welcome to spider-man 3 and I know this is a cinemasins thing but over three minutes of opening credits come and also this movie takes place after it's bad men do [ __ ] door to Tobey Maguire one OK which I watched many moons ago but have not me watched before making this video damn it dummies but I'm hoping my memory does me a solid and fills in the blanks see here that brain I got you homie run we got Peter and James Franco had a Broadway show that MJ is performing and after she's done singing
Peter goes to James and he's like yo we gotta talk brother he's like something happen I don't remember what whatever Peter tells MJ that's yours dope man James comes out of a fart canister contraption Peter mg now stargazing on a giant spiderweb and are they stuck to it are the sticky bits only the tips of the spider webs I feel like they should be stuck to it anyway they do some smoochie smoochie some [ __ ] falls out the sky and then some black goop comes out of it and sticks to Peters moped when they
leave cut to some dude run away from the cops he just escaped from prison and he makes it home puts on a blues cruise t-shirt that is the blues blue t-shirt right Oh give me a sec yeah looks pretty cool [ __ ] this guy what did you do to blue school actually it's pretty [ __ ] blue but still he break some bread his wife comes out or his ex-wife or whatever doesn't man and they have an argument which wakes up their sick child and he leaves cuz the 5volts turn around come back to
Peter he's at Aunt May's house right and he still heard that he wants to marry em June she dropped some wisdom on his stupid little it said Uncle Ben time then she gives him her marriage ring marry dream it's wedding ring wedding ring right so he leaves on his way back some dude in the [ __ ] hoverboard swoops in and takes him out on this James right it's all coming back to me he's drink up him son so he's like oh how his name is his kind of book name is he's like little booger
okay he thinks he kills it okay so I get an out again so James picks him up and they have a big-ass fight or not big-ass it's low-key fight right but he still does some spicy stuff which should have been seen by everybody on the ground cuz that many times you super close to the ground it's not that low-key actually because dude ribs are [ __ ] chunk of building off and then shatters it which by the way not only the occupants of this apartment have a heart attack and major renovation plans of breath he
shattered the swallowin to are nowhere near small enough to be inconsequential to the people below just saying people are [ __ ] dead and cars are destroyed they fight some more next sticked by somewhere that people can't see him like in the [ __ ] alley Peter does some cartoons Cheryl James nest and he goes Bing boom splat or so he's kind of [ __ ] right now so Peter takes him to the hospital then we cut to Blue's Clues he's on the run right and police are on his behind and he raised them by
jumping into this testing facility then drops into a pit were a bunch lab coats about to do some movie science with some sand when they noticed that something's in the pit and they're like probably a bird it'll fly away when we fire it up yeah probably how very scientific of you mr. Stein's man there's a testing facility research type place right so you gotta have like a camera point in that pit or some other way to actually look inside before making the stupid assumption you're dumbass like look at these guys just tell me this [
__ ] staring blankly into an empty wall look no he's probably looking at some screens or like maybe even a see-through glass into the pit like to tell what's going on in there moving on they turn on the thing with the dude inside and he turns into a [ __ ] sand he gets vaporized or sand dies or whatever and the cops can't find it but don't worry cuz Bruges Clues ain't dead he's just turned into sand he now is Sandman and he remakes himself the next morning and grabs on to a locket his daughter
gave him which makes me ask like why the [ __ ] it then gets and eyes I mean if it's cuz it smelled and his belt buckle should have been sand as it were the rules here man cut back the hospital and James is up and he is good he's a ok but he lost a bunch of his memory from that Bing boom bop right he lost the memory all the way back up until Peter supposedly killed his dad right which super convenient for Peter the next day comes and MJ is super sad because she
got bad reviews on her Broadway show and she goes to complain to Peter he's like the way I get out of spider-man - [ __ ] you spider-man [ __ ] for a second I I'm sad but then that police radio goes like people people we got it oopsie happening at 69th and [ __ ] Street so Peter puts on his Spidey suit in a millisecond and jumps out the window to go deal with oopsie turns out cranes going apeshit and hey Gwen you see that giant metal beam coming towards your building yeah how about
