[Music] [Applause] thank you [Applause] hello I'm Dr Monica vermani I'm a clinical psychologist and I usually spend most of my time like other mental health professionals behind a desk working one-on-one with patients so I'm a little out of my element on stage but thrilled to have the opportunity to speak to each and every one of you about what I believe is one of the most important things each and every one of us can do to improve our mental health and make the most of our lives when I work with patients at the start I usually
ask people to you know give me a pre and post of what their life looks like where they are where they'd like to be and so I asked them to imagine if I had a magic wand and I can take away all their problems what would their life look like what would they change what would they Envision for themselves what would they manifest good question right what would you change it's such a good question I thought I'd ask it of myself what would I as a mental health professional change if I could wave a magic
wand if I could change one thing I would change our negative thoughts into positive ones because there is very little that can cause us more hurt and harm than our own thoughts thoughts are powerful things and it's our thoughts that hold us back from becoming a higher better version of ourselves it's important for each and every one of us to recognize the power of our thoughts the first step to treatment is always awareness and many of us don't know how to pause and reflect to really look at our life with a magnifying glass and see
what is really the problem every problem in our life manifests in three distinct ways through negative thoughts I'm not good enough I'm not smart enough I'm not capable through physiological symptoms like headaches muscle aches abdominal distress constipation heart palpitations panic attacks and also emotions sadness anxiety and overwhelm as well as maladaptive behaviors those come as a result of those negative thoughts racing around in your head and the physical symptoms in your body what are those maladaptive behaviors overeating under eating oversleeping under sleeping alcohol and drugs take the edge off those physical symptoms and negative thoughts
we also do those as maladaptive behaviors we numb we procrastinate we tend to isolate ourselves we hold back from others we try not to include ourselves in Social Circles and we have a tendency to do other maladaptive behaviors like playing too many video games finding ways to minimize harm by avoiding people avoiding relationships not dating or being such a dating person that you don't give yourself a break from it each and every one of us wonder what do these negative thoughts come from why are they so strong and how can we help ourselves clean up
our thoughts and become more positive resilient and adaptive thinkers well let's start with where do these negative thoughts come from zero to ten when you're born each and every one of us are born in a household born innocent pure unconditionally loving like all children are when we look at those children you see them unconditionally loving you positive not scrutinizing themselves or others but in a place of living moment to moment in the present and then from that State of Mind how do each and every one of us go to attaching ourselves to negative thoughts attaching
ourselves to self-scrutiny good question it's important for us to recognize that it starts that young when we're children we grow up in a household in our first natural caregivers are the ones that we absorb from what men do what women do how interactions and relationships happen how much or how little communication we need to do we start learning from our biological family unit about conflict resolution love sharing caring kindness procrastinating overworking underworking how to cope with stress and if you're very anxious how not to cope with it we start entering that world out there and
we start getting now shaped with thoughts that influence our Blueprints and our narratives and our core beliefs through school systems through cultural organizations through churches and other religious organizations as well as our peer groups many times our core beliefs or narratives start shaping and morphing into new things we start expanding we start learning more now this is our Roots we got our core beliefs we got our narratives we got our stories but then as we start entering that world and functioning in it what do we function with these are the other thoughts that we talk
about those are automatic thoughts those monkey brain thoughts that are jumping around in our heads some of you guys are doing it right now and so our minds jump around with automatic thoughts all day long thoughts that come from our accumulated Life Experiences and those thoughts jump around all day long and they are quite powerful these thoughts come together fragmented positive negative they shape Our Lives they shape our decisions they shape how we interact with the world how we interact with people the risks we take the things we avoid and then we also have schemas
what are schemas schemas are maps in our head of how we organize automatic thoughts so schemas when they're running beautifully according to our plan in control of Our Lives they run beautifully and we are happy we're in control they're running the way we were taught there should be but then if we interact a bump in the road a car accident a job loss a relationship breakup or we have a system crash what happens then we start getting nervous about losing control and some of those core beliefs that our parents taught us about be careful that
world's not always safe there's always problems that could happen they kick in and what do we bring in safety mechanisms safety mechanisms and self-defense mechanisms why are our thoughts so strong they're strong because of that we tie emotions to our experiences Life by Nature it's just a series of experiences until each and every one of you attach your experiences to a label and a judgment positive or negative why do we judge things as Negative they inconvenience us somehow we attach emotions to things that inconvenience us when things inconvenience us they cause us hurt sadness you
