firstly hands up who's ever seen a toddler in public picking his nose just ya know that everybody's looking at he knew he knows you're lookin she knows you're looking she knows you're lucky in your judging they don't care no idea no idea no inhibitions at all and that's a very superficial as to his example but we're not born with the fear of people judging us are we when were younger we don't care I was babysitting for my friends BM kid the other probably got serious game he paved in the bar I was like I would
never pay when both he would poo in the bar he didn't care just sit there looking at me laughing at me like look I just did no inhibitions at all this is something that we learn judgment is a huge part of society it's a reality you only have to look at the media to see stories of people have gone and given it a really good go and then they've fallen flat on their face haven't they and they've been ridiculed or maybe they said something stupid or maybe it wasn't even a stomach stupid which is something
a little bit different from everybody else and so they were ridiculed and judged again or a great example anybody watch The Apprentice yeah you just have to go to Facebook and Twitter during an episode of The Apprentice or probably sit in my living room with my friends everybody shouting at the shouting at the telly judgment is a huge part of society but it's not just a reality it's actually a necessity as human beings we have to make decisions all day long every day really really big stuff with small stuff too small stuff like you're getting
on the tube you've got to decide who you're gonna sit next to you are walking down the street and you see some people walking up and you think do I walk a little bit faster I don't walk like that by the way don't refer to I walk a little bit slower do in fact I cross the road and we have to make decisions on who to vote for you know we look at people and judge them I think oh we're going to vote for them and my goodness are we going to spend our lives with
who are we gonna marry you know massive massive decisions and judgement has a part in those decisions so it's an absolute necessity and it's a good thing because it helps keep us safe it helps keep our heart safe online safe and our body safe we need is an absolute necessity and I believe that that's really really important to remember and I'm going to I'm going to tell you a little bit about that what now because I actually believe that the biggest prison that people live in is the fear of what other people think I don't
know if you agree but it was without doubt the biggest lesson I've had to learn and judgment is a good thing but if we don't handle it if we don't process that in the right way it can have a really negative almost crippling impact on us so I want to take you back in time to 1996 and I'm a 15 year old girl logged over goal and the fear of being judged is intense so so intense and real like a lot of young people a lot of sort of young adults I spent the majority of
my teenage years growing up in foster care now that right there is something I have never ever said professionally ever I'm a 33 year old woman I've never said that and I've never said it publicly either for the fear of what other people will think for the fear of being judged but considering my talk today I thought hey let's just work it out there and I would thank you thank you and I was always really blessed very very blessed to live in wonderful homes and I always felt really loved him and cared for and protected
and I was a good kid I was a really good kids actually I didn't say say so myself but there were a lot of people that were really judgmental not so much people my own age more my friends parents not all of them some of them some of them liked me more because of it and used to invite me around to give me extra dessert and staff which is wicked and yeah yeah and but some of them just did not want their children hanging out with me there were some people I couldn't call for had
to meet them at the bus stop and I remember one time I remember one time we all went back to this this friend's house after school just to play computer games mess about listen to music that kind of stuff and which is cool I was invited yep wicked however we had to keep an eye out for when their parents came home when they pulled up on the drive little Amy had to run out of the back door hide in the guard and then jump over the back the back wall because I wasn't meant to be
in the house now that's as a 15 year old girl is crippling and I understand now that some persons one person's perspective is their perspective one person's opinion does not make that of the world and I know that now didn't know it so much there and I suppose I started learning this at a very young age but but didn't know it so much then and I wish sometimes I just think gosh love to have a little word with myself back in 1996 but but we go forward to 2003 just graduated and I've just finished my
first week in my new job I got my first job in recruitment and it was wonderful and I remember driving home on the Friday in my little Nissan Micra that cost me 50 quid that was older than me and probably doing 20 miles an hour because it didn't go faster than that and I'm driving and I remember I just remember feeling this this self-esteem just almost of going running through my veins just thinking oh my goodness I like I like it I like myself I like what I see this is just feels amazing this is