you don't move towards it your [ __ ] delinquent whatever spider-man doesn't crap now we go to the Daily Bugle and this that's jokes awfully funny and a classic no doubt but if you're trying to watch his blood pressure this jump scare of a [ __ ] desk not helping anyway skinny Brock Lesnar's trying to steal Peters thunder at the Daily buckle and bossman is like all right whoever gets me a picture respond men doing some criminal [ __ ] I will give him a job then we got a Stan Lee cameo rip in peace
my man James gets home safe and sound MJ goes to rehearsals and find this other lady and she's like who we replaced you cuz you suck eat my ass Donovan man we got this big-ass party where spider-man supposed to receive the key of the city which I never understood like how can the city have the keys they're like some giant door or some also how the [ __ ] did they coordinate this with spider-man they just make an announcement and hope he saw and show it up and what if you didn't see or just didn't
want to show up like yeah I'm good actually I'm getting like keys see any pockets in this [ __ ] suit nah man [ __ ] out more tights man it's [ __ ] hard spandex [ __ ] now anyway spider-man standing on the edge of a building well that was [ __ ] mascot [ __ ] dude this is firemen parade every still be looking for you they got cameras someone even know where you're swinging in from [ __ ] tampons but don't worry the retardation does not stop there because after he swings and
everybody yells at him it's an ting for him to kiss Gwen everyone except for this kid yeah man listen to the [ __ ] kid don't kiss her man girlfriends right there are you [ __ ] [ __ ] so I'm Jake I said no [ __ ] but there's no time for that all right because evil st. cloud Sandman has been beating some cops up and now he's on his way to steal a truck full of cash so Spidey boy angles to stop him but truck crashes he saves the two dudes in the truck
and the Sandman gets away stop taking your [ __ ] mask off on top of low buildings goddamnit next up we got period MJ at a fancy restaurant where he plans to propose to her with the help of funny Frenchman but she's all like I'm [ __ ] sad I get her I'm spider-man no you [ __ ] don't understand sure okay when Gwen shows up and she says hi and needs and that's one MJ snap she's like whoo all right so you're honest a how I feel and how this [ __ ] comes along
you shut the [ __ ] up okay I can't believe - okay look you are self-centered little [ __ ] and you are a convoluted [ __ ] okay listen communication is key in a relationship just [ __ ] telling you got fired and you stop going around kissing other girls you narcissistic little prick [ __ ] an L simple [ __ ] guy simple its basic ABC she all right God so MJ leaves sad he doesn't propose obviously but after that the cops tell him and at me that the real color of Uncle Ben
is not this guy but Blue's Clues so he's mad as all heck right and he sits in his bed just like dreaming and while listening to the ID just said it before like few minutes ago the police radio right so yeah he's listened to that to see whenever blue schools comes on the radio remember that black space school Pierre has remained dormant till now and jumps on Peter consuming his you know meanwhile is soo and he has an orgasm and turned into emo spider-man who was stronger and better and more confident in his bills and
all that [ __ ] right but when he gives the sample of that black goop to his doctor university professor whatever professor doesn't don't come hear that [ __ ] cuz his fingers for pain but he's like [ __ ] that [ __ ] I live on the edge and he goes after Sandman end up next fatty soup and he fights him the guy fights back then it's by my flush is him down Sulu the giant pipe which musicals had all the time in the world to avoid but he just stood there like a [
__ ] [ __ ] so whatever Peter walks away from that fighting he sees himself when I'm Aaron he's like oh yeah you know when he yells at his landlord and takes the pseudo ghost and Maine where she drops another wisdom bomb on his ass MJ hangs out with James they dance they make food they kiss and they're like oh we shouldn't we should not have done there oh no no no no we have to go I'm so sorry no don't go I have to cool after she leave James has a bunch of flashbacks and
loosen issues of his bull puppy to know and remembers how he thinks Peter killed his dad up so he kidnaps MJ and forces her to break up with him and break his heart and he meets up with Peter to tell him how they kissed and she told him that she got fired from that job and didn't tell Peter and now they're a thing he just rubs it in his face like [ __ ] you when Peter leaves set his balls James looks back and like hey FAQ and then it kills doesn't vanish he's a magician
