today we're going to be talking about what a midlife crisis is how can you tell if you're going through one when does it tend to happen and why and maybe some ways that you can deal with it and grow through it hi my name is Marios I'm an honorary assistant psychologist at the private Therapy Clinic so what's a midlife crisis a midlife crisis tends to be a shaken sense of identity that happens in the middle of one's life so there's a quite a big range in terms of age as to when this can happen it
can happen between 45 and 65 even years old um plus or minus again it varies per person and how they are kind of going through phases of their life and when they might start to think about their mortality and mortality is actually what sets off the Cascade that leads to a midlife crisis so what happens is someone starts to think about well what have I done with my life do I have that much time left I'm halfway up let's say I don't know who I am I don't know what my life is about and what
am I going to do with that rest of my life so all these questions start to lead a person to become very anxious and potentially depressed feel quite isolated and this will then result in a a need to feel young again and that can manifest in a number of ways so what it can do is lead someone to start to dress differently or to be making lavish purchases to make themselves look younger The Stereotype of course is if men going uh through a midlife crisis they will tend to buy expensive cars or something that will
make them look cool like a motorbike and all this is just to kind of help them reinvigorate their sense of Youth and the fact that they have stuff to give still and there might be other ways for your example some people might begin to get suddenly very interested in plastic surgery because that will make them look younger or they might want to go out drinking or clubbing again or they might start to hang out with different circles that will make them feel like they're younger and these will then start to indicate that someone just wants
to relive their youth or to to push away the idea that they're going to start having to start thinking about their own mortality not that you need to do that in the middle of your life or anything but it just is a reference point right so it feels like the middle of your life and so what's what's at the middle of it's the middle of birth and death and the inevitability of death is a very anxiety provoking thing for anyone to think about and most of the time we don't think about it and we push
it to the back of our minds and it's kind of this existential anxiety that we choose not to engage with too much it's probably a deeper topic to talk about what that anxiety is is like and about and if there are other ways to deal with it but in this specific situation it really does deal with an evaluation of a person's life so they start to think is what I've done so far good enough should I be doing more who do I want to be who am I all those kinds of questions are going to
be very prominent in the life of someone who is going through a mid-life crisis there may be more extreme manifestations of this so stuff like avoiding going to work avoiding seeing people or isolating yourself in other ways if these things are happening or you feel like you're going through a midlife crisis and it's affecting your daily life being able to function socialize go to work keep yourself healthy make sure you seek help so this is even though it's not a diagnosable disorder a midlife crisis it is something that is very well known and well documented
uh it's just not a clinical diagnosis but nonetheless it it can have an impact that would affect your life in serious ways and you should see your doctor or a therapist if you feel like it is affecting you or someone else foreign so what might be happening in the mind of someone who is going through midlife crisis although probably look back and think about things that they wanted to do or they dreamed about but they haven't done yet or failed to do and have no longer have time to do a common one is a family
they might have had children or not had children and they felt like well I had children and so I haven't traveled the world or haven't partied enough socialized enough someone who didn't have children might say I'm now going to age alone whereas where's the family of my own so it's always possible for you to go through a negative thought cycle when you're going through a midlife crisis regardless of whether or not you're on one's end of the spectrum or another such as having children not having children other things like how much success you feel that
you've had in terms of your career you might feel like you dedicated too much time to your career and you didn't leave time for your own interests Hobbies friends family or you might feel like you haven't succeeded yet or you haven't done enough yet and you don't feel accomplished so again it's two side guides to the same coin you you can assess it in different ways and you'll always reflect on it on the lack of something that you haven't accomplished something yet and so then you can start looking at the symptoms as a way to
remedy that so you'll start to do things that will make you feel like you're making up for that lack so you might suddenly decide you want to change careers very dramatically or drastically and one that you've never tried before or you might want to stop working altogether and actually these can be healthy things like and we'll go into this a bit more as to how can the manifestations of a midlife crisis actually be beneficial so what can trigger a midlife crisis uh mid-life crisis as the name suggests is in the middle of your life so
if you have a significant birthday or some sort of Milestone where you feel like oh I'm aging why it's a 40 50 60 uh type of Hallmark or anything in between and you think oh right I actually never anticipated the experience of going through this big birthday um I didn't know what it would feel like to actually be going through it and then you suddenly go through it and you feel like you're not ready and then suddenly you have all these other questions about well what else am I not ready for what else is coming
that I haven't actually thought about and that's what kind of leads to this catapult into the existential crisis that is a midlife crisis another thing might be the success or significant events that happen in people's lives around you perhaps something close in your life has gone through something significant for themselves so a great success or a big Hallmark in their life or something negative perhaps a health issue you could be going through a health issue and that makes you think about your own mortality you might see someone with a health issue close to you in