what I remember feeling it almost in my and for the first time I was being judged from a completely different perspective nobody knew me nobody kid nobody cared they just kid how much money I was gonna make them let's be real that's what they cared about them for the first time and I was good I was good at making them money so so they liked me and they judged they judge me from a completely different perspective and for the first time I felt seen heard and valued and it was incredible absolutely incredible and I think
that I mean Maslow talks about this in his hierarchy of need it doesn't matter who you are you could be you could be Mother Teresa you could be a serial killer but in our core in our core DNA we need to feel seen heard and valued sometimes by a lot of people sometimes by a few but we all have that and for the first time I felt seen heard and valued so what about now well now I put myself out there in a huge way like a lot of the wonderful people that we've listened to
you today over youtuber and em I do a bit of telly and I wiped some for some publications and stuff and I get the most wonderful message and people all over the world I mean people see here and value me more now than I ever ever imagined that they would ever you know I'm I'm still at time that fifteen-year-old kid hiding in the garden and I just think I feel so blessed I mean I got an email from some me in Kenya the other day saying that they'd watched one of my career advice videos and
I thought I've never been to Kenya and there's somebody over there saying that I helped them I thought this is wonderful and I cry sometimes I cry a lot I'm a bit of a softy I've cried twice today actually and I cry sometimes at the vulnerability of these beautiful messages and these people sharing their stories judging me for the right reasons wonderful but they just they're this their vulnerability they're they're giving me their life their life stories and I just think thank you for sharing and it's beautiful and then sometimes I get people telling me
that they want to put their penis in my ear yeah which M yeah well that was a Christmas so Merry Christmas that was lovely and I've actually written a few hi hi Amy let me tell you something no one cares what a dumb woman recruiter thinks why don't you just shut your mouth and get back behind the reception desk good tips however your Welsh accent makes you want to punch you in the face until you bleed and you blink too much yeah the truth is it doesn't matter how much you put yourself out there doesn't
matter how much how much success you have it's a racial it's ratio stuff is a numbers game the more people that are listening the more people are going to judge you and I appreciate that and I understand that but there are still times 20 minutes ago was one of them stood out there there are still times when I feel the fear I'm in the prison wondering what people are going to think crippled locked in when I came out here what are you guys gonna think of me I'm sure everybody follow that today really that we've
kind of spoken to but there are techniques and there are certain things that we can do to make that change break out of that prison and I think the first thing is to speak your truth speak your truth not the truth of the person whose payroll you're sat on your truths because when we are saying something then we are truly truly passionate about and we're doing in the way that we want to do it the need to be heard is so much greater than the fear of being judged number two I think that and this
is something that I do and encourage other people to do when I'm coaching them is to surround yourself with lighters and I don't mean lighters or that you could do that that would look pretty cool the flyer has it but yeah whatever lighters I call them lighters people that make us feel incredible we all know these people in our circle addressed hopefully people that make us feel like we can take over the world and that's a really really really lovely technique but it's not the solution and this is this is a really important point I
think because if I relied on this for a very very long time the danger of doing this and just surrounding yourself with fans your supporters and just you know if you're a bad day phone your best friend get go here to tell you how fabulous you are that's great yes fine however the danger is is that you are still still prioritizing somebody else's opinion over your own and if we live by people's compliments we will die by their criticism so I think the real thing the real change that we need to make is to actually
go back to what I said when I first came out here judgments coming it's coming it's not over just a reality it's not it is coming accept that it is coming just as certain as I am that the Sun is going to set this evening somebody tomorrow is going to pass judgment on me and you probably more than once accept it my goodness almost welcome it highlight what the beam expected people like how expect is welcomed it and then once you've expected it you have to choose whether you respect it you can respect your haters
absolutely don't respect those guys too much but you can respect some some haters you can absolutely decide on occasion to listen to it to understand it but then what you have to do my goodness very very quickly flip it reframe it really quickly and remember that their perspective is their perspective your perspective is your perspective it is understanding that it is your opinion with the real power lies that's where the past the good stuff that's the power and if we can master that we can master all of that and remember to say what we want
to say to the world in the way that we want to say it then we become almost bulletproof if we remember that this is where we live right here a lot of then over there here right here no one can touch us they can't touch us not really you
