick on on the roof that was running around yelling what are you shooting at What are you shooting at like I told you on the roof that day shut the [ __ ] up no I mean it's out right I mean I'm I'm I'm vulnerably speaking about it um because I [ __ ] up I I feel you know most people like hey D she didn't know any better you didn't know any better it's just it was that time

yeah we were young and dumb um and it hurts that that uh I felt like it added to her pain maybe when maybe I shouldn't have done that maybe I should have went up to her And said hey it's going to be okay we we're here okay and uh you know we'll tell you what to do if you have any issues like I would now like if I went into a hostage situation and there was somebody crying and women were tied up I wouldn't go hey [ __ ] suck it up buttercup you know what

I mean like that's what the military put into me and I I I don't like that and so I would obviously be more calm and and compassionate and say Hey you're going to be okay right if you need anything just just let us know but keep quiet let us know if you see anything and we're going to take care of this and we're not hurting anybody that's good okay we're only hurting bad people and then go back I wish I could have had that conversation and so yeah I think um that's history man and and

and even though sometimes it hurts to think about it our past is only something that we now simply know that's all it is and So yeah I wouldn't have any problem with that because it it's another reminder for me to continue to be living off of my first trait the warrior trait which I believe is compassion like I said earlier and the second trait of a warrior here is being vulnerable Having the courage to be imperfect and so yeah that's why I left it up because I I realized that that wasn't the right thing to

say in the moment so like if my son or anybody else Is in that situation again and somebody's hurting and somebody's screaming and somebody's suffering and they feel like they're going to die you might not want to tell them to shut the [ __ ] up um you might want to be there for him in any capacity that you think is appropriate based on the situation of course could you have been there for her I don't know considering the circumstance I I think I could have spoke differently To her um I could have I mean

how many combatants are you guys engaging at any particular moment in time on that day well um it was it was be between onesie twosies with RPGs up to about 50 people running down the street at one time um was probably some of the bigger groups and then mortar team setting in on buildings um but there was about a so I I met a speaking this question and I met a guy in DC one night I was up there Working I was at a hotel and I walk outside and this guy smoking a cigar and

I'm making a phone call and I said hey man how's it going he's like good he's like hey who do you serve with and I'm like what and he's like who'd you serve with I said uh I was a marine he's like oh yeah I was Air Force I was like oh okay would you serve I said well um Iraq Afghanistan like Africa you know Balkans and he's like he's like where in Iraq I said W all over the place place man from Baghdad to boou to everywhere between ramadi crit noff he's like where nof

I said he just when I was like April 4th 2004 you may have heard about the big he's like dude I was flying sorties that day I'm a Viper pilot and I'm like whoa what wow and he's like yeah he goes that [ __ ] was insane and I'm like what did you see because now I'm like really interested what he saw because we see what we see and you can't see from a 20,000 foot perspective he's like bro he Go I remember getting on Comm saying you have at least a thousand insurgents running on

you at any given time and I'm like was it that many he's like oh mean I could see it all he goes I don't know how you guys made it out of that he goes that was the and this has been told that was the biggest Insurgent assault in us and in the history of the war in the Iraq War um because they were just massively being pushed at us pushed at us pushed at us for fuia they were Hiding in like cockroaches inside the buildings we had to go and hunt them uh this was

an actual assault where that didn't happen a whole lot on the Insurgency side of the house reason I'm asking that question is I just I want to I want to paint a whole picture of what that scenario looked like the next day when you were talking to that woman the next day US Army said there was 374 in dead insurgents in the street 374 dead insurgents Yeah so and I don't mind that I wish it was more I really do um I shot almost 800 rounds and Mark 262 77 gra out of sniper rifle in

two days um and I was the only guy was had a sniper rifle um out of just chance I I remember going to the ready room cuz I I 800 rounds it was two it was almost four total load outs man I was grabbing mags guys were throwing me mags nonstop because I was a guy that could see more Than anybody else because everybody had mark1 18s or shorty 10 and a half inch guns and aim points on them so they couldn't peek in Windows nobody had ebos nobody had [ __ ] and I was

weird I I I'm in my office watch again bumer calls Frank in hey what's going on hey look I am I'm making a big risk here Frank uh from when I remember the conversation he's like I am authorizing you by any means necessary to go down and get my man out of there and get your Team out of there and he's like sir what do you mean by any means necessary he's like you know what I mean he goes I will cover you guys under the Geneva Convention I will write some type of order whatever

it was that will temp temporarily authorize you to offensively engage if you have to to get our people out and we're like whoa what and I I'm never found that order or anything but we're like and Frank looks over he's like you ready I said you ain't going to Ask me twice boss hauled ass back went to the Airfield uh sprinted across the airfield like get it up get ready and ran back across over to the across the the the palace went through our our ready room grabbed the weapons started kitting out grabb as much

[ __ ] as we could grab my M4 grab an MP5 that I I bought in a [ __ ] gas station for 70 bucks um because we had to buy a lot of our own weapons in the first phase a lot Of a lot of people don't realize that the contract because State wasn't able to get guns over to us yet so some of the early early contracts like if you were on a offsite you had to buy [ __ ] so uh I like guns saw in HK I'm like 70 bucks all right

I talked him down from 150 um and got a case a beer from a gas station guy that you know they had the beer hidden behind because they weren't allowed to have alcohol um and so anyways I take that thing um because I Always carried the bird with me as a secondary weapon to my M4 and a saw so I have the saw on the bird all the time that was my primary weapon system and I remember looking down the sniper rifle and going and I remember talking to my partner who was a counter sniper

on the team that I would share in and out when I wasn't on the birds and I was like you think I should take that he's like maybe I said I'm taking it and I grab it and he's like hey hey here's the dope man Here's the dope because I never shot this gun right I I would sit on it as a counter sniper in the stadiums and stuff and rooftops but I never shot it so he would zero the gun before I got there and it's like yeah it's got 100 yards zero and here's

your dope I'm like well how do you know what your dope is at 800 yards when you can't shoot 800 yards in the green zone because there's no range that can support that we're guessing with with Ballistics and you know what We do back then so that's why in the video you could even see me if you look up the Blackwater ster video you can see me turning the dials on that lold like what the [ __ ] and you see me turn it back and eventually I'm like [ __ ] it just zero it

out go Mill dots only and I'm like why am I trying to dial right now because he gave me dial numbers not m dot numbers um so I'm sitting there trying to figure that out in combat which is a whole other story that I Shared on my classes now and why I push Precision so hard with our carbin or like I just got done teaching our first sniper class or precision rifle class not sniper class um that will be next and craft Urban stuff and it's like no we dop these guns because I've learned the

hard way I grabbed a rifle that was a shared counter sniper rifle 5.56 20in Barrel l pull Mark 4 scope on it DMR trigger and took it into a battle space and had to zero the gun in Combat I don't know where the hell my rounds are hitting um and so I get there we we we we actually back up a little bit we get final mission hacksaw who was my my pilot uh who actually just called me recently and I just finally got a voice I haven't talked to him in 20 years since I

left the roof with him and I was like holy [ __ ] like all these guys are coming back out now and and calling so I can't wait to get as soon as I get done with this I'm going to call him up And and give him some love man um greatest pilot in the world 160th guy was one of the lead Blackhawk or black uh Blackhawk Down Mogadishu little bird drivers greatest pilot [ __ ] world anybody would say that about this guy um we go over he does the full mission briefing everybody's trying