later that night Peter shows up as evil spider-man at James's house and he expects him you know they have a big-ass fight which ends with Peter sitting James ass down and Peter one last-ditch effort to [ __ ] spider-man up throws one of them goblins boney balls at him but Peters like no you reverse oh no car [ __ ] pill and displayed Engvall [ __ ] up James in stage after that emo Parker goes through the daily bagel to expose Brocklin for photoshopping spider-man into a bad guy coach gets Brock fired and he asserts
his dominance I lost man by being a douche and uber [ __ ] confident then he struts around town supposedly impregnating woman with his [ __ ] finger guns Wise's suit an air-hump submit and take secuence Dacia on a date to a bar where mg now works as a singer / waitress to flaunt his new date and dance with her in MJ's face but he just ends up pissing off both girls Gwyn leaves and he goes over to MJ and she's like what the [ __ ] is your problem man security tries to escort him
out but he you know he's too strong EMU spider man so he just fights a security some more security comes onto him and he just pushes them all out one by one until MJ comes along he pushes her off - by accident he's like what have I become oh no he depressed so express her right now so he goes up to a church bell tower starts trying to rip that [ __ ] suit off making an evil with the help of the Bell which makes loud noises that irritates the black goo which drops down on
to Brock who was there praying to God to kill Peter Parker he sees him for all the way down there pal [ __ ] I don't know Peters successful in ripping the TU delft and he's now naked all the goop drops down onto [ __ ] rock and he becomes venom and what's Peter's thought process here like okay you're gonna take the goop off now what I know I know you're exhausted man you probably exhausted from taking all the evil goop off but you're not gonna at least try and go after and contain it clearly
not you just goes on takes his sad shower sits down in the corner like a little [ __ ] then at me and gives a visit see how I was doing drop some more wisdom on him me you know and me she's like a like a bone of wisdom cut the same minute venom making a deal to take down spider-man together by kidnapping MJ making a bunch of webbing on some scaffolding or like I'm finna skyscraper suspending her there in a [ __ ] taxi and gluing spider-man to them but what I don't get is
why he didn't write Peter Parker stop plus if he can cuz Brock knows his secret and he's all you'll be revealing it and luring him in at the same time two birds one stone no villains a [ __ ] stupid anyway Peter sees that on TV so he puts Spidey to wrong and goes to James to ask for help who is not dead although a grenade blew up right next his face it's not that Sun life he just [ __ ] up scarred for life I want Pete asked for help he's just like piss off
Mike so Pierre leaves and this kind of Alfred comes along and he's like I cleaned your father's room today he died taint the blade that pierced his body came from his bladder there's no question which is a smart choice worse because that could mean anything from that he killed himself or spider-man used the glare to stab him and kill him which technically still holds because he made the gladder with his own hands yeah but well [ __ ] you wait so long and say this what it's only getting out of hand now doesn't matter spider-man
swinging his way over to MJ and he launches up to MJ but venom and salmon are there they get up hold him and start double-teaming [ __ ] up but RKO out of nowhere James comes in with his goblin balls to help out Peter and make up with him they get MJ to safety and James takes on Sandman and he puts him down temporarily on how this [ __ ] sand but yeah meanwhile venom was fighting Peter and he got him on the ropes but James finished up with Sam in and saved Peter and he
does it again this time sacrificing his life for him wow what a guy Peter breaks free from his buns and loses a bunch of poles to make a lot of noise but she remember pisses off the goop from that church belt and he makes impromptu cage around the venom and he keeps making more noise then he pulls Brock Lesnar out of [ __ ] venom and throws on a pokémon's bloody balls inside there Brock cuz he's a dumbass jumps back in they both pull up and disintegrate wait so hold on one of them pokeballs can
do that and that but can't kill James went blowing up literally no more than 1 foot away from his face Yeah right sure sure whatever Lulu shows up and he tells Peter that he was stealing money to help his sick daughter and that killing his uncle was an accident he didn't mean to do it Peter forgives him he sang clouds away James died sad funeral all Pete MJ makeup the end this movie gets a pokeball out of a google ball [Music] [Music]