your life and then that starts to reflect on your own mortality so either of those things can can trigger a mid-life crisis you may have started to compare yourself to other people who are roughly your age perhaps a little bit older but not too far from where you are and start to think wow well they have achieved so much and what have I done or they have such a beautiful family do I have my own family I don't do I want one oh I didn't really think about it and maybe time's running running out so
all of these kinds of things it's not prescriptive it will be different for everyone it might be a subtler thing it might be accumulation of smaller things perhaps feeling a bit older than everyone else in a social setting you suddenly think like oh I've maybe you know this phase of my life has passed and and what's next for me um so it doesn't have to be a big drastic thing like ill health or sudden success um whether it's your own or someone else's or some Hallmark of age it could be an accumulation of oh I'm
starting to get reminders of the fact that I'm entering the later phase of my life soon or the second phase or whatever it is however you want to frame it and framing is actually quite an important thing here is in the end does not have to be such a dire thing in the sense of it's giving you perspective it's allowed you to step back for a second and think what do I want and who am I and that's okay those are those are valid questions to have and they require attention and that's okay it's just
when you go about it in a way that's a bit roundabout and you do kind of superficial things like purchasing things or hanging around with people that you wouldn't have otherwise you're actually not getting to the core of the problem you're not asking yourself well what am I scared of and what would be best to fill the rest of my life with now that I've had this moment to reflect so how can a midlife crisis actually be good for you beneficial well it can be a signal for you to start reconsidering parts of your life
that you might want to change or you might just want to reflect on so if you're aware that you might be having these feelings because you feel like you're in the middle of your life or some other Hallmark you might start to think right well actually I have always hated my job so how about I start thinking about making the next phase of my life about work that I actually enjoy doing and love doing and I've always wanted to do but I'm scared of now of course you have to practice your own diligence and decide
if that's possible how quickly you can or should do it but it may give you that push to allow you to go into that phase of your life and say no you know what if this is enough I'm going to push myself and go ahead for the thing that I've always wanted to do um the other might be when it comes to family if you didn't have a family and that upsets you now during this time you might start to think well first of all you might think can I still have children um if that
is an option for you it might be something to consider obviously not something to be taken lightly um but if it's not possible for you anymore or you think that perhaps that time has passed for some other reason you might start to think well what is family to me who is my family you can become a significant figure in any young person's life so that can be your siblings children that can be relatives cousins children that can be your friend's children but just start to think well what is it that I miss about having children
maybe the company what is it about that company that I could find elsewhere how can I build a community outside of a nuclear family of my own for example so just start to think of a bit more creatively even though I'm not going to have a biological family of my own for example what are the other options what do I feel like I'm lacking and how can I start to remedy that feeling with some other Solutions in terms of other Solutions you might start to think about what kind of things you want to do outside
of work as well so for example you have a hobby that you've always wanted to take up learning an instrument or going to a dance group or something like that that might give you that sense of community that you've been feeling that you've been lacking so that can push you really to do things that you haven't done before that you've always had on your list now again remember this difference between superficiality and actually trying to engage in something that you've always wanted to do and something that's meaningful to you so if you've taken that time
to think oh you know what I have always wanted to try out dancing then that is a meaningful change that you might be able to make for you in your life and so if you can find a group where you would feel comfortable being there and experiencing that and experimenting this is really all about experimenting that could open up a whole new Avenue for experience for you though that could be very positive so again this is another thing that is good about a potentially good about a mid-life crisis is that it's an opportunity to step
back reframe and plan and decide who am I now who who do I want to be and what do I want the rest of my life to be about so what happens if someone you love or someone who's close to you is going through midlife crisis or you think they are well first of all probably not best to to say that they are going through that or to suggest that and perhaps let them come to that conclusion but if you feel like the signs are there there might be a few things that you could do
to help them one is to listen that's probably the most important thing and something that anyone who's going through trouble in their own lives is needing first and foremost is someone to empathically listen to them so it's not to be guided it's not to be given Solutions it's not so much to be given reassurance that oh you're not that old or anything like that it's just listen to how I feel and listen to what I'm going through and be there with me and experience it with me um and once you get that out start to
start to query that it's like okay what do you think this means for you and then uh if you feel like something is missing what do you think that is and um is there anything I can do to help you if you feel like you know there's something missing do you want to explore something new with me can I help you discover new parts of yourself in some way and just get that Curiosity going and turn it from a negative into a curiosity element bring it bring bring the adventurer into this um yes fear might
be the thing that brings you into it but you don't need to sit in that fear the entire time you can instead use that fear to say right this is going to propel me to somewhere new and you as their friend or loved one can say I'm here with you if you just want the support but also if you want me to go in uh with you and and help you in any other way then I'm here for that too thank you for watching please reach out to the private Therapy Clinic if you do need
any help of your own or guide someone else there if they need help with a therapist
