thank you for watching thank you for coming thank you for joining us here in Hollywood after Thanksgiving weekend I hope you're all full of beige Foods tonight GMO I was going to ask you do you have your usual Thanksgiving chicken this year no this year we had turkey you did what turned you around uh the family that we won that we win they only had turkey and they had peneton and paneton yeah what you know the bread the Italian bread called pentaton yeah I she had turkey and paneton yeah yeah it was good and wine
Jimmy and wine yeah it was crazy wow this year was different yeah you're really experiencing all different cultures I know this is um I had to say I got so many lovely messages this week from um every company I've ever bought anything from really I got beautiful heartwarming emails from William Sonoma from Shinola CB2 I got nicer message from CB2 than I did from any member of my actual family this Thanksgiving today as you probably know is one of the holiest shopping days of the year Cyber Monday Cyber Monday is followed by um giving Tuesday
and stolen Amazon package Wednesday every year Americans we set aside one day to shop online and that's it this is interesting last year 51.8 of online sales were made from a smartphone and that number is expected to go up this year so when you're opening that special gift is holiday season please know that there's a very good chance your loved one bought that for you from the toilet on their phone with that said there was more in stor shopping on Black Friday this year than last year even though Amazon tried their best to make black
F Friday as traditional as possible when you go to buy a TV on Black Friday on Amazon you could choose add to cart buy now or um physically rip it out of an old lady's hands and an you know there's something about wrestling an air fryer of a fellow human's grip you just don't get from shopping online they had a very white Sunday in Buffalo last night I don't know if you saw this is the scene before the Bills ners game they got a foot and a half of snow and somebody forgot to close the
sunroof on the stadium I mean this is they had to eat their beer with spoons at this but 70,000 fans showed up anyway and paid to show I have I have to say I've never liked anything as much as these people who went to that game like football I just like if this was where you had to go for sex I'd still be a virgin I'd say no thanks we had a good weekend I um I smoked a turkey I sliced my finger open I burned my arm all the holiday traditions were there you know
a lot of people are frying their turkeys nowadays I did that once and it was fine it was enough you could really screw it up like this poor guy who may have left his burd in just a minute to Long what are you doing uncle jack I'm going to pull the turkey out it's just burn we got a burnt turkey guys all right now let's see you're Uncle Jack and you've just revealed a turkey that looks like it burned up upon re-entry from orbit you when you find yourself in this situation what do you say
it's just the skin relax that's right it's just the skin relax once you cut through the first 5 Ines of charcoal it's going to be great that turkey wasn't fried it was created but at least it was dead some of these poor Birds got the shock of their lives this weekend what you doing bub it's okay you don't know him you don't know him I don't know him have you no decency woman you've roasted a member of my flock this is not a fars side cartoon this is my life here our pumpkin pie headed President
elect spent his holiday at maral Lago with his family and his new best [Music] friend oh so cool so so so cool that's what Thanksgiving is like in hell that's what I imagine it's D Donald it's Elon and it's YMCA for the millionth time who do you think sicker of that song the staff at maralago or the Village People themselves Trump has a lot to give thanks for uh this year but no one has more to be thankful for this weekend than Hunter Biden President Biden even though he specifically said he wouldn't pardon his son
Hunter yesterday on federal tax and Firearm charges he dropped the pardon like out of nowhere like it was a Kendrick Lamar album and it caught pretty much Everyone by surprise okay we have a Fox News Alert NBC News is reporting that President Trump has decided he will pardon his son Hunter this comes ahead of I mean what did I say he said Trump but I could see how you'd make that mistake it's uh Trump's got a couple of hunters himself now I am not a uh presidential historian but I believe this is the first time
US president has pardoned both his son and a turkey in the same week Biden released a statement saying that the charges in Hunter's case were politically motivated and his son was selectively and unfairly prosecuted in other words the Biden presidency has now entered the grandpa doesn't give a damn about what you think FaZe Biden said he arrived at the decision to Pardon Hunter over the weekend the bidens went to church in Nantucket on Saturday and at one point during the mass Hunter turned to his father he said dad do you hear what the priest said
about forgiveness and it was done I wonder if Joe now has to get Hunter anything for Christmas this is good enough right and of course the right-wing media is going so nuts over this You' almost think they got a tape of Biden calling Georgia asking for 11,000 votes Joe Biden has lied to us from the get-go you lied to us he has now graduated to the liar in Chief that's a true travesty against everybody in this country this is just total disrespect for the rule of law hypocrisy at its best and a threat to democracy
