O Poder de Escutar | William Ury | TED Talks

well the subject of difficult negotiation reminds me of one of my favorite stories from the Middle East of a man who left to his three sons seventeen camels and so the first time he left half the camels to the second son he left a third of the camels into the youngest son he left on line for the camels well three sons got into a negotiation seventeen doesn't divide by two it doesn't divide by three it doesn't divide by nine brotherly tempers started to get strained finally in desperation they went and they consulted a wise old

woman the wise old woman thought about their problem for a long time and finally she came back and said well I don't know if I can help you but at least if you want you can have my camel so then they had 18 camels the first son took is half half of 18 is 9 second son took is third 1/3 of 18 is 6 the youngest son took is 9th a 9th of 18 is 2 you get 17 had one camel left over they gave it back to the wise old woman now if you think

about that story for a moment I think it resembled a lot of the difficult negotiations we get involved in they start off like 17 camels no way to resolve it somehow what we need to do is step back from those situations like that wise old woman look at the situation through fresh eyes and come up with an 18th camel now finding that 18th camel in the world's conflict has been my life passion I basically see humanity a bit like those three brothers we're all one family we know that scientifically thanks to the communications revolution all

the tribes on the planet all 15,000 tribes are in touch with each other and it's a big family read and yet like many family reunions it's not all peace and light there's a lot of conflict and the question is how do we deal with our differences how do we deal with our deepest differences given the human propensity for conflict and the human genius at devising weapons of enormous destruction that's the question as I've spent the last better part of three decades almost full were traveling the world trying to work getting involved in conflicts ranging from

Yugoslavia to the Middle East to Chechnya to Venezuela some of the most difficult conflicts on the face of the planet I've been asking myself that question and I think I've found in some ways what is the secret to peace it's actually surprisingly simple it's not easy but it's simple it's not even new it's maybe our one of our most ancient human Heritage's the secret to peace is us it's us who act as a surrounding community around any conflict who can play a constructive role let me give you just a story an example about twenty years

ago I was in South Africa working with the parties in that conflict and I had an extra month so I spent some time living with several groups of San Bushmen I was curious about them about the way in which they resolved conflict because after all they're within living memory there were hunters and gatherers living pretty much like our ancestors lived for maybe 99% of the human story and all the men have these poison arrows that they use for hunting absolutely fatal so how do they deal with their differences well what I learned is whenever tempers

rise in those communities someone goes and hides the poison arrows out in the bush and then everyone sits around in a circle like this and they sit and they talk and they talk it may take two days three days four days but they don't rest until they find a resolution or better yet a reconciliation and if tempers are still too high then they send someone off to visit some relatives as a cooling-off period well that system is I think probably a system that kept us alive to this point given our human tendencies that system I

call the third side because if you think about it normally when we think of conflict when we describe it there's always two sides you know it's Arabs or Israelis labor versus management husband versus wife Republicans are is endemic but what we don't often see is that there's always a third side and the third side of the conflict is us it's the surrounding community it's the friend the allies the family members the neighbors and we can play an incredibly constructive role perhaps the most fundamental way in which the third side can help is to remind the

parties of what's really at stake you know for the sake of the kids for the sake of the family for the sake of the community for the sake of the future let's stop fighting for a moment and start talking because the thing is when we're involved in conflict it's very easy to lose perspective it's very easy to react human beings were reaction machines and as the saying goes when angry you will make the best speech you will ever regret and so the third side reminds us that the third side helps us go to the balcony

which is a metaphor for a place of perspective where we can keep our eyes on the prize let me tell you a little story from my own negotiating experience some years ago I was involved as a facilitator in some very tough talks between the leaders of Russia and the leaders of Chechnya there was a war going on there you know and we met in The Hague in the Peace Palace in the same room where the Yugoslav war crimes tribunal was taking place and the talks got off to a rather rocky start when the vice president