to figure out what to do and we go we haul ass 100 knots 100 feet as fast as we could get in so we we land in Babylon first there's a fuel air supply re uh resupply There we land we shut down the birds for a minute we're all kind of stoic and quiet because we kind of know what we're getting ourselves we think we know what we're getting ourselves into but nobody knows what to really say and all of a sudden two gunships come in um Steve goes oh [ __ ] these guys look

like they're coming from the west from the ja so the Apache land he goes over the Apache pods get out and they're like Dude Steve what's up man he knew one of the guys and uh he's like hey man we're going in noff he's like whoa he goes we just got called out of noff and he's like what do you mean you got called off he's like yeah it's too hot they called us out like so so when the [ __ ] do Apaches get called out when it's hot like we need you in there

right now our guys aren't going to make it through the night he's like yeah it's something weird uh we got vipers on station right Now uh Dro an ordinance but we don't know what's happening we just got called off Mission and like well why were you called nobody could answer the question so now I'm thinking okay is big army doing something here this is why they've called this the big gazi of Iraq because there's some weird [ __ ] behind it that nobody really knows still to this day and I'm not trying to open a

can of worms I'm just trying to talk about the history of these it's interesting it's Just interesting right it's just interesting um and so he's like give me those freaks to that to the Vipers he's like Stevie I can't do that man you guys are contractors so he brings back what what supposed Freaks and they never worked and Steve goes hey everybody come here he goes I need yall to understand that this is a volunteer Mission and something happens it's volunteer Mission okay there's no no guarantees on this one Anybody want to step back right

now and stay here nobody's going to hold it against you and dude everybody was just kind of look I think we looked around at each other to like I [ __ ] dare somebody to say that I dare somebody to step back you know and of course nobody did we spun up got off the deck 18 miles ripping as far hard as fast as we could we come in trying to get air comms with vipers nothing um we're on Final Coming into the buildings we kind of do a loop around checking everything out we're like

wow this shit's on fire there stuff you know I could see what I thought was bodies laying down the road um I see the guys on the roof waving at us like like crazy and then all of a sudden I hear the whole freaking aircraft just goes and it shakes like it it was getting like I thought we were going out of Sky worst turbulence ever felt um and I'm hanging Out the side of this thing and and I'm like what the [ __ ] and I Steve's like whoa whoa whoa what was that the

birds like pitching and rolling and and I was like I don't know I don't know so I checked tail rotor I checked everything I'm looking up I'm like we look fine Steve I don't know I can't see anything and I look out and this building's just going mushroom clout coming up about 500 meters from us and it was a Viper drop of a [ __ ] JDM on a mortar position And uh from an anglio Marine anglio team apparently that was calling for calling fires missions while we were trying to come in and we thought

we got hit by an RPG or something so we gained stability we're okay we come in like we got to shut down now man we got air drop out of the sky we don't be flying around this place and doing cuz we were going to come in do some gun runs drop some supplies um and see what's going on and then fly back out well Steve's like Making an audible guys we're going in we're landing and see what's going on so we all land in this Courtyard that was you know I mean like if you

could fit scale down helicopters and put them in this room two foot off of each wall two foot off of each rotor blade it was super tight we were sitting there these guys are phenomenal pil so we get out and then guys come up to usell holy [ __ ] man thanks you guys coming in supporting us man holy [ __ ] we Need to get on get on the roof get fighting we're going to tell you what's going on here and we're like well what are we doing they're like you ain't flying it's too

hot so then Ben Thomas who ends up being kind of my quasi spotter that day former seal um he says dude is that a sniper rifle I'm like yeah he's like thank God you brought that brw bring it to the roof we don't have any of that here so I H ass to take my crew helmet off put my Hat on backwards grab my load out and haul ass up to the roof um went to work and just started identifying things and the biggest thing I identified when I started shooting at people um was this

[ __ ] gun is not doped and this is not a good thing so I started saying hey Ben hey see the the tea barrier the t- wall uh I said hey I'm going to shoot it what how far is this it's about 100 105 meters I'm like I shoot hit he's like okay you're about an inch high I was Like all right well that's an inch high at 100 so the gun's not zeroed for me now and then I start working out we start building a range card and then all like hey contact left

we'd start shooting and I'd come back and then I'd start doping the gun again and I'd literally build a dope card and a rain in a [ __ ] gunfight in the biggest Insurgent attack of the war one of my biggest lessons there is zero your damn gun more importantly zero yourself first In order to be able to zero your gun that's kind of a saying we say in our training classes um because you can have a zero gun but if you're not zeroed you're not going to be thinking right so now I'm trying to

figure things out I finally start figuring it out um start taking dudes out um one guy on my podcast there's a footage of a guy with an RPG getting in a position which is real footage it's the first time I saw this there was a French reporter Embedded with the m MTI Army the insurgents and he was documenting what they were doing against us and yeah you know lots of freelance reporters was running around Battlefield doing that and it was about 10 years ago you you had that reporter on your podcast no his footage from

that day that he was filming the Insurgent shooting back at us we found that footage 10 years later I wonder if you could find that [ __ ] guy this so it's been taken off the Internet but I have I have the piece of footage I'll show it to you um and it's a document about a a 21y old guy that travels from Europe to fight the Infidel goes all the way to Iraq travels gets to the the holy city um is recruited by mctd aladar's MTI Army and the first thing he does is they

give him an RPG and they say go shoot at the American Sniper that was me and you can see that on the subtitles and everything and I remember the shot like it was yesterday It was about 320 MERS and yards actually back then um he crosses the street I see a glimpse and I start scanning over that way and I said hey man I think somebody's got RPG walking out and then uh he pops his head up for a second behind this Tin Shed thing and as soon as he pops his head up it's like

dumped them right there right on and so um and 10 years later I find this documentary about this kid that traveled All the way from Europe to try to kill us or the American Sniper which was me um wow dude had no idea what he was fighting for you know imagine his family his parents who knows I mean yeah he's an Insurgent so I'm sure people have well [ __ ] that guy like no it's still somebody's son it's it's still somebody that was corrupted somebody that was coarsed into evil somebody that made a decision

to go and fight somebody else because of common enemy Intimacy um and and that bothered me for a little while when when you see that footage it's like I don't have any hesitations and I wouldn't have not if that happened again with and if I knew that i' still shoot his ass it wouldn't have stopped me from shooting but it's like that's War that's how [ __ ] up it is man gu even know how to fire at our PG and uh and so that's the kind of scenarios that were happening and um farthest shot

that day was 720 M um with a 5.56 that's my next lesson it's like I never shot a 5.56 past 500 rine Corp boot camp man that's it that's the limitations of that weapon system just like if you're a sniper in the Marines or Army they'll tell you back then thousand yards that's the limitation in the sniper system so I'll shoot past that like dude if we knew an eighth of what we know now back then we'd have killed so many more people so now I'm trying to dope a 5.56 out to 800 Yards and

and hit guys with rockets and stuff so yeah they were they were coming down pretty hard and fast um one of the one of the coolest uh stories from that that that day was um you know a couple people got shot um but there was one I have this knife story it's a resilient story about sharpening your knife you know a lot of people watch my videos and hear me say hey stay sharp um because I always say hey stay sharp be safe and die free so and they mean something you Know um you know

be safe well it means don't be risk adverse it means do dangerous [ __ ] carefully like JP says um it's it's being sharp means that knife it's not useful unless it's sharp and so if you gave a knife emotions and put it in a grinder it would hurt I think that's the problem with Americans or people in general in the world is that they're afraid to sharpen themselves because it hurts and this one guy this Spanish uh Airborne dude uh that was Part of the Spanish contingency there uh I can't remember his name uh

