I'm Rafael, psychologist. And no one is free from SUFFERING, not even a HUNTER. Today we're back to talking about GON FREECSS.
There are spoilers for the anime and manga. Come on! [CHIMERA ANTS ARC: GON'S HATE].
The most striking scene of HUNTER X HUNTER, at least for me, is for sure the GON HATE ARC. His ACTIONS, in this part, have a lot to do with what happened in the PAST, but this scene also reminded me of something that all of us, at some point, will be able to go through: GRIEVING. NO ONE goes through this life without feeling some kind of EMOTIONAL PAIN.
GRIEF is mainly generated when our DEAR PEOPLE LEAVE, but also, for example, when RELATIONSHIPS end. And it's interesting to see how that scene applied in the context of GON, in the context of HUNTER X HUNTER. TOGASHI showed how GON was going through a GRIEF and adapted that REALITY to the UNIVERSE OF HUNTER X HUNTER.
Psychiatrists THOMAS HOLMES and RICHARD RAHE, made a compilation of STRESSING EVENTS in people's lives and the DEATH of a loved one was considered the BIGGEST STRESSOR that anyone can experience during their lifetime. GRIEF disturbs the body's HOMEOSTASIS—BALANCE. It increases brain activity the AMYGDALA, PREFRONTAL CORTEX, INSULA, that is, all areas of the BRAIN that control EMOTIONAL PROCESSING and PAIN are IMPACTED.
Precisely because EMOTIONAL PAIN triggers the REWARD CENTER OF THE BRAIN creating ADDICTION in the person or lost circumstances. And in GRIEF the BRAIN is deprived of REWARD. Psychiatrist KÜBLER-ROSS says that there is no typical RESPONSE to LOSS, as there is no typical LOSS.
Our PAIN is as INDIVIDUAL as our lives, including this psychiatrist who called the term “5 STAGES OF GRIEF”. There are several patterns, but the way each one deals with GRIEF is totally DIFFERENT. GON does not SEQUENTIALLY follow the list of GRIEVING PHASES, but demonstrates ALL OF THEM in this ARC.
GRIEF is a PAINFUL process, but totally NECESSARY, there is no RIGHT or WRONG in this process. Researcher MARY-FRANCES O'CONNOR has shown in a study that RECOVERY from GRIEF was SLOWER in individuals who showed greater activity in the NUCLEUS ACCUMBENS, a region of the BRAIN associated with the pursuit of WISHES, which likely reflects continued activity to FIND what It has been lost. There is no scientific proof that we go through all these 5 STAGES in a SEQUENTIAL way.
What we do know is: GRIEVING is a HIGHLY INDIVIDUALIZED process, it has no specific schedule or roadmap, and many people feel that their lives are BETTER after grieving, due to POST-STRESS GROWTH. How does this happen in GON? KAITO'S LOSS to GON is very SUDDEN, it was simply overnight.
PITOU arrives, rips off KAITO's arm and GON and KILLUA are totally VULNERABLE. They were WEAKER than KAITO. KAITO couldn't beat her, HOW WOULD THEY DO IT?
GON is filled with FURY when he sees KAITO's arm and when GON was about to attack PITOU, KILLUA leaves him UNCONSCIOUS and runs away with him. GON after waking up, he feels quite OPTIMISTIC about the situation. He builds EXPECTATION on KAITO, despite KILLUA knowing there's no way he can SURVIVE that situation.
And for me, at that moment, the FIRST STAGE that the GON passes from GRIEVING begins: DENIAL. For many times, precisely, this is the FIRST STAGE, where the person DOES NOT WANT TO ACCEPT what has just happened. DENIAL is an UNCONSCIOUS process that serves to PROTECT a person from DISCOMFORT or ANXIETY.
GON doesn't accept, at any moment, that KAITO could have DIED, everyone kind of realizes that KAITO wouldn't survive that situation, even so he develops a BIG OPTIMISM about it — it creates a scenario where KAITO would have RUINED and was WAITING for them. DENIAL is not just the ATTEMPT TO PRETEND that the LOSS does not exist, it is also a way of trying to ABSORB and UNDERSTAND what is happening. Later, Gon REPEATS THIS PROCESS when he sees KAITO'S PUPPET, that is, he goes through this phase 2 TIMES.
He still believes he can make KAITO return to normal. Each of the FIVE STEPS OF GRIEF can be REPEATED throughout the entire healing process. DENIAL is a stage likely to be experienced by mourners in the FIRST DAYS AND WEEKS after a loss and then AGAIN during the GRIEF journey.
But before going through the DENIAL PHASE AGAIN, GON reaches the DEPRESSION STAGE. Usually when a person goes through this STAGE, they begin to realize that THEY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO and the idea that the person is GONE begins to MATURE, but in the case of GON it happens in a DIFFERENT way. He after LOSING to KNUCKLE, GON feels helpless, he realizes that the STRENGTH he has is not ENOUGH to SAVE KAITO and he ends up CRASHING DOWN — his CRY is why.
It is at this stage, in the DEPRESSION, where perhaps the grieving person needs MORE SUPPORT from those close to him—lucky the GON that KILLUA was there to help him, to do it for him. GON then enters the ANGER STAGE. When GON finally finds PITOU, he gets EXTREMELY ANGRY, at that moment he fully uses his HATE to kind of make PITOU bring his friend KAITO back.
