Hey good day! How it going? I hope you laughed tonight.
Proper laugh not that fake laugh that comes out your nose and it: You know when someone tells you joke and it's not even funny but you still go: You know when you sit in your car and in a really good parking spot you're not going anywhere and someone drives up and they think you're leaving that really good spot. They've got that desperate look on their face: And you go: It's like sometimes, I'm washing my car, I'm washing my car and someone walks by I don't even know them and they go: "Washing your car? " I go: Yeah!
They go: "You want to do mine after that? " You both go: I won't say any long stories, I hate long stories. Some some guy at the back just told me a really long story.
It went on forever, it was annoying me. I thought: When's it going to be over? After about 10 minutes he went: "Anyway to cut a long story short" I thought: You're joking aren't you?
This is the short version? I saw. .
when I was home the other day. I saw this big brown snake. You know brown snakes in Australia they can kill you.
Like 20 minutes they bite you. This. .
. the venom just: Anyway but the snakes don't bother Aussies. It's just the signs.
I saw this sign the other day no joke it said: If you get bitten by a brown snake don't panic! Relax! Oh yeah nothing relaxes me more.
than getting bitten by a deadly Australian brown snake. Okay mate, how's it going? Oh not bad!
What are you doing? I was got bitten by a brown snake. Yeah the venom's probably halfway to my head by now.
Can't complain! Beautiful day out there! What's left of it for me.
. . I was sitting out front of these doctor's offices the other day watching all the sick people go in because it kind of cheers me up.
They have these signs you know Neurologists. Cardiologists. I've never seen this before it said caring Psychologist.
Oh that's nice. . a caring one.
Are there uncaring psychologists? Please come in tell me about your childhood. .
Actually, you know what forget it! I didn't have many friends growing up. Ho ho ho!
Surprise, surprise! The kids used to beat me up. I can see why.
You're an idiot! Do you ever see those patients out the front of hospital smoking? Taking a break from being sick.
What are you doing? Get back in there and be ill. Tea break's over.
Let's go, Let's get into it. I shouldn't say that's a bit mean but yeah I tried to improve myself. It didn't work.
I read some self-help books. Self-help books are a waste of time. Think about it right.
If you buy a self-help book there's something wrong with you. If there's something wrong with you. How do you know you're going to choose the right book?
You can't. . .
I went and bought a bread roll for my lunch today. I bought this bread roll in the supermarket. You know you can't pick up food with your fingers.
You've got to use those tongs. Those tongs that don't close properly. They close like this.
I just gave up. Lady saw me she went: "Do you need a hand? " I looked at her and went: Thanks a lot!