know heartbreak they cause us to change our course in action or have to grieve the loss of a relationship or a person in our lives they hurt who said life was supposed to be happy all the time it's supposed to have happiness and sorrow it's the fabric of life and so it's important for us to recognize that our thoughts are so strong because of the fact that we attach emotions to it and those emotions come from These Blueprints core beliefs automatic thoughts that jump around all day and those schemas those maps in your head that
you feel are safe or unsafe trustworthy or untrustworthy we start worrying about worst case scenarios forecasting negativity self-doubt Creeps in negativity related to fear not knowing if I can handle the next bad thing that shows up all of these thoughts immobilize us and so it's important for us to recognize that our thoughts are powerful things and they're stronger because we start attaching emotions to it and emotions that are unpleasant we want to stay away from we don't want to be close to those we don't want them to repeat so one reason why we bring in
safety mechanisms safe D measures like self-defense mechanisms are to help us prevent harm from reoccurring one reason why we're always afraid is we're worried about bad things reoccurring we realize wow bad things can happen not to others to me too and to my loved ones so how can we clean up our thoughts and become more resilient positive thinkers well this is a process so you have to remember let's go back to our childhoods you weren't Born This Way each and every one of us was born in an innocent purity of living in the moment experiencing
things in full Vigor and then we started attaching ourselves to I'm not good enough I'm not smart enough I'm not capable I can't handle this what if that's too hard for me others do it better and these thoughts create judgments comparisons separation and make you avoid things that could be for your highest and best interests how do we clean up our negative thoughts it's important for us to recognize that we need to pause and reflect in life and take a mindset inventory of what goes on in this brain then the next recipe I give people
is challenge rewrite and reframe challenge the thoughts now here's the key why did I write those three this recipe is not like CNN it's not the news it's better than news is better challenge the thoughts from the past that are coming into the way now challenge the thoughts that tell you you're not good enough not capable enough not smart enough challenge the thought to say you're broken after a trauma after a setback after a heartbreak or the thoughts that say a negative event might lead to a never-ending pattern rewrite thoughts of who you really are
I am capable I'm smart I'm bold I'm able rewrite how you even speak to yourself in the here and now are you still carrying forth those negative thoughts and then perpetuating them over and over after that we're reframing what are we reframing the future is Imagination you can imagine it to be as beautiful and lovely as you like and what do most people do imagine worst case scenarios fears of forecasting that worst case scenarios might be repeated patterns of things that have gone wrong they'll go wrong again or I'm broken from life experiences in the
past and that means I can't be better than who I am these are again thoughts that are limiting you what are thoughts judgments of yourself and others in my practice I am blessed and I have over 25 years of experience working with mood anxiety stress and Trauma in all of the populations I've worked with I constantly am helping people challenge reframe rewrite the stories of their lives the hardships and the things that they carry forth that no longer serve their highest and best one of the stories that I would like to share with you is
a guy that I met in the hospital I was working with he was a quadriplegic he was a accident that he had encountered and he was paralyzed from the neck down he came into my office and I remember him saying hey Monica can you please pull out a bottle of water and give me a sip of water and I realized the magnitude of his physical disability he was not even able to have a sip of water without my assistance so as we spoke he was disheartened and his future felt Bleak he didn't know how to
see a future for himself because all the goals he had planned we're not going to happen and then with we continued to work and think about life we talked about revamping and accepting where he was and trying to revise his statement of a future to one that maybe he can handle and today he's a successful sportscaster he makes the sons proud and he was very happy to find there are ways to go beyond his physical limitations even if he didn't have a choice another story a successful physician who was working in a wonderful Medical Practice
making lots of money however he was anxious hyper focused on perfectionism and dreaded his Daily Bread because he did not like being a doctor this man struggled with why is it hard for him to go to work to this job day in and day night he was anxious plagued with fears of making mistakes and Hyper focused on perfectionism as he came into my office depressed lethargic and just not happy with his life not being able to see a future that he looked forward to we spoke about challenging and reframing thoughts the biggest thought we refrained
was other people's opinion of him was none of his business it was his opinion of himself that mattered when he absorbed this and he understood it fully and he accepted it he took chance to look at that magic wand exercise I had and when we waved the magic wand he realized he never wanted to be a doctor he did that to honor his parents he wanted to be a cop and today I'm proud to say he's a police officer happy with his life enduring more success in his journey has a successful marriage with a partner