Tabata or something like that I forget uh he he's getting attacked with his Squad by the Insurgency that broke through the gate they're down down below in these out buildings and they're going at it with these dudes all of them run out of ammo um his best friend shot and killed right in front of him he's got a bunch of his buddies that are on the ground hurting and all of a sudden like Eight and come down the wall he's out of ammo he pulls out if you look up nof buck knife Spanish Soldier you'll

see him standing there with this bloody knife in his hand and I use it as a big a big presentation when I'm doing my leadership and resilience presentations and uh and he's sitting there a big [ __ ] eating grin on his face with this bloody oldtime bug knife kind of like not like I think it was a buck and like the wood didn't handle with the gold oh I know we All grew up with them and uh the Insurgent come in dude just starts stabbing these guys man stabs them as many as he can

to where they all run away and they didn't fire a shot and saved his buddy's lives um so he got I think the medal of valor or something what he got back to to to Spain um I'm sorry geez I'm sorry he I think he was an El Salvadorian not Spaniard he was El Sal um those guys were phenomenal they were clearing out We had a sniper in the hospital that was shooting at us um who hit Corp young one of the Marines who turned into an infantry Marine really quick we gave him a saw

and said hey go to town um then he was running up and downstairs and delivering water and food and getting more ammo and I even had him go get some oil from a Humvee I said hey man my gun's drying up dude like we nobody had oil that's another funny thing I'm like looking back on these after actions they Go you see all the dudes in Vietnam little oil thing and their band and their helmet you laugh at it I was like does anybody got any oil like nobody had any oil my guns are season

up guys so that's where I come in as has always been the resourceful guy on a team when you're out of resources hey go drain one of the differentials on a Humvee or on a tank and give me some oil and bring us a [ __ ] pan of oil up here so I was down downstairs I ran down to wash my face And got some oil dipped it di bolts in it and freaking went back up to the roof so like those are lessons that you should know you should know those things so in

the event that you're in a shitty situation like that you ain't going to go well my gun's dry I guess I'm down no you fix it you fix the problem as fast as you can it's a risk formula what do I need to do right now is to risk them on tape resources I have available and that'll equal my decision and action and If I can keep that going in my life I can make a decision for my kids my business my family in combat and it's a simple formula it's a condensed udal Loop formula

um so we had one guy get shot in the eye concrete Splash from the sniper if I remember right Army Captain got hit through the arm uh one of the one of the El Sals got hit through the mouth with an AK and blew his mouth out and there's Blood you'll see pictures of blood all over the roof that's from him dragging him out and blood squirting everywhere um and then Cora young gets hit while he's shooting on the saw and this guy was a Kentucky boy um still trying to reach out to you man

so if you if you see this reach out to me I always want to make sure he's okay because what happened next was you know I got a marine next to me now Brotherhood right um losing Consciousness not doing well But then still fighting he'd get back on the gun he'd still keep fighting this guy was a Savage um a defense systems messenger by the way not a combat ranking or a combat MOS guy from what I understood and he fought like like a dog that day man he he did well uh and more importantly

supported everybody else to the point where he started losing Consciousness medacs all denied all denied what do you mean Deni why we have [ __ ] US military personnel that are Shot and need to be metac immediately negative denied like what the [ __ ] going on man um that's the weird thing like there was times where it wasn't that hot at all they could have easily came in when you had lws in battle um and so I go to Steve and I'm like hey man how can we get this dude out of here we're

running low on ammo running low on food cow which doesn't really matter at this point but we need more ordinance we need some [ __ ] and we Need to get these guys out of here and he's like well he goes I don't know what's going on tra but this is weird he goes I've never seen medac denied like this um I said what if we fly his ass back and go get more supplies come right back and he's like what do you mean I said me and you jump on our bird put his ass

strap him down in the front seat fly his ass back to the cast drop him off hop over the pad which is right next door reload Refit and me and you fly right back down he said Travis if I get shot we're dead I said understand that I'll take left side and support you and protect you best I can and he goes we're doing it so me and Steve single-handedly uh loaded young up the front seat strapped him down uh we booked out of there as fast as we could went back dropped them off I

uh threw his ass on the stretcher with all the the Medics that came out and uh Pat Chest said you gonna be good brother and I think he had a round that went through his shoulder and into his I think his upper I think his upper quad his long cuz he was like he was starting to get really drainy sounding um and we didn't know what kind of internal internal damage he had or anything shoulder swo up this big so uh he gave me a thumbs up they pushed him way to the cast went over

to the pad all the Blackwater guys were ready feeding Us with with [ __ ] right back down in NAA went right back to work um and coral Young from what I heard got the Silver Star for that for his actions in the Sha um I don't know if that was downgraded to a bronze star but uh he was up for the Silver Star that day by the I think the angle Co commanders put him in for that um and went back started pushing people back sfoda started coming in and started controlling the area and

then all of a Sudden we find out General Sanchez is on his way down and we can now leave and so he came in and did a big dog and pony show on the rooftop and made it sound like he stopped the the war a off they had air coming in and like this big dog and pony thing who is this General Sanchez the Coalition Commander at the time in 2004 and stood on that rooftop and a big like uh kind of apoptic now stance on the rooftop saying we did this are you [ __

] kidding me yeah [ __ ] Pissed a lot of us off um and again I don't want to be judgmental because I don't know what he was going through I don't know what was going through because both of them are talked badly about a lot of people talk [ __ ] about Bremer and I didn't see nothing but him trying to do the best job he could I saw him constantly frustrated on office watch talking to Bush or or or rville be screaming at him through the phone he's like [ __ ] And I

always wanted to go like you're all right sir but obviously I can't do that and but you could tell he was dealing with a lot of [ __ ] a lot of moral decisions he had to make that I think he didn't like the decisions that he had to make um and then of course Sanchez coming in I mean all you got to do is say hey they're [ __ ] contractors sir don't listen to them like you realize who the team leader of that team is right that dude ain't a [ __ ] mercenary

he's a Savage former Navy SEAL um and look at all of us on this team that have been protecting Bremer's ass and taking care of your army guys when they're out needing help they'll come to us because they're afraid to go to you because every time they'd ask for air support from the Apaches the Apaches weren't authorized with their Roes to engage so they come over to our pad and say hey can you guys fly for support for us we'd have Military police guys going out trying to find bomb Builders and stuff that were like

they were making arrests in in town with Special Operations they'd have us fly concentric ring of security for them um because the Apaches could weren't authorized to engage on certain people so we were doing barter trades with operational you know um resources uh to help the Army and then they could help us cuz we wouldn't get ammo and stuff sometimes so I would go Hey we'll do a mission for you as long as you guys can find us some linked 5.56 we can't get any linked Tracer 5.56 so I would be bargaining and making equipment

and using their machines and stuff to do it and I was just always the Tinker um so we made the program work it was but that guy was always a thorn in everybody's side so again I don't know who was bad in that situation cuz somebody was somebody was making bad decisions that day um luckily more People didn't die because they should have if you think about how big that Insurgency was um pretty fortunate you know to keep those people back so I took targets 300 and Beyond everybody else took targets inside of that um