The coolest thing is the ANIME NARRATOR narrating this scene. He says that the GON has MIXED FEELINGS because he sees there the PERSON he is ANGRY with is simply NOT REACTING, DEFENSE and this causes a CONFLICT in the GON. This is the first time that GON has gone through ANGER.
The BARGAINING or NEGOTIATION STAGE has as its characteristic what COULD HAVE BEEN DONE to CHANGE what happened. GON finally ACCEPTS that KAITO is dead, but he starts to QUESTION himself about what he could have done. And what we see then is a series of COUNTERFACTUAL THOUGHTS that “WHAT IF I HAD DONE THIS, IF I HAD DONE THAT”.
It's as if we were trying to get into CONTROL, as if we wanted to BE IN CONTROL of the situation and this phase is marked by GUILT. GUILT often results from DISTORTED THINKING, that is, being too HARD on ourselves without plausible EVIDENCE. This type of SELF-CRITICAL thinking is sometimes called “TYRANNY OF THE ASSUMPTIONS”.
The person, at this stage, tends to FOCUS on what they DIDN'T DO, what they feel they SHOULD HAVE DONE and forget everything they DID. Many times, the person, yes, did SEVERAL THINGS to HELP that person, but this doesn't end up being noticed at the moment of GRIEF. GON doesn't realize that he had done everything to SAVE KAITO, he was UNCONSCIOUS, he had no BLAME.
It was a situation that was OUT OF his CONTROL. Given how UNCOMFORTABLE BLAME can be, it can provide a STRONG MOTIVATION to APOLOGIZE, CORRECT or COMPENSATE for a MISTAKE and behave more RESPONSIBLY. For example, studies suggest that BLAME PRONESION may be related to EMPATHY as well as RELIABILITY.
The authors of this article found that GUILT-PRONE INDIVIDUALS have a strong sense of RESPONSIBILITY and are therefore more TRUSTED. In other words, she is SENSITIVE to what the other person ANTICIPATES and therefore feels RESPONSIBLE for meeting the expectations of another person, that is, the person who already tends to feel GUILTY, at that moment can feel EVEN MORE. As GING says to GON: "APOLOGIST PROMISES TO DO DIFFERENT".
GING giving advice is complicated. This is a very DIFFICULT phase. One can literally get STUCK in what they didn't do.
No one is BLAMED for not knowing the FUTURE , trying to think that you made the BEST DECISION with the INFORMATION you had at the time, being aware of this can HELP a lot. We can get quite TRAPPED in this GRIEF PHASE and the problem with these THOUGHTS is that they all end up in this UNREAL SCENARIO where the person DOESN'T SEE WAS, prolonging this process. After all, this IS NOT THE REALITY.
After BLAMING himself, COMPLAINING, putting BLAME on anything else, GON goes back to the ANGER stage. After the fact that KAITO would not come back to life anymore, GON you go into a process of EXTREME ANGER even not caring about your OWN LIFE anymore. This is basically the STAGE where you assimilate that you have, in fact, LOST THAT PERSON.
Only instead of ACCEPTING IT, you kind of REVOLT with the situation, you When you try to find something or someone to BLAME, you begin to feel a constant feeling of INJUSTICE, RESENTMENT and ANGER and they continue to ACCUMULATE in your mind and body. And ANGER can TRANSFORM you into someone you ARE NOT. That's kind of what happened with GON.
It took him out of his EMOTIONAL BASE line right there and only after DUMPING this ANGER does GON arrive at ACCEPTANCE. GON ACCEPTS that he can no longer have KAITO as he was BEFORE and decides to finally move on and try to LIVE in the NEW REALITY now instead of DENYing what happened. GON decides to do what he can with the CURRENT SITUATION, which can no longer be CHANGED, he CRIES, gets SAD when talking about KAITO to GING, but GING's words of COMFORT already affect him making him GO BACK TO NORMAL.
When WE OVERCOME GRIEF, that's more or less what happens. That PAIN doesn't go away, but we manage to keep moving forward. ACCEPTANCE also doesn't mean FORGETTING, it doesn't mean we go back to DENIAL, pretending it didn't happen.
ACCEPTANCE means EMBRACING THE PRESENT and realizing that the NEW REALITY is not the same as before, but it can be VERY GOOD. If someone close to you is going through this GRIEVING process, try not to say “THIS WILL PASS” or anything like that. The person at that moment can't see it, a good way to HELP is to do what KILLUA did with GON: listen to him.
Let the person SPEAK, it's the best way to HELP someone in this process. GON is a CHILD who has gone through GREAT SUFFERING, the biggest he has ever gone through in his entire life. The fact that he was a CHILD, that he was ABANDONED, that he NEGLECTED HIS EMOTIONS, all contributed to this EXPLOSION OF EMOTIONS.
No one is free from SUFFERING and when it involves GUILT that SUFFERING can be even BIGGER. After all, FEW SUFFER MORE THAN THOSE WHO REFUSE TO FORGIVE THEMSELVES. Like, subscribe, share.
It's just the beginning.
