the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life was ask my son to come downstairs and tell him that I just found child pornography in the house and ask him whether he'd ever been touched by him so I was married and I was with my ex-husband for 17 years so um after we split up I dated a little bit and then I met Pete my Impressions were that he was a gentle giant just a really beautiful nature-loving kindhearted Soul we saw more and more of each other and eventually because we were spending so
much time together we just sort of talked about maybe moving in together um I talked it through with my son uh and he was fine with that and we moved in together do you want me to tell you about the day I found what I found Pete was at work and I had received a new credit card and in order to activate the credit card I had to put it into to a card reader so I went to what was our office um we both used it and I looked for the card reader it was
normally in the desk drawer and it wasn't in the desk drawer which I thought was a bit odd so I started hunting for this card reader and there were a couple of boxes and you know sort of uh things in the office files and all kinds of stuff um and I opened the top of one of the boxes I noticed that um the card reader was in that box too and I thought well that's a really odd place to put it it's always been in that drawer why is it there just picked it up and
walked out of the office as I walked out of the office I looked into the back of it and there was a small something in where the cards are supposed to go so I looked closer and thought it looks like an SD card the thing that you put into a camera that's strange and then suddenly I sort of thought oh is he looking at pornography oh God you know like you do um so obviously what actually transpired was not what had even crossed my mind I took the card out and I just put it took
it into the sitting room and I put it into the um is it an iPad uh mac Apple Mac something like that I put it into the side um and a little box popped up and uh it was a little boy with uh doing something with a woman like a really young little blond haad boy so uh I took the card out immediately because I was so shocked at what I'd seen and uh and I sort of sat there probably like I am now and I just thought I obviously just didn't see that right there
must have been something else to that maybe it's a joke or something and it morphs into something else so I sat there for a a little while and then I thought I've got to put it back in obviously because you have to know don't you so I put it back in and um lots of titles popped up um and I knew then um the titles were just absolutely horrific I can only remember two of them but I remember just looking down at the titles and thinking this this is just unbelievable so I just ripped the
card out of the laptop and uh I actually phoned my tutor um because he was a therapist and I knew um I knew that he wouldn't judge or tell anyone and I knew that he'd know the right thing to do and I knew what I had to do but it was as if I needed someone to tell me he said um what have you found and I said I've Just Seen A video of a really young child doing something with a grown-up woman and there are other videos I think or photos on there and it's
child pornography and he said you know you need to phone the police don't you and I said yeah I do I just needed to hear someone else say it so I put the phone down and I phoned the police and told them what I'd found and she was brilliant she just said we'll send people up and then of course I realized I had to ask my son if he'd ever been touched so that was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life was ask my son to come downstairs and tell him that
i' just found child pornography in the house and ask him whether he'd ever been touched by him or looked at in the wrong way or and luckily he hadn't thank goodness so of course then I had to tell him what was going to happen that any minute now the police were going to show up and uh and they'd need to come in and ask him lots of questions and they might have to go through the house and so uh Then Pete came home and we just stayed out of sight with our backs to the wall
and I just said don't show him we're in he was knocking on the door and just of saying Rosie Rosie can you just open the door and then he started phoning me obviously I didn't answer but um then the police turned up and we just watched him while he was being arrested I felt sick I felt awful for those children I just felt sick couldn't believe that I had been with someone like that so he spent the night in the cells and they let him out the next day and they put something in place that
meant he wasn't able to come anywhere near me or my son or the village that we lived in I just did not know know what to do I didn't sleep I didn't I just wasn't functioning I was not a functioning human being for at least a week I would have said um I had the image of that little blonde boy playing almost exactly as I was still looking at the laptop it would just go everywhere with me bottom left and I I couldn't get rid of it the only thing that numbed it a bit was
alcohol so I think for the first two weeks pretty much I just drank which was awful for my son absolutely awful and he did go off to his father's um and then when I felt I could I founded a very close friend who was a therapist and told her everything and just said to her I really need help because I just don't know what to do with myself I don't know how to get the image out of my mind and the thought thoughts and and I felt so disgusting I felt so unclean I just I
think if I could have taken my skin off and bleached it I would have scrubbed it and bleached it I really would have I just felt so utterly disgusting I was anxious about the trial I was anxious about when it was going to happen I was anxious about where he was I didn't know where he was I didn't know what he was doing they didn't tell me when the trial was I found out because somebody messaged me on Facebook saying I've just seen that Pete got convicted but isn't doing time just a really simple message
and uh and I was just a mess despite the amount of category a pornography he had he served no time he got nine months suspended for two years and a fine I feel that those children are worth more than that those children are worth more than that moving on was really difficult dating again after after that is almost impossible you just what's the point because you're just going to sit there in front of someone and they will probably appear to be really nice but so did he it was really hard and I was kind of
pushed by someone to to date again so I did um very Loosely I wasn't overly interested um and I met a really nice guy and we just started walking our dogs together and that was it really we just started walking our dogs together and I really liked him after a while I realized that I really liked him and four years later he proposed to me after he proposed to me I realized how different I felt and I said to him I've just realized something and I owe you such a big apology I said I've just
realized that for the last four years I've been so shut down I've been so hard and I've had so many walls up and I said I'm so sorry I just didn't realize and I knew I'd made the right decision in saying yes when he turned to me and said I know you have and I totally understand why