and I think we started pushing those guys back to where MTD finally decided I guess we can't take the CPA today because we're losing too many people and then we pulled out big army comes in and goes we got it now and then never talks about it And then redacts all the stories and people's books and everything else um you know I didn't think that was really cool even some of my friends like you know we've talked about you know friends of mine that was on Mission with will will tell me hey shut your mouth

about this none of that happened I'm like well it did was just another mission in our lives another gun fight because I'm I mean I've got almost 14 trips and combat tours um so it was just another fight For me but there's some weird [ __ ] about this one that I can't answer a lot of questions to so maybe we should ask questions um do we just stop talking about Benghazi do we just stop talking about the [ __ ] that happened there uh do we just stop talking about all these other conspiracies no

we we should probably open a can of worms on them if it's if it's not now if it divulges national security information of course that's where I'll shut my mouth but Nobody said Travis hey look we had some bigger issues there's national security thing there can you keep this down sure man thanks for telling me that wow Roger that I know what a tssci clearance is I can keep my mouth shut but when you don't tell me that you just say hey dude shut the [ __ ] up bro it's like well who got to

you who got did the agency get to you did somebody get to you and tell you to shut the [ __ ] up did did your book not do very well and that's why you're All pissed off at me okay um like that you got we got to put that aside and and and again I'm just doing it from a historical archiving standpoint because I think it's good to talk about you know guys like corbalan young who's a freaking Savage that got medals for that day that helped us help everybody else keep the Insurgency back

so we can keep that CPA alive prevent the loss of life uh and ultimately finish our mission which was Go in and get those people out and save the Coalition provisional Authority Phil cosnet from getting killed by the Insurgency what do you think was going on a rumor that I heard it's just a rumor I have nothing more than that was somebody tried to do a failed hit on MD's family and he was like okay [ __ ] you I'm taking that CPA now um that's what I heard now that could be just a wazu

story rumor um but I think you know kind Of uh you want to start a war don't kill a king kidnap a prince concept and I think that could have been potentially one of the angles uh plus I know that the guys in in noff were doing a really good job trying to get the support of the people in nof to fight against mtd's Army that was growing rapidly um and they were like motter's goons would go in at night and kill police officers that were that were loyal to the Coalition and then our job

was to go in And then really help them understand why you need to be loyal to us because we're going to help you these [ __ ] ain't going to help you he's going to take over one day he's an Iranian Shia he's a he's a cleric he's going to he's going to take over this country um and what did MCT alidar do after we pulled out Iraq comes out of Taran from Iran takes over the country and turns into the Cesspool that it is which I believe is another American issue um I don't think

We should have been in Iraq in the first place I think that um um it's all to make money just like Liberia oh sir why do we need to secure the Firestone Tire plants who gives a [ __ ] we're going after this guy that's that's a scumbag Special Operations terrorist uh well just do what you're told why you know later to find out we at that time got like 27% of our rubber from Liberia nobody went into Rwanda when they killed a million people with Machetes why not because there's no economic assets to protect

there so I get it there are certain economic assets we want to protect it's a part of our job as well that's why State Department I guess exists to some degree but Israel it's all about money man nobody gives a [ __ ] about the Palestinians they care about capitalizing on the largest economy in the Middle East and who is that you got the Shia nobody gives a [ __ ] about the Shia they magically the President of Iran disappears in the helicopter crash and this entire chain of command is wiped out in the next

six months after that um then all of a sudden Russia xping and China and Putin start talking about Middle Eastern reform all of a sudden we jump in because Israeli gets attacked and then you have to look back a 100 years to the 1922 white papers from Winston Churchill and see why why are we going into the Middle East why are we trying to get rid Of the Shia because they don't make up any of the economy in the Middle East always a a thorn in the in the sh in the Sunni side you got

the Turks which is a sematic Sunni population okay they're cool right um um you got Saudi Arabia Kuwait all the big country uh Egypt and the list goes on the Sunni population so I believe personally after studying the promised land a little bit in my life that this is been contrived ever since the 22 white papers to allow the Zionist To live there to allow the Arab Revolt to happen when they're like hey you lied to us oh you want to you want to fight now your asses are going to live in open air prisons

going on Heights Gaza and the West Banks uh and now your asses in open air prisons the rest of your life and you're and you're pain in our asses and so now you have this whole problem with them going back and forth abreg of law everything else and they're always arguing about who's right whose land it Is and next thing you know America and the Western World sitting back going God damn we're going to capitalize on this as soon as this stabilize because we're going to make agreements which we've already done with Saudi Arabia and

Egypt and everybody else it doesn't give a [ __ ] about helping the Palestinians to capitalize on once we turn that machine on we make all the money it's Monopoly that's why X ping and Putin said six months prior they Need to do Middle Eastern reform because they're tired of us and that's when we're like nope we can't let them get in because they already own Africa they already own Central South and Latin America um and a lot of the rest of the world and so we got to make a call we got to make

a move because look at how bricks Nations is building quickly and so I'm very familiar with that I think all connected and I think something with M Aladar all the way back to naaf is a Part of all of this [ __ ] a part of everything I don't know what it is interesting but it's it's weird so that's why I think a lot of guys will Benghazi factor that a little bit to go it's a part of the bigger picture of making money in the world and that's you know I mean it's you know

the the connection between Dick Cheney and scum Alberton is that's all you need to know he made $64 billion in the first year in the war from what I Understood remember how fast cyard and Halbert and everybody built up I just took over that country and it was like w and Afghanistan this is impressive and Afghanistan it's all money you know it it when you see that you know what it was all about there's nothing else you get the [ __ ] vice president connected with the biggest logistics company who's who's who's running all logistics

for two separate Wars that's it that's what it was No and I don't think and you and I certainly probably agree to this we don't want to come off sounding anti-war because there's people that need to be killed I'm not saying we did anything bad oh I we did do bad I'm not saying we shouldn't have been there at all I'm not saying we didn't do any good because we did rid the [ __ ] world of a lot of bad guys we did but we did not have to [ __ ] be there especially

in Iraq and the way Afghanistan went Should we have been there yes have you ever had any any experts on like Central Banking and all that stuff come in yet not yet I'm really interested to see how that all feeds in too because uh like a lot of people would say you know what Hitler and Gaddafi and Hussein and some other big prominent features or or people leaders in the world had in common they're against the Central Banking that the Western World wants to do so they have To get rid of those people in order

to mhm destabilize a region to go back in and fix it and save it look what we did and now we can capitalize on the economy of it um I believe that could be a potential possibility with Saddam because as everybody's agreed he's the only dude that stabilized Middle East for as long as as that was stable um he had Iran to fight with back and forth for a while big deal you know um now we destabilize the whole thing and then Gaddafi starts squawking and and making noise and we go oh let's get rid

of ass too destabilize Libya and all that stuff and Benghazi happens and it's like well who's next oh um the Iranians let's go ahead and wipe those dudes now so we're starting to wire down to the sunnis that we want to be able to help so that's got to be that's got to be a hundred-year plan in my opinion because it's it's been consistent since the 20s of our movement into that region but again I'm I'm not educated to to that but it's smells like that you know CU we've seen the money we've seen the