of Chechnya began by pointing at the Russians and said you should stay right here in your seats because you're going to be on trial for war crimes and then he went on and he turned to me and said you're an American look at what you Americans are doing in Puerto Rico and my mind was started racing Frederico would I know about Puerto Rico I started reacting but then I tried to remember to go to the balcony and then when he paused and everyone looked at me for a response from a balcony perspective I was able

to thank him for his remarks and say I appreciate your criticism of my country and I take it as a sign that we're among friends and can speak candidly to one another and what we're here to do is not to talk about Frederico or the past we're here to do just see if we can figure out a way to stop the suffering in the bloodshed in Chechnya the conversation got back on track that's the role of the third side is to help the parties go to the balcony now let me take you for a moment

so what's why the regard is the world's most difficult conflict the most impossible conflict is the Middle East question is where's the third side there how could we possibly go to the balcony now I don't pretend to have an answer to the Middle East conflict but I think I've got a first step literally a first step something that any one of us could do is third ciders let me just ask you one question first how many of you in the last years have ever found yourself worrying about the Middle East and wondering what anyone could

do just just out of curiosity how many of you okay so the great majority of us and here it's so far away why do we pay so much attention to this conflict is it the number of deaths there are hundred times more people who die in a conflict in Africa than in the Middle East no it's because of the story because we feel personally involved in that story whether we're Christians Muslims or Jews religious or non-religious we feel we have a personal stake in it stories matter as an anthropologist I know that stories are what

we use to transmit knowledge they give meaning to our lives that's what we tell here at Ted we tell stories stories are the key and so my question is is yes let's try and resolve the politics there in the Middle East but let's also take a look at the story let's try to get at the root of what it's all about let's see if we can apply the third side to it what would that mean what is the story there now as anthropologists we know that every culture has an origin story what's the origin story

of the Middle East in a phrase it's 4000 years ago a man and his family walked across the Middle East and the world has never been the same since that man of course was Abraham and what he stood for was unity the unity of the family he's the father of us all but it's not just what he stood for it's what his message was his basic message was unity to the interconnectedness of it all the unity of it all and his basic value was respect was kindness towards strangers that's what he's known for his hospitality

so in that sense he's the symbolic third side of the Middle East he's the one who reminds us that we're all part of a greater whole now how would you now think about that for a moment we today we face the scourge of terrorism what is terrorism terrorism is basically taking an innocent stranger and treating them as an enemy whom you kill in order to create fear what's the opposite of terrorism it's taking an innocent stranger and treating them as a friend whom you welcomed into your home in order to sew and create understanding or

respect or love so what if then you took the story of Abraham which is a third side story what if that could be actually an end because Abraham stands for hospitality what if that could be an antidote to terrorism what if that could be a vaccine against religious intolerance how would you bring that story to life now it's not enough just to tell a story that's powerful but people need to experience the story they need to be able to live the story how would you do that and that was my thinking of how would you

do that and that's what comes to the first step here because the simple way to do that is you go for a walk you go for a walk in the footsteps of Abraham you retrace the footsteps of Abraham because walking has a real power you know as an anthropologist walking is what made us human walking it's funny when you walk you walk side by side in the same common direction now if I were to come to you face to face and come this close to you you would feel threatened but if I walk shoulder-to-shoulder even

touching shoulders it's no problem who fights why they walk that's why in negotiations often when things get tough people go for walks in the woods so the idea came to me of what about inspiring a path a route think the Silk Route think the Appalachian Trail that followed in the footsteps of Abraham people said that's crazy you can't you can't retrace the footsteps of Abraham's too insecure you get across all these borders goes across ten different countries in the Middle East because it unites them all and so we studied the idea at Harvard we did

our due diligence and then a few years ago a group of us about 25 of us from 10 different countries decided to see if we could retrace the footsteps of Abraham going from his initial birthplace in the city of budva in southern Turkey northern Mesopotamia and we then took a bus and took some walks and went to her on we're in the Bible he sets off on his journey then we crossed the border into Syria went to Aleppo which turns out is named after Abraham we went to Damascus which has a long history associated with