Melania Trump has her closet rated by mer Garland's doj and then Biden's White House pardons his son people see the disparity this whole thing stinks I woke up today I'm absolutely furious with this he and his family are so full of slime that Nickelodeon is going to sue for trademark infringement good one that's I bet you haven't used that joke 55,000 times this is I mean they have to be kidding right everyone who voted to let a 34 CRI convicted felon off the hook is very mad about Joe Biden letting his son off the hook
and I by the way I don't I don't necessarily disagree the guy committed crimes but let's take a stroll through reality here not only did Trump pardon his son-in-law Jared's dad who went to prison for hiring a hooker to frame his own brother-in-law this weekend he named that same man US ambassador to France and yes Joe Biden did say he wasn't going to pardon Hunter but to be fair there's a very good chance he doesn't remember saying that okay of course Trump moved on this news like a he wrote does the pardon given by jodah
Hunter include the j6 hostages who've now been in prisoned for years no it doesn't but it would it'd be pretty funny if it did right I hereby pardon my son Hunter and what the hell the Qin on Shaman too Trump also announced this weekend that his new senior adviser on Arab and Middle Eastern affairs is his daughter Tiffany's father-in-law it's like he gave everyone at the dinner table on Thanksgiving a position in his administration and then we have his wacky new pick to run the FBI cash Patel who is totally unqualified to run the FBI
but what he did do was write not one not two but three children's books about Donald Trump my name is Cash Patel and I have written the first ever children's Russia gate book it's called the plot against the king it is a Fantastical telling by me the rush gate Chief investigator under then chairman Nunes of how we Triumph to put truth over evil and Report the facts to the American public please go to the link below and order your copy today yes yes I am a normal adult man who wrote a book in which Donald
Trump is King and I am his wizard for kids specifically one 78-year-old kid my kids like good night Moon I don't know about yours but let's take a another look at Cash Patel seen here right after winning the 2024 stare directly into your soul contest oh the C crowd must be going every pizza place in America is about to have its doors kicked in by the FBI looking for baby meat and the pepperoni but for now it's business as usual at the White House the first lady unveiled the decor for Biden's last Christmas in office
today this the theme this year is peace and light as opposed to the theme from Trump's final year which was chaos and ketchup this is um this is what they did in the white house you can see it's not subtle it's uh there were over 28,000 ornaments 165,000 lights and what appears to be an indoor carousel which did AI decorate the White House this year someone had to be on mushrooms doing this right there's Joe Biden's Pur car and that picture is coming down very soon no doubt Christmas is um 20 three days away I
know this because my kids ask me how many days until Christmas every single day the Advent calendars are open and those ACC cursed elves are back on the shelves our kids are s and 10 years old now we assume last year would be it for the elving and the shelving turns out we were wrong and the thing is we know they know and they know we know that they know but we're all still playing along with it it's like what it must have felt like to be on OJ's defense team OJ tell me again why
you had a disguise and you were headed for Mexico with $10,000 cash that was because you were not guilty okay all right we have that same Dynamic with shelf elves we even have a Snoop Dog elf on uh uh Shelf at our house and some companies sadly bet on the wrong horse this year one in particular has a Twist on the elf on the the shelf that was supposed to be the hottest toy of the Season until the results of the election came in who could forget the L Shucks likeability of vice presidential candidate Tim
Walls we made sure that every kid in our state gets breakfast and lunch every day this holiday season bring his infectious joy into your home with Tiny Tim Walls the uplifting action figure whose words are like warm ecog whenever you're ready to get back in that fight I'll be standing right here ready to fight the fight with bring America's favorite dad to your family gathering rings so what did you make for us today Tiny Tim poater tots cream of mushroom soup a protein spam a hot dish no thanks uh yes please Tiny Tim Walls is
the perfect addition to your holiday fun jumping around skipping like a dip that is weird Behavior there he's not wrong I'm a veteran I'm a Hunter and I was a better shot than most republicans in Congress and I got the trophies to prove it okay everyone who wants to carve the turkey hey nice shooting Tiny Tim dress him up as Governor Tim coach Tim or Hunter Tim and Tiny Tim Walls comes with a free tampon hidden in his back okay friendship Reet mini corn dog camouflage hat glasses cornhole set hunting V in Trophy shotgun football
helmet coaches clipboard and clocking gun all s separately tampon included good night sweetie a it's time for sleep there is plenty of time to sleep when we're dead five more minutes yes thanks Tiny Tim collect Tiny Tim Walls and all his accessories to comfort yourself in the end times available at Walmart [Applause]