um you know and then of course all the sex trafficking and drug trafficking that comes on top of that you know that's another problem how many how many any enemy combatants do you think you might have killed that day people have asked me that a lot um I can't count but I know I shot a lot of people um I didn't I didn't sit there And start ticking my stock and things like that you don't really do that in that type of situation um and then there's people that I know I hit that ran off

or you know can't confirm um but when you're sitting there in a prone position on a sniper rifle with groups of 50 people coming at you or like in the video that I I put up there's a bus a tour bus that they use to try to dump all the insurgents right behind the the Hesco wall or the t- Ball um and we that's 104 yards man and it was full of insurgents and uh you can't see it on the grainy video but through a 10 Power Scope I'm sit they're looking at dudes inside of

this thing waiting to get off and I'm just like got 100 meters in the prone on a freaking sniper rifle and everybody else was shooting too cuz it's like hey it's a Bus full of bad guys blow them up uh somehow that bus was able to get out of there it turned around back to was like [ __ ] this you see the guy driving away but you could see the windows and everything popping out of it um and I would guess there had been at least 25 insurgents on that bus alone did that much

killing affect your psyche at all not one bit no never questioned it no because it was right meaning it was righteous right like we look back and go well the war the war may not have been Righteous but you know what when we're on on the on the ground we're on the battlefield and we're we're fighting yeah there's that thing that's like oh I'm fighting for my brother next to me eh no that's not what you signed up for you signed up to kill bad people you know and I want my scalps so um I'm

okay taking out evil people I think there's a a level of of psychopath in everybody that is involved in that job and I know people would look at the word psychopath Is a very bad bad derogatory type word if you study ancient warriors you study history um you know you study the last 300ish years of Hunter gather separation and Agriculture and things growing we don't need Hunters as much anymore we don't need the fighters and the protectors as much anymore so we get outcasted um and some of us in our blood still have that super

sense of justice that super sense of Duty and I will go out and fight and make sure that our Village our country whatever we call ours will be safe because it's just in our blood and and that's the thing like with my son when you ask should he go and fight the military if he doesn't where's he going to go fight because he's going to fight and I think this is where lot of guys like myself as a kid I was already fighting before I was going in I was looking for the fight I was

looking for something bad I was looking for Something to blow up because it was cool to understand the experiment that happens in the event that one day in the military I needed know explosives I should start learning Now by going to Home Depot you're like I didn't know any better but so imagine if I wouldn't have had the chance that I had I'm already coming out of jail man what do you think would have happened to me I would have fought for somebody else maybe bad maybe maybe That's the difference uh another phenomenal book is

the wisdom of psychopaths what we can learn from spies serial killers military and CEOs Donald Trump is a psychopath okay Hillary Clinton is also a psychopath two difference one's righteous one's evil you can tell by their intentions um and I don't care there's there's even there's even studies that they've done looking back to all former US presidents to find this element of the psychotic Inside them and JFK was the highest ranking one no [ __ ] yeah and it's like wait what and then you start to realize he cared he was compassionate and sometimes that

will that's an element that's why I think compassion is the number one attribute to a warrior because if you care about something you're going to fight for it and then if you have that tendency inside of you that you will fight for it no matter what and you will Go all the way for your beliefs and your morals and your ethics and who you stand for that's a pretty [ __ ] good killer man um and there's nothing bad about that because we need those people in the world and I'm I'm not labeling myself as

that I've been studying it and trying to figure out why I do the things that I do why my heart rate drops under stress versus increases um I'll see that I'm monitor Myself in Planes man I do heart rate variability testing in our labs in Scottdale and I sit there sometimes like why why is it when I'm at 6 to 9,000 ft I'm kind of amped up heart rate's like 120 in the plane checking people having a good time and then after that 10,000 foot Mark hits starts going into this Flow State um and then

when I'm in freef Fall I still measure in the 70s and 80s and I'm like interesting whether I'm free flying Whether I'm I'm doing tandems whether it's just like my flow State man it's my my it's where I want to be um so they contribute that to sometimes those tendencies that allow you to go into that mode um so I think the difference though between the evil sociopath or psychopath and the righteous one is the suffering that occurs the evil ones don't suffer they love it they love the hurt they love the pain on other

people they're the N they're the malignant Narcissists of the world um they're the ones that really truly need to be destroyed and the righteous one will feel the same way about killing until they [ __ ] it up and this is where I I tell my students 99.999% of your life is everything it's sitting here right now it's taking your kids to school going fishing and hunting and camping and taking your your your queen to the movies or going out on a date or paperwork taxes work everything In between even even let's say you know

um you know riding on a helicopter in a combat and you are um doing the fast rope and doing the thousand yard dash AC across the field you kick the door you go inside and you touch that trigger you almost touch it but the situation in front of you changes immediately maybe they Dro their gun maybe they have a come to Jesus meeting or something or roham or Mohamed meeting or whatever and you're like to me that's 99.9% of your Life so why is it that you know why do we teach firearms training why don't

we teach tactics training um the mind tactics because there's no such thing as physical tactics um why do we spend so much time in our life on those skill sets when it's a micro percentage that that point z00 Z something and even after all the shots that I've taken in in combat and I know there's guys out there have taken way more than me it's still a micro Percentage of our career the rest of it's humanitarian efforts and and laughing and playing with kids in Africa and you know wherever is the Philippines or you know

it's like just schools and training and I think we can screw up and fix a lot of this I can Zig what I should have Zagg over here I could spend money or not spend money you know when I should have I can make a good family or business decision I can make a bad one but like hey we'll fix it it's okay but When you cross that line because if you think about a 1911 for example that trigger is only a 070 of an inch an M4 is only 0.89 of an inch that's like

that man that's the difference between your life changing or not and so if you if you go over that line and you do it right you won't lose any sleep over it you'll feel good about it you'll high five your brother like damn that was awesome see that guy's head come apart like you know Some shitty movie scene but when you mess it up um you know when I ask people why do you take that little tiny percentage so seriously and come out here and train and spend all this time and money with us and

our classes why do you do that it's because it's the micro percentage of your life you can't [ __ ] up when you cross that line and you do it wrong you will never ever be able to come back from that mistake and that's when you realize the Pain um when you take something away that you can't it's like dude it's like a you know law enforcement had this joke like crackheads when they drop pieces of the crack they're so addicted they'll crawl on the carpets for hours trying to find the pieces they miss to

put it back together to to get that fix right and so I think of this this shooting scenario that I could be in that if I [ __ ] that up which I have in my life and break That glass you will sit there with a pair of tweezers and glue and try to put it back together and if you could imagine trying to take a mirror that's shattered on the ground and try to make it perfect again you can't and that's why that training is so important because you can't mess it up um where

did you [ __ ] that up in Africa do you want to talk about it I I it's a tough one for you Man um I might be able to abbreviate it um I've been working on this one for a long time to try to be able to come out and and tell the story um this kid man this kid who was the everything to me um probably about 16 years old he stayed out of the war efforts he really wanted to um to help educate us you know earlier when I said that when we

went to In country everybody's calling us brother American he would be the first to say here here's why and he this kid do everything about America and that's all he wanted to do was go to America one day and uh he told me that his mom and dad were killed two weeks before we got there in the Civil War and there's a lot of kids running around with no parents and so you know when we see them they like hey kids you got to go away you can't stay here anymore we have no Place to

