Signs of SWITCHING in Narcissists and Borderlines (Read PINNED comment)

switching between self States pseudo identities subpersonalities ego States never mind what you call them switching is a common phenomenon in dissociative identity disorder formerly known as multiple personality disorder although it's not a single disorder it's a family it is also common in borderline personality disorder narcissistic personality disorder and my humble or not so humble opinion antisocial personality disorder AKA psychopathy in the most extreme and malignant cases switching anyone who has witnessed switching in a borderline or a narcissist will never forget it it is a terrifying experience no wonder some people use terms like possessions possession

or demons to describe what's happening the switch can be abrupt um it could be sudden it could be unexpected it could be ostensibly untriggered for no reason or the switch could be gradual incremental but at any rate it is discernible it's visible I'm going to teach you the signs and how to tell that a switching event is about to take place but I repeat anyone who is witnessed switching in a borderline or narcissist will never forget it the change in body posture the new personality that takes over behaviors which are hither to unprecedented unexpected temper

tantrums narcissistic rage or on the very contrary an eerie calm acting out recklessness crazy making drama all these typical of switching switching is a major regulatory mechanism in borderline personality disorder and the narcissistic personality disorder and this is the topic of today's video lecture and here I am about to switch on you to Sam vakin the author of malignant self- love narcissism Revisited and in my swi switched identity as a professor of psychology uh in cups Commonwealth Institute for advanced professional studies and formerly in Southern federal University as a visiting Professor okay credentials aside let

us delve right into the mailstrom of the switching phenomenon in borderline and narcissism the entire video was triggered by a comment that I've received on one of my YouTube videos one of a few comments I haven't deleted and it said are there known signs of women with BPD borderline personality disorder of how they are or where before and when they committed suicide compared to those who have not or don't especially during the holidays suicide of course is a form of acting in rather than direct direct aggression outwards aggression is directed inwards and becomes self-destructive to

the extreme suicide side is acting in but it is also coupled with acting out so it's the equivalent of a temper tantum r large acting in because of course it destroys the object of frustration which is the person with BB BPD but acting out because it punishes everyone around the the borderline person mother father siblings friends they're devastated in the wake of a suicide so it's a way to punish people people it's a for it's a way to act out against people even as the borderline person destroys herself in the process so it's a very

unique combination of acting out and acting in together with internalized aggression and externalized aggression suicide is self-punitive and other punitive generally a punitive measure suicide though is preceded by switching before the borderline person commits suicide she switches to another soate known as secondary psychopathy before the narcissistic person becomes self-destructive the before the narcissist destroys everything around him everyone around him his life his accomplishments and ends badly before he does any of this which is the equivalent of suicide in narcissistic personality disorder there is a process of switching the borderline switches to a secondary Psychopathic self-

State and the narcissist ironically switches to a borderline organization self State let's put let's translate this into English the borderline is prone to Suicide about 11% of people with borderline personality disorder commit suicide before she commits suicide I'm using she it's of course he is a she gender pronouns in this lecture are totally interchangeable about half of all people diagnosed with borderline a men and half of all people diagnosed with narcissism are women so before she switches before she commits suicide I'm sorry the borderline switches into a secondary Psychopathic self State and then she becomes

extremely violent and this violent is self-directed and other directed suicide is used as a tool as a weapon suicide is weaponized against the borderlines nearest and dearest it's their punishment similarly when the narcissist for example is mortified or under tremendous stress or repeatedly narcissistically injured or collapses fails to obtain narcissistic Supply U over a long period of time the narcissist switches he switches into a borderline State he becomes emotionally disregulated Reckless and he tends to out the narcissist becomes a borderline the borderline becomes a psychopath and this becoming this process of becoming is what is

known as switching one last comment before I describe the phenomenon itself both people with borderline personality disorder and people with narcissistic personality disorder are prone to switching because they are very acquainted with and they often use the defense mechanism of splitting and self-splitting these are defenses infantile immature childish baby defenses that have survived in their initial primordial form in the adult so borderlines and narcissist tend to split people people are all bad or all good situations are all black or all white something is all good or all evil this is known as dichotomous thinking splitting

the world splitting everyone in the world and the splitting is not permanent today you could be all good and tomorrow you disagreed with a narcissist or you had a fight with the borderline and you become all bad but at any rate you're bound to be all good or all bad there's nothing in between you're never going to be gray there's never gray there are no Shades of Gray in the borderline and narcissist world this is the the splitting defense there's another derivative defense self-splitting the same way the narcissist and the borderline split other people they

