this is a journal from high school where I wrote about how bad I wanted to change myself to fit in with other people to become more likable and all of that really came from somebody else's absence but I would like to think that I've gotten to a point where I've grown from that and that's really all thanks to a few changes in my mentality that I've had I honestly have a really hard time with anxious attachment when someone that I care about or somebody that I just want to talk to is absent from my life
for a period of time or maybe just a moment it bothers me a lot but I would genuinely say that I've gotten a lot better with that and it's not because I'm some special person or because I was born with this weird sense of Independence no it's really just because I've changed my perspective on a lot of things and I've changed my mentality on it in general and I read a quote a little while ago that said love yourself so much that nobody's absence bothers you and I won't lie that honestly hit me really hard
especially because on this channel I try to preach a lot of self- Lov and self- resect and I feel like for a little while I just haven't been taking my own advice and before reading that quote I would always try to practice self-love and self-respect but for some reason when somebody was absent from my life it always impacted me way too much and it really wasn't until I read this quote out loud and I reflected on it that I realized I need to love myself so much that if somebody chooses to leave or chooses to
be absent from my life for whatever reason I'll be fine no matter the situation I'll be fine and comfortable in myself regardless and going back to what I said at the beginning of this video this is coming from somebody that was stressed out when he didn't get a text back or stress out when it seemed like somebody didn't like him or just panic when somebody was absent from my life for any period of time and obviously I hated that I hated the fact that I wasn't comfortable enough in myself or comfortable enough alone to not
stress out when somebody was absent for my life but like I said I've changed my mentality a lot I feel like I've grown a lot as a person so I wanted to share that change of mentality that got me to that point try reflecting on a moment where somebody's absence really bothered you and I can go first I remember multiple times where I would get left on red or I would get left on delivered by maybe a girl that I like or maybe just a few friends that I had I would get left on red
and I would genuinely question what was wrong with me I would question what was it with me that made people not want to talk to me or made people think that I was annoying or just wanted to be absent from my life and it got so bad to a point where I really wanted to change myself I wanted to turn myself into a likable person I wanted to turn myself into a completely different person like I even mentioned at the beginning of this video I have this journal from high school where I really just wrote
about wanting to change myself to become more likable by everybody in my life and obviously I feel like I've grown from that I don't think that I think the same way back then but it's still remnants of that even currently today even now currently I would get the thought that I want to change myself to become a different person and although it's not as bad as before it still comes up for some reason but it doesn't really impact me as much as it did back then and I'm not saying any of this to pity myself
to make you feel bad for me I'm truthfully just saying this just so you understand that I understand what it feels like to want to try to fit in with other people or want to change yourself to become more likable that entire concept of wanting to change myself so I can fit in with other people is really what brought me to self-growth and self-improvement to begin with and I feel like that's what brings most people to self-growth I feel like that's what brings most people to trying to improve themselves it's really just so they can
improve themselves for other people up until they realize that none of that ever necessarily works I've talked about this a little bit on my channel before for but trying to grow yourself so you can become a different person for other people is never going to have you actually grow for yourself more than likely you're going to waste your time you're not actually going to grow and I feel like that's honestly the biggest change in mentality that we need we need to grow for ourselves not for other people you need to learn how to love yourself
so much not so another person's absence doesn't bother you but love yourself so much that you love yourself more than caring if somebody's absence actually bothers you or not if the entire foundation for your self-growth journey for loving yourself is so you love yourself enough to forget another person then your entire Foundation is flawed and the second that something happens with that person the second you think about that person that entire Foundation just crumbles down it breaks and it's like you're restarting all over again you're trying to rebuild yourself back up from that flawed Foundation
but a lot of us have already gotten ourselves into that position where we're doing this for another person we're trying to love ourselves enough for another person and if that's your situation I would honestly say that that's perfect because now you're down here right you need to re build yourself back up and you're going to actually do it the right way the biggest change in mentality that I've had was wanting to do it for myself growing for myself loving myself for myself and not conting that with another person like honestly think about the reason why
you clicked on this video to grow yourself to improve yourself to become the best version of yourself but is it for yourself or was it for another person is it for other people so you can be deemed as more likable by another person you shouldn't be loving yourself so you can forget about another person you should be loving yourself because you genuinely want To Love Yourself um like for example think about that one kid in school it might have been you it was definitely me think about that one kid in school that actually just hated
reading books they never read any of the English books they never wanted to read in class they never wanted to do any of that and then eventually over time they found passion in reading by themselves the reason that I hated reading in school wasn't because I genuinely just despised reading it was seriously just because it was for an assignment it was because somebody else told me to read I didn't want to do it for myself it was for another person so I never found a passion in it then over time I started to read for
myself I started to read things that would help me grow started reading things I was interested in and then eventually I found a passion in reading and it's not because I'm reading out of spite for another person or because I feel like somebody else told me to read so I have to read now I'm genuinely reading because I love to read I love to do it for myself another example is when I was younger I hated to clean I hated doing chores because it was just something that my parents told me to do I wasn't
passionate about cleaning I didn't feel like cleaning at all at all but now I also found a passion in that I found a passion in cleaning not because somebody told me to because it was out of spite I found a passion in cleaning because it was for my own growth it was to keep my area clean and it made me feel happy if you want to love yourself so much that nobody's absence bothers you you need to love yourself so much that you're not doing it because you don't want anybody else's absence to bother you
you need to love yourself so much that you're doing it for you and you only if you go into your entire self-growth Journey with the idea that you're going to be doing it so you forget about that person person at this point you're just conting self-growth and self-improvement and becoming the best version of yourself you're connota that with another person and then inevitably you're going to be remembering that person every single time you think about self-growth so even if you have to fake it even if you are doing it for another person you better lie
to yourself and tell yourself that you're doing it strictly for yourself because eventually over time you're going to start believing that and eventually that's how you actually forget about that person never let another person have that much space in your mind never give another person that much power to know that you're improving yourself strictly for them at this point it's like I'm giving homework in all my videos but I want you to ask yourself why do I feel like I can't improve myself without thinking about another person why can't you love yourself for you why
does it always rely on another person why does it always rely on your anxious attachment I honestly want you to get to the root of the issue question why can I not love myself enough to love myself for me why do I have to relay it to somebody else I know for me it came from me being an extrovert in a house full of introverts so it seemed like growing up I always needed attention and I'm not blaming my family for that I love my family that's just the way it happened it's nobody's fault it's
just something that I had to work through and something that I definitely got better with over time but eventually when you know what that why is you can focus on the what to do and then you can focus on the how to do it and when to do it and where to do it but yeah thank you guys for watching I appreciate y'all peace out