go we have no place to go I'm like okay well why why don't you go back to your village our parents are dead okay so we had these five kids that would always hang out with us on a daily basis they always be looking for works we give them MREs and food medicine and stuff and they tell us where to get like eggs in town and little blocks of cheese cuz like you're eating MREs every day and you know there's not a whole lot of food running around in that that country During that war so

he was extremely resourceful like one day he ran into town8 miles to get a egg and a block of cheese for me and a little bowl of bread and ran 8 Miles back and came back at the end of the day and I'm like the [ __ ] have you been man he goes I went and got egg and cheese I'm like what took you so long he's like I went to town I'm like you mean you went you went to town you mean you did did you get a ride no I ran flip-flops man

and I'm like you ran 18 Miles to get me an egg and cheese uh yes I guess you don't know what 18 miles is um cuz that's all they do all day is running walk everywhere and I'm like do you see that vehicle right there you tell me next time and we'll drive in and grab it okay so then we started doing that I was like that's how how cool these kids were anyways um he would start telling us where weapon cashet were and say hey I know a guy that's building guns he's not bad

he's Trying to put food on his family's table they can't sell weapons to the militia um you know legally so they're getting busted these are part of the weapons cache issues that was happening in the city because it's just Lord of War man there's guns everywhere so we would go and do these hits and eventually realize when we turn over the the um you know anybody that was a Potential Threat or issue the Nigerians would take and cut their hands off on the side of the road Typical our African stuff um they didn't take prisoners

because they don't get paid like I talked about earlier and so they um would interrogate beat the [ __ ] out of these people to a point where one day I ran down and put a 1911 in a nbat major's face and almost killed him and told him that's not what we do here we're a peacekeeping force and he gets in my face and and he's like but we don't get paid my men don't get paid he what do you want us to do we can't take Prisoners we can't feed these men we can't so

we teach them a lesson by cutting a finger or hand off or beating Liv [ __ ] out of them and sending them back out in town to as a message so we're like guys we got to do something different this ain't working we go to we got to start going more clan on this um so we take our [ __ ] off at night we go out hang out with the rebels and we start listening and and working on an agreement of how we're going to stop These things um and then this little kid

would be like hey man I know this guy is selling weapons down the street blah blah blah so anyways this is working man like this is really starting to make people because when you go up and knock on a door and say hey US Marines um they'd be like yes come in come in and they would [ __ ] here it is and you're like okay that was easy why is this been so hard um because they don't want you to hurt us they don't want us to turn You over to the the Nigerians or

anybody else and so we're like okay well what if we just start offering food and supplies medical being compassionate to these people and so at night I would go around sometimes by myself and start talking to these people and Villages and we got out to the Guinness Factory um it's funny it was a import Guinness Factory the ls the rebels took over and that's where they' run all their operations out of and so we go down at night and they'd be Dancing and and partying with their people and drinking and smoking dope and stuff and

uh we'd sit down and just [ __ ] with them and talk and then we'd leave and then one night we're down there this kid comes in and I'm not going to say his name uh but he says Travis I know where place is and I'm like get the [ __ ] out of here man you're not supposed to be here I don't want these people KN that you associate with us he was so Adamant I said all right [ __ ] it let's go so we we jump in the vehicle we did a five-point

contingency plan we jump in the vehicle we drive down the road uh which is right around the back and I said hey if we're not back in 45 minutes this is the approximate location we're going to be and we walk up same thing I knock on the door and uh there's a guy sitting on on a on a box in a little tiny room about the size Of a large closet uh a couple candles lit in the room and he had a mattress on the floor right around the corner which the kid told me that

there was a couple RPGs and AKs in there and so I knock on the door and he's got a I could see an AK beside him which they could have a rifle in their house we didn't give a [ __ ] they were trying to protect themselves but they just couldn't have caches and be selling guns um So I said' hey you know why I'm here and he goes uh he goes he goes uh he goes yes I know who you are I said okay can we talk and he goes no you get out of

my house how dare you insult me and I'm like okay this is different this never had this conversation nor like yes come in come in you're the Marines that are helping us yes here give me my food give me my medicine where's the Red Cross can I have security no Nigerians I want Ghana senal only and we'd do a quick Negotiation we' get out of there and we would secure that village with security and food and they would love us um well he's pissed off and I'm like why dude what the [ __ ] man

hey I'm going to talk to you and you're going to listen to me I know you're selling weapons and you need to stop and I know you have them and I'm here to offer you a deal I'm here to offer you help you've probably heard what we're doing for you I know how dare you insult me get out of My house I don't sell weapons to their government I'm like I didn't say you did yet okay but and he starts getting really beligerant all a sudden kid runs in um and starts yelling at him saying

you listen to him you listen to him he'll help you he'll help you and I'm like shut the [ __ ] up what the [ __ ] what is going on here I'm like dude why are you you know like I'm trying to say like I don't know this kid I'm acting [ __ ] Weird and I was like look dude I don't shut your mouth listen I'm going to give you 20 American dollars to save your life because you know at the end of the road there's a Nigerian checkpoint [ __ ] the Nigerians

like yeah exactly and you know what's going to happen if you don't obey me right now I'm going to arrest your ass and take you down to n iians [ __ ] you and I said hey dude 20 20 American doar at that time U the liberians told us that would be a year Salary for a Liberian so I'm like we're [ __ ] carrying cash all the time right um can't drop a Rolex in Liberia they don't give a [ __ ] they want an American money and um so they they uh he takes

it and he or he actually I'm sorry i' go to give it to him and he slaps my hand away and I'm like and he goes $100 and I'm like dude what this is and he goes per AK-47 I'm like you [ __ ] and now he just admits it right and now he's trying to to uh Trying to uh uh Swindle me out of this thing now and I said [ __ ] you get up you're under arrest and I reached over and I was sitting on this little stool and he was about right

here and I reach over and I grabb the the mattress and I I point I go see you [ __ ] and that's when he grabs the AK and puts it in my face and I was like I didn't think about that I totally was like stupid idiot you let your emotions get to you this is me looking back on the Situation um the kids like screaming I'm like shut the [ __ ] up I was like Hey calm down dude calm down I'm here to help you again I'm not here to hurt you and

at that point I saw two things I saw his eyes extremely blood shot I think he was high up on something and I remember seeing of course the muzzle in my face and I remember seeing the safety on on the AK now I'm a big a AK was first kind I ever own as a kid 13 years old I beg my dad to own an AK cuz in 1986 Clint Eastwood said it makes a very distinct sound when fired at you so remember it in that movie Heartbreak Ridge about Recon Marines and I went out

and studied that gun inside and out and that is the thing that popped in my mind and at the time I didn't realize it didn't process it but I remember getting so angry so mad in this this moment and and even me trying to explain this whole process this whole process probably was about two and a half Seconds I uh I remember going you lose in my mind I had my 1911 on under concealment and in a safari land 071 paddle holster on my side um I remember realizing in a nutshell getting looking back a

little bit but processing the micro thoughts that I had was he's going to try to kill me gun's not going to work he's going to relinquish control with his hand to take safety off like an Untrained person does on an AKA by the time he gets his hand back on the gun that's going to be about 2 seconds I know I can draw my 1911 in less than 1 second from concealment smash this [ __ ] right now pin his AK up against the wall step into his chest and pull the trigger and step 10

happens and it goes into it I grab the muzzle I step up put my foot into his chest pin him into the Corner Fire Two Shots and step Back um I fall back I hear this I'm holding the barrel holding 1911 I hear this [ __ ] scream that was like a if you could murder a cow and the cow could scream I don't know why that pops in my head that's what I heard and I almost shoot my boy in the face and I called him my boy like he was almost my son cuz