split themselves the borderline sometimes feels that she's all good and sometimes feels that she's all bad The Narcissist feels that he's invincible and omnipotent and omnicient and Godlike and then he could have a period where he feels ruined and collapsed and a loser and a failure and inferior so this is a form of self-splitting and of course self-splitting is possible because both the borderline and the narcissist do not possess a core identity they don't have a stable self constellated integrated always there consistent they don't have a self they are selfless in a way and this

is known as identity disturbance when you have an identity disturbance when your identity is not is not uh let's say stable over the lifespan when your identity changes on a dime and from day to day and in response to cues from the environment and from others when you don't have a constellated um self when you don't have an integrated ego when all you have is an emptiness inside you when you're nothing but Aid or a black hole an empty schizoid core then you constantly in flux you are reactive to the to the outside to the

environment because you don't exist you become the outcome of other people's opinions about you other people's actions other people's choices determine who you are other people's decision making push you to and fro like a cork on Ocean waves so this flatsome and jets some existence of the narcissist and borderline the lack of a stable integrated core identity the constant use of splitting defenses against other people and against themselves all this prepares the ground for switching switching is essentially as the name implies a transition from one state to another and back back and forth and this

is possible if you can simultaneously Harbor or include in your mind two states three states Six States and you can do this only if you don't have a unitary self and if you constantly split so these are the psychodynamic or psychological Foundation foundations of switching now switching occurs in borderlines and narcissist when they're confronted with a threat when they're threatened but also when they are confronted with a promise for example intimacy both borderlines and narcissists perceive good things such as love such as intimacy as threats what you would regard as a promising thing something to

look forward to a reason to get up in the morning and to enjoy life narcissists and Border lives would regard as imminent looming Menace because in the narcissist and borderlines life there's never been a happy ending everything ended badly every promise was broke broken every intimacy violated every love ended in hurt and pain so they've learned to associate positive things with negative outcomes and con consquently they react identically to promises and threats and so these promises and threats can provoke switching so ironically when the borderline for example is faced with a wonderful partner who is

proposing to her and you know she's about to start a great life together and to graduate and to have a career and when things go extremely well she's likely to switch and destroy everything so same with the narcissist it's a form of asserting control things are going to end badly but on my terms and conditions I'm going to make them end badly I'm in control of this process I'm making it happen so this is not happening to me but I'm making it happen and so uh threats and Promises these threats and Promises can be real

they can be imaginary they can be anticipated they can even be recalled figments of memory so some memories can trigger switching this is erroneously known as emotional flashbacks flashback occurs only in PTSD post-traumatic stress disorder there is no such thing as emotional flashback it's a nonsensical ju opposition ju opposition of two words there's no such thing clinically we don't teach it in any University this is rank nonsense however it is true that recalled situations emotions in memory can trigger switching and so these are this is the background this is the landscape that provokes provokes switching

in borderlines and narcissist switching in other words is responsive to real or anticipated or imaginary or recall environmental cues the borderline of narcissis switch in reaction to stress anxieties such as separation insecurity also known as abandonment anxiety or engulfment anxiety substance abuse medication holidays important events life crises traumas new people crowds mortification and so on all these can and very often do trigger switching even sensor sensory inputs smells sides sounds can provoke switching indeed one of the um one of the great biggest at least in terms of number of pages one of the greatest documentations

of switching is marel cr's work remember of things past the book which is I think the largest I think it's 3,000 Pages the largest book ever written the book starts with a smell the protagonist of the book passes near a house and there's a smell wafting out of the house smell of a specific type of cookie and this provokes an avalanche of memories and there is a great description of switching and throughout the book there are multiple occasions of switching expertly described by the amazing PR who spent most of his life in bed consumed by

tuberculosis and possibly hypochondriasis and other mental health disorders so we have established by now that switching is essentially a splitting defense self-directed self-splitting it's a form of selfit splitting it is a reaction to perceived real imaginary anticipated recalled threat or promise because mod and narcissist perceive promises as threat and we also understood that switching is utterly triggered by events outside the borderline in the narcissist in the outside world external events in the environment we call these environmental cues okay now switching as I said is very visible very discernible by the end of this lecture if

you listen carefully and survive it you'll be able to tell when a narcissist or a borderl is about to switch it is switching is proceeded by a period of emotional disregulation now this period could be as brief as 10 seconds or it could be as long as 10 months but there's always emotional disregulation which precedes the switching this has been first described by hin h o u b n and he coined the phrase emotional switching so there's always emotional disregulation suddenly there are speech acts behaviors body language micro Expressions facial expressions uh crying screaming suddenly