who supports him and his family loves him just the way he is nobody was as disappointed about his career change as much as his thoughts were and The Last Story I'd like to share is an I.T professional this guy came into my office and he was born mute with physical disabilities he came in typing away on his phone and the phone spoke to me and I was like oh so that's how our sessions are going to go and from that day forward we began our journey in therapy as we work together he challenged his views
of his future he was proud of his parents that encouraged him to be all he could be he finished University he got a wonderful job as an I.T professional but it wasn't enough he was anxious angry frustrated by people judging him by his physical exterior and his disabilities he was so angry at the world and angry at himself that when we started working on our journey to look at what he's possessed how far he's come in life as he started recognizing and pausing to reflect on how far he's come and he's felt proud of himself
he started journaling and writing more about it and then starting to post it on social media he comes in one day and says I'm a social media sensation I have over a hundred thousand Tick Tock followers and I was like great he goes look at me whoever thought this look at how much I've overcome how far I've come from that guy who's in your office depressed and today people are no less shallow I'm no less disabled but all that's changes my mindset and it all happened with you helping me change my thoughts in your office
I'm going to share One More Story with you a South Asian girl born from a traditional family unit a person that I worked closely with for years me this person here was born in a family that was supportive and loving however I always had the idea that all I needed was a job to be self-sufficient and that's all I needed so I went to U of T got my degree finished my science degree got a job and I thought I was self-sufficient with the job as a psychometrist someone who did pre-interviews with mental health patients
in a prison site so as I was working there I was encountering wonderful professionals and one of the professionals pulled me aside and said you'd make a pretty darn good psychologist and I chuckled at him saying I'm not sure if I'm not smart to go over to school that long and he said I beg to differ go prior to grad school so I did and I got in then the next problem showed up how do I afford such an education and so I paused and reflect again and had another job at camh I had another
Mentor show up and she looked at me and said hey if I can do it and I didn't come from money you can do it too you'll make it work with her encouragement I embarked on that road and 15 years of education later here I am then two decades of working with mental health patients I had a moment of I want to give back to patients who can't afford the time or the expensive therapy and so another thought crept in who are you to write a book there are so many amazing clinicians and authors out
there who are you so I took another pause and reflect challenged my own self thoughts took the little kid and me put her on the shelf and said hey your adult version we got you and then I realized I can write that book it took hard work and I did it and I'm working on my next one now thoughts are powerful things positive and negative they shape your lives your world view and your futures challenge the thoughts from the past that no longer serve your highest and best that keep you stuck in patterns of self-scrutiny
judgment criticism Judgment of yourself and Judgment of others notice Thoughts From the Past that may have worked for you to cope manage but maybe today are holding you back from having successful relationships that job you want taking a risk notice what you avoid and do you really need to avoid it rewrite in the Here and Now what are true about you if positive negative are both equal for the future remember Future's imagination hasn't happened yet so if I'm going to imagine something why am I imagining worst case scenarios instead of best case scenarios reframe thoughts
about the future that maybe hold you back from taking those risks manifest as beautiful as a life as you would like to why can't you imagine it if you can't imagine it you won't act reinforce positive thoughts that give you a lift give you encouragement give you support reinforce a future that materializes the life that you only can dream about once you dream it you can take the actionable steps to reach it too imagine how your life could be we are more than our traumas our upbringing our dysfunctional childhoods we're more than our heartbreaks our
breakups our miscarriages our life misfortunes our job losses or mistakes we are more than all the bad things that happen in our life and we are more than the self-scrutiny the judgment and the labels we carry we are more than our negative thoughts imagine how your life could be our thoughts are the stories of Our Lives What story do you want to write for yourselves I'm telling you about mine and I'm not even done yet and what would you like to be once you've conquered your own negative thoughts when you're in pain you spill everyone
to others and guess what when you're in health doing the healthy things out there like changing your negative thoughts into positive ones there's a positive ripple effect too take charge of your health in order to make your inner circles happier and healthier and then the world even healthier and healthier I wish for each and every one of you a deeper wellness and your journey to be successful on revamping negative thoughts into positive ones into ones that help you learn to be all you can be in your highest and best or better thank you thank you