I felt so sorry for him that would happen to his family I grab him and he's just balling man and and I pin Him up against the door jam I'm like don't you ever [ __ ] do this again get the [ __ ] out of here and I throw him outside he tumbles on the ground and gets up and hauls ass down the alley and I'm standing there and I anyways I run back we get in the vehicle with haul ass um and I'm I'm I'm sitting there staring at that [ __ ] AK

and I pull the chamber back the bolt back on it there's around the chamber like [ __ ] man what the [ __ ] why Why did that just happen like why did this kid come in that [ __ ] room why did he was he so aditt about this tonight when he never does that like what the [ __ ] is going why did he muds suck me into that situation and I thought about it I sat there all night staring at that AK and uh um the next morning didn't sleep one second sun

comes up just barely I kids aren't there kids are always there every morning they're out there sitting on the railing Ready to bust rust on our vehicles ready to get food ready to they weren't there so I jog down the hill get into town I see one of the kids walking around in town one of the older kids about 19 years old I think they don't know how old they are I goow up to them and I say hey um f I forget his name I yell his name and I go up to him and

I grab him and he's jerks away from me scared to death and I'm like hey what dude what The [ __ ] guys where you at this morning and he starts shaking his head and getting nervous like I'm about to cry and he's backing up away from me I'm like dude what's what's going on and uh um I said I need to see my boy where is he he [ __ ] I need to talk to him about something that happened last night and he backs away and he goes no no you'll never see him

again and I was like why won't I see him Again what's and I'm trying to really figure out what the hell is going on here and he goes because last night you killed his father and he turns around and runs away and I'm like the [ __ ] does that mean what are you talking about killed his father his father's his father died and so and it [ __ ] hit me man I dropped to my knees right there in the village and Uh I realized and it heard the stories later from the villagers that

all that boy wanted me to do was get his dad out of the weapon arms [ __ ] whatever that was he was ashamed of his dad and he was a and I was the guy that was supposed to help him did [ __ ] it up because of this [ __ ] up superet of Justice this ancestral curse maybe to go So far above and beyond to help other people that I hurt them I didn't tell anybody about this except a couple very tight dudes um determined that it was a it was a good

shoot [ __ ] whatever that means and I wanted to quit like I've never wanted to quit my life and um thank God it was a week out before we were leaving and I just sat back in the Recon Operations center and just listen to comms traffic the rest of the time and didn't do [ __ ] and we helped so many people I believe it contributed to stopping a 14-year Civil War but that was the micro percentage that I feel regardless of what people say and friends have taught me through post-traumatic growth training and

breaking down the story and and telling Me cuz I lied about this I even told the story one time on a video that that magpole did they forced me to tell the story and I lied I didn't tell the whole story I didn't tell anything about the kid I didn't say anything about the father because I was ashamed of myself was [ __ ] ashamed I didn't tell my wife for probably 12 years um later I didn't tell anybody I was afraid of course by my own teammates to be [ __ ] scrutinized by running

Around Liberia trying to help and goddamn Save the World um they still don't know one of them does and I don't know what he thinks of me because I did it you know in a way that I thought was helping but maybe it would have compromised have [ __ ] up the entire team's Mission that's always a thing that I was scared of and uh and I've always been scared to tell that story because of the shame That I believe is the worst enemy that we have when we screw up in our life when all

my intentions were to help people that's it just to help and I saw the magic work I saw what we were doing and then that just crushed my soul that's the real reason I got off active duty for [ __ ] two weeks later I'd be sitting on the beach starting to feel it again I get a phone call hey going back and I was not communicating well with my Wife at the time she was like hey you got this thousand yards there man and I don't know what's wrong with you you're here now you

can leave all that behind you and I'm like yeah I'm trying to get a phone call to say hey come back to B dad and I go that's what I need I need to go back I need to be a way sick again because if I go over there and I get in a shitty situation I might feel more appreciation and grateful for going through this experience and Uh man that was dark that [ __ ] me up for about eight years to sleep well uh I hurt people I hurt my kids I hurt my

teammates as a reservist um I hurt I hurt a lot man I lied um my integrity was destroyed um and integrity meaning you know not just doing the right thing when nobody's looking like we say in the military but also not taking fast fun or easy and I started taking the easy way way out of Things um and it was if it was for a good friend of mine that that was a um what's a what's a a human lie detector polygrapher or something like that he was a law enforcement detective and I he's like

tell me this story man I've heard the story online that you told and it's [ __ ] you're [ __ ] lying to me so I dive into the story and uh he was a former Golden Gloves boxer and he comes out of his garage and puts a beer down after I tell the story He like drink that that's said I'm not [ __ ] drinking that and he's like you will drink that I'm GNA beat your ass and I'm like I'm not drinking a Guinness man because this happened in a Guinness Factory or started

and so I've always had this like not doing it so you don't drink that I'm gonna beat your ass we're g to go he throws down boxing gloves I'm like Tommy I'm not beating you I'm not I'm not doing That you're going to hurt me I know it and I'm not giving in and so he says you're going to fill in the gaps of this story and we're going to do it the hard way and so I started coming out and telling them these other pieces that I'm telling you you uh that I've really never

openly told ever in the world and it scares me still scares that it could compromise a situation it could it was a good good effort in battle um we helped thousands and thousands and thousands of People hundreds of thousands of people um but when I hurt one that I don't mean to even though dad made a bad decision man I got to live with that kid and what he's feeling who is he what does he do now is he a [ __ ] terrorist did I turn him into something horrible is he happy I was

told that by a friend of mine who's a monk um just recently about two years ago he told me he's like hey I I have a feeling from the spirit That um your boy's happy he's happy for you and I'm was like how the [ __ ] would he be happy he's like because he sees what you've done for the rest of the world he sees you wow sharing sharing powerful um and that helped man that helped a lot when he told me that cuz I couldn't let go with that kid and his face the

last face I saw on him was just the most Horrible face I and I I want to believe my friend who told me that that because you've helped so many people and shared this you've taken some of your simple situations here like thinking first that's why I say think before you shoot there's a catchphrase that we always say thinkers before Shooters it's just a thing that that came out and it that's what it means it means you might want to think about the Consequences of your decisions instead of just being a [ __ ] gunfighter

man um and that's what I always call myself you know always a gunfighter until that moment I wanted to again like I said I quit everything but I went back and I did multiple tours after that in Iraq four four more trips to Iraq I think um took vetting uh if went in Afghanistan a few three or four times um And kept chasing the dragon you know I kept trying to find uh myself and it took forever to do that and uh and I I apologize to everybody out there that I I hurt in those

dark times in my life because that's not me anymore even though you'll still see the pain and again even though you might see tears of Sadness and Sorrow right now they're not they're they're they're proud moments they really are so when I do get emotional I try to think back to That you know my buddy told me hey man we'd all do the same thing he went all the way and you go all the way or that my traumas in my past are now something that I simply just know that I can look back to

and go how do I take that and how do I share that powerfully and authentically as much as I can with people to where maybe they don't find themselves in that same situation and that's why I gravitated to start becoming a tactics and and weapons and Mindset coach because um I I didn't have the right story in my head I may still not um and a lot of people will will when you ask them what a mindset is combat mindset Warrior mindset it's all [ __ ] it's it's a very simple explanation and that is