Abraham we then came to northern Jordan to Jerusalem which is all about Abraham to Bethlehem and finally to the place where he's buried in Hebron so effectively we went from womb to tomb we showed it to be done it was an amazing journey let me ask you a question how many of you have had the experience of being in a strange neighborhood or strange land and a total stranger perfect stranger comes up to you and shows you some kindness maybe invite you into their home gives you a drink if your coffee gives you a meal

we've ever had that experience that's the essence of the Abraham path that's what you discover you go into these villages in the Middle East where you expect hostility and you get the most amazing hospitality all associated with Abraham the name of father you but I mean let me let me offer you some food so what we discovered is that Abraham is not just a figure out of a book for those people he's alive he's a living presence and to make a long story short in the last couple of years now thousands of people have begun

to walk parts of the path of Abraham in the Middle East enjoying the hospitality of the people there they begun to walk in Israel and Palestine in Jordan in Turkey in Syria that's an amazing experience men women young people old people more women than men actually interestingly for those who can't walk who are unable to get there right now people started to organize walks in cities in their own communities in Cincinnati for instance they organized a walk from a church to a mosque to a synagogue and then all had an Abrahamic meal together it was

Abraham path day in Sao Paulo Brazil it's become an annual event for thousands of people to run in a virtual Abraham path run uniting the different communities the media love it they really adore it they lavish attention on it because it's visual and it spreads the idea this idea of Abraham and a hospitality of kindness toward strangers and just a couple weeks ago there was an NPR story on it last month there was a piece in the in The Guardian in the Manchester Guardian about it to two whole pages and they quoted a quoted a

villager who said this walk connects us to the world well he said it was like a light that went on in our lives it brought us hope and so that's what it's about but it's not just about psychology it's about economics because as people walk and they spend money and this woman right here uma HOD is a woman who lives on the path in northern Jordan she's desperately poor she's partially blind her husband can't work she's got seven kids but what she can do is cook and so she's begun to cook for some groups of

walkers who come through the village and have a meal in her home they stood on the floor she doesn't even have a tablecloth she makes the most delicious food that's fresh from the herbs in the surrounding countryside and so more and more walkers have come and lately she's begun to earn an income to support her family and so she told our team there she said you have made me visible in a village where people were once ashamed to look at me that's the potential of the Abraham path there are literally hundreds of those kind of

communities across the Middle East across the path the potential is basically to change the game and to change the game you have to change the frame the way we see things to change the frame from hostility to hospitality from terrorism to tourism and in that sense the Abraham path is a game changer let me just show you one thing I have a little acorn here that I picked up while I was walking on the path earlier this year now the Acorn is associated with the oak tree of course grows into an oak tree which is

associated with Abraham the path right now is like an acorn it's still in its early phase what would the oak tree look like well I think back to my childhood a good part of which I spent after being born here in Chicago a good I spent in Europe if you had been in the ruins of say London in 1945 or Berlin and you had said 60 years from now this is going to be the most peaceful prosperous part of the planet people would have thought you were certifiably insane but they did it thanks to a

common identity Europe and a common economy so my question is if it could be done in Europe why not in the Middle East why not thanks to a common identity which is the story of Abraham and thanks to a common economy that would be based in good part on tourism so let me conclude then by saying that in the last 35 years as I've worked in some of the most dangerous difficult and intractable conflicts around the planet I have yet to see one conflict that I felt could not be transformed it's not easy of course

but it's possible it was done in South Africa it was done in Northern Ireland it could be done anywhere it simply depends on us it depends on us taking the third side so let me invite you to consider taking the third side even as a very small step we're about to take a break in a moment just go up to someone who's from a different culture a different country a different ethnicity some difference and engage them in a conversation listen to them that's a third side act that's walking Abraham's back after a TED talk why

not a TED walk so let me just leave you with three things one is the secret to peace is the third side the third side is us each of us with a single step can take the world can bring the world a step closer to peace there's an old African proverb that goes when spiderwebs unite they can halt even a lion if we're able to unite our third side webs of peace we can even halt the line of war thank you very much