there are behaviors indicative of emotions which overwhelm the defenses of the narcissist and the borderline emotions which create a clinical process known as decompensation the defenses are deactivated the borderline of the narcissist remain face to face in direct contact with reality external reality in the case of the borderline internal reality in the case of the narcissist is shame is reservoir of Shame and guilt and rage Early Childhood um repository so emotional disregulation it's very easy to tell emotional disregulation because emotional disregulation in the vast majority of cases is somehow externalized um the borderline would suddenly

cry weep weep or cry she will crumble The Narcissist would throw a temper inum um both of them would Mumble and um and become paranoid um they would both begin to talk about dying or suicide and so motional disregulation is very easy to spot I mean you need to be seriously obtuse and insensitive to not notice emotional disregulation and the typical reaction is what has happened here why are you like that what's wrong so if you if you suddenly find yourself in a situation where you want to ask you feel compelled to ask the borderline

of the narcissis what's wrong dear or what's wrong not dear then you're faced with emotional disregulation now emotional disregulation precedes switching and this is a phase known as emotional switching and then there are three types of switching consensual switching forced switching and triggered switching I will explain the difference now these terms are borrowed from the study of did dissociative identity disorder where switching is the regulatory mechanism among the various personality segments or figments known as Alters so consensual switching is when the switching is anticipated so that the borderline knows for example tomorrow I'm going for

an exam at school I'm not prepared I'm highly stressed I'm highly anxious and she knows that switching is about to occur she knows she's going to switch she knows she's going to switch to a secondary psychopath similarly a narcissist is faced with a public speaking engagement and he knows that he's not prepared or he knows that he's enemies and detractors are in the crowd in the audience he anticipates bad things a failure public humiliation mortification so he steals himself he prepares himself for this eventuality and he knows that he's going to switch he knows he's

going to become a temporary or transient borderline so when the borderline and the narcissist realize in advance that they're going to switch because because they anticipate anxiety that is known as consensual switching another type of switching is forced switching forced switching is when there is a war a conflict a battle between self States within the borderline and the narcissist now remember that in Philip bromberg's work on self States as extended by myself by by your humble servant so in this theory of self- States mental illness is when the regulatory mechanism the allocative mechanism mechanism that

allocates resources between self States is defun defun or deficient or problematic or dysfunctional so the self States compete for resources they're all active simultaneously and they compete for resources that's a a definition of mental illness in the self States in my self States work so forced switching is when several self States compete for dominance in a specific environment or under certain circumstances or in reaction to situations triggers and cues and provocations so they compete and there's a battle going on a war going on and in this particular case of force switching you are likely to

see in the borderline and the narcissist elements of each self State appearing for a brief minute moment and Vanishing and then another another self State emerges and the the new self State the second second self State can be diametrically opposed to the first self state so you see kind of a um a whirlwind a tornado a hurricane of of self States in a mixer and and the narcissist and the and and or the borderline they actually switch between multiple self States within minutes it's an it's an extremely disorienting experience to The Observer because you can't

tell who who are you faced with who are you talking to and finally the the conflict is resolved and one of the more dominant self taste take over takes over and the narcissist and the borderline settle so switching ends forced switching ends in settlement settled switching so at that point one cell state is evident and observable but again in forc switching this is preceded by a period where multiple sub States manifest are expressed are visible and discernable observable and again this is extremely disting and the final the final type of third type of switching is

the triggered switching it's when as I said triggers in the environment cues messaging signaling uh events uh including memories anticipation anxieties internal cues and external cues trigger the switching switching in this particular case is essentially a defense constellation or a constellation of defense mechanisms and there's a self state that is best suited to respond to the challenges of the new environment or the new person in the borderlines and narcissist life or the crowds or the challenge or whatever mortification or whatever and this self State takes over but it is triggered from the outside so consensual

switching is triggered from the inside owing to anticipation of challenging events or you know stress or anxiety forced Force switching is internal battle between self states that has to do with a change in the environment so the battle is triggered but not any specific sub State trigger switching is when the environment trigger is a specific self State there's no conflict there's no battle there's no argument it's clear that this specific self state is best for this new environment these are the three types of switching but what are the signs of switching switching exactly like sosis

is preceded by a prodromal phase Pro dral phase pral phase is just a fancy way of saying the phase that precedes the switching itself and it is at this at this phase this stage that you can observe signs harbingers red alerts warning warnings that switching is about to occur number one a rigid body posture the body becomes almost catatonic there is strong muscle tonus there is a very stilted type of motion so there is um sensory motoric impairment and this could lead to pseudo fainting kind of loss of consciousness or at least the dislocation or