the story that you tell yourself that's it nothing else so if I'm in a bad situation and I say I'm going to die um which we heard that in naop there's one guy going man we're not going to make it through the [ __ ] night man and so you you know what's a guy like me say to a guy like that on the rooftop most people say oh shut up dude you know suck it up buttercup no that becomes infectious and then everybody starts going holy [ __ ] what if we don't make it

to the night yeah they're dialing mortars in on us holy [ __ ] this is a real thing I might never see my family again um this is real man maybe I shouldn't have gotone on that helicopter You start questioning everything and then what happens this is called a negative thought performance interaction psychologically speaking and we turn down this toilet of death where I don't want to fail I hope she says yes man I I hope I graduate I hope I get through the course I hope I pass vetting um um you know that creates

frustration disappointment fear anxiety um you know high tension uh hormone imbalance um and then it goes down to ultimately Decreased performance and then you keep going down the circle and you just keep telling yourself I'm going to fail that's when somebody goes we're not going to make it through the night or I say I'm never going to get over this darkness and I had to take my own medicine because I've always preached this to people say hey have a thought performance interaction that's positive today when I wake up what am I going to do for

the world um like this morning I Did that I woke up early I went right into the pool I was like damn it Hotel pool is like 86 degrees so what do I do oh it's raining outside I go outside and I sit in the rain and cold meditate for about 30 minutes this morning why because I want to manifest a good day with you I want to help people um um I want to make the world a better place then than when I came in it and I think that's easy to do as long

as we share authentically um and uh and then I go Through the rest of my process I had a little bit of pain and that's what I realized is that best lesson out of all of this with trauma management for us um and not just for us as gunfighters but anybody right rape victims people in horrible accidents um inner child issues that you just cannot figure out what's going on there's two voices I've broken it down to there's a voice of pain and the voice Of suffering and the voice of suffering for me is that

really sympathetic annoying itchy [ __ ] voice that's always on your shoulder telling you man what are you doing why are you here why did you do this why you're cold you're wet you're tired go home quit ring the bell um she's not going to say yes don't ask her hey you're not going to get this job why are you even applying don't stop working so hard why do you need to go to The gym for so much why do you need to wake up so early why are you going in the cold water it

just hurts get out of there you're just going to suffer that's the voice of suffering in a nutshell it's annoying a lot of people listen to that voice then on the other hand there's the pain of the voice of pain and the voice of pain to me is the voice that is very parasympathetic it's very quiet it's very stoic it's a voice that will say hey man look you can listen to That other guy and he's right if you quit right now today will be easier but tomorrow is going to be harder and you know

that so if you can simply just accept is the key word the resistance that you have of this thing this trigger and accept it you will realize that resistance is simply the precursor or bedfellow to suffering that's it the more you resist in your life the reality That is I'm not happy with my bills I can't pay them I can't get a job I'm stressed out my wife hates me my kids say me I'm getting divorced all this stuff keep manifesting that keep telling yourself that keep telling yourself that today you're not going to build

a new product you're not going to Market well you're not going to tell a story well you're not going to train well I'm not going to shoot well today I just don't feel like I I don't feel good um you're Creating a negative story of suffering um but the pain will tell you that if you can put that knife edge in there and sharpen it and deal with the pain that pain is absolutely mandatory in your life suffering is optional and that's I have a big quote about my office desk it says pain is mandatory

suffering is optional life and I suffered for so long I know a lot of guys suffer for so long and and we'll always have something that we'll Suffer in but it's the ability to go back and go hey suffering I don't need you right now but I do have to endure the pain if I want to get through this that is the the deviation amplification model of post-traumatic growth versus a deviation countering model which is put under the rug don't talk about it you know hey we lost a guy today which I've been a part

of this and all a sudden like hey let's Not talk about let's move on let's go to the next Target you're like hey what what the [ __ ] did we do wrong hey nobody did anything wrong don't start shifting blame everything's fine he was a hero like in a nutshell story right generalities and it's like that's not okay we need to talk about this uh we need to make sure this doesn't happen again um and that's a problem for me so I think if we can as human beings listen to the voice of pain

just a little bit More and realize that yeah today's going to be harder but tomorrow is going to be easier and if you can make a routine of that and and wake up and try especially for me it's hard man it's really hard to get an ideal routine for me um to help my mindset but I I do it the best that I can with what I got at the time and if I can start making a habit of that what'll happen as I think one day somebody will say who's who's Travis Haley when I

answer that I will answer with an undeniable stack of evidence that I am exactly who the [ __ ] I say I am because I've been able to put in the work to get over this Darkness this story this [ __ ] in my life that's haunted me and hurt others because I couldn't be authentic I couldn't tell the true story because I was afraid of what was going to happen um that fear and anxiety alone I think makes people Put the bottle in the mouth or the needle in the arm or the gun to

the side of their head um and I don't want that for people and that's why I've learn to try to share as powerfully as I can um even if it creates consequences for me so thanks for listening thanks for sharing that's why that's hard for me to put out yeah I do tell it in small circles I tell it in like if I'm teaching an AK Class I'll say guys come here and tell you a story because I still have the AK it's on my wall in the office um I'll show it to you from

scotdale so yeah uh we re re demilled it made it a museum piece so it can be brought back my team my team said we're bringing this back um so it's a reminder it's a reminder every single day I walk in WoW think don't get ahead of your headlights don't Assume um create a healthy boundary for myself before I step over a line you know try to be as reliable as I can for people take accountability for this you own it you lived it you did it um you know there's a lot of lessons in

the conversation that we just had and that's definitely the biggest one man and uh I think that's the perfect way to end this on that lesson and uh damn man Your traumas will always haunt you it's how you manage them um so it's not about letting go I learned this the hard way as you can still feel and hear even though I coach and I help people now it's not about letting go it's about letting it be because what happened happened exactly the way it happened it didn't happen any other [ __ ] way you

know why because it didn't and if I can find Acceptance in that if I can find peace In that which I have and I can share that somebody else might turn around share with somebody else and next thing you know we have a better Society A Better Community uh less suicides you know more vulnerability and openness and I think that's in in in closing on vulnerability when you say that around operators they go man I'm not weak it's like dude that they're two totally different totally different different Definitions even though they might sound the same

one means the inability weakness to defend yourself against criticism or an attack the other one is the ability to defend yourself against or be open to criticism or attack and have the courage to be imperfect I think that's a pretty good judge of a man's character that can be vulnerable and open and and tell the truth no matter how bad you [ __ ] up in your life and things will get better you may not think So but I promise you'll start being a shape shifter you'll start helping other people and you'll start to be

a catalyst in other people's lives and that's why I will train I will teach and I will share stories as long as I possi can while my body and mind allow me to you're doing a good thing man you're doing a real good thing and uh thank you thank you for doing it I know that's got to be real tough and uh to share and to Live with and um man Travis you're just just a [ __ ] genuine good human being and um I'm honored to know you I'm honored to interview you and uh

just thank you for being here man thank thank you I appreciate [Music] you no matter where you're watching sha Ryan Show from if you get anything out of this please like comment subscribe and most importantly share this Everywhere you possibly can and if you're feeling extra generous please leave us review on Apple and Spotify podcasts