um instability physical instability so something in the body and the body um it's a reaction that is very similar to to the way we react to a threat it's like a deer in the headlights the it's as if the borderline of the narcissist who are about to switch freeze because they perceive it as a threat so rigid body posture could could um culminate in pseudo fainting loss of consciousness momentary loss of consciousness the next sign is calm before the storm an eerie calm a menacing ominous scal a little like in a horror movie you know

when we know something bad is going to happen and it's just a music that cues us into this the music informs us that something horrible is going to happen so there's this come before the storm the eye of the cyclone and behavior changes the borderline of the narcissist during this calm period during this calm period they atypically Cal kind reasonable even submissive they're averse to conflict they say yes to everything they don't react to criticism or disagreement or even abuse in any way um and it's as if they have changed and became normal healthy or

even I would say codependent and people Pleasers and this is extremely Eerie very creepy because it is uh it is a polar change it is a radical dramatic transformation it doesn't last of course it's just a sign of imminent looming switching but this phase is always there when you see the narcissist in the borderline calm pacified reasonable consensus seeking submissive conflict averse kind nice compassionate affectionate empathic one would say something's wrong they're about to switch next the next sign is changes in body self-image somat form changes so the narcissist and borderline are likely to suddenly

begin to dissect their bodies to analyze their bodies they're going to say I've gained a lot of weight I'm too fat I'm too this I'm I'm sick I'm having palpitations I'm I'm over sweating I can't sleep so they they begin to emphasize their bodies they what they're doing is actually they're somatizing they're somatizing the stress and the anxiety and the adverse environmental cues they're using their bodies to express the pending looming trauma this is V KK's work and gabo mates to some extent so there's a change changing bodily self-image that precedes switching because switching is

experience a more a mostly As bodily when you ask the borderline and the narcissist how they experience switching they typically would describe uh changes in their bodies not in their mind as far as they're concerned they're the same person nothing has changed with their minds the minds are the same something has happened to their bodies so they SU ize the switching next is a dramatic but a seriously radical extreme change in identity suddenly behaviors change preferences change values change beliefs change um there's over emotionality there there's a a a transformed cognitive style unrecognizable cognitive style

and so on so forth when you see a new personality emerging that has literally nothing to do with the previous personality when you see a new identity coalescing where no identity has preceded it or another identity has preceded it which doesn't share anything with a new one there's no common denominator it's as if a new person is born in front of your eyes fully formed with new new ideals new values new hopes new dreams new wishes new beliefs new commitments new behaviors and so so forth when there is such a massive transition these are self

States what you're witnessing is switching of course this is most expressible and manifest in multiple personality in dissociative identity disorder not all not all dis DS not all forms of theid but in the extreme forms of theid this is most manifest but anyone who has witnessed a borderline transition uh or switch anyone who is not who is who has been the unfortunate Observer uh of a switching event in an narcissis can tell you that it is no less dramatic no less dramatic than the most dramatic switches in did in multiple personality absolutely no less dramatic

the changes in the borderline and in the narcissist when they switch from one self state to another are equival or they have the same potency and intensity as switching in D in dissociative identity disorder um now this is usually followed by a phase of tokati hyper verbalizing which is essentially a psychotic feature tokati hyper reflexivity there is a huge confusion between external objects and internal objects and and this leads for example to extreme paranoia because events uh objects that are interacting inside your mind are perceived as external and vice versa external objects are perceived as

internal when the narcissist and the borderline switch the borders the boundaries between internal and external inside and outside here and there me in the world these boundaries dissolve they don't become fire O blood they dissolve and this is known as Hyper reflexivity and coupled with Hyper verbalizing to cativity uh this is extremely reminiscent of schizophrenia extremely reminiscent schizophrenia we have what is known colloquially as the word salad it's disorganized speech and this is this happens in switching this phase is usually short but doesn't have to be could last for a few days but typically is

more like you know few minutes a few hours and this psychotic phase essentially it's psychosis this psychotic phase known as a psychotic micro episode this micros psychotic state or pseudo psychotic state is followed by a period of subdued slow motion hesitant reactivity it's very reminiscent of waking up from a dream it's as if they're having switch from one self state to another the borderline and the narcissist awaken up into the reality of the new self State the previous self state is now perceived as some kind of nightmare some kind of Dream from which the narcissist

and borderline have awakened so there's the new state New Self State takes over but there is this transition which is again the equivalent of waking up having transitioned fully to the new state self- State there is impulsivity there is pronounced impulsivity acting on impulse recklessly it's as if the Nar The Narcissist or borderline are testing the limits the capacities the potency the abilities of the new self State let's see what you can do let's see how far we can take it they're testing the new self State the same way they're testing intimate partners because exactly

like an intimate partner it's an internal object so they are abusing the new self state they're putting it to the to the test by misbehaving um they're actually creating adverse conditions which The Sur state has to cope with and somehow urate mitigate and solve so there is a period of impulsivity and and recklessness which are reminiscent of psychopathy as you can see switching involves a tour across multiple mental health disorders so it's like the borderline and the narcissist K kaleidoscopically transition between psychosis and psychopathy and they are kind of all over the place in terms

of mental health diagnosis which makes switching exceedingly difficult to capture in clinical rigid clinical terms it's it's a flux it's a situation of flux and finally the last stage of switching is dissociation the narcissist and the borderline dissociate the previous self State away delete it eliminate forget it this creates a memory Gap this creates lost time the narcissist compensates for this by confabulating the borderline compensates for this by denying that there are memory gaps and so on by feeling guilty by developing parano self-directed paranoia she doesn't know what she may have done uh during the

L time and by relying on an an an external partner on an intimate partner to regulate herself and her memory dissociation usually is the last phase and the narcissist and the borderline settle into the new self State now the new self State could last hours days months years even decades there's not telling it all depends again on a variety of triggers stimuli provocations events people behaviors of people choices and decisions of others and so on so forth they're going to trigger perhaps the next switching event and maybe not so narcissist and borderlines are regulated from

the outside they are utterly responsive to the environment they're creatures of the environment everything that's happening inside them including switching is in 90% of the cases um an an import they are importing stimuli and so on and reacting to it uh there are some signs in switching that you can Perhaps Perhaps could be of help to you uh muscle twitching confusion slow heavy blinking memory loss headache clearing the throat repeatedly change in the pitch of voice change in vocabulary different temperament different functional abilities or skills lack of eye contact and changes to the eye itself

not black eye and all this but changes for example dilated pupils and so on change in handwriting appearing spaced out adjusting clothing totally different wardrobe and sorial fashion preferences and change in posture these are all external visible SS there there an article about emotional switching in borderline in the literature in the description of this video so be alert be attuned to your borderline or narc narcissist partner switching is an inevitable and of oft recurring situation in both narcissism and borderline you can't avoid it if you are the narcissist or borderlines partner you are going to

be exposed to multiple events of switching in your partner and you better be prepared for them you better be able to identify when this is happening the warning signs the pral stage and prepare yourself switching implies that your partner has changed in very fundamental ways and you need to change equally you need to somehow accommodate this new version of your partner in order to not create adverse situations and problems and worse so the partner switching forces you in a way to switch identity disturbance is therefore a bit contagious as you need to adopt your identity

to your partner's new identity it's very disconcerting because sometimes the switching is so radical and so dramatic and so extreme that you feel that you're in the presence of someone you've never met and this could last you know as I said could last for months or years although in the vast majority of cases it lasts only for hours or days luckily for everyone involved but there's no guarantee that the next switching the next switch would lead the borderline the the narcissis back to the original so you have met a narcissis you met a borderline you

create a relationship with them you form a relationship with them as a friend as an intimate partner whatever and then they switch and they switch from self State one with with which you have created the relationship they switch from self State one to self State 2 and you say to yourself okay right now they have switched from self State one to self State 2 if I wait long enough and I'm patient and adaptable and if I if I accommodate them if if I don't engage in conflict and so on so forth they're going to switch

from self State 2 back to self State one no there's no guarantee of this they can as easily and as likely switch from self State one to self state three from self State 2 to self state three you may end up having to cope with 20 or 30 or 40 versions of your borderline analysis throughout your time together perhaps this is the most difficult task to accept that your intimate partner The Narcissist or the borderline there's nobody there it's a kaleidoscope it's a mirror a reflective mirror it's there's no core there's no identity there's no

person there's no self you're not interacting with someone you're interacting with an assembly a troop a theater troop uh the cast of a film and you need to be in flux in order to remain with this kind of partner because if you're rigid and if you are unitary and if you do have a core and if you insist on it uh your relationship is going to be very shortlived in a way the borderline of the narcissist force you to flow to evolve to change to switch to become someone else every now and again on the

one hand it's an exhilarating fascinating experience on the other hand it could be very disorienting and disconcerting and frightening even it's not for the faint of heart that's for sure and here I will switch you off